looked at my husband and he looks so ooooo fat!
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I've been through hell and back with relationships. Looks is at the very bottom of the list of things to care about. I think you need to spend more time focusing on all the positive things about him. It's painful to see others talk poorly about their significant other, especially in a very public setting.
Well said.0 -
SMH @ all the people who think you can trick someone into losing weight by cooking "healthy" foods.
That's not how this works.0 -
jofjltncb6 wrote: »SMH @ all the people who think you can trick someone into losing weight by cooking "healthy" foods.
That's not how this works.
Right? I got fat eating "healthy" foods.0 -
Michaelg235 wrote: »TheLittleRedHairedGirl wrote: »I am actually offended by this. If you can't have a talk with him about it, then what makes you think it's okay to talk about him behind his back? If you're not happy with the way he looks, then take charge of his nutrition and start making healthier meals.
Sometimes people don't have the heart to tell that person because you love him that much
And by "love" I assume you mean passive-aggressiveness. OP, if you can't tell your husband that you're worried about/repulsed by/whatever his weight and level of fitness, there is more wrong with your marriage than his appearance. If you want to save the marriage, work on that first.0 -
If i where her husband and i saw this it would be funny calm down
But i love that this is on motivation and support0 -
thorsmom01 wrote: »Remember- what you don't want , someone else may be glad to have. Sometimes looks aren't the most important feature in a man.
Amen0 -
Please, please don't try and trick him into losing weight to make you happy. Chances are he's not stupid, will catch on to what you're doing, and be upset. What if this was in the reverse and it was a man venting to strangers about his fat wife? Have some tact. You are clearly old enough to be able to talk to him point blank about his weight. Please do so without saying some thing like 'you look sooooooooo fat!!'. Be prepared and willing to accept that maybe he just doesn't want to lose weight? Unless there is a legitimate health concern that has been properly diagnosed by his doctor, let the man do what he wants!
This. Unless he has a health problem, I wouldn't say anything at all.HappyCampr1 wrote: »Well, my husband could stand to lose some weight too. And...? So what? I still love him and he still treats me like I'm the best thing that ever happened to him. We've been together for 29 years, although we're just coming up on our 25th anniversary soon. I can't imagine worrying about what he looks like. Since I met him, I've gone from 123 pounds up to 225 pounds and now back down to 147. He never once said anything about my weight. Whatever thoughts he had, he kept to himself....and thank goodness.
I know you came to the support section hoping for some support in this, but I'm really having a hard time imagining anything good coming from thoughts like those. As others have said...maybe you should try thinking about all the reasons you're together, why you married him and how he treats you instead of what he looks like.
And this. My husband & I have been together for 23 years, married for nearly 22 of them. We have both gained & lost & regained & re-lost weight over the years. I love him for who he is & what we are & what we have built together, not for how he looks. I was around 100 lbs when we met & I don't even know my highest weight, but it was over 260 lbs. He never said anything to me about it, thankfully. I didn't need him to tell me I was fat--I already knew that. It was up to me to decide to make a change. If your husband is overweight, he knows it as well. If he loses weight, it will because he makes a decision to. I would be so hurt if my husband ever posted something like this about me online.0 -
Please, please don't try and trick him into losing weight to make you happy. Chances are he's not stupid, will catch on to what you're doing, and be upset. What if this was in the reverse and it was a man venting to strangers about his fat wife? Have some tact. You are clearly old enough to be able to talk to him point blank about his weight. Please do so without saying some thing like 'you look sooooooooo fat!!'. Be prepared and willing to accept that maybe he just doesn't want to lose weight? Unless there is a legitimate health concern that has been properly diagnosed by his doctor, let the man do what he wants!
This. Unless he has a health problem, I wouldn't say anything at all.HappyCampr1 wrote: »Well, my husband could stand to lose some weight too. And...? So what? I still love him and he still treats me like I'm the best thing that ever happened to him. We've been together for 29 years, although we're just coming up on our 25th anniversary soon. I can't imagine worrying about what he looks like. Since I met him, I've gone from 123 pounds up to 225 pounds and now back down to 147. He never once said anything about my weight. Whatever thoughts he had, he kept to himself....and thank goodness.
I know you came to the support section hoping for some support in this, but I'm really having a hard time imagining anything good coming from thoughts like those. As others have said...maybe you should try thinking about all the reasons you're together, why you married him and how he treats you instead of what he looks like.
And this. My husband & I have been together for 23 years, married for nearly 22 of them. We have both gained & lost & regained & re-lost weight over the years. I love him for who he is & what we are & what we have built together, not for how he looks. I was around 100 lbs when we met & I don't even know my highest weight, but it was over 260 lbs. He never said anything to me about it, thankfully. I didn't need him to tell me I was fat--I already knew that. It was up to me to decide to make a change. If your husband is overweight, he knows it as well. If he loses weight, it will because he makes a decision to. I would be so hurt if my husband ever posted something like this about me online.
I disagree with the idea that you should only talk about if it is a health issue. It clearly bothers OP enough to post about it, why should she not talk to him about it?
I'd rather know if my husband was unhappy with my weight and then I could decide for myself where I stood about it. Honestly it would hurt my feelings but if he was harbouring feelings of resentment it's probably going to reflect in the relationship somehow.
