Sometimes I feel like there is no point.

abrazame
abrazame Posts: 61 Member
edited November 29 in Motivation and Support
This post is pretty vain, so if vanity is something that bothers you then don't read it.

I am a female with the dreaded apple shape/inverted triangle. I know that there is no way to change my shape and apples in my opinion tend to be the lesser attractive of shapes no matter how much they weigh, or how toned they are. Sometimes they have a spongebob look to them. The last time I lost weight I noticed instead of having a rotund shape, I was taking on more of a boxy shape. I began to feel discouraged and eventually stopped trying. I genuinely looked bad either way and I was about 10 pounds from my goal.

I want to lose weight for my mental health. I generally feel fine physically but I feel good when I look good. I don't think there is necessarily anything wrong with that. Actually, I think that is normal, vain as it may be.

I want to hear from other women who have ''undesirable'' bodies. Did you ever feel discouraged by your body type?

I would especially like to hear from women who have hit their goals.



Please. Nothing about Angelina jolie and her supposed Apple shape.

Replies

  • chandanista
    chandanista Posts: 986 Member
    Lol I am a Pear and had heard all my life that Pear was the most dreaded, that Apple was more desired. Apples get to wear shorty shorts on their quickly slimming legs and don't lose chest measurements as fast as Pears. My MIL is Apple and looks good when she takes care of herself (farm woman).

    If you are looking to change your mental health that has to come from the inside, not your shape. Love yourself, your personality, your face, and eventually your shape and the rest will come.
  • majigurl
    majigurl Posts: 660 Member
    you said "look bad"

    What image do you have that is "good".

    Often body image issues has nothing to do with our shapes, but everything to do with mental health. ( exactly what you said)

    Working out and getting healthy isn't only about what the body looks like, but how it feels and how you feel physically ( more energy etc)

    I think you need some time to reevaluate why you are doing this. Maybe talk to someone about your body image issues.

    I'm sorry to hear you are struggling. I've seen all shapes and sizes suffer from not liking their shape.
  • coreyreichle
    coreyreichle Posts: 1,031 Member
    Stop worrying about your appearance, and focus on your health. Apple, pear, whatever, guys generally don't care as long as you're not carrying an extra 15% of body fat.
  • oocdc2
    oocdc2 Posts: 1,361 Member
    Sorry if this sounds too oversimplistic, but the only way I could accept my body (which looks like a deflated balloon sitting on two popsicle sticks, to be honest) is to accept it. I'm never going to look haut in a dress (hell, I may never find a dress that looks good on me), but I can rejoice in what weight loss *has* brought me: size 8 jeans, more energy, a feeling of accomplishment that I did something good for myself.

    I'm going to second the suggestions to hash out your body perceptions with a professional neutral third-party. Even if you pay for plastic surgery and fix the box shape, it wouldn't address the bigger picture challenge of accepting and loving you for who you are; talking it out is much cheaper, too. Good luck!
  • ktekc
    ktekc Posts: 879 Member
    Stop worrying about your appearance, and focus on your health. Apple, pear, whatever, guys generally don't care as long as you're not carrying an extra 15% of body fat.

    You are right she should focus on her health. But however worrying about if guys care about it shouldn't matter. If i based my mental happiness with myself on if guys would approve i'd never leave the house.
  • oocdc2
    oocdc2 Posts: 1,361 Member
    ktekc wrote: »
    Stop worrying about your appearance, and focus on your health. Apple, pear, whatever, guys generally don't care as long as you're not carrying an extra 15% of body fat.

    You are right she should focus on her health. But however worrying about if guys care about it shouldn't matter. If i based my mental happiness with myself on if guys would approve i'd never leave the house.

    ^^ True story!
  • Scamd83
    Scamd83 Posts: 808 Member
    Too many photos of 'ideal body shapes' out there that are completely unrealistic and make people end up feeling like this.
  • RoxieDawn
    RoxieDawn Posts: 15,488 Member
    I loathed my lower half for many many years. Now I just don't care, and I have to like or love what I have been given because I can't just take pieces and parts of other bodies and put them on mine.

