Huge Self Confidence Hit for a Bride-to-Be

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Replies

  • Suzannejl
    Suzannejl Posts: 212
    OK, first I have to say I too am not overly endowed upstairs. I have been happily married for over 21 years. I am now glad that I am not big. My Mom always used to say, someday you will be glad you are small, you will stay perky LONG after those other girls start sagging, and let me tell you, she was right: they are not a pretty sight in the locker room! I even had a friend ask me how I stayed looking so perky up top! (we were rooming on a retreat) and what bra I used. I wish I had advice for her. The other thing I can say that as you get older they do get bigger. So as they say about wine, it only get's better with age! It is far better to be where you are, and will be looking good for the golden years, than sagging down to your belt line.

    Yes we also get serioudly stressed out right before the big day, this too will pass. Take a deep breath. I am glad you wrote it all out, I often feel better when I do that, I just never send the letter or email to the person.

    Remember your vows are in sickness and in health. 7 years ago my big strong healthy military husband was struck down prematurely by lack of oxygen during a simple scoping of the shoulder. I spent a long time taking care of him, sometimes like a baby. He is MUCH MUCH better now, but not the MAN I married if you know what I mean.

    Bottom line, do you love him? Does he love you? Will you love each other forever and truely honor your vows. Love is not skin deep. Marriage is not always peaches and cream, and especially with kids! Which reminds me be prepared to be a EEE when you get PG!! LOL Don't worry it doesn't last, but it's fun to get pictures,, you know the ones the glamour shots, while you have them. Like afterwards when your milk comes in!

    Let it go, you are seriously stressed out right now. Some day you will laugh about this! You will! We had stuff too, everyone does, that's why it has a name! getting cold feet!!

    Now go enjoy the rest of your wedding preparations!

    p.s. we refer to ours as the black wedding day cuz so much went wrong!!!! But we have a great marrage!!!
  • angp7711
    angp7711 Posts: 324 Member
    If it helps any just know one of the biggest parts of bachelor parties is humiliating the groom to be. My husband came home from his with a red welt on his chest from a stripper giving him a slap with his own belt. I didn't even have the heart to get mad beacause I know him. He hates attention, is a bit of an introvert and would have hated being up on stage like that. This was two nights before our wedding. Yeah he could have said he'll no and left his buddies hanging but come on who wants to be a party poop like that? That was 13 years ago and we are still totally on love and he has loved my less than perfect body through thick and thin. With the point of giving him your own lap dance. He will like yours better because he knows he gets the prize at the end and one with the woman that he hand picked and fell in love with. Nothing else can replace that!
  • angp7711
    angp7711 Posts: 324 Member
    OK, first I have to say I too am not overly endowed upstairs. I have been happily married for over 21 years. I am now glad that I am not big. My Mom always used to say, someday you will be glad you are small, you will stay perky LONG after those other girls start sagging, and let me tell you, she was right: they are not a pretty sight in the locker room! I even had a friend ask me how I stayed looking so perky up top! (we were rooming on a retreat) and what bra I used. I wish I had advice for her. The other thing I can say that as you get older they do get bigger. So as they say about wine, it only get's better with age! It is far better to be where you are, and will be looking good for the golden years, than sagging down to your belt line.

    Yes we also get serioudly stressed out right before the big day, this too will pass. Take a deep breath. I am glad you wrote it all out, I often feel better when I do that, I just never send the letter or email to the person.

    Remember your vows are in sickness and in health. 7 years ago my big strong healthy military husband was struck down prematurely by lack of oxygen during a simple scoping of the shoulder. I spent a long time taking care of him, sometimes like a baby. He is MUCH MUCH better now, but not the MAN I married if you know what I mean.

    Bottom line, do you love him? Does he love you? Will you love each other forever and truely honor your vows. Love is not skin deep. Marriage is not always peaches and cream, and especially with kids! Which reminds me be prepared to be a EEE when you get PG!! LOL Don't worry it doesn't last, but it's fun to get pictures,, you know the ones the glamour shots, while you have them. Like afterwards when your milk comes in!

    Let it go, you are seriously stressed out right now. Some day you will laugh about this! You will! We had stuff too, everyone does, that's why it has a name! getting cold feet!!

