what do you do when the boy you are seeing...

hortensehildegarde
hortensehildegarde Posts: 592 Member
in Chit-Chat
doesn't answer your text related to a potentially planned activity for hours (well after the time the activity would have happened were it going to occur), then finally does answer but with no explanation for the delay.

I'd imagine he was asleep, but really, would it be so hard to just say that?

Ugh I'm sure I know my answer already. If you have to ask and all... Is this just a thing people do nowadays and it's not weird?
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Replies

  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
    Check his FB page. Nothing is official until it's on his FB page.
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  • hortensehildegarde
    hortensehildegarde Posts: 592 Member
    lol his FB page has him in a relationship with another girl. Long story.

    I don't even care if he *is* in a relationship with said other girl, I just don't understand what's the big deal about people giving reasons when they should know their behavior was not thoughtful.

    I guess I should have asked the question as if it were just friends as that would probably make more sense. Is that really even ok behavior for one friend to do to another?
  • KD454
    KD454 Posts: 1,548 Member
    sunn_lighter wrote: »
    ugh! men, am i right??!!!

    girl, kick him to the curb! you don't need no man keepin you waiting like a sucker
    go out with your girls and show him you don't need him, honey



    What she said ^^^^^
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  • provencal73
    provencal73 Posts: 1,275 Member
    You're not a priority to him. Find someone that makes you one. Hell, make yourself one!
  • JeffreyMGiron
    JeffreyMGiron Posts: 3,582 Member
    provencal73 wrote: »
    You're not a priority to him. Find someone that makes you one. Hell, make yourself one!

    This didnt work for me! it has to work both ways :(
  • Peter_Brady
    Peter_Brady Posts: 3,750 Member
    So are you seeing him or not?

    My guess is if you are upset enough to post about it on the internet, then the two of you have fooled around on some level.
  • hortensehildegarde
    hortensehildegarde Posts: 592 Member
    sunn_lighter wrote: »
    i have no idea. i'm a terrible friend and keep people waiting days even weeks.

    lol thanks that actually helps. I think he's just flaky and he's only my fake boyfriend anyway, it's not like there is a future for us other than that I expect us to be friends long term. I guess it's not so weird for me to tolerate his flakiness, it's not like I intend to marry the guy. /shudder
  • hortensehildegarde
    hortensehildegarde Posts: 592 Member
    Peter_Brady wrote: »
    So are you seeing him or not?

    My guess is if you are upset enough to post about it on the internet, then the two of you have fooled around on some level.

    oh yeah I am definitely seeing him. A lot of him. But as I said it's like a known temporary thing where both of us know at some point it will end and not in the way we move in together or get married or anything. I just assume at some point he'll find a girl he actually does want to move forward with and then the "seeing" portion of our relationship will be, um, less.

    I just thought the behavior weird, as in it's weird when you spend most of your default time with someone and are around them on a regular basis and have standing plans and then get no explanation as to why the question about the standing plans took so long to respond to said plans could not happen.

    I don't think most just friends have that kind of regular interaction so I guess that's why I phrased it as "seeing".

    But I have to think that is correct, were our plans a priority I would have least gotten a "sorry for the late response". Surely he can't be so dense as to not even realize it was rude. Could he? Are people really that flaky? I can't tell as I am not. I run super late all the time and forget things all the time, but I at least have the presence of mind to realize I should apologize. I can't tell if he just doesn't give a crap or is really that inept. He'll swear up and down he cares and feels bad when I call him out on it, but really, how many times should I need to point this behavior out.

    I think I am just stupid for believing he cares, but if he doesn't then what the heck is he doing?
  • Kvm11628
    Kvm11628 Posts: 7,386 Member
    Here's the thing. If you want a no-strings-attached physical thing, go for it. But, if you do that, there is no obligation on his part or yours to respect time. Would be nice, but no obligation.

    Based on your post, however, it sounds like you do NOT want it to be totally no-strings-attached. If that is the case, and this 'blowing you off' is a common event? Then he is not the right guy for you. Move on to someone who will give you what you need outside of just the sack.

    Just be honest with yourself about what it is you want (or might want) and then you can find out if he can meet that.
  • melmelw03
    melmelw03 Posts: 5,332 Member
    edited January 2016
    hortensehildegarde wrote: »
    Peter_Brady wrote: »
    So are you seeing him or not?

    My guess is if you are upset enough to post about it on the internet, then the two of you have fooled around on some level.

    oh yeah I am definitely seeing him. A lot of him. But as I said it's like a known temporary thing where both of us know at some point it will end and not in the way we move in together or get married or anything. I just assume at some point he'll find a girl he actually does want to move forward with and then the "seeing" portion of our relationship will be, um, less.

    I just thought the behavior weird, as in it's weird when you spend most of your default time with someone and are around them on a regular basis and have standing plans and then get no explanation as to why the question about the standing plans took so long to respond to said plans could not happen.

