Hello MFP community

My name is Cason. I embarked on my heathy lifestyle about 16 months ago but have really ramped it up in the last 4 months. It all started after a car accident required me to learn to walk again. I obviously became more sedentary while in rehab. As I healed I began to jog daily (often twice a day). I logged over 40 miles regularly for a while and was also in the gym 4 days a week. I wanted to be in the best shape of my life a year after my accident. I met that goal in my opinion. I was a college soccer player at 18-19 years old so that me was my competition. Once I got to the year mark though I asked myself, "now what?" I wasn't ever super unhealthy, but working a sedentary job for the first time in life I didn't want to pack the pounds, that I worked so hard to get rid of, right back on. It turned into tracking macros and counting calories. I've filled up 3 notebooks in as many months with my daily calorie/macro counts. The change in body composition has been pretty dramatic. I do think though my new level of physical health has come at the expense of some mental health. I don't see food as food anymore. Just grams of fat, carbs, and protein. I don't do cheat days or meals for fear they'll undo my progress. I'm trying to gain weight but I want it to be muscle. I've no interest in bulking/cutting. I don't want to see a chubby me in the mirror ever again. I'm learning to cook which makes this a little easier. I'm actually getting prett damn good at it. I feel like I may have an unhealthy relationship with food now though. Every morning I wake up and pinch myself to see how lean I feel. I do this hundreds of times throughout the day as well. I haven't eaten a slice of pizza in 6-7 months. Cut sweet tea out over a year ago and never looked back. I'm even struggling now to keep fruit (which played a huge role in my weight loss) in my diet. I fear sugar a bit and struggle to control my fruit consumption. 1 apple always equals however many I bought. Anyway I look forward to what I can accomplish with my dietary discipline I just am a little worried about my sanity. Always thinking about my next meal and how to make it fit my macros is stressful. That's me right now in a nutshell. Looking through the forums here I'm stoked about using this app.