    Now go enjoy the rest of your wedding preparations!

    p.s. we refer to ours as the black wedding day cuz so much went wrong!!!! But we have a great marrage!!!
    . Umm definitely what she said!
    I could have skipped my whole post. We were posting at the same time
  • Newmammaluv
    Newmammaluv Posts: 379 Member
    The giving him a lap dance thing is actually what kind of got me originally so worked up over this. I mean I've "tried" to give him a lap dance in the past but I have absolutely NO rhythm so I always felt silly doing it anyway. Now I feel like I could never do it again because I'd be competing with his memory of a pro (these were his first lap dances ever).

    Yes ridiculous I know. Thank you for all of the helpful and supportive comments so far!

    I didn't see this one before I posted mine... It's not for everyone but the more he compliments your body and the more tipsy you both are (hey it will be your honeymoon lol) the better it will feel. Some guys go for awkward and a little goofy. It's endearing.
  • Setof2Keys
    Setof2Keys Posts: 681 Member
    Although upsetting, that shouldn't be enuf to doubt your marriage. If it is, then you have worse problems than lapdances. One thing my Mother always told me about girls who act like sluts, "He'll have you as his girlfriend, but he'll never have you as his wife!" I have lived by this and it is so true. You are what he truely wants. The woman that he can take home to his Mama. Tell him how much it hurts you and you guys need to talk that out; then NEVER mention it again.
  • shanolap
    shanolap Posts: 1,204 Member
    I've seen men get lap dances. Heck, I've even had one myself and let me tell you, they are not as hot and sexy as you think! They are uncomfortable and awkward for both parties involved.

    You are having some major pre-wedding jitters! Just look into his eyes and believe what you see...the love of a groom about to take a beautiful, thoughtful and intellegent wife for the rest of his life...by his choice!

    Congratulations. May your wedding be beautiful and full of love & joy!
  • brnsgrsbody
    brnsgrsbody Posts: 254 Member
    I don't get this at all...You are so beautiful and a lap dance at a party doesn't make him the wrong man for you. You could lap dance for him if you want. Guys are not moved by one encounter with a girl at a strip club. Hell my sister goes to strip clubs with her husband and gets couples lap dances. It's really not that serious because what if he works with a girl who looks real good and has big boobs; will you hound him and ask him if he's thinking about doing her?
    Be confident in who you are and know that yall chose each other for a reason and no new chick will ever disrupt that. You are obviously a more solid choice for him and he you so live on and have a beautiful wedding!
  • Sunny_Lexie
    Sunny_Lexie Posts: 114
    But you look so amazing... Cheer up girl, he is marrying YOU! =)
  • SabrinaJL
    SabrinaJL Posts: 1,579 Member
    Here's how I look at it. There are guys I find sexy, but I adore my husband and me finding other guys hot/sexy doesn't take a thing away from him. There's always going to be someone better looking than him, but there's never gonna be someone better than him. He's my best friend and the most amazing husband. I know he feels the same way so him finding other women attractive doesn't even bother me a little.
  • kgs0201
    kgs0201 Posts: 459 Member
    thanks everyone for the comments!

    And just for the record - I have NO DOUBTS what so ever about marrying him!!! This is more of a "now i'm going to feel silly trying to "seduce" him on our honeymoon because I know I look ridiculous doing it and he just had for the first time ever a lap dance by someone who does it for a living"... thus making me look even more ridiculous.

    Anyway - thanks to everyone's awesome comments I'm pretty over it. He was drunk. He didn't buy them and he most likely did not pick the girls. He probably felt ridiculously awkward. He told me about it and didn't think he had to hide it. He loves ME. :-)

    It's just so weird after being in a committed relationship for five years to think about having a half naked woman dancing on his lap. Who on earth decided that a bachelor party is the time for this to happen?! Stupid men.
  • kgs0201
    kgs0201 Posts: 459 Member
    The giving him a lap dance thing is actually what kind of got me originally so worked up over this. I mean I've "tried" to give him a lap dance in the past but I have absolutely NO rhythm so I always felt silly doing it anyway. Now I feel like I could never do it again because I'd be competing with his memory of a pro (these were his first lap dances ever).

