Bulking, Obesssion and fear (Don't really know where to post this :( )
LeanAndMean1991
Posts: 19 Member
Hi guys,
After a failed relationship and letting myself go from a athletic and muscular guy (70 KGs) to a couch potato weighing in at 90 KGs at around Aug 2015. I have decided to start losing weight and live healthily.
I have successfully lost like 24.8 KGs (that's me in my avatar) in the past 6 months through eating clean, running, staying within my calories limit, getting support from MFP members.etc
The journey to lose weight has been tough.. All food are now numbers and % to me. So i decided to stop losing weight and start building muscles. However, when im in the gym today, i realised that i could not even do a 8KG bicep curl properly (I used to do 14KG per hand 4 years back). All my previous strength seems to have disappeared into thin air! I was told to eat above my TDEE allowance by 500 kcal to bulk up. But when i'm looking at food, i will subconsciously be reminded of how i used to look like due to overeating and i would then, not eat. I will also remind myself that if i bulk, i will lose everything i worked so hard for in the past few months. Even though the calories limit is now 2000++Kcal for me to maintain weight, i found it so difficult to eat that much since i have been eating at 1500++ kcal for the past few months.
I'm pretty sure some MFP members went through the same problem as me. So my question is:
How can I gain more strength and build more lean mass?
How do I get over my unhealthy obsession with calories and losing weigh?
Any advice is really appreciated!
After a failed relationship and letting myself go from a athletic and muscular guy (70 KGs) to a couch potato weighing in at 90 KGs at around Aug 2015. I have decided to start losing weight and live healthily.
I have successfully lost like 24.8 KGs (that's me in my avatar) in the past 6 months through eating clean, running, staying within my calories limit, getting support from MFP members.etc
The journey to lose weight has been tough.. All food are now numbers and % to me. So i decided to stop losing weight and start building muscles. However, when im in the gym today, i realised that i could not even do a 8KG bicep curl properly (I used to do 14KG per hand 4 years back). All my previous strength seems to have disappeared into thin air! I was told to eat above my TDEE allowance by 500 kcal to bulk up. But when i'm looking at food, i will subconsciously be reminded of how i used to look like due to overeating and i would then, not eat. I will also remind myself that if i bulk, i will lose everything i worked so hard for in the past few months. Even though the calories limit is now 2000++Kcal for me to maintain weight, i found it so difficult to eat that much since i have been eating at 1500++ kcal for the past few months.
I'm pretty sure some MFP members went through the same problem as me. So my question is:
How can I gain more strength and build more lean mass?
How do I get over my unhealthy obsession with calories and losing weigh?
Any advice is really appreciated!
0
Replies
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HI. You need to be mentally ready to bulk. From the sounds of it you aren't as you are finding it difficult to get up to 2,000+ calories to maintain at. If I were you, I would start maintaining for a while and build slowly up to a slow bulk. You say you are eating at 1,500 calories at the moment. Slowly increase those calories by 100 or so each week until you get up to your maintaining calories. Stay there for a while and then when you are comfortable, start increasing the calories slowly again until you bulk. Try to pre log your diary so you know what you are eating and when so you aren't left at 9pm in the evening with a million calories left to eat. Once you are mentally ready, it becomes easier. I was more or less in the same boat as you when I started to bulk in that I didn't want to put all the fat on again but once I got over that and accepted that the body fat would increase, albeit slowly, as I did a slow bulk, I successfully bulked and gained 15kg. Body fat went up but I was comfortable with it and what was best of all, so did the numbers in what I was doing in the gym.0
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jdscrubs32 wrote: »HI. You need to be mentally ready to bulk. From the sounds of it you aren't as you are finding it difficult to get up to 2,000+ calories to maintain at. If I were you, I would start maintaining for a while and build slowly up to a slow bulk. You say you are eating at 1,500 calories at the moment. Slowly increase those calories by 100 or so each week until you get up to your maintaining calories. Stay there for a while and then when you are comfortable, start increasing the calories slowly again until you bulk. Try to pre log your diary so you know what you are eating and when so you aren't left at 9pm in the evening with a million calories left to eat. Once you are mentally ready, it becomes easier. I was more or less in the same boat as you when I started to bulk in that I didn't want to put all the fat on again but once I got over that and accepted that the body fat would increase, albeit slowly, as I did a slow bulk, I successfully bulked and gained 15kg. Body fat went up but I was comfortable with it and what was best of all, so did the numbers in what I was doing in the gym.
This would be my advice as well. Reverse diet up to your maintenance then get ready to bulk. You'll lose a bit more weight as you do this but take your time and be mentally ready. Start lifting heavier right away as you can gain strength without gaining muscle just through neuro adaptation then you'll be more ready to add muscle as you increase your calories.