    I do have the power to construct or transform my body if I choose to, but moreover the way I feel now is way more important and exercise comes with the gift of better health and a plus, I look better.
  • DezKnight
    DezKnight Posts: 3 Member
    First, ask people you trust what they think are your most beautiful features are and go from there.

    Second, Clean out your closet. You can min/max your body shape with the way you dress. I know it sounds lame, but seriously, if you like what you wear, and it makes you happy, you will like what you see more.

    Third, (and most important) You are your own worst critic and chances are good, the things we say to ourselves, we would NEVER dream of saying out loud to another person, for some reason, we have no problem being mean to ourselves. Seriously. I have told the woman in the mirror many many times that she has the fattest *kitten* on the planet. I would sew my mouth shut before I would ever say that to another living being.

    And that needs to stop.

    Be as nice to yourself, as you would be to a stranger.
  • @abrazame ...Don't give up! Whatever you think you look like, someone will think it is different. Attractiveness is subjective and if you work on mental health and wellness you will naturally lose more weight as your body becomes happier. Every time you show up and login to this site, you are doing a little more to work towards your goal. Nothing is easy and maintaining or lowering body weight or fat content takes a lot of time to do right.
    I myself suffer with anxiety and other mental health symptoms and for people like us (assumingly), we have to work a lot harder than most people to achieve the same goal. Keep motivated, you can do it. Everything is achievable, but again, there is no easy way... Keep it up, good luck
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,423 Member
    Apple shape here. I'm not at my goal yet... still about 10 lbs overweight for my height. I don't feel I look that bad. I'm more concerned about the health risks of my body shape.
    When I am at a healthy weight I don't feel that my body is somehow freakish or unattractive... maybe it would have bothered me more 20-30 years ago. I worked hard at one point to find things to like about myself. I figured that out and got over being so negative.
    I don't know what to tell you. I'm just happy to be healthier and not to look pregnant that I don't care how I look compared to other body shapes. I always have nice legs and arms.

    I suppose it depends on your goals and your mental space how you will feel about your body. If you are negative or are comparing yourself to others a lot you are probably going to be more dissatisfied and want to give up than if you are looking at all the positives or focusing less on appearances.
  • scolaris
    scolaris Posts: 2,145 Member
    There's so much to unpack here it's hard to know where to begin...
    First of all, how is it ever 'not worth it' to reduce the strain on ones heart & joints, avoid blood sugar imbalance or hypertension, move more freely, and be more fit overall?
    Secondly, just because you personally don't 'love' your natural body type doesn't mean someone else won't. Focus on what you love in others. Your passion & authenticity will attract people to you.
    Thirdly, it sounds like you have some real body dysmorphia driving this, and I suspect it's from too much time spent in the 'Victoria's-Secret-sports-Illustrated-Kardashian-Komplex' world. Familiarize yourself with a better group of notable women. Start looking at Olympic athletes, serious stage actresses, professional dancers & musicians. You'll encounter lots of different 'types ' of bodies, each at their own personal physical peak. That fake little world people like the kardashian girls are selling is a stupid and reductive place anyway. You are so much better than that.
    Finally, on the most superficial level of all, we don't all walk around naked all the time... Clothing choices can be made that maximize favorite features, minimize others, and create the illusion of a classic 'hourglass' shape on any reasonably fit body. Immerse yourself in that very real fashion discipline if you are so inclined. It can be very empowering.
    Best wishes! xo
  • ald783
    ald783 Posts: 688 Member
    The fact of the matter is that not one of of us here is going to end up looking like a Victoria's Secret model at any weight. That doesn't mean there aren't still plenty of benefits of losing weight, but physically/vanity-related and health, fitness, etc. I understand being motivated by how you look, but you have to get to a point in life where you spend energy on the things you can change and stop stressing over the things you can't. You will literally never be able to change your underlying build and certain things about your body. It sucks but it's what it is, and I'm sure everyone here has something they wish was different. The key is to just give up the dream of changing things you can't change.

