Reality Check

Is food really the enemy or was I the enemy?



Looking back, it’s hard for me to figure out how I got to the size that I am. Then I begin to see all the money I have thrown away going out to eat. I remember growing up we never went out to eat, times were tough back then, and so going out to eat once a month was a true blessing. Then I hit my teenage years and I had a job so I snacked, and made up for lost time I like to call it of years of eating foods I didn’t want. I mean really, I had no bills at that time, so going to movies and restaurants were ideal at that stage, and age in my life. I was always active, played a lot of sports and so it never really got out of hand until about my 11-12 grad of high school. I became an intense emotional eater. In my family you eat to celebrate ANY and EVERYTHING. You passed a test..out to dinner, you got a car..out to dinner. You catch my drift? After continuously packing on 10-15 pounds a year I decided WHOA slow down sister, food isn’t going anywhere.

The problem was, I was temporarily changing my eating habits…binge dieting is what I call it followed by binge over eating. Sneaky eating to me truthful. It’s hard to admit you have a problem you know? I can remember time and time again, I would eat barely anything around my friends bc I was so self conscious, but I would hide food under my bed or sneak in the restroom to eat. It got bad, and its embarrassing to admit this, but the fact is that’s the past and I’m living in the present and its okay to admit you have problems like anyone else , no one is perfect. I have tried, every 3 day, 4 day, 5 day, liquid, apple only, grapefruit only, high protein, low carb, shake only, lemon juice, HCG hormone diet, seriously I can go on and on. They all worked..until I got off of them and went back to what I thought was a normal eating pattern.
For me I’ve had to educate myself, its like a journey on how to get better, and want to do for myself. Its crazy because when I put on all this weight I still never saw the fat girl that everyone else saw. I still saw myself for how I was. I would lose weight for everyone but myself, and I believe that’s the reason why the weight loss did not sustain. I am a firm believer that when a person does something because others want them to and not themselves then their hearts not in it, and you know how it goes, if your heart isn’t in it, well.. its just not going to last.

I’m now 23. Weighing a whomping 295 pounds, in a way I can smile because I am down a few pounds, but I know that my journey has just began. That motivation has to come from me within; it’s a battle but a good one. I’ve always been a disciplined dedicated person in just about EVERY aspect in my life EXCEPT this one. I thank each and every one of you I have met on my journey. I am excited, and also kind of nervous, I am sure once I see my hard work is paying off it will push me to want to do more and do it harder.

My new life’s motto, if you set your mind to it, nothing nor anyone can stop you, not even yourself!