You have what many of us have and it's often called former fatboy syndrom. You lost weight and now you are afraid to gain it back and when you finally do you will hate gaining the fat back as you put on muscle as well. It takes time to mentally adjust but just stick with it and trust yourself.0 -
I think this is pretty common for first timers. Have you ever done a bulk before? Judging from your avatar you look like you would benefit hugely from it. You have to have complete trust in the process. Cutting weight is also much easier after a bulk so keep that in the back of your mind when you're feeling a little "fluffy" lol0
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Just want to add that I'm a female who just put on 12 lbs over 5 months for my first bulk (hesitantly), sure I'm thicker than I was, but I feel stronger and certainly don't feel fat - I made some great gains. Once the bulk is over you will be so psyched to see what's "under the layers" that you will actually look forward to a cut.0
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OP I'm totally with you.
I lost weight after a failed relationship too and got a very slim fit new body and learned to run like a *kitten*.
I was 5'7" and 123lb eek!! . I looked at my back one day and decided to bulk. I was super slim but I still didn't like my shape.
I've always been good at depriving and am very controlling and phobic with food.
I jumped in the deep end and bulked. It was the most amazing experience. I was enjoying my food, controlling the weight gain, believing it was mostly muscle, and looked TOTALLY DIFFERENT than I was before at the same weight when I was in an unhappy relationship. I was scared of going back to that person.
Fact is, I went from 30% body fat to 15%. I didn't even feel the need to cut after my bulk, my body was such a young shape. I did a small cut and here I am 2 years later with the same body..
DO IT! You can always stop and cut if you freak out!0 -
time2cutnow wrote: »I think this is pretty common for first timers. Have you ever done a bulk before? Judging from your avatar you look like you would benefit hugely from it. You have to have complete trust in the process. Cutting weight is also much easier after a bulk so keep that in the back of your mind when you're feeling a little "fluffy" lol
I have done it before like 4 years back. It was around the time when my relationship failed. I ended up binge eating all the crap and junk food plus not working out while telling myself its okay as i'm still bulking. That's how i ended up at 90Kg back then. It's like a mental barrier that i have to get through...0 -
Springfield1970 wrote: »OP I'm totally with you.
I lost weight after a failed relationship too and got a very slim fit new body and learned to run like a *kitten*.
I was 5'7" and 123lb eek!! . I looked at my back one day and decided to bulk. I was super slim but I still didn't like my shape.
I've always been good at depriving and am very controlling and phobic with food.
I jumped in the deep end and bulked. It was the most amazing experience. I was enjoying my food, controlling the weight gain, believing it was mostly muscle, and looked TOTALLY DIFFERENT than I was before at the same weight when I was in an unhappy relationship. I was scared of going back to that person.
Fact is, I went from 30% body fat to 15%. I didn't even feel the need to cut after my bulk, my body was such a young shape. I did a small cut and here I am 2 years later with the same body..
DO IT! You can always stop and cut if you freak out!
Glad that someone is totally with me! I have the phobia of a failed bulking which i did last time that made me the 90KG couch potato i am a few months back... I could not even eat alot even if i wanted to.. Half a bowl of rice and im already feeling like throwing up..0 -
jdscrubs32 wrote: »HI. You need to be mentally ready to bulk. From the sounds of it you aren't as you are finding it difficult to get up to 2,000+ calories to maintain at. If I were you, I would start maintaining for a while and build slowly up to a slow bulk. You say you are eating at 1,500 calories at the moment. Slowly increase those calories by 100 or so each week until you get up to your maintaining calories. Stay there for a while and then when you are comfortable, start increasing the calories slowly again until you bulk. Try to pre log your diary so you know what you are eating and when so you aren't left at 9pm in the evening with a million calories left to eat. Once you are mentally ready, it becomes easier. I was more or less in the same boat as you when I started to bulk in that I didn't want to put all the fat on again but once I got over that and accepted that the body fat would increase, albeit slowly, as I did a slow bulk, I successfully bulked and gained 15kg. Body fat went up but I was comfortable with it and what was best of all, so did the numbers in what I was doing in the gym.Wheelhouse15 wrote: »jdscrubs32 wrote: »HI. You need to be mentally ready to bulk. From the sounds of it you aren't as you are finding it difficult to get up to 2,000+ calories to maintain at. If I were you, I would start maintaining for a while and build slowly up to a slow bulk. You say you are eating at 1,500 calories at the moment. Slowly increase those calories by 100 or so each week until you get up to your maintaining calories. Stay there for a while and then when you are comfortable, start increasing the calories slowly again until you bulk. Try to pre log your diary so you know what you are eating and when so you aren't left at 9pm in the evening with a million calories left to eat. Once you are mentally ready, it becomes easier. I was more or less in the same boat as you when I started to bulk in that I didn't want to put all the fat on again but once I got over that and accepted that the body fat would increase, albeit slowly, as I did a slow bulk, I successfully bulked and gained 15kg. Body fat went up but I was comfortable with it and what was best of all, so did the numbers in what I was doing in the gym.