    Focus on positives. Every body shape has some advantages.. apple shapes tend to have smaller arms and legs, for example. I'm not saying that's all it's about, but if you're stressed out over how you look, at least take some time to appreciate the good things. But beyond that, just keep your expectations realistic. Losing weight is good for every part of your life.. physical, mental, emotional. Hardly anyone loves the way they look 100% of the time but that's not the only way to feel good about yourself. Find some things your body can do that you appreciate.. whether it's strong legs or good endurance or great upper body strength. Focus on the positives and work on making changes to things within your control, but give up on things that are not. Life is too short!
  • MikaMojito
    MikaMojito Posts: 680 Member
    You know, that hourglass shape really isn't all it's cracked up to be either. Even when I'm overweight, I have a visible waistline but due to their size, my boobs started to go south when I was still in my teens. And even when I'm in "normal" size range, getting things to fit over my hips is no walk in the park. Neither my excess weight weight nor my saggy boobs nor my considerable hip/*kitten* region has ever stopped people from loving me both inside and out.

    Some days I manage to love myself, sometimes I struggle. But that's the same for people of absolutely every size, shape, colour.
  • CasperNaegle
    CasperNaegle Posts: 936 Member
    First we all struggle and have days we think, *kitten* all this work and I still have this or that to try and work through. Don't base yourself on what you think others are thinking. If you get fit, healthy, athletic you will feel better in the long run. Don't give up, it's worth the journey!
  • elaineamj
    elaineamj Posts: 347 Member
    I am the classic hourglass - that's good, right? However, it's on a short, stumpy body and I'm curvy to the extent that even at an ideal weight, it's easy to still look like I have a few pounds extra. It sucks - but nobody ever said life was going to be fair. Thankfully, I have a long and lean DD - I can admire her body whenever I need :) When she was little, I used to joke that she was my dress-up doll....I could put on the most awesome outfits on her, stuff I could never in a million years wear myself.

    My journey to get fit is so I can be active and healthy (and to look better in clothes LOL!) And like a PP said - t's best to just get on with it and focus on all the awesome things a thinner, healthier body can do. I love doing so many active things and I hate how my extra pounds have been holding me back.

    On the plus side, since I stopped worrying so much about how dumb I look - I have sooo many more fun things I love to do. A few years back, my DH finally coaxed me to learn tennis. Uncoordinated me took about a year to learn how to serve the darn ball and I looked completely stupid throughout the learning process. But I learned and although I'm still not particularly good, I have a lot of fun on the courts.
  • Nikion901
    Nikion901 Posts: 2,467 Member
    abrazame wrote: »
    This post is pretty vain, so if vanity is something that bothers you then don't read it.

    I am a female with the dreaded apple shape/inverted triangle. I know that there is no way to change my shape and apples in my opinion tend to be the lesser attractive of shapes no matter how much they weigh, or how toned they are. Sometimes they have a spongebob look to them. The last time I lost weight I noticed instead of having a rotund shape, I was taking on more of a boxy shape. I began to feel discouraged and eventually stopped trying. I genuinely looked bad either way and I was about 10 pounds from my goal.

    I want to lose weight for my mental health. I generally feel fine physically but I feel good when I look good. I don't think there is necessarily anything wrong with that. Actually, I think that is normal, vain as it may be.

    I want to hear from other women who have ''undesirable'' bodies. Did you ever feel discouraged by your body type?

    I would especially like to hear from women who have hit their goals.



    Please. Nothing about Angelina jolie and her supposed Apple shape.

    I had to quote your post to get it in front of me so I could answer specifically the question you asked.

