How to cope when a parent dies

I'm sorry for your loss. I have lost both my parents; my Dad 21 years ago this April, my Mom 9 years this past January. I was not there when my Dad passed, I was living in a different state and didn't make it back in time. My Mom I took care of the last three months of her life, and held her had for 9 hours until she drew her last breath. I'm not going to tell you it is easy, but I can assure you it does get better over time. I talked to my Mom on the phone every single day, she moved to the state I was living in after my Dad past, and didn't hesitate for an instant when she needed to be taken care of. I moved her into my home and then she spent the last 3 weeks between a nursing facility and the hospital. She died 22 days after my ex-husband died. The last night before he died of a massive stroke, my ex came to the hospital to see my Mom, had dinner with our two grown sons, and had a massive stroke the next morning. His children had to take him off life support 3 days later. So that made my mother's death even more difficult to deal with, especially for my children. Seven months later my cousin died of a massive heart attack at 53. The last time I saw him was my mother's funeral as he also lived in a different state. Even as time passes, there are things that remind me of my Mom, I have things around my home that were hers so the reminders are there daily. I can talk about her and laugh about things we used to laugh about together, or say something like "Oh, Mom would have loved that" without the pain in my heart feeling quite so deep.

I am not one of those people that turn to food for comfort, I'm quite the opposite. I find it difficult to eat when I'm upset, so I was constantly being reminded by people to eat something. What I find comforting is having things of hers around my home, Her recliner sits in my living room, her bedroom set is in my guest room, her knickknacks are everywhere, from the dolphin figurines she loved to collect to the apple shaped tea set she got for her wedding shower when she married my Dad, both of which are in my dining room hutch. Every Christmas my husband and I eat off the Spode Christmas Tree plates she bought for her and my Dad (2 place settings) and we use the Spode Christmas Tree salt and pepper shakers I gave her one Christmas that prompted her to buy the two place settings. The things I keep around me that were hers bring back such good memories, and that's the ones I want to keep in my heart.

Hiya Hun, my heart goes out to you.. My mum died almost 20 years ago, I had just turned 23. It's a time of unbearable pain and sometimes you don't know how you will get through. My Dad is and was a rock and I will never forget his words ' I'd give my right arm to have her back love, but it's not going to happen, so get on with life'. Such strong words from a grieving man but I have never forgotten them and they bring tears to my eyes now. Live your life and make her proud, it's all we can do.. Get your head straight first and let the rest follow. Xx

Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry for your loss, honey!! I wish I had advice that would soothe and comfort you, but I haven't been able to deal yet either. My dad died last September, and I still cry every day. For me, taking care of myself, and my family, helps me to cope. Dad's gone, but I know he's still watching me, as I feel him, even right this second. Cherish every memory you have with your mom, and let those memories comfort you and hold you...I believe that when we're thinking about loved ones who've left us, when we dream of them, and when they won't get out of our minds, they are with us in spirit. xo

I am sorry for your loss.

Grief is such a winding road. There's no right way to "do" it. The analogy of waves in the ocean is very apt. I was on a collision course after losing both of my parents within a year; I made some stupid decisions that I can see now came out of feeling unmoored and very sad for a long time.

Like all of the great advice above, it takes time to come full circle. Keep supportive family & friends close and forge on ahead. It honors your mom's memory to persevere.

I am sorry about your loss. You have tons of support here which helps to know your not alone and that others have been where you are. I lost my bio dad when I was 15yrs (he was 52 and died from liver failure). I lost my step dad (66yrs) 2yrs ago this march from cancer. My mom (72yrs) just had a mini stroke 2 weeks ago and I almost lost her.

I just want you to know you will get through this. It may not seem that way now and you may think you will never get over it. If you can talk to someone (professionally or a friend) that would be helpful. Someone once told me to not avoid old pictures and things that remind you of them because you are delaying the grief. Allow yourself to feel those emotions as this will help your healing. HUGS to you

For me my weight has fluctuated over the years and this is the first time I am putting myself first to do something serious about it. Health issues run in my family and I want to be as healthy as I can be to lower my risk.

I'm so sorry for your loss. My mom passed 3 years ago this month and not long afterwards I stumbled on this site. I set up a profile and have logged every day since. My mom had a lifetime of medical ailments and battled her weight for much of her adult life until becoming quite frail in her old age. I realized when I found this site that committing to being healthier would be a great way to honor her, to make sure I was healthy, fit and active for my children. I know my mom would shake her head and laugh at me diligently logging my food and turning down things like second helpings of her lasagna, but I also know she would be thrilled at how much happier and healthier I am (and believe me I still make and enjoy her lasagna).

I agree with others that the grief hits you when you least expect it. For me, the first year was hard because there are so many firsts, (first Holidays without her, first birthday, kids birthdays, etc). But then in subsequent years, when the reminders aren't quite so sharp, it often hurts worse when you don't remember them as often... Or when others don't still acknowledge how hard it is to make it through those holidays because people assume you shouldn't still be missing them.

Good luck OP.