How to say NO!

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nubian101
nubian101 Posts: 17 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Ok, so I just had a scenario which went like this. It is a girl at work's birthday, so she brings in this massive chocolate cake with jam and cream in the middle, and chocolate frosting with maltesers all over the top. She's handing out massive slices and we are singing happy birthday and stuff. So I say, I am fine, thanks, none for me, and she gets all offended. I explain I am on a healthy eating thing, but she is still very huffy and makes me take "a small piece" which must have about 600 calories in it. She says I don't need to diet and anyway she went to all this effort, and everyone is looking at me making a scene, so I just take it and eat it and smile.... yummy! Actually it has given me a sugar headache and I feel sick. I haven't had any sugar apart from that in fruit since last December.... How should I have handled it?

Replies

  • janejellyroll
    janejellyroll Posts: 25,763 Member
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    "No thanks, I appreciate it."

    *repeat as needed*

    No need to explain why you don't want it or how you're eating healthy (which tends to put people on edge).
  • jemhh
    jemhh Posts: 14,261 Member
    edited February 2016
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    Say no and walk away. Or just don't go over to the cake table. Or if she's really pushy say thanks, take the cake, and then walk to the trash can and drop it in. I never explain and people never push me. I think that when you start explaining people start thinking they deserve the explanations. I try not to give anybody the impression that I owe them anything.
  • CurlyCockney
    CurlyCockney Posts: 1,394 Member
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    When you realise that what you're doing for you is more important than what you're doing for someone else, saying no (and meaning no) becomes easy.
  • kgirlhart
    kgirlhart Posts: 5,023 Member
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    Just say no. You shouldn't worry about being rude. She was rude to force it on you. I can understand how you felt put on the spot though. I would probably just have taken the cake and said thanks and then gone to my desk and quietly thrown it in the trash.
  • quzzdragon
    quzzdragon Posts: 140 Member
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    If they cut the piece and leave it at your desk, you can give it to someone else or simply not eat it too. I have a couple of pushing people in my life that often say "you don't need to lose weight" and I know how frustrating that can be. Just remember that you're not doing it for them your doing it for you.
  • Cynsonya
    Cynsonya Posts: 668 Member
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    janejellyroll wrote: »
    "No thanks, I appreciate it."

    *repeat as needed*

    No need to explain why you don't want it or how you're eating healthy (which tends to put people on edge).

    If it continues after that initial no or two I just say,
    "Sorry I had a big breakfast/lunch. I'd hate to waste it."
  • nubian101
    nubian101 Posts: 17 Member
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    Ah, she was stood by my desk holding it out and she would not let me say no... and everyone was watching me say no and her push it on me and I felt that people were staring... I just checked out the calories in that flipping cake and it's no dinner for me tonight if I'm going to stay on track!
  • Need2Exerc1se
    Need2Exerc1se Posts: 13,575 Member
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    No thank you.
    Seriously, it looks good but no thanks.
    I'm not sure how else to say this, but I don't want cake right now. Thanks for the offer, but no.
    Geez Louise, will you please stop with the cake already. I hope you have a wonderful birthday, but I do not want cake.
    No
    No
    No
    No
    No
    No
  • ForeverSunshine09
    ForeverSunshine09 Posts: 966 Member
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    To be fair I think that cake sounds gross but, I like plain cake. So I would have said sorry but, I don't like fancy cakes and walked away. Being a picky eater my whole life I have learned to just deal with Ppl like that. You could also just say I am allergic to chocolate.
  • smotheredincheese
    smotheredincheese Posts: 559 Member
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    Take a slice, take it back to your desk and then 'forget' to eat it because you're so busy.
    Actually I'd be tempted to say that you don't want any because jam and chocolate is a disgusting combination and throw the whole thing across the room in disgust.
  • janejellyroll
    janejellyroll Posts: 25,763 Member
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    nubian101 wrote: »
    Ah, she was stood by my desk holding it out and she would not let me say no... and everyone was watching me say no and her push it on me and I felt that people were staring... I just checked out the calories in that flipping cake and it's no dinner for me tonight if I'm going to stay on track!

