Really struggling

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  • TheNewLK
    TheNewLK Posts: 933 Member
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    Sorry babygirl but your hubs is a douchecanoe simply put!! What an ahole!! First he should never have compared you to another if he loved you he should love you for you!

    Screw him honey your beautiful as you are and doing a miraculous job.....We are all here to support you since he seems to be laking in that area :heart:
  • Candy42adore
    Candy42adore Posts: 40 Member
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    I have been married 14 yrs and have been through a situation that was simular. Come to find out my husband was threatened by me loosing weight.
    My advise-Put yourself and kids 1st. Keep loosing the weight and make peace w/YOU. Put a smile on your face, even if you dont feel like it, sounds corny BUT works! All will fall in place..............you will see.
    Many Blessings to you and family!:flowerforyou:
  • theprices
    theprices Posts: 97 Member
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    It isn't fair that your hubby compared you to another woman...that is hurtful, I know.

    If I were you - though - I'd take that as ammunition to work my *kitten* off.

    I had a similar situation with my mother in law after my first child - and it has been fuel to my fire ever since!! FUEL THAT FIRE INSIDE YOU!
  • bigdawg025
    bigdawg025 Posts: 774 Member
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    Yes he is intentionally trying to hurt you.

    My advice:

    Step 1: Eat as little as you possibly can survive on and drop weight dramatically fast for a while. Every time you think about eating imagine him treating you like dirt and drooling over this fake boob lady.

    Step 2: Ignore him. Be really cold to him and act like you don't care about anything.

    That's what I'd do, anyway.

    THIS??? NO NO NO!!!! This is horrible advice and sounds like this person already has an ED!!!! Do NOT follow this advice whatsoever!!!!
  • merjoy
    merjoy Posts: 1
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    You are a strong person to even reach out to others here. That is big! :flowerforyou:
    Its unfortunate that in our society its all about being "skinny" when hopefully we are all just trying to live healthier! And that plays out in what we eat, how we care for ourselves physically, but also in how we care for ourselves emotionally.
    For your husband to knock you where you are most vulnerable is insensitive & cruel. :grumble:
    I don't know how HE looks physically, but I'd say he is lacking in compassion and caring right now.
    I know the physical is big but remember its so important to care, love, and have compassion for yourself and others! Hugs to you...good luck. I know you will be blessed. :smile:
  • Velvetgill
    Velvetgill Posts: 1 Member
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    Sometimes you will not get the answers you want. However I would not focus so much on the one ugly conversation. focus on the 15 good years and pray that God will intervene and work it out. When your husband is ready to come around if you feel it important then you can express to him that his comments did hurt you and that your doing all you can to loose the weight and that you would appericiate his support. Men really think differently then we do and men who do not struggle with weight do not understand "what the problem is."
  • ♥Faerie♥
    ♥Faerie♥ Posts: 14,053 Member
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    Sounds like an a**hole thing to do to me, but then again, I do not know the whole situation......

    Maybe try to focus more on yourself for a bit, don't stress about him or his actions... really concentrate on your eating habits, and just take it day by day....

    Also though, if you work, you could always mention the one guy that just started working with you and how attractive he is, maybe ask your husband why he thinks it is that one man can be that F-ing hot......sigh....
  • BeckyRayJohnson
    BeckyRayJohnson Posts: 88
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    Hi, that would hurt anyone. I wont call him names because you say you two have had a wonderful relationship to date and this is not typical. You really can't ignore it and at this time trying to discuss it again wont really work with out the emotions getting in the way. I am not doing too well on the weight myself at the moment so I have no real advice but as the others have said, put your own reasons for wanting to lose weight to the front. Look at that sweet little bundle of joy and know that you will want to run with him. You deserve to be comfortable with yourself. Not a number on the scale but proud of what you look like, sure of who you are and confident in your ability to deal with what ever life throws at you with out eating it. I do that too. I was heavier a couple of my kids but went down after the other two quickly.You can and will lose that "baby" weight but some of us take a bit longer. You are a beautiful new mom ...hubby is off his rocker for the moment. See this as a passing mood but do not allow more of this type of attack. Tell him you will not sit and listen to him tear you down and simply get up and leave the room. In time he will learn he can't talk to you like that. . I do not mean stomp out of the room or snarl at him. You can do this. Hang in there.....Mom of four, married 31 yrs. ..you CAN do this.
  • mardavlais
    mardavlais Posts: 43 Member
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    Wow. I wouldn't have been able to hold my tongue. 'Probably would have said, "Honey, now that is what I love about you... that you are concerned about the *important* things."

