Food Pushers

sullus wrote: »

Do people who won't take "no, thank you" for an answer actually exist? (other than grandmothers)

Oh yes indeed they do! Some people become very offended if you won't eat what they offer.

I start with "No, thank you," but I often follow up by changing the subject to what they really want to talk about, which is how good their cooking is. It helps if I've had at least one bite. Lots of "Wow, that was unbelievably tasty. How did you cook it? Tell me every detail. Wow, you're amazing. One bite of that is better than a whole plateful of [whatever]." (And I'm not being snarky, it's really true.) Or it could be that what they really want to talk about is "Are you going to turn into a different person who makes me feel we can't have anything in common about food any more?" or "Are you going to change physically so that I feel uncomfortable in comparison with you?" If it's something you can't address directly, or you don't know them well enough to get into it, you just have to stick with an unshakeably pleasant, "No, thank you," to be repeated as necessary. Miss Manners gives great advice about how to say "No, thank you" to invitations of all kinds, and make it stick. For one thing, never, ever, explain or justify yourself, or they'll just keep arguing with you. Change the subject to anything else, including the weather.

robingmurphy wrote: »

sullus wrote: »

Do people who won't take "no, thank you" for an answer actually exist? (other than grandmothers)

Yes. For example, I have a boyfriend who takes it as a challenge when I turn down tasty things. He thinks he's being nice by reassuring me I look fine and should share something sweet with him... I also have several sisters who will continue pushing if I say "no, thank you."

Unless you fear they will get physically violent if you refuse food then just keep saying no firmly. If they do get violent or abusive over food then consider getting those people out of your life.

Where I'm from, a host of hostess with good manners will offer you food three times. This is because many people will refuse the first odder or two out of politeness (they don't want to burden their host). So if food is offered three times, you know that they sincerely want to offer it and are not feeling obligated. After three refusals they will drop the matter. However it's also considered polite to take the offer up, "just a little". This is because the offered for was usually prepared specifically in anticipation of the guest's arrival. I just leave room in my daily allotment for a treat if I'm visiting someone because I don't wish to refuse their hospitality and thereby insult them.

I live in Ireland - it's full of "Mrs Doyle" types- go on, go on, go on, go on..., just say NO!

sullus wrote: »

Do people who won't take "no, thank you" for an answer actually exist? (other than grandmothers)

I really wonder if it's a regional thing. I have never in my entire life had anyone keep trying to get me to eat something after I'd told them I didn't want any - except for my actual grandmother, who never tried it again after I demanded that she explain in detail exactly how my cleaning my plate was helping starving children in Foreign Parts, and whether it wasn't in fact worse on them for American kids to be eating more of the world's food supply than they even wanted.

So I don't know where all these food pushers come from that other people seem to encounter constantly. I think if I ever met one I'd be so stunned at their rudeness that I wouldn't even know how to answer them.