I'm sick of hearing that 180lbs 'wouldn't look right' on me!!

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parfia
parfia Posts: 184 Member
edited February 2016 in Motivation and Support
Hello guys,

I basically just want someone to tell me that I'm right !! haha !!

I'm currently at around 240lbs and my goal weight is 180lbs. Every time I tell someone that I have another 4-5 stone to lose (56 - 70 lbs) I'm always told 'that's silly' or 'that wouldn't look right on your frame'. I am tall, but 180lbs is the TOP END of a healthy BMI for my height!! GRRRR!!!

Anyway, here's me - please someone tell me that I'm right so I can show this to all of the people in question!!! haha !!

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https://us.v-cdn.net/5021879/uploads/editor/j2/gv63gy2tlu58.jpg


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Replies

  • ShrinkingScientist
    ShrinkingScientist Posts: 68 Member
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    People think they're being supportive, they don't understand how annoying it is. You know what your goals are, that they're realistic. :)
  • yesimpson
    yesimpson Posts: 1,372 Member
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    You've got a lovely shape, but yes, with the greatest of respect, you could lose a couple more stone and not look emaciated. I think the people around us just get used to how we look and can't imagine us differently, not to mention that as the average person gets bigger and heavier our general sense of what's a healthy size gets a little bit warped.

    Just smile, nod, and continue doing what you intended to do anyway. You look great now and I'm sure you'll look great at 180lbs.
  • parfia
    parfia Posts: 184 Member
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    @yesimpson - Thank you. I love the 'with the greatest of respect' - I basically want the response of 'yes, you are fat enough to lose 4-5 stone'!!! haha

    Thank you for the advice, I've just heard it so many times and each time its 'its a healthy BMI' and then you get the whole BMI's are rubbish response and its a spiral from there really!!
  • samgamgee
    samgamgee Posts: 398 Member
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    You carry your weight well, but I don't think 180 would be too thin. Obviously BMI was developed for populations rather than individuals but it's still generally a fair guide and once you're near a healthy weight you can use your own good judgement about how you look and feel in yourself!
  • EvgeniZyntx
    EvgeniZyntx Posts: 24,208 Member
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    Then stop sharing your goals...
  • msf74
    msf74 Posts: 3,498 Member
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    You're right.

    Tell them to jog on.

    Besides, if you get to around 180 and start thinking "hmmm, I am a looking thinner than I would prefer" you can do something radical - stop or change your programme. Magic!
  • peachyfuzzle
    peachyfuzzle Posts: 1,122 Member
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    And after you hit your goal, they'll all be gushing over how fantastic you look.

    I don't know why people say these things. It's like they're either threatened by the possibility of your being healthy, especially if you're healthier than they are, or they think you're suffering, and are trying to save you from dying of anorexia.

    Your personal goals are your own. As long as you know you're healthy, do what you wish. Don't listen to other people's opinions on you considering you're the one who has to live with yourself.
  • RachaelWinston
    RachaelWinston Posts: 41 Member
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    I have had similar responses when discussing weight goals (only close friends I don't go about shouting about my weight). I have had the you'll be too skinny or maybe your body just isn't meant to be that weight. Some well-intentioned comments that came out a little sideways. But we know our bodies best and know we are doing the right thing so stay strong!
  • no_day_but_2day
    no_day_but_2day Posts: 222 Member
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    You're right. I'm at 177 now and I'm 6'0" tall. I started at 185 and I would like to get down to 160. I have wide hips so I'm not looking to be a supermodel or anything but I do want to slim down and look hot for my soon to be husband. Everyone will always say, you don't need to lose that much or you're fine the way you are so I just stop telling those people I'm trying to lose weight (my mothers the worse). Good Luck!!
  • ClosetBayesian
    ClosetBayesian Posts: 836 Member
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    EvgeniZyntx wrote: »
    Then stop sharing your goals...

