Grieving Giving Up Overeating

I completely understand what you're talking about. I used food in all the wrong ways for years, and I ended up paying the price for it. Extreme obesity.
And for me...Yes, that feeling does go away for the most part. But it didn't until I realized one day that I felt so dang healthy and fit and I liked this feeling much more than any temporary satisfaction that food would bring me.
Of course, I occasionally get a hankering for something ridiculously calorie laden and unhealthy-but it doesn't last.
I don't deny myself anything, if I really want it I just try to eat a reasonable portion and make it fit my daily calories.

But yes, it is a feeling akin to grief. I felt similar when I quit smoking a couple of years ago.

I have to remind myself of all the things I have gained. I can exercise without my feet hurting. I can walk into any shop and find clothes that fit. I don't have to worry about weight limits or whether or not I can squeeze into that carnival ride. I save money by not buying excessive amounts of junk food and can spend that money on much cooler stuff. I no longer have the enjoyment of overindulging on junk foods, but I have gained so much enjoyment in other areas of my life. Sometimes I just have to remind myself and put that in perspective.

robingmurphy wrote: »

So, since the beginning of January, I've lost twelve pounds or so. I probably have another ten to fifteen to lose, but I'm taking a break for a bit and maintaining where I'm at for a while. Now that I don't have the excitement of losing weight, I'm finding that I am dealing with a lot of sadness or frustration with no longer having overeating as entertainment. I really enjoy eating, and used to use it as a way to fill boredom, to entertain myself when bored, to avoid things I didn't want to do, and just as a way to have fun. Although I have the maintenance calories to do some of that, I can't eat whatever I want whenever I want in amounts I want for any reason I want and still maintain my weight. I find myself still frequently wanting to use eating as entertainment and feeling frustrated - maybe even sad - that I can't. It's like a grieving process for giving up food as an always available way to fill time. Has anyone dealt with that? What helped? I remind myself that although I'm sad about giving that up, I'd be more sad and frustrated to have that and be overweight, and that reminder helps a little. Does that feeling go away?

It goes away when you fill that need with something positive. (Like a type of fitness class, running, painting, roller blading etc.)

OP, this is an incredible opportunity for you to grow as a person, to acquire more health-conducive diversions, more productive habits and hobbies, and the mental toughness to be able to endure and become less susceptible to boredom.

As a stroke survivor, boredom helped me push my recovery (nothing made me want to leave the house like being stuck there). I know of one stroke survivor who was far worse off than I ever was who wanted to give up. Boredom wouldn't let him and he now seems completely recovered. I bring this us because, despite what I said about mental toughness above, I am sure boredom can be a helpful feeling that forces a person to make progress. So my suggestion is to think about how to use it.

Well I've been on MFP for over 3 years and it hasn't gone away.

I'm like you, it's always been about food. Holidays, vacations, parties... I'm always thinking about food! I guess I never really considered food as entertainment though... I just ate because it tasted good, not to pass the time or anything (that's what browsing the web is for... lol).

But yeah, my advice is to find hobbies... reading, watching TV shows, exercising, those things keep you busy and get your mind off food.

Nice post and I can absolutely relate to it! In fact, this was the dominant feeling when I started on MFP about a year ago. I was feeling terrible and knew a change had to be made, but I was depressed and even resentful that it was going to require giving up one of the few things that gave me enjoyment in life- food! I see all these threads about people lacking motivation, and boy did I lack motivation! Looking back, I'm shocked I got past it. A year later, I am down 40+ lbs, and even though I'm not on a highly restrictive calorie allowance, I still sometimes yearn to be able to eat freely w/o regard for the consequences. I think it literally is like mourning a death. You don't stop missing the person, but with time you get used to the new normal and maybe dwell on it less, while starting to focus on some of the more positive things. I am so much more fit now. I am not constantly plagued by heartburn & stomach aches. I don't struggle to get up off the couch. I no longer fear becoming disabled. I feel like I'm 48 instead of 80. But unless something magically changes in the future, yeah, sometimes it's still a bummer.

I don't think I've ever related more to a post here on MFP!
It seriously does feel like grieving. Make sure you hold onto the knowledge and passion you have! I've been experiencing the same thing. If anyone tells you you're "stupid" for having these feelings, kindly tell them to F off. If you would have told me a year ago I was going to go through a grieving process where no one is dead, I would have called them crazy. It's almost like a part of yourself/myself is dying and being reborn.
What has helped me is going back to old hobbies and reading. I've found they're a welcomed distraction and better habits than the old ones.

Francl27 wrote: »

Well I've been on MFP for over 3 years and it hasn't gone away.

