Why does it matter so much what other people say??!

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abbybrown23
abbybrown23 Posts: 11 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
HI

I'm nearly 7 weeks in to my weight loss journey, I know it's pretty early and I haven't yet expected other people to notice. So far I have lost 13lbs which is great and I'm enjoying taking the process slowly.

I live with my boyfriend's parents who know that I am on a 'diet/healthy living- whatever', they notice I go running/ go to the gym and always remark on what I am cooking.

Only, yesterday I was about to leave the gym when his mum came up to me and said ' I'm always looking to see whether you're getting smaller, but no you're not'.

I was a bit thrown by the comment and when I was walking to the gym I had to really talk myself in to going. I felt a bit thrown off by it and as if the whole endeavour is in vain.

I know that 13lbs isn't yet a noticeable amount, but it would have been encouraging for her to say something positive. I'm also surprised with how much it effected my motivation.

Just goes to show how important it is surround yourself with positive people when on a change of life style- and to have a thick skin too!

( BTW- The walk to the gym cleared my head and had the best session to far!)
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Replies

  • SisterSueGetsFit
    SisterSueGetsFit Posts: 1,211 Member
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    I'm sorry that she said that to you; it's unacceptable. My best advice would be to ignore her if possible. She may be jealous. Or maybe she's just not a nice person. Either way, this journey is about you not her.

    Keep going strong and maintain a positive attitude. A loss of 13 pounds is amazing and you're amazing too.

    On a side note, I'm also seven weeks into this journey and down 13 pounds so I am exactly where you are. Feel free to add me as a friend if you'd like some support.

    Kind thoughts your way,

    Rachel
  • leahcollett1
    leahcollett1 Posts: 807 Member
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    yeah family can be unknowingly awful at times.. MIL are the worst unfortunately for it - they will notice eventually.. it was only the other day my own mother was behind me and said - jeez i was just thinking to myself how NORMAL your bum looks leah... YEP THANKS MUM.. it was abnormally large before then.. 5 stone heavier lol i know she means well lol i jus roll my eyes at her
  • kommodevaran
    kommodevaran Posts: 17,890 Member
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    People can be rude and say things they know will hurt you, on purpose, but people are also strange and can say strange things without really thinking, especially to those who are close to them. Shrug it off as best as you can. You are doing a great job!
  • CelesseBoo
    CelesseBoo Posts: 20 Member
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    I'm also 13lbs down!

    I don't think its all that visible yet, especially under the same size clothes. But I feel better.

    Ignore hurtful comments, you are doing amazing and getting healthier is about so much more than how you look to someone else.
  • snickerscharlie
    snickerscharlie Posts: 8,578 Member
    edited February 2016
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    Questions - is *she* overweight? How overweight are you? 13 lbs may not be that noticeable depending on what your height and current weight is.

    But regardless, you need to brush off comments like that. Now that I've lost the majority of the weight (75 lbs) and am 10 lbs from goal, I get people saying to me that I shouldn't lose any more or that I'm 'disappearing.' Not even close to the truth (another ten pounds will still have me in the upper range of my BMI scale) but I guess my success makes them uncomfortable? I should note for the record that those who have made these kinds of comments to me could definitely stand to lose a bunch of weight themselves. ;)
  • TheBeachgod
    TheBeachgod Posts: 825 Member
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    What other people say doesn't matter at all unless it is something that truly does matter like the Police saying "Stop or I'll shoot" or your boss saying "You're fired", spouse saying "I want a divorce/am pregnant etc".
  • upoffthemat
    upoffthemat Posts: 679 Member
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    Some people really don't have a great filter. To give her slight credit, if she sees you every day it is really hard to see the changes as they come. The people who are more likely to notice changes are the ones who haven't seen you for a while.
    I really am doing this alone so I have no outside feedback. I work in a place where I see virtually no one, I see my family every other month or less, I have isolated myself for so long that I don't have friends I see so my feedback is all internal. I just know I feel a lot better. I am fitting in clothes I haven't fit in for a decade. I am able to move so much easier. Those are the things that are motivating me. Maybe not having a support or non-support system is a good thing
  • CurlyCockney
    CurlyCockney Posts: 1,394 Member
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    It may be helpful for you to prepare some answers, in case anybody says anything in the future. Things like "I'm much fitter now" etc. My personal fave would be "it's 13lb, you wouldn't want it on the end of your nose as a wart"...but then I'm a bit odd like that ;-)
  • Maxematics
    Maxematics Posts: 2,287 Member
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    I'm not saying that I'm correct, but I notice that the majority of the time when people make comments toward other people about being healthier, working out, losing weight or anything of that nature it's because they are either jealous of your progress or insecure about their lack of progress. If your MIL is overweight, and even if she isn't, there is a strong possibility she just wanted to knock you down a peg to make herself feel better. You did the right thing by clearing your head; just keep pushing forward. 13 pounds in 7 weeks is great!
  • silverarcheress
    silverarcheress Posts: 125 Member
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    I had a woman at the gym come and congratulate me on my weight loss of 5 stone. Followed by 'You used to be so big'. I know that she was being nice in her own way but ouch! It didn't help that she then grabbed the guy that I 'like' and proceeded to ask him what he thought of my weight loss and how well I've done and don't I look so much better than before. I don't think I've ever prayed so hard for a hole to open in the ground and swallow me up! Poor guy was just as flustered and didn't know what to say.

