Support WithOut Judgement

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Kristy0728
Kristy0728 Posts: 63
in Health and Weight Loss
Let me start by saying my husband DOES support me.:smooched: About 2- 3 years ago I lost 65 pounds, and was happy with that until about 2 months ago when I decided to loose a little more, I was 5'5" - 168lbs at the time. In April/May before joining I spent time considering what I wanted my goal to be, and decided I wanted to fall into a Healthy BMI range, which gave me the goal of 22 pounds to loose - and a personal non-scale goal of a single digit size pants for the first time in 15+ years.

Someone close to me asked me what my goal was, what my current weight was, then promtly told me I should stop now.:explode: "You will just be to skinny." Still being in an unhealthy BMI range, and NOT in my single size pair of pants, I am not inclined to agree. I'm generally NOT hungry, if I am I eat. I don't flip out if I go over my calories a little bit. If I want it I eat it, and if I don't, I don't. How do you graciously decline the extra cookies pushed your way? The extra food they tell you to eat? And ignore the not so subtle "One more/ a little more won't hurt" "you can have some extra today, and just start again tomorrow"? without loosing your temper?!?!?!?!

Replies

  • melsinct
    melsinct Posts: 3,512 Member
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    I let it roll off of my back now. I am extremely confident that I am definitely NOT too skinny. I am just barely in the "normal" BMI range, only 4 pounds from "overweight." I wear a size 10/12 (US) pants. No way am I too skinny by any stretch of the imagination but I have heard that from one coworker. Puh-leeze. I am one of those people that carry weight well and I don't look as big as I am. Some friends of mine were shocked that my highest weight was 175, they didn't think I was anywhere near that weight. If they saw me naked, they might change their mind. ;) I think the way I dress hid my flaws well!

    I think some people say such things out of jealousy (e.g. they have pounds to lose themselves and feel a bit threatened). Other people probably say it out of genuine concern but don't really know what they are talking about. As long as you know you are doing the right thing and the people that really know you and matter (like your spouse) feel like you are doing the healthy thing, all you can do is ignore the naysayers.
  • outwiththeoldinwiththenew
    outwiththeoldinwiththenew Posts: 65 Member
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    ^^^^DITTO^^^ You have to be the one who looks at yourself everyday and is happy with what you see.
  • HaleyAlli
    HaleyAlli Posts: 911 Member
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    Do what makes you happy! Who cares what anyone else thinks?
  • BigBoneSista
    BigBoneSista Posts: 2,389 Member
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    I would approach whoever this is when you aren't being agitated by them and say hey look I understand that you aren't in agreeance with me regarding my weight loss journey but I need you to respect my decision. So when I say no I don't want 2nds or if I politely decline a cookie that I truly don't have a taste for don't take offense and please don't insist that I have it anyways. You are putting me in a uncomfortable position of feeling defensive when I should be just enjoying your company.

    If they don't understand after that or if they get a little salty then you should limit your time spent with them if you can until they come around. This shouldn't become a big deal and you shouldn't have to argue over your lifestyle change....and I for one wouldn't. Just bow out respectfully and let them deal with their own issues because its clearly not about you.
  • Diana35bha
    Diana35bha Posts: 292 Member
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    oh kristy i know exactly what you mean..........

    nice n cuddly / curves in the right places / you don't eat much anyway / middle-age spread.......

    Your friends here will help you get where you want to be. Good Luck on your reaching your goals
    Feel free to add me if you like

    Di

    :flowerforyou:
  • fitniknik
    fitniknik Posts: 713 Member
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    Why do people do this?? I have been getting the same thing. I just JUST hit a normal bmi... (some days its just out of normal). When people ask me when I am going to stop I say about 15 lbs. This would still only put me at 145lbs. Im 5'7" I would still just JUST be in the middle or higher side of a normal bmi. I see lots of areas where I could definatly lose some weight. Some of my friends even are still insistant that I continue to be "thick". It annoys me soooo much!