    Yes ridiculous I know. Thank you for all of the helpful and supportive comments so far!

    I didn't see this one before I posted mine... It's not for everyone but the more he compliments your body and the more tipsy you both are (hey it will be your honeymoon lol) the better it will feel. Some guys go for awkward and a little goofy. It's endearing.

    ahahha ahhh yes the power of alcohol. i think i'll make him give me a lap dance ;-)
  • zorbaru
    zorbaru Posts: 1,077 Member
    men like to look at things that look good on the surface, but when it comes down to it they wouldnt really want it. cars, boats, guns, everything.

    have a look at this quote from character in a tv show called coupling after his girlfriend found his porn video and at a dinner party a female psychologist asked how can he enjoy something like that (after a big discussion of trying to justify the "erotica" genre as a legitimate film type). it sums it all up well think

    "Oh, because it's got naked women in it! Look, I like naked women! I'm a bloke! I'm supposed to like them! We're born like that. We like naked women as soon as we're pulled out of one. Halfway down the birth canal we're already enjoying the view. Look, it's the four pillars of the male heterosexual psyche. We like: naked women, stockings, lesbians, and Sean Connery best as James Bond. Because that is what being a bloke is. I want to spend the rest of my life with the woman at the end of the table here. But that does not stop me wanting to see several thousand more naked bottoms before I die. Because that's what being a bloke is. When Man invented fire, he didn't say "Hey, let's cook!" He said: "Great! Now we can see naked bottoms in the dark!" As soon as Caxton invented the printing press we were using it to make pictures of - hey! - naked bottoms. We've turned the Internet into an enormous international database of... naked bottoms. So, you see, the story of male achievement through the ages, feeble though it may have been, has been the story of our struggle to get a better look at your bottoms. Frankly, girls, I'm not so sure how insulted you really ought to be. "

    so, basically, seeing other naked women is in no way related to how much your man loves you.
  • GIBride01
    GIBride01 Posts: 328 Member
    Well, I hate to be the one to point this out...since no one else is...men are idiots. :wink: Seriously, my husband and I will have our 10 year anniversary next month, have been together almost 12 years. He still stares at the girls whenever I walk out of the shower naked or wear a low cut top...like someone else said, men are visual creatures, hence the reason there are a million female strip clubs out there, and not a whole lot of male ones. Plus like someone said, I think it is mandatory to act like a dumba** at a guys bachelor party. My hubbys bachelor party, apparently he and the best man got cut off so went to the hotel, passed out, and got up a few hours later to play roller hockey with a bunch of guys...and did I mention this was all the night before the wedding.

    He is marrying you for a reason, and the fact he told you about all of this nonsense means you look to have an honest man - so relax, or at least find some other wedding detail to stress about!
  • getfitdiva
    getfitdiva Posts: 1,148 Member
    You know how many men have been graced by the same old boobs they flaunt around. It's annoying I know!!! But he loves you and you think he will marry the half naked women that do this for a living! EEECK. It's their jobs they just want to get paid LOL. He's marrying you and you are marrying him for a reason and your love is deeper than the outward appearance. Take it with a grain of salt and throw it out the window :flowerforyou:
  • mental_release
    mental_release Posts: 65
    I was trying to figure out what to say to you but others have said it in different ways. All I can tell you is this: when I saw my bride standing at the back of the aisle, I saw only her. I couldn't believe she was there for *me*. When you stand at the end of the aisle looking at the alter, he's going to be looking at you...thinking about you...wondering if its a dream he's marrying you.

    So know this: you are beautiful and he chooses _you_. You *are* worth it!

    --MR
  • ah18255
    ah18255 Posts: 3
    every guy in the world looks at other girls. My boyfriend and I have been together for five years and openly discuss other people that we find attractive. The point is you love each other. It is so far beyond boobs, or butts, or anything else physical. you have an emotional connection with one another. you LOVE each other. Let other girls have the biggest boobs they want, (I too am small chested) its not about boobs. Its about love. period. He wants to marry you, not some stripper, and not some other girl with bigger breasts. If he wanted bigger breasts, he would have dated someone else to begin with. Please, don't worry about the lap dance. Its just a ritual, and it does not mean he likes a stripper body type more than yours. Have a delightful wedding!
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