Death and dying and fitness

angelexperiment
angelexperiment Posts: 1,917 Member
edited November 28 in Health and Weight Loss
How did you cope? My mother has 3 to 6 months left. I don't want to waste my time in a food coma (as this is my main coping skill).

I just keep thinking and crying and knowing soon it will be done. I so want my mom to be proud of me.

I think a fitness goal may center me and help me deal with my feelings as I go through the motions. I feel like maybe I will lose it mentally when she passes, but I can't know til I go through it.

My question is what did you do to deal with your feelings, coping skills and focus on fitness.

Replies

  • 2manyhats
    2manyhats Posts: 1,190 Member
    Went through the same thing with my mom, 8 years ago. Made it harder because my dad was in denial the entire time. My best friend got diagnosed with brain tumors two months after my mom's diagnosis. It's stinking hard! I was lucky enough to be able to help them both often and our kids helped as well. Grief is just like weight loss, you take it one day at a time and be positive! Yes, you will fight depression and tears but that doesn't mean pigging out will help you . Sending prayers!
  • xLyric
    xLyric Posts: 840 Member
    Having the 10k step goal gets me out of the apartment when otherwise I would just be on my computer all day to avoid thinking about things. I listen to a podcast while I walk if I want to avoid wandering thoughts.

    Overall, though, for me it's still another motion to go through. Your mind does adapt to the trauma, you won't be in 24/7 agony, but it's been 6 months tomorrow since I lost one of my siblings and it hasn't gotten much better, it's just easier to try not to think about it.
  • angelexperiment
    angelexperiment Posts: 1,917 Member
    Oh I'm sorry for your loss @xLyric. I am thinking of doing a Avon39 in honor of her cancer though it's not breast cancer. I am feeling I hate cigarettes right now! I wish they were never invented! But it's a choice my mom made and I had to accept it. It's a severe addiction and she will die with it. Luckily I was able to quit my addictions and not go back but many do not. I will go back to school that is what she wants so it's the least I can do!
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 28,052 Member
    I used to self-medicate with food and booze (and more), and now I self-soothe with exercise. I have successfully retrained my brain to reach for my walking shoes rather than ice cream when I feel bad. (I also don't keep trigger foods in the house.)

    Sorry about your mom. Mine is 78 and told me this week she feels like she is on the downward slope. While I feel it will be a very slow slope, it will be a huge loss when she's gone.
  • galprincess
    galprincess Posts: 683 Member
    My dad passed Nov 2014 I must admit I still haven't grieved. I watched him slowly slip away. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Firstly you need to emotionally deal with it I created a happy memory box which I visit daily I open it and it has photos of us together and a shell from a holiday among other things. I joined a support group it helped. I'm always here if you ever need to off load but dont punish yourself okay your health is vital and your well being too. I found walking and exercise makes me feel good.
  • tomteboda
    tomteboda Posts: 2,171 Member
    I take full time care of my mom, who is in stage 5 kidney failure. Somewhere along the line I realized that I absolutely must take care of me too. I've arranged my days to take advantage of her mid-afternoon nap, and I go for a long walk. Sometimes I listen to NPR, other days to my favorite tunes; yet others to nothing but the sound of the wind and trees. This daily solitude away from her allows me to gain focus and calmness and strength for the day. I practiced putting aside thinking of her in that time. I admit some days though when I walk it's an hour long cry, though. Mostly, that time walking allows me to be far more present and patient and to put the sadness in its place.
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 28,052 Member
    tomteboda wrote: »
    I take full time care of my mom, who is in stage 5 kidney failure. Somewhere along the line I realized that I absolutely must take care of me too. I've arranged my days to take advantage of her mid-afternoon nap, and I go for a long walk. Sometimes I listen to NPR, other days to my favorite tunes; yet others to nothing but the sound of the wind and trees. This daily solitude away from her allows me to gain focus and calmness and strength for the day. I practiced putting aside thinking of her in that time. I admit some days though when I walk it's an hour long cry, though. Mostly, that time walking allows me to be far more present and patient and to put the sadness in its place.

    I really like your strategies. It's very important for caregivers to take care of themselves, too.
  • callsitlikeiseeit
    callsitlikeiseeit Posts: 8,626 Member
    you have to take care of yourself. period.

    my (soon to be) ex husband is partially paralyzed and i care for him. over the summer i cared for my grandfather with stage 4 kidney disease until he passed this fall. and on top of all that, i own a business, have 2 kids, a zoo of animals, friends i go out with regularly, and now, a boyfriend.

    if i dont take care of MYSELF FIRST- i CANT take care of ANYONE else.
  • allenpriest
    allenpriest Posts: 1,102 Member
    Your getting divorced and have a new person in your life but you are still providing care for the husband? Well that's interesting.
  • incisron
    incisron Posts: 550 Member
    HUGS HARD.
  • callsitlikeiseeit
    callsitlikeiseeit Posts: 8,626 Member
    allenpriest wrote: »
    Your getting divorced and have a new person in your life but you are still providing care for the husband? Well that's interesting.

    no, im doing whats right. hes disabled and i am all he has. just because i dont want to be married to him, doesnt mean i dont care about him.
  • lisalsd1
    lisalsd1 Posts: 1,519 Member
    My mom died in November after 19 months of living with cancer. It was awful to watch someone get progressively more sick and then ultimately die.

    I spent a lot of time in the gym, b/c it was the only time I was able to "shut off" my mind. My coping strategy in the past has been more alcohol-based...and that wasn't an option this time (I have young kids; and alcohol is never a very good coping strategy anyway).

    Honestly for me, it was much more difficult to see my mom sick than it was to deal with her passing. I haven't gotten to the point of feeling "relief" and complete acceptance, but that day is sooner rather than later...and I attribute that to maintaining my "fitness habits" during the whole ordeal and aftermath.
  • angelexperiment
    angelexperiment Posts: 1,917 Member
    Thanks for sharing everyone. She is in kidney failure now and needs a nephrostomy tubes. They have consulted for hospice. I've been her care giver in this year and it's been hard to bare but now it's coming down to the end and I was just hoping it would turn around and get better! I guess denial
  • callsitlikeiseeit
    callsitlikeiseeit Posts: 8,626 Member
    angelexperiment wrote: »
    Thanks for sharing everyone. She is in kidney failure now and needs a nephrostomy tubes. They have consulted for hospice. I've been her care giver in this year and it's been hard to bare but now it's coming down to the end and I was just hoping it would turn around and get better! I guess denial

    im so sorry sweetie. i do know how hard it is (((((((hugs))))))
  • nvmomketo
    nvmomketo Posts: 12,019 Member
    I'm very sorry. :(

    I think a fitness goal is a lovely way to honor yor mother. As a mom, I would be heartened to know my children were improving themselves as a way to cope.

    Best wishes.
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