coaches' wife tells me off/what would you have done?

mom23nuts
mom23nuts Posts: 636 Member
edited September 28 in Chit-Chat
long story short here folks I have to unload before I EX-plode....my son's farm team baseball coaches wife told me off.

We missed the Saturday game before Father's day because her husband told us the game would be on Sunday and he would email us about it. We never got an email and he told everyone the wrong day.

She told me my kid is wonderful and basially unscathed by my bad attitude and my lack of interest in his activities.

I told her that basically I cannot afford to give any more $ to sports when I have 2 kids in baseball and $90 to pay to play each and then at the end of the year we decided to skip trophies and the coach's gift and pizza party for both kids and I explained this but the wife and took it upon herself to get my kid a trophy and is now hounding me for a $20 check.

I told her the rest was gravy we can't afford and had to skip and then she went off on me that she put in her own money and maybe I shouldn't have my kids in a myriad of activities if I can't even be there at the games and practices for them.

I told her I have 3 kids all with different needs and activities and sometimes their schedules clashed and I couldn't be there for everything and with 1 income and a husband that works from 5:30 am to 6 pm that is the boat we are in. she rubbed it in my face that her family made sacrifices too and that her husband had to quit a second job, and they both had to take time out of their busy full time jobs for the good of the team.

OK so 2 incomes and 1 kid vs 1 income 3 kids and I just blew up and told her to take that trophy she assumed we'd pay for (nice to assume huh)and shove it up her *** and choke on it.

She wrote me back and told me to lose her email and stop having babies.

I am so pissed and emotional now I could cry.

I told her I should share her profesionalism with the rest of the team families so they could see her true colors...but I'd probably get sued so I wont but MAN she pissed me off.

What would you have done?
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Replies

  • kykykenna
    kykykenna Posts: 656 Member
    If it is a town team, or a Rec dept...SOMEONE is above her....they have to have a director or head of sports. Take it to them.
  • TakuraHunt
    TakuraHunt Posts: 208
    You handled that a lot better than I would have ever dreamed of handling it. I am quite sure if it had been me I would have gotten arrested, after introducing my fist to her face...
  • DarkAngel864
    DarkAngel864 Posts: 229 Member
    She wrote me back and told me to lose her email and stop having babies.

    Yeah, lose her email...and send it right on to me! What a f*****g JERK! Don't listen to that negativity. YOU know you're a good mom and that is all that matters. Don't let petty, probably jealous people get you down! :flowerforyou:
  • Kym1610
    Kym1610 Posts: 328 Member
    Wow, your were polite compared to what I would've said/done!!

    Good for you for standing up for yourself and your kids
  • skfj5
    skfj5 Posts: 70
    If it is a town team, or a Rec dept...SOMEONE is above her....they have to have a director or head of sports. Take it to them.


    Totally agree!!!!
  • crystal_loga
    crystal_loga Posts: 106 Member
    My husband coached a T-Ball team this year, and I was the team mom. How dare she talk to you like that??? I would IMMEDIATELY report her actions to the League!!! She should no longer be allowed to be involved with a team. She should not be harassing anyone!
  • McKayMachina
    McKayMachina Posts: 2,670 Member
    Based on what you just said, without her side of it, I would say she sounds like a nosy busybody and you have right to be upset.

    That said, I would consider it an opportunity to examine yourself. Just as a cognitive exercise, try to see yourself through her eyes. Even if you think she's wrong, you might gain some insight that will ultimately benefit you and your family. Maybe just take some time to ask yourself if there is ANY truth behind ANYTHING she said. I'm not implying there is, but it might be beneficial for you to explore those thoughts.

    At the end of the day, if you're living as genuinely as you can, then you have to just live and let live. If it's someone's prerogative to judge you and put you in a position where you feel attacked and upset, then it's best to steer clear of that person.

    Hope your week gets better. :flowerforyou:
  • tlems
    tlems Posts: 104 Member
    I agree, take it to the person abover her. You handled it better than I would have, that is for sure. You have all of this in writing? I'd BCC everyone on the team next time she emailed me, making sure EVERYONE could see the whole chain of nasty emails. F*&^ her. You are a good mom doing the best you can do. Screw that judgemnetal skank.
  • FaithandFitness
    FaithandFitness Posts: 653 Member
    i am in shock that someone would talk to you that way. I feel for your situation . . . four kids, but only the first two are old enough for activitites and I am already a chicken with her head cut off and a little drained in the bank acct. For her to tell you to stop having babies is just wrong. Please don't let her get you down, from what I can tell you are a RESPONSIBLE mom with a great deal of effort being put into your kids. She obviously has some underlying issues that are not your fault.
  • easha55
    easha55 Posts: 5 Member
    You should not feel bad about what that lady told you. Such inconsiderate people never put themselves in our situations before talking. I suggest you stay happy and I believe you are doing everything you can to keep your family well. Getting upset would only hinder your effectiveness and commitment to do well.

