I Feel Like I'll Always be Gross and Disgusting

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  • atmwh
    atmwh Posts: 1 Member
    edited February 2016
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    Debbie_Ferr wrote: »
    Your actual BMI is TWENTY (not 24 to 25 per your posting)
    Per BMI chart http://cdn.builtlean.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/Bmi-chart-big.jpg

    You're basically
    5'6",
    125 pounds.
    You are on the LOWER end of OPTIMAL BMI.

    You missed the period. She's five feet and half an inch.

    OP, despite this, you are very much not overweight, by definition. I think you need to seek assistance from someone qualified. Feeling suicidal is cause for concern, and far beyond the spectrum of 'normal' self-esteem issues. Your behavior and dialogue indicates an eating disorder, or at least the high potentiality of an eating disorder. Losing weight is unlikely to make these thoughts disappear.
  • Beautiful_Warrior94
    Beautiful_Warrior94 Posts: 197 Member
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    Honey listen to me. And I'll try not to make this long as a novel.

    First off, that BMI you're at right now is perfectly healthy.
    Second off, the BMI is a messed up hunk of garbage that does not describe your worth, intelligence, how much people love and care for you, or how beautiful you are inside. Sure it'll tell you some damn number and all, but how do you feel personally. You need to listen to your own body. We are all healthy as a different weight. If we were all the same this would be one sad *kitten* universe.

    For example, my mom and I are the same height and we weigh differently based on our different body types. I have a straight runners body where honestly I can't put weight on in my chest for boobs or on my hips. I know I'm like a ruler, I know I hardly have any boobs. My mom has curves like Beyoncé. Sure we have a different weight, her weight is higher than mine. But that's all because of body types. She looks great. I look fine at my weight.

    My point here is don't focus on the number on the scale. I made that mistake back in high school and that got me diagnosed with anorexia and bulimia. I was so focused on a specific number I lost my period, lost old friends, isolated myself, that scale was my only focus and exercise wasn't enjoyable for me.

    It took me years but today my fiancé does know about my past. And he is helping me get better. I'm in a much happier place now. I can enjoy exercise again. I may still struggle on the diet part but I'm better than I was.

    You don't have to ever feel disgusting because news flash...YOU'RE NOT!
  • kittenful
    kittenful Posts: 318 Member
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    Let me tell you my story.

    When I started out on here, I was pretty disgusted with myself, too. I was 178 lbs, and at my minuscule 5'2" felt huge (try having a twin sister who was still as tiny as ever). The thing is, about a month or two into exercise, my focus shifted. It wasn't all about losing all the weight and attaining a body shape that may not even be possible, anymore. That kind of unhealthy thinking only made me miserable. I realized I could feel muscles that I'd never noticed before. Specifically, my triceps. I was so proud! My thought processes shifted, not in a day, but over a period of time. It took me around a year to lose the weight I wanted to, but it went much smoother because I wasn't beating myself up about it anymore. Here I am now, fluctuating between 120-125 and okay with it, even though my belly isn't flat. I'm strong and I'm able and I'm proud of the things my body can accomplish.

    I learned to stop comparing myself to others, because their bodies are not mine. Not even my twin's. I learned to compete against myself to strive to get better, faster, stronger. I know, it's a bit of a cliche, but it's what worked for me. Others are suggesting that you seek counseling and I'm going to agree, because after reading your OP, your relationship with food and your body image doesn't seem healthy. Focusing on the positives went a long way with me. I hope you can find a similar path.
  • LKArgh
    LKArgh Posts: 5,179 Member
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    TasteofEnvy wrote: »
    Mavrick_RN wrote: »
    You are not healthy. You want someone to agree that you are fat or gross or ugly. I will not agree to that but I will say your self image could use some work. You need a professional to help you. You are saying all the right things to be diagnosed with an eating disorder. Maybe you are testing MFP to see if we will notice.

    We have. Your troubles are more than can be handled by a bunch of well-meaning strangers on the internet.
    I'm not "testing" anyone or begging for attention. This is the motivation and support forums. I'm looking for motivation or helpful ways to stop feeling this way and maybe some advice on how to lose the last few pounds. I don't have an eating isorder.... I don't purposely starve myself, and I don't binge and purge. I will admit to having things like depression, anxiety, and low self esteem.

    1) See a therapist. Schedule an appointment today.
    2) Stop trying to lose weight and focus on exercise. At this stage, it will make a huge difference (given time, not in a few weeks), more than losing 10 more pounds will.
    But, first (1), then (2).
  • Therealobi1
    Therealobi1 Posts: 3,262 Member
    edited February 2016
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    I just read sidesteels blogs (http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/SideSteel?month=201601) and thought of this post

    This is the line in particular:

    4) This is a big one. DO NOT compare yourself to the images you see on the internet. You are awesome, your body is awesome, and if you want to make it perform better or look different, that's great. But you've only got one body and you're wasting your time and mental energy trying to make it look like somebody else.

    You're better off loving the one you have, and BECAUSE YOU LOVE IT, make it the best you can.

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