    Yes, I have an 'undesirable' body ... it is fat all over with a big belly and a huge butt to compensate that belly. My arms and legs used to be thin but the upper arms and thighs are pretty big now as well. Would I consider it an apple? maybe.

    I'm not kidding myself that when I finally get back to a healthy weight that my body will become 'desirable' in that fashion sense. I'm just looking for a healthy feel to it.

    No,, I haven't hit my goal yet ... it's a big one, but I am about 1/3 of the way there.
    Good luck on yours.

  • stealthq
    stealthq Posts: 4,298 Member
    "I genuinely looked bad either way and I was about 10 pounds from my goal."

    So you thought you looked bad heavier, and you thought you looked bad thinner. I don't think that's particularly unusual. Pick the thinner one for health if nothing else. Start working on your image of yourself. Experiment with different styles of clothing - maybe you're stuck in a rut and need a change to appreciate the thinner you. Also work on not focusing on your physical appearance so much - like others have said, you're undoubtedly your own worst critic.
  • Lizzy622
    Lizzy622 Posts: 3,705 Member
    I just learned that the extra weight does not feel good. I have less energy because so much is taken up to haul around the extra pounds. I can't change my body type and can only minimally change my shape so I focus in on being healthy.
    Live life to its fullest by being the best you you can be.
  • I'm not a female, but as a Marine and bodybuilder I have hit many, many goals over the years in terms of my body, weight, or fitness goals. I completed an Ironman and a marathon after nearly losing my right leg and gaining 80 pounds during my recovery. Bottom line, YOU have to want it. If you're wondering what the point is, you've already given up. Buckle down and get your diet right. If that means throwing out all your *kitten* foods and pouring out soda or whatever then do it (step one - like a junk food alcoholic!). Buy a bunch of Tupperware and take a day to get all your meals ready for the week and organize your fridge. Measure your foods, use MFP to keep yourself honest. If you cheat, log it so you can visually see it (yeah, shame yourself a little bit, it builds character and strength just don't allow somebody else to do it to you no matter how hard they try). It may be hard at first but once you settle in to a routine it becomes second nature. One of the only cliché's in fitness I believe in is that it's a lifestyle, make your diet your lifestyle and the rest will fall into place. Don't follow fad diets - use your brain. I literally just read an article saying not to eat fruits or you'll get fat. Have you ever seen a guy get fat from eating too many apples???

    I'm blunt because sometimes if you're desperate or have lost hope you shut down, you give up, and regress. It sounds like you're at that point, if not past it. Sometimes you need someone to give you a nudge you when you can't push yourself. *kitten* motivational speeches and all the 'you can do it' pep talks. Where's that gotten you? You're quitting! Change your attitude, get rid of that 'there's no point' *kitten* and attack your workout like it's a battle and punish yourself. Leave the gym with nothing left but a smile on your face from killing it. Dig deep and find that discipline to stick to your diet plan. Don't worry if the girl next to you is doing better, don't worry what people think. Use it as motivation and some day soon somebody will be looking at you for it, I promise. When you don't think you can do one more push up, one more mile, or one more minute dig deep and do two.
  • MakePeasNotWar
    MakePeasNotWar Posts: 1,329 Member
    First off, I agree with all the posters urging you to find a way to accept yourself as you are now. Hating your body is a crappy way to live, as you've probably noticed.

    At the same time, know that while you can't magically become a curvy hourglass, you can influence your shape to some degree by training specific muscle groups for growth. Bigger glutes and vastus lateralis muscles (outer thigh) could balance a larger upper body and create some shape. I recommend anything from Bret Contreras to get ideas for lower body hypertrophy. I particularly like this free plan from T-nation, though you may want to modify it if you don't want broader shoulders and upper back.