    All the best!!
  • Kelly_Wilson1990
    Kelly_Wilson1990 Posts: 3,245 Member
    Wow, how you choose it live your life is your business. I have to agree with kykykenna and I would check with the division head of the baseball league. Can you switch teams to with a new coach?

    You were nicer than me because I would not have just emailed her. I would have been at her door having a one on chat face to face. It is easy to be nasty in a email. Wonder how she would react if you were in person.
  • kctbo
    kctbo Posts: 29
    Proud of you for not beating the crap out of her.......and ending up arrested. You did great, it is better to walk away than STOOP to Her LEVEL...
    Have a GREAT day!
  • GorillaNJ
    GorillaNJ Posts: 4,024 Member
    It is a tough spot... as a coach who had a rough season with my son's head coach and his wife I understand the need to vent. Especially as the season comes to an end everyone's emotions rise to the surface and bubble over.

    If you will not have to deal with this woman again I would just let it die as it is. If you know that you will be with her next year I would address her face to face about it. Emails are SO easy to divorce yourself from basic rules of civility.

    She is in the wrong to do things you tell her not to do, like the trophy and she is wrong to discuss finances with you too. If you really wanted to go over her head those are the things I would mention to the league president or board.

    But I know the trophy and party is a big thing for kids... both of my teams loved the little pat on the back and well.. who does not love pizza or ice cream?
  • chantillychopper
    chantillychopper Posts: 11
    personally I would share with the whole team (parents). These are hard times. I coached little league for years also was a team mom, on the board, etc. never ever would I have said such a thing to someone who is struggling financially. She is being a bully. I thought we are suppose to be teaching our children not to be bullys, this woman is not setting a good example for her children or anyone elses for that matter. Call her out..... I think it would be your duty, after all who will be next on her list?
  • rharris86dc
    rharris86dc Posts: 635 Member
    I would definitely let the other team families know what went on. Don't just blast out the e-mail exchange, maybe have a little get together and give them the highlights of the situation.
  • techymum
    techymum Posts: 168
    Ouch. I, too, have been burned in a youth sports activity by another parent. It is really a hard position to be in.

    My recommendation would be to find out if there are any policies/procedures in the organization to try and get a copy. Chances are that whatever org oversees the league would have a procedure in place for complaints/harassment.

    This would probably include documenting what happened and when, and submitting a report/claim to a board.

    Even volunteers have a code of ethics they must folllow.

    Good luck, I know when it was happening to me I was consumed with it - wish I had been able to let it go easier, as it can eat away at your spirit.
  • cghiggins518
    cghiggins518 Posts: 48 Member
    My first comment would be to have your kids play lacrosse and not baseball :)

    Seriously though you just need to move on. I am a lacrosse coach and no matter what side you are on both people involved need to just move forward. In a day or so you will forget about it and life will continue. Being a coach there is always issues between a coach and parents. If it consist of playing time, attendance at practices or trophies. In your situation there does not seem to be any way to solve it so both sides need to move on. I lean towards your side on the trophy part but I also feel for the coach about having kids at practice 100%. I have learned to try and meet in the middle with every family I deal with.This will pass and it will be out of your mind.

    Communication is key. Make a phone call. Do not deal with issues through e-mail. It is very hard to figure out a "tone" in an e-mail.
  • JillSymes
    JillSymes Posts: 34
    By the sounds of it you are doing the best you can for your kids on a limited budget and shared time. That woman needs to get off her high horse and stop interfering in things that don't concern her. You kept your cool far batter than i would have. I feel annoyed on your behalf. Is it possible to speak to the coach even tho he is her husband? Take care.
  • mlemonroe2
    mlemonroe2 Posts: 603
    I would for sure tell someone about it. You won't get sued if you tell the truth! I know how it feels to have someone assume things about you that just arn't true. People will say "just let it go" but it's hard. My mothers advice is always kill them with kindness. Maybe if you sent her a letter explaning your situaion and how you would appriciate if she would be be an adult about it and try to understand where you are coming from, and how you sacrifice a carrer and social life to be a mother and although it's a hard job,it's the best thing you can do for your kids ect. If you are really calm and nice in your letter, maybe she will realize she was too harsh on you and apologize. If not, then you really know the kind of person she is!
  • reneepugh
    reneepugh Posts: 522 Member
    That is crazy! You know, I chose to put my kids on a church league. Not only are they cheaper, they are much more kind and just want the kids to have fun. I don't necessarily share their beliefs, but I found I enjoy it and the parents are more relaxed. It is $250 here in Greenwood Indiana to put both of my boys on the city league and only $60 to put them in a church league. They enjoyed it so much better as well. You might try that next year.
  • gdr1976
    gdr1976 Posts: 460 Member
    I probably would have said the same thing, and then filed a complaint with the league. That is total BS! Especially since you told her you were skipping all the year end stuff. Not your fault she took it upon herself and bought a trophy.
  • mytime60
    mytime60 Posts: 176 Member
    It's always easier after to come up with something to say. Try and blow it off; she sounds like someone that will always try to judge. But if it comes up again tell her again that we simply can not afford to purchase the trophy and that's why we made the decision we did. Explain it was a choice of food on the table for my family or a trophy for the shelf.