I'm like you, it's always been about food. Holidays, vacations, parties... I'm always thinking about food! I guess I never really considered food as entertainment though... I just ate because it tasted good, not to pass the time or anything (that's what browsing the web is for... lol).

I'm like you, @Francl27 . You see all these threads about food addiction and it's like nope... I just really, really like it

Oh, another thing, as I'm reading other people's responses and thinking more about what you're saying... you should really think about why you want to binge so bad and see if there's a deeper emotional issue going on. In my case, my parents were very restrictive with regards to food when I was growing up and my aunt was also always on some weird diet where they couldn't eat this or that. Growing up, I had learned to associate certain foods with guilt and so whenever I had access to them I just wanted to eat as much as I could. My family was verbally and mentally abusive, and it wasn't until I addressed the emotional issues I had around those relationships that I was able to overcome this constant cycle of restrictive denial and all out binges.

mmmpork wrote: »

The way I cope with it is by not putting any restrictions on what I can eat, just on how much I eat. I recently went to a fancy restaurant and had a 5 course chef's tasting menu. The servings were well portioned but I still didn't feel compelled to clean my plate. I don't like feeling stuffed and bloated after eating. Not feeling like crap after stuffing myself is my main motivation for not overeating. I don't see any reason to mourn that. But I do understand If you find yourself wanting to eat because you're bored, you just have to find other things to replace it. If I want to snack or have munchies I usually chew gum, or I'll take the dog out for a walk and if I still want a snack when I get back I'll have one. Or even better, if it's been a few hours since my last meal I might just eat a proper meal. Sometimes I eat dinner at 4:30pm and then have a snack later, just because that's when I get hungry.

Eating foods you enjoy is helpful, but it's not the whole story. I once heard a comedian talking about pizza and how, to fully enjoy it, at least 3 slices have to be involved. The first one, you are just registering the fact that you are eating pizza. The second one is good, but you can't really enjoy it if you know it's your last one. But if you have 3, that kind of rounds things out and gives you the full experience. It was meant to be silly, but I think there's some truth to it. For many of us, 3 slices of our favorite pizza isn't feasible anymore. 3 slices of modified, slimmed down pizza on extra thin crust (i.e., not as good), yes. 3 slices of our favorite... no. Not that we can never have it, of course, but then we have to do so much *thinking* about it, which=less enjoyment.

rgbmore wrote: »

I LOVE buffets. Love them so much--trying out new foods, having a few bites of each thing, eating until I'm going to pop. It's a sad day when you find out you're consuming 5000 in a sitting. I really enjoyed those meals, but they are gone. I can sympathize, my favorite thing is food! This will always be my battle, but the knowledge that this "deprivation" is for a good reason is the only thing that keeps me on track.

I will say, I love buffets and we still eat at them, but since I simply can't eat that much food anymore, I feel A LOT better when we leave and can still walk under my own power! No sadness there!

Alluminati wrote: »

Acceptance that life has changed forever and forming new habits around food have helped remedy that. But it probably won't ever go away for me...and I'm ok with it.

+1

rgbmore wrote: »

I LOVE buffets. Love them so much--trying out new foods, having a few bites of each thing, eating until I'm going to pop. It's a sad day when you find out you're consuming 5000 in a sitting. I really enjoyed those meals, but they are gone. I can sympathize, my favorite thing is food! This will always be my battle, but the knowledge that this "deprivation" is for a good reason is the only thing that keeps me on track.

I still fail hard at buffets.

robingmurphy wrote: »

I can't eat whatever I want whenever I want in amounts I want for any reason I want and still maintain my weight.

That's the eternal struggle, and it's really tough. I want to be able to eat until I'm full, but I can't, or I'll gain a lot of weight really fast. I'm not really satisfied until I've consumed 6000-8000 calories per day, and my TDEE is around 2000-2200.

It comes down to a choice: do you want to eat to the point of psychological comfort and contentment, or do you want to look a certain way? A few people in the world get away with both, but they're the exception. Most of us have to choose. And if you choose the latter, you don't get to eat as much, and that leaves a gap. What you fill that with is probably highly variable depending on the individual.

Personally, I came to the realization that if I want to look a certain way, I have to be hungry just about every day for the rest of my life, or at least as long as I care about looking a certain way. I stay on track by looking at photos of people who look better than I do, and telling myself they only got that way and maintain their look by doing what I'm doing. I keep a calendar and mark days that I do a good job, and days I don't. This calendar keeps me accountable over longer time periods, not just day-to-day like MFP. Then, when I get a good streak going, that's what helps fill my void. I know that I'm doing a good job, and going about getting to my physique goals the right way. Your methods will likely be very different from mine, but I figured I'd share.

This is what Saturdays are for.