Divorced guy support

ElJefeChief
ElJefeChief Posts: 650 Member
edited November 30 in Motivation and Support
I'm newly divorced (been separated for over two years now), happily about 40+ pounds lighter and I have a very lovely and nice girlfriend, a nice new place of my own, my kids 50% of the time. Life is OK, for the most part.

However, being divorced still sucks sometimes. Just had stupid, pointless, and stressful email exchange with my ex about, frankly, bullcrap stuff that's ultimately meaningless. Makes me want to get double extra-divorced (is that possible? That would be nice). But I went and had kids with her, so now I have to deal with her the rest of my life, sigh.

Anyways, any other divorced dudes out there who can identify? Just wanted to vent.

Replies

  • sashasayys
    sashasayys Posts: 13 Member
    Not divorced, not a guy but just wanted to say I'm sorry you have to deal with the BS!
  • TheBeachgod
    TheBeachgod Posts: 825 Member
    DrEnalg wrote: »
    I'm newly divorced (been separated for over two years now), happily about 40+ pounds lighter and I have a very lovely and nice girlfriend, a nice new place of my own, my kids 50% of the time. Life is OK, for the most part.

    However, being divorced still sucks sometimes. Just had stupid, pointless, and stressful email exchange with my ex about, frankly, bullcrap stuff that's ultimately meaningless. Makes me want to get double extra-divorced (is that possible? That would be nice). But I went and had kids with her, so now I have to deal with her the rest of my life, sigh.

    Anyways, any other divorced dudes out there who can identify? Just wanted to vent.

    I've been happily divorced for years. I realized I made a huge mistake shortly after saying "I do" and it fizzled quickly, during which time she did a lot of damage. The bolded part is where I lucked out; I knew having children with her would screw me even worse and for a long time so I had a vasectomy, saying it'd suck to be senior citizens when our kids were graduating high school. The logic worked and a side benefit has been worry-free fun with the dates and girlfriends I've had since then as well as future ones.

    I have forgiven but not forgotten what my ex did and we haven't had contact in 7-8 years which is fine with me but we got along OK the last time we saw each other.

    Sorry you're getting meaningless hassle from the ex but at least you have an upgrade to replace her with!
  • bbilliethecat
    bbilliethecat Posts: 62 Member
    getting divorced in october, earliest i can apply . divorce party coming my way YAY !!! :D

    but yes, crap when kids are involved, i have three with him . lame . so lame .
  • taoistpunk
    taoistpunk Posts: 57 Member
    Used MFP back in 2014 to go from 250 to 165, and now I'm back in the same boat... alot of pounds and 1 divorce later. Finding it alot harder to get in the mindset to 'jump off' this time. Previously I started by adjusting and counting calories and diet, eliminating high calorie, processed foods for the most part, and then gradually adding a regular exercise routine.

    I was a skinny kid and didn't gain weight until my 30's, so most of my life I've been able to eat whatever, whenever...which is tough to beat.

    Right now I feel like eating pizza and counting sheep...but going to give it a try since I feel it's preferable and more budget friendly than a fad diet. Ex causes me grief randomly, which makes me a ball of ice-cream and cereal loving stress...

  • WYMANT0004
    WYMANT0004 Posts: 81 Member
    DrEnalg wrote: »
    I'm newly divorced (been separated for over two years now), happily about 40+ pounds lighter

    ...

    However, being divorced still sucks sometimes. Just had stupid, pointless, and stressful email exchange with my ex about, frankly, bullcrap stuff that's ultimately meaningless. Makes me want to get double extra-divorced (is that possible? That would be nice).

    ...

    Anyways, any other divorced dudes out there who can identify? Just wanted to vent.


    I can certainly identify

    I will be one year divorced come this Saturday, had two years of rather arduous separation before that. And, thankfully, I have full custody of my kid because my ex is in no way fit to be a parent.

    I envy you that you have yourself a nice lady now, I have not yet gotten up the gumption to re-enter the whole dating scene (being 15-odd years out of the loop is intimidating as heck).

    I absolutely hear you on the double extra-divorce matter and the meaningless, BS exchanges with the ex. I have so many crazy stories that both my friends and family have told me I should make a blog or write a book titled 'You Just Cannot Make This S**t Up!!' From the sound of it, I am sure you could relate (not necessarily the content but just the utter stupidity behind them).

    People keep telling me it will get better as time passes, I really hope they are right.
  • draekin13
    draekin13 Posts: 27 Member
    I got divorced 3 months ago, it is quite lonely and trying to keep from going to food for comfort is difficult. I think as anyone else that has gone through divorce it will get better.
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,744 Member
    Not a dude, but went through a messy divorce myself years ago. I have forgiven but not forgotten. Adding children to the mix is difficult to say the least.