    Interesting that most fees to play include trophies to go to the winning and second place teams. They may want to change up their fee schedule so the parents have no surprises at the end of the season.
  • mixmastermolly
    mixmastermolly Posts: 272
    I would ignore her and not get myself into any kind of drama by spreading the word. If she treats you that way then she's bound to treat others that way once they rub her the wrong way. People show their true colors on their own. I also agree with McKay who says to try to look at the situation from an outside perspective. Maybe your son mentioned to his buddy on the team that he was bummed he missed the pizza party? Or bummed that he didn't get a trophy? I'm not saying you did anything wrong and I know my brother has to make difficult decisions regarding money with his 3 children all in a lot of different activities. They always ask their kid's what is most important to them...the pizza party, the trophy, the sports banquet, whatever...and the kids get to pick one event. She definitely handled voicing her opinion the wrong way regardless.
  • greishma
    greishma Posts: 3
    Hats off to you for not slapping her across the face. Coz dats exactly what I would have done. hwoeverit is always good to ignore such worthless people and move on with your life. I'm sure your kids know how hard thier mom is working to keep them happy :smile:


    GOD Bless
  • avonchik
    avonchik Posts: 106
    You did the right thing> It is hard raising 3 kids in this economy!! ! She had no right to do that to you! I hope yoiu will move on and set it behind youi. You are a good mom!! Hugs! :flowerforyou:
  • aisha1150
    aisha1150 Posts: 5
    PPl talk **** forget it girl ! just carry on God will give them on their face !
    TC!
  • Healthymom0000
    Healthymom0000 Posts: 14 Member
    I would not give credence to a thing she said. When someone acts the way this woman did I believe it speaks to how miserable she may be in her own life. You did not need to even explain to her your situation. However when you did she should have been more compassionate and understanding.

    You should be proud of yourself for doing the most you can for your children and not feel belittled by someone who feels the need to tell everyone how to raise their children. The most important part is that you did what you could so your son could play baseball.....that is what kids remember not the pizza parties and trophies at that age.

    Honestly, I don't know what I would have done. Probably walked away after giving her a mouthful of my own and then do everything in my power to have her removed from team sports in the future.

    Too bad there are people like her in this world.
  • mom23nuts
    mom23nuts Posts: 636 Member
    Hubby is going to print out all the emails I am then sending them to the berlin little league and yes, normally we would have been on board forhe trophy pizza party thing, but the date they chose to do all of that is whenwe will be on vacation so that is why i skipped it this year and saved the $20 per kid and honestly, they don't have any idea of what they are missing.

    They enjoyed playing.

    This lady is nuts...my responses were colorful too, don't get me wrong but this was after her provocation. I hope she and her husband never get to be coaches again.

    Either that or my family will be banned and black balled from baseball.
  • DBabbit
    DBabbit Posts: 173 Member
    She sounds so charming! NOT! Sorry you had to deal with that. I'd have been ringing her doorbell, so you handled it well! You don't owe her squat, but she needs to be reported - over the coach's head since he's married to her. Have a good cry to get the anger out of your system, and then send her one last email and tell her since she wants to be so judgmental, maybe she should have another kid, because it's apparent her PMS is showing! {{HUGS}} Hope your day improves. :flowerforyou:
  • alifer
    alifer Posts: 387 Member
    I had words with my sons coach several years ago after he told my son and another boy that they should 'go home and play with their barbies'. He was making fun of the boys for not staying in the batter's box. (This was in minor league when the pitchers are throwing hard, but without accuracy.) I did speak to the head of the division and the head of the league, but was verbally attacked by all of them. Because they were all buddies. I did what I had to do, but it didn't get me anywhere. My son did not finish that season, but did play 2 more years. (with wonderful coaches)
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