Trying to lose with NO support at home

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  • PikaKnight
    PikaKnight Posts: 34,971 Member
    TR0berts wrote: »
    Afura wrote: »
    PikaKnight wrote: »
    I really feel bad for all these loved ones/partners/SOs that get put on the forums. We only get one side of the story and they get turned into controlling horrible people who just want to sabotage efforts. And that it's wrong if they voice their concern in any way even though we don't know what the situation really is or if it's warranted.

    If the situation is so bad - either seek counseling or break up. Relationship issues really should stay between the two of you. Not broadcasted on a public forum where we only get one side of the story to begin with.
    Wow. Outta left field on this one? I've seen that happen before, but she wasn't going on and on bashing him or saying he was horrible or controlling. She was wanting to know if anyone else had an issue similar to feeling like there was a lack of the support she is looking for in her SO. I think some other people are reading too much into that. Except @DYELB -- nailed it. :tongue:

    @ashleeeeanne You've gotten some great advice, and the base line would be to talk to him about it and how you feel. Communication in any relationship is important! I'm glad he recognizes that you're beautiful where you're at right now too! If spending time together for a meal is what you do, have your meal, just two different meals (there's many threads about 2 meal 1 family as well if you do a search :smile: )


    No - but the post right before the one you quoted intimated that. I'm pretty sure that played a big part in her comment.

    Exactly ^
  • cassieknights951
    cassieknights951 Posts: 48 Member
    Yes I have zero support at home. I think it may be a security thing for my hubby that he worries that I'll look too much better when I lose weight
  • ashleeeeanne
    ashleeeeanne Posts: 89 Member
    Thank you guys for the advice. I was in no way trying to bash my husband nor make him sound controlling. Was more so looking for any one else in the same situation....
  • Chaagy
    Chaagy Posts: 109 Member
    I think the comments by @jprewitt1 are fairly bang on.

    I actually think you may have a really supportive husband, who is himself wondering about how what you are doing is changing the relationship. Sounds like you and your husband have bonded in the past over food, which is a very understandable thing.

    Now that that's changing a bit, he may still want that bond, and may be struggling a bit with how to keep the closeness. Guys are pretty bad at analyzing our own feelings and expressing them in general, so I think a talk, a little understanding, a little reassurance, and a little straight talk on how he can support you better will go a long way.

    I speak from experience, my wife (who is the healthier one) often eats chips and other delicious foods (cinnamon bun, this past weekend). She's just learned to eat a quarter bag of the chips as a serving, or eat a quarter of the bun, whereas I would eat the whole darn thang in one go.

    And if she's eating a new flavour of chips, and starts making yummy noises, I'm the first to take a handful and eat them with her. But that's it, a handful. And sometimes she wants me to have more, so she'll start handing them to me. I have to be the one to just control myself and tell her 'nope, I've had enough'. At the end of the day, I'm accountable to me. And she's not doing it to sabotage me. She's doing it because she loves me and wants me to eat yummy delicious things that delight me. She also wants to share yummy food experiences with me. And I don't begrudge her that - I share it with her - but only in small portion.

    Once when she wanted me to eat more, I told her that 'I'm trying to become sexier, for YOU!'. That made her double take. I'm sure it'll work on your hubby too. :smiley:
  • KatyP86
    KatyP86 Posts: 164 Member
    Hey Ashlee! I'm in a very similar situation and I know how tough some days can get! Just remember you're doing this for yourself, wish you lots of luck! Add me, we can support each other :)
  • WendyLaubach
    WendyLaubach Posts: 518 Member
    My husband is a wonderful cook, and our social life is primarily about dinner parties. Cooking fabulous food is a big part of who he is. He's had some trouble adjusting to the smaller portion sizes I choose now, and I had to be somewhat firm about adding some vegetable dishes that he didn't care for, but we've pretty much worked it out. He doesn't have to eat my mashed butternut squash if he doesn't like it. I'm not going to diss his beautiful dishes, but the richer they are, the smaller a portion I'm going to eat. I make sure he understands that my small portion is a huge treat, that it was a wonderful dish, and that I'd cheerfully eat another plateful of it if it was in the calorie budget. It helps that I haven't ruled any kind of food off-limits. I just eat less of everything, and I've adjusted the relative sizes of different dishes.

    He was very skeptical at first, but now that I've lost 38 pounds he's becoming a believer. Of course I'd love it if he got interested in cooking very light dishes, because he'd be better at it than I am, but as it is I'll count my blessings. At least we agree on one thing: no fake food. If it's rich, I eat less of it, but I'm not into "lite" versions of genuine rich foods. On the other hand, I'm becoming sold on things like using cauliflower where I'd normally think of potatoes. Just no fake sweetener or fake oil or carb-stuffed "low-fat" yogurt and the like.
  • ZeroDelta
    ZeroDelta Posts: 242 Member
    edited February 2016
    ashleeeeanne wrote: »
    Any pointers on continuing on with absolutely no support at home...? My husband tells me how wonderful I look as I am continuing to lose weight, and then 5 minutes later gets upset that I don't want to eat something greasy and fried... We have a not so ideal living situation nor schedules which makes it even harder.

    However, I am doing this for me... Was just looking to see if anyone else was in the same boat and how they were dealing with it.

    I do my thing, she does her's. If the stars align we eat a common meal. If not I cook what meets my needs, she cooks what meets her needs.
  • biggsterjackster
    biggsterjackster Posts: 419 Member
    edited March 2016
  • starwhisperer6
    starwhisperer6 Posts: 402 Member
    My guy was not excited when I decided to lose weight, he likes thick women. But what he really likes is me confident and feeling sexy, so now that I am at a weight I am comfortable with, which makes me much more confident he is happy too. just keep loving on him and doing you, I bet he will come around when he sees how you feel.
  • Jruzer
    Jruzer Posts: 3,501 Member
    Speaking as a husband...

    What should he say instead of telling you that you look wonderful? "Gee honey, you've really packed on the pounds. You really do need to lose some weight." How would you receive that?

    I never ever say anything bad about Mrs Jruzer's appearance. (Of course she's always beautiful to me. <3 )
  • blues4miles
    blues4miles Posts: 1,481 Member
    I think if the both of you are used to sharing food as one of the things you "do" then it's going to be hard for him to get used to that changing. It's not because he's trying to sabotage you. Many of us use food as part of the way we communicate love. We feed one another, we provide and share in delicious food and use that as a signal of our love. My husband would get upset I didn't want to go out and get ice cream sometimes and I'd just remind him, "don't you want me to be thinner?" I am obese and while he has never made any negative comments on my appearance, I'm sure he'd find me more attractive at a healthier weight. We still eat fast food a lot. I just get fewer things and choose the healthier options. That way we are still eating together and eating the "same" things most of the time. I am lactose intolerant so he got used to me not sharing a pizza with him a long time ago.
  • MommyMeggo
    MommyMeggo Posts: 1,222 Member
    Hubby and I eat differently- and my kids eat differently from me. Thats how it is right now. Am I a busy bee in the kitchen, yep! But I get to see my body change week to week.
    I have 100% support but he has tons more calories than I do. Dinner is his biggest meal and my smallest. When we eat together its when we order in.

    Not to make a blanket comment here but- communication.
    If it repeatedly falls on deaf ears and its a big deal to you then either go to the mattress with it or shrug it off and just do you!

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