This would be my advice as well. Reverse diet up to your maintenance then get ready to bulk. You'll lose a bit more weight as you do this but take your time and be mentally ready. Start lifting heavier right away as you can gain strength without gaining muscle just through neuro adaptation then you'll be more ready to add muscle as you increase your calories.
You have what many of us have and it's often called former fatboy syndrom. You lost weight and now you are afraid to gain it back and when you finally do you will hate gaining the fat back as you put on muscle as well. It takes time to mentally adjust but just stick with it and trust yourself.
"former fatboy syndrom"! That's the exact feeling i am going through right now. Fear of going back to what i used to be (couch potato). I find it difficult to eat alot though. I'm trying to drink calories instead through MILO(some malt drink) or Milk. I also feel disgusted with myself when i tried to lift in the gym. I felt so much weaker than my former athletic self. I need to psyco myself into the fact that my abs will be disappearing when i'm on a bulk which is difficult because i spent so much blood and sweat building those...0 -
LeanAndMean1991 wrote: »jdscrubs32 wrote: »HI. You need to be mentally ready to bulk. From the sounds of it you aren't as you are finding it difficult to get up to 2,000+ calories to maintain at. If I were you, I would start maintaining for a while and build slowly up to a slow bulk. You say you are eating at 1,500 calories at the moment. Slowly increase those calories by 100 or so each week until you get up to your maintaining calories. Stay there for a while and then when you are comfortable, start increasing the calories slowly again until you bulk. Try to pre log your diary so you know what you are eating and when so you aren't left at 9pm in the evening with a million calories left to eat. Once you are mentally ready, it becomes easier. I was more or less in the same boat as you when I started to bulk in that I didn't want to put all the fat on again but once I got over that and accepted that the body fat would increase, albeit slowly, as I did a slow bulk, I successfully bulked and gained 15kg. Body fat went up but I was comfortable with it and what was best of all, so did the numbers in what I was doing in the gym.Wheelhouse15 wrote: »jdscrubs32 wrote: »HI. You need to be mentally ready to bulk. From the sounds of it you aren't as you are finding it difficult to get up to 2,000+ calories to maintain at. If I were you, I would start maintaining for a while and build slowly up to a slow bulk. You say you are eating at 1,500 calories at the moment. Slowly increase those calories by 100 or so each week until you get up to your maintaining calories. Stay there for a while and then when you are comfortable, start increasing the calories slowly again until you bulk. Try to pre log your diary so you know what you are eating and when so you aren't left at 9pm in the evening with a million calories left to eat. Once you are mentally ready, it becomes easier. I was more or less in the same boat as you when I started to bulk in that I didn't want to put all the fat on again but once I got over that and accepted that the body fat would increase, albeit slowly, as I did a slow bulk, I successfully bulked and gained 15kg. Body fat went up but I was comfortable with it and what was best of all, so did the numbers in what I was doing in the gym.
This would be my advice as well. Reverse diet up to your maintenance then get ready to bulk. You'll lose a bit more weight as you do this but take your time and be mentally ready. Start lifting heavier right away as you can gain strength without gaining muscle just through neuro adaptation then you'll be more ready to add muscle as you increase your calories.
You have what many of us have and it's often called former fatboy syndrom. You lost weight and now you are afraid to gain it back and when you finally do you will hate gaining the fat back as you put on muscle as well. It takes time to mentally adjust but just stick with it and trust yourself.
"former fatboy syndrom"! That's the exact feeling i am going through right now. Fear of going back to what i used to be (couch potato). I find it difficult to eat alot though. I'm trying to drink calories instead through MILO(some malt drink) or Milk. I also feel disgusted with myself when i tried to lift in the gym. I felt so much weaker than my former athletic self. I need to psyco myself into the fact that my abs will be disappearing when i'm on a bulk which is difficult because i spent so much blood and sweat building those...
Everyone who has ever had a long layoff and come back knows that feeling but you can't compare yourself to what used to be you can only move forward. If you don't hit the gym you aren't going to fix that issue. Go get under the iron and in a couple weeks you'll feel better. Just remember to give yourself time to adapt so don't rush it or you'll end up with needless injuries.0 -
This is the sort of thread that I get excited about! OP keep in touch.