    Is it jealousy?? Im guessing thats what it is. These people telling me I should stop are most likely jealous and dont want me to be thinner than they are!
  • melsinct
    melsinct Posts: 3,512 Member
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    Why do people do this?? I have been getting the same thing. I just JUST hit a normal bmi... (some days its just out of normal). When people ask me when I am going to stop I say about 15 lbs. This would still only put me at 145lbs. Im 5'7" I would still just JUST be in the middle or higher side of a normal bmi. I see lots of areas where I could definatly lose some weight. Some of my friends even are still insistant that I continue to be "thick". It annoys me soooo much!

    Is it jealousy?? Im guessing thats what it is. These people telling me I should stop are most likely jealous and dont want me to be thinner than they are!

    We have the same goal! I am also 5'7" with a 145 goal weight. I am currently 155. At least you know as well as I do that we are DEFINITELY not too skinny!!!
  • melhort
    melhort Posts: 31
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    I feel that anyone that loves you or is your friend would support you in your journey to gettting healthy and feeling good! As long as you are doing it in a healthy way then set your goal and go for it :)
  • rrsuthy
    rrsuthy Posts: 236 Member
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    I think I'd just tell the person that as much as I appreciate the compliment, I know my goals. So, thanks for the offer (of cookies, etc.), but no thanks. If the person continues to make a big deal of it, limit your time with that person, if possible.
  • peacehawk
    peacehawk Posts: 421 Member
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    This is YOUR journey and you are free to walk your path in whatever way you choose.

    It is hard when people put temptation in your face and expect you to follow their lead. You have already come so far, I hope you are proud of yourself! It sounds like you are workikng in a healthy way toward your goal, and as long as you are able to keep a level head and don't pressure yourself into the underweight category, you are on the right track.

    Be kind to yourself.

    Also be aware that sometimes shoving food at you is a way for some people to say they love you. If you can let them knowthat you love them even without their cookies, that might help them relax about what you put into your own body.

    Feel free to add me as a friend. I promise nonjudgemental support. We are all on a journey toward health and we all have different goals and needs. Being respectful and supportive is the way to help each other (and ourselves).
  • mike20603
    mike20603 Posts: 32 Member
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    I get a lot of this in the form of "your goal weight/normal BMI is WHAT???? You will be too thin! Unhealthy! You'll look sick!"

    All of this from mostly morbidly obese people. When I am asked where I got my goal weight from, I always reply "from my Physician", then I get a chorus of "What do they know? That's crazy!!"

    I am only saddened and reminded how I justified my own former weight and lifestyle. Its sad, but true.

    Know this; people you love and respect will attack you if you threaten their self justification and prove their long-held fantasies of their weight/self-esteem/body issues wrong.

    Here are some myths (loved by some of my family and friends) that I am happy to report, just aren't true:

    1. You CAN in fact, exercise even if you are morbidly obese. I did.

    "Oh, I can't do what you do...my back/knees/ankles/etc are weak/hurt/broken/etc."

    Find SOMETHING to do. I find it funny when people tell me what they CAN"T do, before trying to do ANYTHING.

    2. You CAN change your eating habits without using some crazy fad diet. I did.

    "I tried Adkins/South Beach/Colon Cleanse/Etc....you'll just put the weight back on"

    Try to change how much you eat first...simple portion control is a great place to start.

    3. Women CAN lose weight.

    "Men lose weight so much easier/It's soooo easy for you/If I could lose it as fast as you, I'd be thin, too!"

    Horsesh*t. If statistics show that men lose faster, then start earlier...go longer.
    Its not easy for me, I get up and work out every day.
    Plenty of strong, motivated women HERE ON MFP AS PROOF can do whatever they set their minds to.

    Anyway, don't let them get you down. Don't forget why you want to be healthy. Don't let your old (and their current) excuses hinder your progress.

    Love them and keep working out. :smile:
  • dlaplume2
    dlaplume2 Posts: 1,658 Member
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    You just say "no thank you". You do not need to justify why or make excuses.


    Best wishes.
  • stefraab
    stefraab Posts: 402 Member
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    We are almost the same height/weight. I could easily stand to lose another 20+ lbs and look good I think. Don't' worry about what other people think. If you have a healthy relationship with food and feel good/want to lose more, go for it.

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