    I'm so sorry. Sometimes men can be Weiners. :(
  • Fesse
    Fesse Posts: 611
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    What an insensitive JERK!!!!

    I'm so sorry for you but you have support here and we all know that that was a very mean and hurtful thing he said to you.

    *hugs*
  • LeeKetty1176
    LeeKetty1176 Posts: 881 Member
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    sounds like some real communication issues here, speaking as a guy who has been told more than once i speak before putting my brain in gear this could be a case of this.

    You need to talk again, and this time you need to let him know that while you dont mind that he is comfortable to tell you about this girl at work, HE needs to understand the pressure that places back on you at this time !

    Try it !

    If not you really need to get some professional help to get that communication going before its to late.

    I dont doubt for a sec that he loves you and that you love him, so this HAS to be worth the effort to sort before its to late
  • TheMaidOfAstolat
    TheMaidOfAstolat Posts: 3,222 Member
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    Okay...speaking as a divorced woman...

    My ex was not sensitive at all after I had our daughter and it really hurt. My body changed in so many ways and I thought he would love me forever...stretchmarks, loose skin, saggy boobs and all. Turns out he didn't. It's his loss and my gain. I'm better off without him now.

    However, your situation is much different from mine. Your husband seems to have 'foot in mouth disease'. Tell him how it hurt you and if he still doesn't see what he said was wrong maybe going without some nooky will put him in his place. He should never compair you to another woman. That other woman probably had a 'mommy lift' right afterwards. A mommy lift consists of a tummy tuck, boob lift, and lipo. Tell him as much...hardly any woman goes though pregnancy and childbirth with little to no changes and those that do are lucky to have the genes to pull it off.

    I hope that you are able to be a stronger person and move past this with or without your husband.
  • bbygrl5
    bbygrl5 Posts: 964 Member
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    I would have probably answered him saying ..it's possible for her to look like that because her husband makes X amount of money (double your husband's salary) and has a HUGE package.

    It may be fighting fire with fire, but it sure would show him what a childish *kitten* he was being.
  • Candy42adore
    Candy42adore Posts: 40 Member
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    I agree Jim! Thank you!!!:wink:
  • wolf23
    wolf23 Posts: 4,178 Member
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    Hi everyone, I am really struggling this week and could really use some advice.

    My husband and I have been together for 15 years and have a great relationship, we rarely ever fight and never say things to intentionally hurt each other. Last Friday we got into what should have been a stupid, little argument. For some reason (stress at work, money problems, the heat) neither of us were able to let it go and it has gotten out of control.
    He did not talk to me at all for 5 days and then yesterday I tried to apologize for my part and work through this. It might be wrong but my main motivation for this is my HUGE emotional eating problem and knowing that we needed to work past this to get me back on a healthy path. He accepted my apology but explained that he wasn't ready to move on.
    Last night he sat down by me and started to talk. I was super happy because it was the first conversation he had initiated since Friday. After listening to what he said I think his only intention was to hurt my feelings and that is messing with my head and my heart (and my waistline!).
    He told me about a hot, really skinny girl with breast implants at work who went off on maternity leave. She recently came back and is skinnier and hotter than before. He asked me how I thought that was possible and I didn't even know what to say as I had a baby 9 months ago, lost some of the weight only to gain more back. He knows that this is the only thing in my life that I struggle with and how sad my weight issues make me.
    Okay, that was really long but I needed to get it off my chest. Thanks for reading, I could really use some advice. Am I being too sensitive and if I am how do I get past my hurt feelings.