    However, it DOES get better. Kids grow up, ex's sometimes do too, but if they don't you can control how and when you have contact with them. Just be patient and focus on your and your children's happiness and quality of life.

    Although it's hard for you right now I have to say, "Congrats!" because a lot of people will just continue to suffer, ultimately setting a bad example for their kids when their intent is the opposite.
  • RespectTheKitty
    RespectTheKitty Posts: 1,667 Member
    Also not a guy, but I'm divorced and 700% agree that divorce sucks. My ex got residential custody of our son (long story) and remarried, so now there's another woman who gets to be my son's mother, and that REALLY REALLY HURTS. I get to see my son on weekends, but I no longer feel like I'm a significant part of his life, and that's done a number on my self-esteem. Well that, and failing at a marriage.
  • ElJefeChief
    ElJefeChief Posts: 650 Member
    WYMANT0004 wrote: »
    DrEnalg wrote: »
    I'm newly divorced (been separated for over two years now), happily about 40+ pounds lighter

    ...

    However, being divorced still sucks sometimes. Just had stupid, pointless, and stressful email exchange with my ex about, frankly, bullcrap stuff that's ultimately meaningless. Makes me want to get double extra-divorced (is that possible? That would be nice).

    ...

    Anyways, any other divorced dudes out there who can identify? Just wanted to vent.


    I can certainly identify

    I will be one year divorced come this Saturday, had two years of rather arduous separation before that. And, thankfully, I have full custody of my kid because my ex is in no way fit to be a parent.

    I envy you that you have yourself a nice lady now, I have not yet gotten up the gumption to re-enter the whole dating scene (being 15-odd years out of the loop is intimidating as heck).

    I absolutely hear you on the double extra-divorce matter and the meaningless, BS exchanges with the ex. I have so many crazy stories that both my friends and family have told me I should make a blog or write a book titled 'You Just Cannot Make This S**t Up!!' From the sound of it, I am sure you could relate (not necessarily the content but just the utter stupidity behind them).

    People keep telling me it will get better as time passes, I really hope they are right.

    Hey there! It does get better. I like how this thread is picking up some steam. Nice to hear others are out there in the same boat as me.

    If you ever get interested in getting back into the dating world, I do have some advice. Being off the market for so long does really make one rusty, so to speak. Secret for me was online dating, plus really taking some deliberate steps to start practicing confidence when I was with women. PM me if you're interested.

    Anyways cheers!

  • fordpa
    fordpa Posts: 1 Member
    I can relate totally, I got divorced back in 2010 and she sued me for full custody in 2013.
    I countersued, and won full custody myself. Don't ever think that the woman always gets the child, it is a common misconception.
    since then she has tried to kill my dog, and is still giving me court trouble, but I don't retaliate, and i take care of my kid, that's what is important, but I still have to deal with the BS.
  • dimasj
    dimasj Posts: 164 Member
    Not a guy but I have gone through the divorce.
    We aren't all crazy and some of us actually think that kids should come first and remember that we loved the ex at some point.......
    sorry you guys have had it so difficult.
    There are still good ones out here... :)
  • WYMANT0004
    WYMANT0004 Posts: 81 Member
    edited May 2016
    "DrEnalg wrote: »
    If you ever get interested in getting back into the dating world, I do have some advice. Being off the market for so long does really make one rusty, so to speak. Secret for me was online dating, plus really taking some deliberate steps to start practicing confidence when I was with women. PM me if you're interested.

    @DrEnalg I have yet to figure out how to operate the PM system here (every time I try I get an error message). I am certainly open to any advice you might have

    As for dating sites... A couple of the ladies I work with have been on my *kitten* about that as well and I finally broke down and made a profile on one. So far I am less than enthused by who it is suggesting for me... I have been told that is probably because it is one of the free sites :/ But being so green to all of this I am not sure I am ready to start shelling out until I have a better feel for it all.
  • Everlearn
    Everlearn Posts: 30 Member
    Man or woman, divorce sucks. I was married 19 years, separated a year, divorced going on three. My problem has always been hating myself rather than directing my anger at my ex; it's frankly a problem I've had to come to terms with, this whole self-worth thing. Which is wrapped up with my identity. Which is wrapped up with weight issues. Which is wrapped up with so many other things. Bottom line, I'm happier than I've ever been (and I think my ex is, too). Even so, as you say, there are so many struggles you have to readjust to as a single person. But it's also a chance to embrace the struggles as opportunities.
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