I really need support!

I am sorry your cousin is such an *kitten*...

I know how hard it can be to change life styles, I am still trying (and failing ever now and then)
I would love to help out, but I am no genius.. Start small...
Here's a few tips that can help if you are not doing then already.
Try not to drink your calories, Sodas, sweet tea and even Juices have lots of calories in them. Try water and flavored water. or make a batch of your favorite flavor water by using fresh fruit in it.
Fish, egg, nuts and beans are great protein, these can replace meats and are cheaper too!
Log your foods here at MFP so you can see how much you consume, I was amazed at how quick I would reach my caloric intake

I am using a fitbit (Charge HR) to keep track of the calories I burn. they are not very expensive and it really gives you a good idea of how many calories you burn throughout the day. even if you don't exercise. MFP and Fitbit link up so you get a very nice overall idea of your daily burn/intake.

Feel free to email me (badcompany_78@yahoo.com) or find me on Facebook: Maaike Derksen

hope it helps! you're not alone! I am not obese, but I Have health issues that make it difficult to get certain exercises done.

Sorry to hear about your back! that really sucks! You'll probably be fine to just walk and get your steps in. go for a walk outside (weather permitting) with your son. (I dont know where you live but here in North Texas the weather is spring like) the fitbit is a great motivator for me, cause I can see how well I am doing and if I just need a few hundred steps more to get to my goal I will know about it and get it done just walking around my table if I have to! LOL! I had lung surgery in 2007. they removed the largest lobe on the left. so I dont have enough air to run long distance. I power walk in the gym for an hour and then I use the track to get to 10,000 steps before I leave. I am usually there then for 1.5 hrs. there are days that I suffer from Migraines or cluster headaches, and I wont be able to go then. there are ups and downs just dont let the downs make you quit.
I have two kids 5 and 8. I am blessed to be a stay at home mom, since my husband works. this gives me the time to get to our local rec center and work out. (I have only been doing this for about 2 months now) I hated the gym! I was really just getting lazy sitting around keeping track of facebook all day when I first started I could barely do 30 minutes on the threadmill! Small steps work wonders. message me anytime if you want advice or if you just want to talk or yell or whatever! there is always someone who understands even if they havent been through quite the same walk of life hand in there I Know you can do it!!

mreeves261 wrote: »

I'm probably going to get some heat for this but I'm ok with that. You should know this is coming from the mouth of someone needing to lose 35 just to get out of the obese category according to BMI. I'm 5'4" and have weight anywhere from 278 to 156. I wasn't healthy at either stage.

Your cousin IS insensitive but not entirely wrong. I make the choice of what food goes in my mouth and what amount of it I eat. I don't know if obesity is a disease, epidemic, emotional disorder, mental disorder or what. What I do know is there is some acknowledgement of control if you've come to this place. We are responsible for what we eat, and yes it's hard to make the right decisions all the time, hell, even some of the time. That is why we learn, we learn the things that trigger us to binge eat, eat sugar, drink soda, etc. We learn new ways to deal with these triggers so we are better equipped to make smart choices. So in a way he/she is right, obesity is a choice. It's the choice we make to continue down a path. Or to change that path and do something new, as you have done, I have done.

As far as fresh foods go they aren't as expensive as you think. For what you are spending on a box of, for example, Kraft Mac N Cheese you could but at least 2 servings of fresh fruit. Look for your local farmers markets, not Whole Foods Stores, they are absurdly expensive. Do be afraid to buy marked down vegetables, just make sure you cook them that day. When I stopped buying boxed and started buying fresh I actually found I was spending less on food. I still have a box or 2 in the cupboard but they are emergency use only and I will likely throw them out after they expire.

I wish you success in your weight loss. If you are up for an open and honest friend you are welcome to friend me.

Yep you are going to get flack from this. I will be the first person.

After the fat shaming from her own flesh and blood I would say this could have waited for another day.

OP, the fat shaming from your cousin was pointless. He no doubt wanted to put you down for the sake of his own ego. And screw that.

This is where you need to decide if what he or others say really is going to determine who you are, and I hope you choose not to. The above poster could have presented some more compassionate words during a day that really just all out sucks.

When you are ready to take a weight loss plunge, you will. It takes you getting your mind right first, then making a physical commitment by starting a plan and always ask for help.

We here at the MFP community have been here for years, and there is some really knowledgeable folks here and we always do our best to help!

I hope that your day gets better and feel free to post anytime you need to!!!!

mreeves261 wrote: »

Your cousin IS insensitive but not entirely wrong. I make the choice of what food goes in my mouth and what amount of it I eat. I don't know if obesity is a disease, epidemic, emotional disorder, mental disorder or what. What I do know is there is some acknowledgement of control if you've come to this place. We are responsible for what we eat, and yes it's hard to make the right decisions all the time, hell, even some of the time. That is why we learn, we learn the things that trigger us to binge eat, eat sugar, drink soda, etc. We learn new ways to deal with these triggers so we are better equipped to make smart choices. So in a way he/she is right, obesity is a choice. It's the choice we make to continue down a path. Or to change that path and do something new, as you have done, I have done.