    I understand the social ramifications of the situation, but nobody can force you to eat cake. You could have said no, it just sounds like it would have been awkward. But it is awkwardness that *her rudeness* would have created. You are entitled to decide whether or not you want cake.

    I wouldn't skip dinner because you ate cake, by the way. Just log the calories to the best of your ability, have dinner, and make a plan for next time this happens.
  • kportwood85
    kportwood85 Posts: 151 Member
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    I think when you say "no thank you" and give a reason, that invites people to argue with you. If you feel like arguing, go for it. Most times though I just take the food, smile, say thank you and drop it in the trash when the attention is off of me. You can also say "I don't eat XYZ, and you are being rude right now." I use that with pushy people. The "thank you and trash" is reserved for people like my grandma. :smile:
  • Fursian
    Fursian Posts: 526 Member
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    I know it was their birthday, but they were out of order.

    nubian101 wrote: »
    <snip> and everyone is looking at me making a scene <snip>

    They were making a scene, not you.

    In future, you're quite entitled to say "no, thank you", and like janejellyroll said above, no need to explain why. :)
  • nubian101
    nubian101 Posts: 17 Member
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    Next time it will be thank you and trash, I think. I am so mad with her for putting me in this situation and so mad at me for being such a walkover. Ha ha!
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    Say no thanks, leave the piece of cake on your desk and bin it later, eat half or whatever fits in your calories.

    You'll know for next time :)
  • CurlyCockney
    CurlyCockney Posts: 1,394 Member
    edited February 2016
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    nubian101 wrote: »
    Next time it will be thank you and trash, I think. I am so mad with her for putting me in this situation and so mad at me for being such a walkover. Ha ha!

    Oh for the good ol' days, when Maltesers were advertised as "the lighter way to enjoy chocolate" and "the chocolate with the less fattening centre" (I love Maltesers, can you tell?)

    As said above though, don't skip dinner.
  • janejellyroll
    janejellyroll Posts: 25,763 Member
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    nubian101 wrote: »
    Next time it will be thank you and trash, I think. I am so mad with her for putting me in this situation and so mad at me for being such a walkover. Ha ha!

    Every time you "fail," it's a chance to make a plan for next time so you'll be better equipped, so she kinda did you a favor.

    Seriously, she sounds like a real jerk though . . .
  • jemhh
    jemhh Posts: 14,261 Member
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    nubian101 wrote: »
    Next time it will be thank you and trash, I think. I am so mad with her for putting me in this situation and so mad at me for being such a walkover. Ha ha!

    Just think of it as a lesson learned. Now you're prepared for the next time :)
  • emmycantbemeeko
    emmycantbemeeko Posts: 303 Member
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    For most people, "No thank you, it looks delicious but I'm not hungry" will be enough.

    For someone you know will give you a hard time, taking a small serving of something and then eating only a little of it may be the path of least resistance.

    In general, avoid telling people it's because you're trying to eat healthy or diet, because it puts them, as the person initiating the treat-eating, on the defensive. It's totally irrational, but many people feel that it's "okay" to eat more than they know is good for them as long as everyone else does, too. When you take that justification away, they can feel criticized and lash out. If you're losing weight visibly, they may also be invested in either stalling your loss or denying the reality of what it takes to achieve it (because who do you know who isn't planning to start losing weight "soon"?), so convincing the "dieter" or the "skinny" one to eat cake carries some emotional victory for some people.

    Many years ago while I was on the small side of normal weight, I used to work in an environment where there were a lot of treats, and several of my coworkers were overweight and would give me a *very* hard time for not always partaking of desserts or having seconds. I found that not making a big deal out of it worked the best.
    Refuse to engage on the subject of whether
    or not it's healthy, accept a slice if that's what it takes to end the interaction, but don't eat it (or don't eat more than you would have by choice).

    They can make a social interaction so uncomfortable that you're effectively forced to take the plate they're holding out, but they can't force-feed it to you.
  • nubian101
    nubian101 Posts: 17 Member
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    I certainly am, thank you, lovely people, for your support and advice. Also some other people might read this and form their own strategy for if it happens to them! Learn from me, people, I'll make the mistakes so you don't have to!

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