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I think everyone's mad not because she has these feelings, but at the way she expressed them. It's perfectly acceptable for her to be bothered by her husband's weight, and for her to seek guidance and support. But what's not acceptable is to do so in a way that disrespects and insults her husband. Saying "he looks soooooo fat!", is not at all helping to resolve the issue, it's just downright mean. There are plenty of better ways to say this, and plenty of better people to say it to.0
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MichelleLei1 wrote: »I think everyone's mad not because she has these feelings, but at the way she expressed them. It's perfectly acceptable for her to be bothered by her husband's weight, and for her to seek guidance and support. But what's not acceptable is to do so in a way that disrespects and insults her husband. Saying "he looks soooooo fat!", is not at all helping to resolve the issue, it's just downright mean. There are plenty of better ways to say this, and plenty of better people to say it to.
Completely agree. There are a lot of threads on here where people are concerned for their significant other's health. But this thread is really rude and hurtful to him, the poor bugger doesn't even know he's being panned out on the internet. I'd be gutted if my SO started a thread like this. It's so disrespectful and downright mean.0 -
thorsmom01 wrote: »Remember- what you don't want , someone else may be glad to have. Sometimes looks aren't the most important feature in a man.
Oh my God....so much this!
OP, maybe you'll get lucky and your husband will find someone who thinks he's great in spite of his extra pounds. Then you won't have to look at him anymore.0 -
MichelleLei1 wrote: »I think everyone's mad not because she has these feelings, but at the way she expressed them. It's perfectly acceptable for her to be bothered by her husband's weight, and for her to seek guidance and support. But what's not acceptable is to do so in a way that disrespects and insults her husband. Saying "he looks soooooo fat!", is not at all helping to resolve the issue, it's just downright mean. There are plenty of better ways to say this, and plenty of better people to say it to.
If that is a response to me, I wasn't defending her thread. I specifically stated I was disagreeing with the idea she shouldn't talk to him about it. I agree this thread is not the way to handle it. But many people *did* say it wasn't ok for her to be bothered by her husband's weight and even said not to talk to him about it unless it was a health issue.0 -
OMG! Imagine if you found out your husband was getting on the internet and publicly annoucing, "My 54yo wife looks so old! She's wrinkly and has saggy skin."
Stop judging your husband and deal with your own issues.0 -
Hey has anyone here looked at their spouse differently lately? Ok I'm not perfect and we are both getting old, but gosh I have tried hard to look healthy,,,,and he has not ...and so I look ok for 54 but he's 56 and looks fat and unhealthy. I am sorry, I wouldn't say this to him. I'm just venting off here in private
....In have nobody else to tell
. I feel terrible now...
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nutmegoreo wrote: »Michaelg235 wrote: »arditarose wrote: »Michaelg235 wrote: »TheLittleRedHairedGirl wrote: »I am actually offended by this. If you can't have a talk with him about it, then what makes you think it's okay to talk about him behind his back? If you're not happy with the way he looks, then take charge of his nutrition and start making healthier meals.
Sometimes people don't have the heart to tell that person because you love him that much
How deep and insightful
But it's kind of true like would you tell your kid he's fat no .. my mother did that with me
I would like to say that I am so sorry your mother did this to you. Mine has too, but as an adult, not as a child. It is hurtful and cruel, and can create some very big emotional concerns and long-term issues. I hope you are able to give yourself the support that your mother wouldn't
I would bet a deep seated disrespect for our bodies happened to a lot of us who use this site. My body wasn't good enough from the time I was in 1st grade. Some memories die hard.0 -
OP, on this site, as you can expect, you will find many people who are still or have been your husband. So you will not find much understanding. However, in real life, what you describe (being unhappy about a partner's weight gain and their lack of motivation to address this) is together with being stressed about a partner's poor personal hygiene, the main reasons people lose their physical attraction to partners. And yes, it is not all about health or a patner's personality, it is about finding your partner appealing. Hard is it might be, I would suggest you find a way to talk to him about it. What you feel is not unusual or anything to feel bad about. It would be bad if you e.g. used it an excuse to cheat or to verbally abuse him. Having these feelings is normal. Maybe talking it over with a therapist would help you find the least negative way to start the discussion?0
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MichelleLei1 wrote: »I think everyone's mad not because she has these feelings, but at the way she expressed them. It's perfectly acceptable for her to be bothered by her husband's weight, and for her to seek guidance and support. But what's not acceptable is to do so in a way that disrespects and insults her husband. Saying "he looks soooooo fat!", is not at all helping to resolve the issue, it's just downright mean. There are plenty of better ways to say this, and plenty of better people to say it to.
Exactly. A guy I was seeing a few years back (when I first started to get into fitness) was anything but "fit". Since I was new to eating healthy and getting fit, his eating habits and lifestyle bothered me. Here I was, busting my *kitten* to be good to my body. Why wouldn't he want the same thing? Yes, I thought (to myself, mind you) that he was "sooo fat", but I quickly realized that there was nothing to our relationship...
When physical appearance gets to the point that it's issue enough for you to complain about it to strangers, maybe it's time to investigate the finer parts of your relationships, and ask yourself whether you're doing this out of pure greed to salvage an otherwise hollow connection...0 -
Hey has anyone here looked at their spouse differently lately? Ok I'm not perfect and we are both getting old, but gosh I have tried hard to look healthy,,,,and he has not ...and so I look ok for 54 but he's 56 and looks fat and unhealthy. I am sorry, I wouldn't say this to him. I'm just venting off here in private
....In have nobody else to tell
. I feel terrible now...
Just break up.0 -
Imagine if her husband created a thread saying his wife was soooo fat and unattractive ?
People would be outraged.
What makes it any different that it's a woman saying these things ?
My reply would still be the same. ( because that's just how I am. Real. Unfortunately not everyone can say the same thing )
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