    +1. People don't know how much you weigh if you don't tell them.
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,426 Member
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    I don't know what weight you will look and feel best at. Have you ever been close to your goal weight?
    I'd say you could definitely lose 30 lbs and look pretty healthy. I have trouble picturing 50-70 lbs off of you- not saying you would look bad or it is a bad goal just harder to picture that much difference in my head.
    Getting to a healthy bmi is not a silly goal. Most of us set a goal like that. If along the way you reach a point that you feel and look good it might be fine to maintain there instead of pushing on just to be a particular number on a chart though.
    I chose my goal weight as the middle of the healthy weight range for my height. I have weighed less than that and much more so I know where I felt my best was there. I still might choose to maintain at a different weight as I get closer.
    You don't need the approval of others. You don't have to discuss your weight loss either.
  • DJstardust
    DJstardust Posts: 7 Member
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    To the original post -- are the people telling you this overweight themselves? Are they people who have shown jealousy before? Some people don't want you to succeed at being healthy. Deep down, they like you exactly where you are in terms of confidence, or how it makes them feel ("well I'm not that heavy"). Or they think your life will change when you physically change and leave them in the dust. Unfortunately people can unconsciously sabotage. These can be people who genuinely love you and don't realize it.
    It doesn't matter what we say, you need to come to terms you need to lose the weight on your own -- you'll be more likely to succeed, and not let a *kitten* comment make you spiral ("well I didn't think I could do it anyway, it was the people on MFP who thought that")
    You can do it! Do it for yourself! And most importantly, you're gorgeous regardless :heart:
    Take lots of before pics, cause your after pics are gonna blow the nay-sayers out of the water :)
  • elisa123gal
    elisa123gal Posts: 4,287 Member
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    I'm tall too… and 180 is the top of the range…. i hear of some girls going down to 145 or 135 who are my height. I am 5' 9". I think I looked pretty skinny when I got down to 150… Realistically I look pretty good in the 160's. Of course ..it all depends person to person. But I think 180 for you is absolutely fine. You are RIGHT! lol When i think of how little I'd have to eat to be 140 or 135.. I'm perfectly happy weighing more and it is in the healthy range.
  • LEAS86
    LEAS86 Posts: 144 Member
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    I'm 5'10 and at my heaviest (apart from when pregnant) I was 178lbs.
    No one even realised I'd lost weight until I got to my goal of 158 - part of the curse of being tall, although we may carry the weight pretty well, there's actually no noticeable change for me until I hit around 160.
    I'm currently sitting around 164 but looking to drop back down to GW.
    A healthy BMI seems like a good goal to me. Yes there are arguments that that's too generic, that it's not a one size fits all policy etc etc but if it works for you as a reasonable and realistic goal then go for it!
    As for goal weight, again, it's personal. My shape is totally different to yours and yours will be totally different to the next person. You can change your goals at any time. If you decide you're happy at 190, great. If you want to push to drop an extra 10, well hey, that's great too. It's what makes YOU happy that matters!
  • blues4miles
    blues4miles Posts: 1,481 Member
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    I think BMI is just fine as an indicator of health for most people. Obviously people with a lot of muscle/athletes might be at the extremes.

    I don't tell people numbers and that helps. "Just a little weight to lose". I think people have a hard time gaging size, especially in our overweight culture. And they are used to seeing you how you are. It's hard to think of how many lbs need to come off. I don't tell people how much I weigh or my goal weight, except my personal trainer. I find if I say things like "I'm just trying to get healthy" or "I'm just trying to improve my fitness" people don't really care. Maybe someone will tell me what worked for them, low carb or whatever, but I just nod and say I'll look into it if what I'm doing stops working for me. People generally mean well I think, if they say you don't look like you could lose that much weight they are probably just trying to be nice about how you look now.
  • getsweaty123go
    getsweaty123go Posts: 53 Member
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    I agree, people are just being nice. Sometimes it's hard for people, (including me), to just listen and not feel you have to put a comment or opinion in there, so when you don't know what to say it might not always be the right thing! Main thing is: what is their intention? Is it to be supportive or to knowingly upset you or put you down? Most of the time it is not people's intention to say the wrong thing. Sometimes we are just a little too sensitive because we are maybe sharing a sensitive issue - that's when you need to pick and choose who you confide in if you are specifically wanting the right response :-)
  • azulvioleta6
    azulvioleta6 Posts: 4,195 Member
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    Clearly you need to continue losing weight and gaining muscle.

    Just ignore all of the opinions and stop when it feels right for you.

    It might be time to bring information train into the station. Nobody besides you really needs to know your specific goals.
  • caroldavison332
    caroldavison332 Posts: 864 Member
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    1. Stop caring what no subject matter experts think unless they tell you that you are dangerously over or under weight. 2. What if I insisted that you would only look right without a nose?
  • azulvioleta6
    azulvioleta6 Posts: 4,195 Member
    edited February 2016
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    ETA: We are about the same height, somewhat similar builds...and 190 is a weight that looks good on me, so I think that 180 sounds completely reasonable for you.
  • iRingo44
    iRingo44 Posts: 3 Member
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    Wow, I thought that was just me! My friends are always saying "you don't need to lose weight. You'd look weird skinny" it's so discouraging, even though I know they're trying to help.

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