    You are not being too sensitive, you are hurt by the insensitive things he had said.

    Adding a new addition to the family is very stressful and ultimately changes the whole family dynamic. Husbands/Fathers have a different set of stresses after baby is born (ex. financial stresses, work stresses, feeling like second fiddle to the baby, lack of sleep or interrupted sleep because of baby, lack of intimacy because mommy is tired) and some may not be able to voice them openly for fear of sounding weak or being petty knowing that their spouse is also struggling with certain issues.

    I would have to agree with an earlier post that if this is something that is taking too long for either of you to get past, couples counseling could help you both to communicate in a safe environment. There may also be other issues that pertain to each of you individually, such as emotional eating, that a counselor may be able to help with. If counseling is not an option, maybe there is someone who can take the baby for a weekend so you and your husband to get away and focus on one another and reconnect without the distractions of everyday life.

    The most important thing to remember is that you have been together for 15 great years and now there are children who need both mommy and daddy as solid unit. It is important to be honest with one another and get down to the bottom of the problem.
    Sorry this is so long...Good Luck.
  • MyBabysMamma
    MyBabysMamma Posts: 36
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    Hi.

    You're not being overly sensitive, but your husband is obviously trying to score points by hurting you if he is still upset by your original argument or could just be that insensitive all the time... which you said initially he is normally supportive. So my advice is to tell yourself you're beautiful and fabulous.. Diet for yourself, you'll never keep the weight off if he's your only inspiration. The more you tell yourself you can do it and are worth it the easier it'll be to achieve... It's a self fulfilling prophecy. I had my son 8 months ago and gained weight after giving birth. So everybody is different.

    Good luck though..

    Talk to him about your feelings if it keeps bugging you! ;)
  • SlimDownDani
    SlimDownDani Posts: 19
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    That is incredibly hateful. You aren’t being too sensitive at all. So don’t for a moment think you’re overreacting to his actions. Now that you have the support of other people you can focus on yourself. You are in the middle of a huge journey and it isn’t easy. (So what if some woman at work was able to drop her baby weight instantly, that isn’t a model for all women.) Remember why you are here, you are here so you can carve out a new and healthy path. You’ve said you have an issue with emotional eating, I know that feeling and I’ve been down that road. With all the anxiety and sadness you feel after this unnecessary confrontation you probably want to go right back into snacking. Instead of eating comfort foods put that energy into your workouts. It’s an amazing way to channel your anger and sadness. I used to listen to music while I ran when I had a bad day. Recently, I’ve stopped. I found that without the music I was forced to listen to my own thoughts. It’s incredibly therapeutic for me. Not only am getting an emotional workout through introspection – I am taking all that negative energy and running it right out my body (literally, with the euphoria that comes with a runner’s high, my sadness dissipates). Just remember you are a member of a community that is going through this journey with you and we are here when you need it. You aren’t alone!
  • bethmakesmusic
    bethmakesmusic Posts: 164 Member
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    Hey, I'm really sorry you had to go through that. I don't believe that what your husband said was particularly loving or productive but, not knowing the whole situation, I wont weigh in. I just wanted to say I'm praying for you and for whatever way to chose to follow up on this. I will say that being a loving mother (with all her real parts) is a beautiful thing by itself. You rock!
  • bunchesonothing
    bunchesonothing Posts: 1,015 Member
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    No, you're not being sensitive. If he's normally not a jerk, maybe he's just clueless. There are often things my husband has ideas about, that he doesn't deal with on a regular basis and sometimes his opinions feel like a harsh knock against me. I try to give my husband the benefit of the doubt first, until I'm sure he meant to be a jerkwad. If that's the case, I don't play dirty, but I get my point across.

    There is some horrible advice on here. Don't play games(deny nookie, bait him). Don't undereat. Games don't help anything. Open and honest communication does.

    And, IMO, not fighting is often not a sign of peace and happiness. It is often a sign of lack of communication on important issues. But, only you will truly know if this is true.
  • lilac01
    lilac01 Posts: 180 Member
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    Don't let it get to u girl. Ur husband's an assho*le.

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