I Hate Myself Right Now...

Dear ... you are beautiful. . but your boyfriend wants you to live longer and healthier. .. that's why I decided to take back my life from the slow death I was heading towards.

I can feel your pain and I understand exactly what you are going through. I think for me....I get so tired of people and the world telling me what I should look like and weigh. Why can't someone just love me as I am? I finally had to come to the point where I am doing this for me and not anyone else. Is it easy? NO!!! I still struggle each and every day. Perhaps...if you start simple. For example....for me...I'm not tracking calories as much as I am focusing on "clean eating". 80/20. 80 percent clean eating and 20 percent processed foods. Gradually working that down even lower. Maybe then it won't feel like such a struggle for you and so much like a diet. I wish you all the best and Yes....you ARE a very beautiful woman...no matter what size you are. God bless.

You can do it !!!! Just hit the gym

SoCalMirna wrote: »

I have a weight problem. I have an eating addiction. I have a mental block. I don't like myself right now. I need help, I want to lose weight, I want to be healthy, I hate being fat. I just finished watching The Biggest Loser finale while eating sushi and tempura. My boyfriend has been trying for 15 years to help me lose weight and I am always sabotaging his efforts. I'm still the same weight I've been for the last 3 years! 169 pounds. I've dropped to 150 and then went right back up to 170, after telling myself I wouldn't. It's a vicious yo-yo. Just tonight, when he was showing me how to use the Health app, and I was half paying attention, he flipped my phone in disgust because i wasn't paying attention. Something ugly inside me clicked, I grabbed the phone and threw it at him. And then a few dog toys scattered on the ground. I wanted to hurt him, because someone I had deeply buried, that person that is convinced that I don't need to lose weight because I'm beautiful inside, that misguided person that keeps telling me I can start again tomorrow, that lazy person who is afraid of the hurt that comes with exercise. That person woke up and reared her ugly head, and I hate myself for letting her come out. Where are you? You, that person that wakes up willingly at 5:30am to run and sweat? That person that goes to Target and sees the overweight problem in this country and says "I won't be that person". Where are you, I need you!! Please, I hope you see this, I'm going to sleep now. My alarm is set to 5:30, I hope to see you when I wake up.

I have "That Person," too. She always tries to make things harder and more complicated than they need to be. I've discovered you can't get bury "That Person." She always comes back. But you can make a deal with her. Tell That Person that she can eat what she wants, but YOU decide how MUCH she gets to eat of that pizza or cake. Tell that Lazy Person She has to exercise, but only for 15 minutes (She almost always lets you keep going once you get started!) That Person who says "I won't be this person?" Ask her who She WILL be, and start being her.

The only way I could lose weight was to love myself. The only way I could love myself is to say repeatedly over, and over, and over in my head the mantra "I love myself" then I changed my mantra to "I love myself, and I love my body" mixed in with "I love myself, and my body loves me." The desire to lose weight was replaced by the desire to take care of myself. This mantra changed all of my relationships, and my perception on life.
Loving oneself and compassion for ones body is an amazing gift. I had to lie in the beginning when I chanted this mantra while doing other mindless task. Then it became the truth, and I decided to try it with my body, and it became the truth. It healed my past of being brutally bullied in school for obesity, and other issues. It healed my relationship with others because I was less attached to them as being a source of love, and became my own source of love. People responded unconsciously to the energy I put out (probably facial expression I didn't know I was making changed), and treated me so much better.
I did this and then lost 50 lbs easily with enthusiasm and joy. It's worth a try while driving, or cleaning, or walking, or even shopping. I felt stupid at first, but I now know the genius of what I did.
It gets better, and I hope it works out for your greatest good.

You can do this! I can relate to all of what you said. The thing that I have learned over the last 2 months on here is that YOU have to want to do it for YOURSELF. Others can help you, guide you, and keep you motivated, but you have to be selfish and want to accomplish this for yourself. You have to want to do it for you today, tomorrow, and for the improved quality of life that you will have 20, 30, 40 years from now.

With me I've learned the unhappiness with myself on the inside caused the weight gain on the outside. I had excuse after excuse not to start or not to stick with something. I would blame this situation or that person for my problems. Now that I kind of understand that, and accept that, I am responsible for my health and whether or not I lose weight it seems like it has become easier to stick with it.

This is so heart-wrenching

It's been my experience that unless you want it bad enough, it's always going to be an issue. You can overcome any addiction if you put your mind to it. That may sound like I think it's easy to do, and having smoked for 22 years before I quit 5+ years ago I can tell you that it's not simply an "easy" thing to do. But when you want it bad enough, you can do it. You're the only person that can make the choice.

If, however, you're being pressured into losing weight and found yourself here because of that direct pressure, it may not work in the end unless you decide it's something that you personally want. You'll only resent the people pressuring you because dieting isn't something you just do for a while and be done with it. It takes a new lifestyle and a new way of thinking, eating, and exercising that you're not accustomed to. It is going to take a lot of time, may even be painful and uncomfortable, and in the end will make you a different person than you are today.

So if you're still here after reading these, and want to keep with it, I suggest starting by logging, setting your goals lightly, and exercising. Increase the exercising and dieting/calorie goals as you go and as you feel more comfortable with them. If something doesn't work, change it. Remember, this is a journey, and a long one at that.

I started in January of 2015. Gave up several times that month, and finally began to log and exercise daily on Feb. 14th, 2015. Today I am down 104 lbs, have gained weight over a period of weeks and lost weight fast as well. I even managed to injure myself by over training twice this last year (as in injured my back). But I didn't let any of that stop me. I figure my own personal journey won't be complete until year 2 is over (body re-composition mostly now) but even after that I'll have to learn to eat at maintenance calories, and how to maintain my current level of fitness and weight. It'll be rough, and I don't expect it to be without failure. But I am committed. I am also still addicted to chocolate, ice cream, etc. I simply found ways to moderate those foods and eat healthier versions. Some days I even exercise harder just so I can have them without derailing my weight loss. Whatever works is what it takes. But I could not have done any of it unless I personally wanted to change.

I can help you fix this.
Message me if you'd like.
I get it, I've been there, and I'm there again.
You just need one person to respect and be accountable to.