    I don't think most just friends have that kind of regular interaction so I guess that's why I phrased it as "seeing".

    Sounds like he's "seeing" more than you. Maybe you should go "see" a doc and make sure you haven't caught something. Ya know, like a cold or something....

    Good luck!
  • Cameron_1969
    Cameron_1969 Posts: 2,855 Member
    I do this all the time. .When someone texts me to do something I don't really feel like doing. . I just ignore the text until it's too late, then answer like ."wha?. . I didn't get no text!"..
  • hortensehildegarde
    hortensehildegarde Posts: 592 Member
    kimvmajor wrote: »
    Here's the thing. If you want a no-strings-attached physical thing, go for it. But, if you do that, there is no obligation on his part or yours to respect time. Would be nice, but no obligation.

    Based on your post, however, it sounds like you do NOT want it to be totally no-strings-attached. If that is the case, and this 'blowing you off' is a common event? Then he is not the right guy for you. Move on to someone who will give you what you need outside of just the sack.

    Just be honest with yourself about what it is you want (or might want) and then you can find out if he can meet that.

    I was fine with NSA, he's the one who made a big deal about wanting to be friends. Blah blah he "likes talking to me". I don't think that's how friends should treat each other but it sounds like that kind of behavior is actually pretty common. I wouldn't care at all if it was strictly NSA, but once you are gonna act like you want to be my friend I am going to have an issue with being treated poorly.

    Why people can't just be honest and considerate I will never know.

    I wasn't sure if I should bring it up or not (because with my friends we talk about things when one of us does something the other doesn't like, that's normal, right?) but probably if I'm honest I just don't care enough to bother. Which makes me feel like a crappy person but whatevs, guess he and I can be crappy people together. Not sure what kind of a friendship that makes and I think he's nuts to expect quality friend treatment from me if he's going to be a total flake, but I guess it just means I'm justified in half-effort too.
  • Peter_Brady
    Peter_Brady Posts: 3,750 Member
    Sounds like you are a friend/side piece to him. He probably likes interacting with you when he is available to do so. If you are not looking for him to break up with his GF and make a commitment to you, then you need to accept the fact that he is going to be unavailable sometimes when you wish he wasn't.

    My guess is he is either a major *kitten* or he is just afraid to tell you why he couldn't get back to you sooner. NSA or not, the courteous thing to do would be to apologize for not getting back to you sooner.

    And don't fool yourself. You care more than you are letting on. Otherwise you wouldn't have created this thread.

    Have a discussion with him about your expectations for this "thing" that you have
  • Evilla25
    Evilla25 Posts: 392 Member
    Bahahahaha that's what I do I look at the txt and sometimes I forget to respond until the next day lol
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  • mean_and_lean
    mean_and_lean Posts: 164 Member
    I'm confused. He's in a relationship with another girl but he's "seeing" you as well? Sounds like you're just a side dish.
  • Evilla25
    Evilla25 Posts: 392 Member
    edited February 2016
    Just forget about him! You can do better than him. Everyone deserves to be happy.
  • samgamgee
    samgamgee Posts: 398 Member
    Sounds like he wants to be your 'friend' when it suits him, ie when he wants to get laid. Keep 'seeing' him if you want (nothing wrong with casual boning!) but don't expect him to actually be your friend.
  • Thisnameischosen
    Thisnameischosen Posts: 2,770 Member
    Dump his *kitten*.
  • ew_david
    ew_david Posts: 3,473 Member
    You definitely should call 900 times and text just as much until you get an answer.
  • motterotter
    motterotter Posts: 701 Member
    Is this a regular habit with him or a one time thing
  • Sinistrous
    Sinistrous Posts: 5,589 Member
    Move on. Already on shaky grounds.
    Not friend worthy, shouldn't consider them for anything further after that realization.
  • henshemi
    henshemi Posts: 1,977 Member
    He is a boy you say...get yourself a man
  • hopeandtheabsurd
    hopeandtheabsurd Posts: 265 Member
    I have a few flaky friends who sometimes cancel at the last minute or don't always respond in a timely fashion (or at all), but I already know that about them and I always have a contingency plan for possible flaking (either going anyway, or doing something else). If that's the way they are, you accept it (if they are still a net positive in your life) or move on (if not).
  • Katie_Y89
    Katie_Y89 Posts: 330 Member
    If you are thisn concerned about him not responding to texts then I'm telling you right now to end this because this has now not become a "temporary" thing. Your hooked and your going to get hurt when he walks away.

    Kick him to the curb, let him find a new side dish and go find yourself a man who deserves you or focus on yourself.
  • Chieflrg
    Chieflrg Posts: 9,097 Member
    Maybe his gf was talking to him and he was busy...
  • jenilla1
    jenilla1 Posts: 11,118 Member
    Stop dating "boys" and start dating men.
  • Chieflrg
    Chieflrg Posts: 9,097 Member
    jenilla1 wrote: »
    Stop dating "boys" and start dating men.

    Or woman...

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