    As for negative comments the one I had that really threw me was at the gym where a lady (different one but just as outspoken) said she was impressed by how many classes I do and how much exercise she has seen me do. She followed it up with 'clearly you like your food then' gesturing to my body which still had a few stone to drop. Again, what do you say to something like that?

    It's a shame that your boyfriend's mother was the one being so negative. Remember that she sees you so regularly that she won't notice the gradual changes in your body until well after they start happening. I would bet that the day she notices she'll do so in an equally insulting way :smile:

    Well done on your achievements to date!
  • jarablue
    jarablue Posts: 127 Member
    edited February 2016
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    The way I handle it is, I find comfort in knowing the world doesn't want to be negative. Look at all the good people who support you and live a good life. That what everyone on this rock is heading toward. Not everyone is like that at this point in humanity. I love to work, have fun, help others and be generally happy and a little crazy. *kitten* that negative *kitten*. It's all insecurity in them. Just like making fun of someone for any reason. Insecurity in themselves. Be happy and shine your light. That is such an attractive quality. There will always be people who will try to drag you down. Give us a few hundred (thousand) years of human development and hopefully we will leave that thought process behind. Also as you age you start thinking differently. When I was younger I was a bit of a dick too. I am 40 now and my thought process is 180 degrees from who I was at 21.

    Best revenge is to live well. No one can take that away from you. Keep on keeping on and know that the good inside you is what we all strive to be. It just doesn't come out of others as easily.

    Kick *kitten* woman! :)
  • clh72569
    clh72569 Posts: 280 Member
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    I lost 50 lbs before my family even commented. At 30 lbs lost I thought they would notice but no. I just continued on my journey. Now they make comments about me looking anorexic and the food I eat. I tell them that I don't want the weight to come back. When they say really mean things, I don't get mad or upset; I just state "Gee, that was a really mean thing to say" and then I leave the room.
  • nordlead2005
    nordlead2005 Posts: 1,303 Member
    edited February 2016
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    13lb isn't always noticeable to most unless you have pictures. However, I have pictures that are 13lb apart and you can easily tell the difference. If You just saw me back in November vs now you probably wouldn't.

    It was a mean thing to say, and hopefully it was also thoughtless (instead of intentional, not that it is that much better). Just keep going because you are doing this for yourself anyways, not your BF's mom
  • abbybrown23
    abbybrown23 Posts: 11 Member
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    Thanks everyone for the replies and encouragement. I am currently 206 lbs and 5'8, so I know it isn't noticeable yet and will keep on going for my own sake :)
  • ForeverSunshine09
    ForeverSunshine09 Posts: 966 Member
    edited February 2016
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    I am kind of mean so I probably would have snapped back. I got tired of letting off handed comments go because "They are family and they mean well" bull crap. Some people are horrible Ppl and need put in their place. My mom use to make off handed comments about me constantly and my husband til one day I flipped out on her. Now she knows she won't get away with that crap just because she is my mom. Like I said I can be a mean person.
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,426 Member
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    I took photos once a month and couldn't tell a difference in pictures side by side until 15- 20 lbs. My measurements were smaller. My clothes were fitting better. It wasn't visible though.
    Her expectation that she will look at you and see you getting smaller day by day is unrealistic or unhealthy.
    Keep up your good healthy weight loss rate.

    It was bizarre of her to tell you that... like she is accusing you of not really losing weight. If you don't lose as a result of your efforts it would be nothing to do with her anyway.
  • tkphotogirl
    tkphotogirl Posts: 245 Member
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    My reaction would depend on the relationship with the person. If I can be blunt with them, I say something like 'did you mean to be rude just then or are your mouth and brain not talking today?'. I've done that a few times and it's not ended badly (yet).

    Regarding the actual number, nobody noticed I'd lost any until I was around 18-20lbs down :)
  • Meganthedogmom
    Meganthedogmom Posts: 1,639 Member
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    OP, 13 pounds is a hell of an accomplishment and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
    Hell, going to the gym is a hell of an accomplishment! Just keep doing what you're doing, pay no mind to anyone trying to bring you down.
  • elaineamj
    elaineamj Posts: 347 Member
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    I have dropped about 11lbs and still don't see it. I know I have lost an inch or two - but it's barely noticeable. I don't even really notice much difference in my clothes. I have had 1-2 ppl comment, but realistically - it's just not particularly noticeable at this point. I think I dropped most of my weight on my wrist as my watch is feeling loose lol!

    Glad you had such a good session at the gym! you know what you're doing...and most importantly, you're changing your inside motivation and your attitude towards food. Soon enough, everyone will be able to see the difference on the outside too :)
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,701 Member
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    One thing I try to encourage my clients with is how they feel they are perceived by others and comments made by others. If people don't like the way they eat, they look, they dress, etc., it's their issue not yours. Let them deal with it.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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