Just be methodical and gain a lb a week (500 extra calories a day which is basically a muffin).
Hopefully your relationship with food will improve too when you see what it can do for your sexy muscular bod!0 -
Springfield1970 wrote: »This is the sort of thread that I get excited about! OP keep in touch.
Just be methodical and gain a lb a week (500 extra calories a day which is basically a muffin).
Hopefully your relationship with food will improve too when you see what it can do for your sexy muscular bod!
Sure! I'm taking my first steps by swapping out all my skimmed milk for whole milk to increase calories. Will be eating more white rice as well! Not sure if that's a good thing though. Its difficult to get any brown rice when i'm eating out and is always on the move.
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All carbs are gold if you're putting them to good use.0
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LeanAndMean1991 wrote: »time2cutnow wrote: »I think this is pretty common for first timers. Have you ever done a bulk before? Judging from your avatar you look like you would benefit hugely from it. You have to have complete trust in the process. Cutting weight is also much easier after a bulk so keep that in the back of your mind when you're feeling a little "fluffy" lol
I have done it before like 4 years back. It was around the time when my relationship failed. I ended up binge eating all the crap and junk food plus not working out while telling myself its okay as i'm still bulking. That's how i ended up at 90Kg back then. It's like a mental barrier that i have to get through...
It really is a mental thing. Binge eating and not working out is where you're gonna get in trouble (binge eating in general is trouble). Make sure you're hitting the weights hard during your bulk.
Also, I know I already mentioned this, but your body right now (in your avatar) is the perfect candidate for a good bulk + cut. Please keep us updated on your results.0 -
LeanAndMean1991 wrote: »jdscrubs32 wrote: »HI. You need to be mentally ready to bulk. From the sounds of it you aren't as you are finding it difficult to get up to 2,000+ calories to maintain at. If I were you, I would start maintaining for a while and build slowly up to a slow bulk. You say you are eating at 1,500 calories at the moment. Slowly increase those calories by 100 or so each week until you get up to your maintaining calories. Stay there for a while and then when you are comfortable, start increasing the calories slowly again until you bulk. Try to pre log your diary so you know what you are eating and when so you aren't left at 9pm in the evening with a million calories left to eat. Once you are mentally ready, it becomes easier. I was more or less in the same boat as you when I started to bulk in that I didn't want to put all the fat on again but once I got over that and accepted that the body fat would increase, albeit slowly, as I did a slow bulk, I successfully bulked and gained 15kg. Body fat went up but I was comfortable with it and what was best of all, so did the numbers in what I was doing in the gym.Wheelhouse15 wrote: »jdscrubs32 wrote: »HI. You need to be mentally ready to bulk. From the sounds of it you aren't as you are finding it difficult to get up to 2,000+ calories to maintain at. If I were you, I would start maintaining for a while and build slowly up to a slow bulk. You say you are eating at 1,500 calories at the moment. Slowly increase those calories by 100 or so each week until you get up to your maintaining calories. Stay there for a while and then when you are comfortable, start increasing the calories slowly again until you bulk. Try to pre log your diary so you know what you are eating and when so you aren't left at 9pm in the evening with a million calories left to eat. Once you are mentally ready, it becomes easier. I was more or less in the same boat as you when I started to bulk in that I didn't want to put all the fat on again but once I got over that and accepted that the body fat would increase, albeit slowly, as I did a slow bulk, I successfully bulked and gained 15kg. Body fat went up but I was comfortable with it and what was best of all, so did the numbers in what I was doing in the gym.
This would be my advice as well. Reverse diet up to your maintenance then get ready to bulk. You'll lose a bit more weight as you do this but take your time and be mentally ready. Start lifting heavier right away as you can gain strength without gaining muscle just through neuro adaptation then you'll be more ready to add muscle as you increase your calories.
You have what many of us have and it's often called former fatboy syndrom. You lost weight and now you are afraid to gain it back and when you finally do you will hate gaining the fat back as you put on muscle as well. It takes time to mentally adjust but just stick with it and trust yourself.
"former fatboy syndrom"! That's the exact feeling i am going through right now. Fear of going back to what i used to be (couch potato). I find it difficult to eat alot though. I'm trying to drink calories instead through MILO(some malt drink) or Milk. I also feel disgusted with myself when i tried to lift in the gym. I felt so much weaker than my former athletic self. I need to psyco myself into the fact that my abs will be disappearing when i'm on a bulk which is difficult because i spent so much blood and sweat building those...
Well it's been 4 years. You're going to have to build back up to that. I'm depressed because five years ago I could do ten pull ups. Now I have to do a jump just to get one done. It sucks to not be as strong as you once we're. You'll get back there though. With more of that blood and sweat.0
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