As far as fresh foods go they aren't as expensive as you think. For what you are spending on a box of, for example, Kraft Mac N Cheese you could but at least 2 servings of fresh fruit. Look for your local farmers markets, not Whole Foods Stores, they are absurdly expensive. Do be afraid to buy marked down vegetables, just make sure you cook them that day. When I stopped buying boxed and started buying fresh I actually found I was spending less on food. I still have a box or 2 in the cupboard but they are emergency use only and I will likely throw them out after they expire.

I wish you success in your weight loss. If you are up for an open and honest friend you are welcome to friend me.

Assuming that you live in the USA, it takes a PHD Nutritionist to figure out all the BAD ingredients that are in the every day diet. even if you try to eat healthy. there are TONS of toxins, pesticides, fertilizers, fake super foods and other hidden crap in stuff that is considered healthy. so no it is never the fault of the person eating it. By now most 25 something olds have a general knowledge of what should be avoided and what should be eaten in moderation. All this hidden junk causes problem in the body, like Chronic Inflammation, Thyroid problems and Cancer...
it is not always the obvious fats, sugar and sodium we need to look out for. The notion that
if you cant pronounce it you shouldn't eat it is getting more and more difficult every day. because we all have our favorite 'non-clean' foods and yeah that includes me

Also the cousin could instead have helped her out by offering her to work out together or to make healthy meals together.. or just to give the support she needs at this time instead of making the issue worse.

Hi there,

I'm also really sorry for the completely insensitive comments your cousin made. If you two have always been quite close, and if you're comfortable enough to bring it up with him - and if you think he might be positively responsive and not ignorant - it might be a good idea to have a non-accusatory discussion with him to let him know that his general comments about being overweight were taken straight to your heart and you found them hurtful because of your struggles you have had with weight and your health hurdles you've had to overcome and continue to try to overcome. Just a suggestion. It might be nice to just close the door on that comment and hopefully mend the bridge with your cousin.

It's not easy changing your diet and lifestyle, but here are my best quick tips from personal experience:

* PORTION SIZE / CONTROL IS EVERYTHING AND THE HARDEST THING. Really try to eat proper portions of each food you eat - it doesn't seem like enough while you're in the process of eating, but if you wait a few minutes and have a glass of water, really consider if it's worth going back for more just because it's so delicious, or are you full enough and can save the rest for leftovers tomorrow?

* ALWAYS, ALWAYS PACK YOUR OWN LUNCH, and avoid vending machines or convenience store snack purchases. This is my number one way to save money each month, and to make sure my portion control and nutrients are on point.

* TRY TO COOK A BIG STIRFRY ONE NIGHT, AND THEN PORTION IT OUT INTO A FEW DAYS' WORTH OF MEALS, IN SEPARATE CONTAINERS FOR EACH DAY. This is brilliant and inexpensive. I cook for two at home, and sautéing up a big pan of chicken (or whatever meat/non-meat you like) plus whatever vegetables are around - fresh or frozen - with a little bit of seasoning (I use a limited amount of stirfry sauce)... Plus cooking up a pot of quinoa or brown rice (I hate brown rice but stirfry on top masks it nicely) or even white rice... And then portioning a PROPER SERVING SIZE of each into as many different containers as you can fill... It's a great way to prevent overeating (pre-portioned meals) + eat healthy, vitamin/protein-packed foods + have pre-made lunches! The best of all worlds. Frozen veggies can be bought fairly cheap, and any meat would suffice. And you don't necessarily need to make a stirfry; any meat/veggie/limited sauce and starchy-carbs combo can be done cost-effectively.

* Try as best you can to plan meals out in advance, so you can make up your grocery list accordingly. Then STICK TO YOUR GROCERY LIST. Try not to pick up extra sweets or snacks while you're perusing the aisles at the grocery store. Cheap, healthy grocery staple items for me include:
* Eggs
* Peanut butter (ideally all-natural /sugar-free)
* Chicken thighs / frozen meats
* Frozen veggies of every sort
* Inexpensive white fish (sole, tilapia) - prepared by baking with a touch of seasoning and nothing more)
* Carrots / celery - try dipping in a couple tablespoons of peanut butter or hummus for flavour and extra protein!
* Chickpeas (maybe get crazy and try making a simple, inexpensive Indian chickpea curry - so delicious, low-fat and high in protein!), plus other non-sweetened beans. I add black beans to almost everything. I can't get enough.
* Brown rice or quinoa
* Sweet potatoes
* Bananas

In my experience, I have to be careful with yogurt, nuts and seeds, and anything granola bar-y. I love them, and portion control on those items in particular is hard!

That's all for now. Just wanted to send my two cents and let you know you're certainly not alone in the struggle, and your cousin was very insensitive in his comments, but I'm hopeful you two can patch things up.

Best of luck to you on all fronts! The first step is knowing you want to make a change, and you're already there. You've got this!