    https://www.t-nation.com/training/sexy-female-training

    It would take some work, but it can be done. It may or may not be worth the trouble; only you can make that call. Sometimes I find that knowing realistically what it will take to achieve a goal is all I need to realize it's not actually as important to me as I thought it was. Sure I'd like to lose 10 vanity lbs, but since I'm not really willing to do the work to reach or maintain it, I don't give it much thought. If I thought I was powerless to change it, I might spend a lot more energy being resentful or hopeless and fantasizing about how much better life would be if only I could wear size x.
  • dubird
    dubird Posts: 1,849 Member
    I'm a pear on toothpicks wearing skis myself. I don't have the ideal body shape and I never will. What I've had to learn to do is accept how I am and learn to work with it. Losing weight helped, even if I still don't have the ideal body type because it helps accept who I am when I look in the mirror. Don't compare yourself to models or anyone else; compare yourself to yourself. I don't look in the mirror and see a failure to look like a famous person. I look in the mirror and see how I look now vs. three years ago and that makes me feel good.

    Focus on losing weight and getting yourself healthier. Add weights so you can tone up, and focus on what you look like now vs. when you started. Take monthly pictures if it helps. Don't worry about what everyone else is doing; this is for you, not anyone else.
  • hopeandtheabsurd
    hopeandtheabsurd Posts: 265 Member
    I am an apple shape and I agree that it doesn't wear its weight as well as some of the other shapes. I once was told I looked like a blueberry (when wearing a blue sweatshirt). :D

    I will never have a tiny waist and certain styles will just never work for me. BUT...there are still more options when at a healthy weight vs. overweight. I am thinking you did NOT look *genuinely* bad when 10 pounds from your ideal weight--you weren't dressing to accentuate the positives of your less full-apple shape. Go to some higher end stores where they actually have people to help, and find out what kind of styles work best for you as you are losing weight (then you will know what to look for no matter where you go). I had to change the stores I shopped in when I lost weight, because things stopped working for me, and it wasn't a matter of size, they just no longer fit right even at the "right" size. It may take more work than it should, but finding a place with flattering clothes whatever your size/shape is worth it!
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,865 Member
    edited February 2016
    I've never noticed what fruit shape any woman I've ever been with is...all seem pretty silly to me. I'm chalking this up to yet another weird thing a lot of women tend to torture themselves with...
  • holdenmonty
    holdenmonty Posts: 17 Member
    It doesn't matter what fruit shape you mostly resemble. It is about what you want for yourself. I have always been called a toothpick growing up and I have wanted to get more muscular but with some mental health stuff that I have been going through that isn't related to my weight or body image I have learned that I need to accept myself for who I am and if I want to get more muscular then I need to do it because I want it for myself. So my focus has changed from trying to get more muscular which hasn't really been working to just getting more fit and healthy.
  • dubird
    dubird Posts: 1,849 Member
    cwolfman13 wrote: »
    I've never noticed what fruit shape any woman I've ever been with is...all seem pretty silly to me. I'm chalking this up to yet another weird thing a lot of women tend to torture themselves with...

    Hourglass shape = Larger chest/breasts and hips, small waist.
    Pear shape = Smaller chest/breasts, larger hips, waist that isn't much more narrow than the hips.
    Apple shape = Larger hips and waist, chest/breast isn't much smaller than the the hips and waist.
    Box shape = Hips and chest area are the same size, waist is very close to the same size.

    Aside from using those terms to define what types of body men like, it's also used when determining what kind of styles look best on a particular body type. Can make it easier to shop for clothing that fits properly.
  • Abby2205
    Abby2205 Posts: 253 Member
    I second the "dress for your shape" advice. The women from the British What Not To Wear series, Susannah Constantine and Trinny Woodall churned out several books in the 2000's. Look for them in the library. This one:
    http://www.amazon.ca/gp/aw/d/0297844547/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1455913973&sr=8-1&pi=SY200_QL40&keywords=the+body+shape+bible
    has 13 body types and celebrity examples of each, wearing clothes that are right and wrong for them. So not just an "Apple" type but two or three other types where waist is the same or larger than bust and hips.
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