Unmotivated and Lack of Confidence

TheKrysiaJean
TheKrysiaJean Posts: 16 Member
in Motivation and Support
So,

I have been overweight my whole life. I am currently 31 years old and 228 lbs. I have done the yo-yo and fad dieting. I am happy to say that I am in good health at the moment. No major health issues. Nothing stopping me from moving the amount that I would need. All is pretty good. I am lucky, I know that.

My brain stops me. I do really well for a few weeks in a row- exercise and healthy eating. And then some little change in my schedule, doesn't have to be bad or anything, just a little change and I am thrown off. Then the excuses come. And I know they are excuses. I know they are silly and shouldn't stop me and I let them.

And it bothers me. It puts me into a spiral. And then I fall off the wagon. Example: Iw as doing Zumba four times a week and a bellydance fitness class once a week. I was hitting those fitbit steps. I felt better with the movement which helped keep me eating better. Then a few late nights at work this week had me missing the classes and my brain just let it be okay to skip the rest of the week. Then comes the overeating....not always unhealthy foods....just a bit too much. And there goes the progress I had made.

So, starting back up tomorrow for the next round of Zumba classes; gonna do my best to make as many of them as I can. And if I miss, go to the fitness center or walking track instead. And hopefully get back to that better eating habit.

I know when the next hump in my schedule is; in three weeks. A work conference will keep me here at late nights, outside food, and missed classes.

There is no real reason I am sharing all this; just had to get it out. I have been feeling down, lack of motivation, and just super harsh on myself. My brain tells me that if I had started one year ago, two, three years ago then I would be where I need to be by now and I let that bury me. Going to try not to do that anymore. Fingers crossed.

Thanks for letting me share to the community and go on a mini-rant!

Replies

  • marty_smith
    marty_smith Posts: 102 Member
    Look, so what if you miss a week or two of Zumba? Try and eat healthily throughout the day anyway.

    Im 29, i weighed 217 pounds a month ago and have done most of my adult life apart from the one or two times i lost weight for a very short while (2-3 months before resorting to my old ways). But this time is difference because i think i have finally realised that the MAIN thing you need isn't motivation, isn't exercise or determination, its patience. This is going to take a very long time for people like me and you who have so much to lose, lets be honest. You should be aiming for maximum 2 pounds a week loss, if not then 1 pound. It will require you to eat healthily for months, but its just patience. You should see your Zumba classes as a bonus, not necessatiy.

    Work out your calories your body needs (maintenance) and take 500 calories off it (one pound fat loss a week). Try and work out a diet that will fit into your remaining calories, avoid high calorie snacks like bananas if your limit is hard to stay under, and then any days you do exercise you are able to eat more to fuel those work outs.

    It doesn't take long to train your body to accept smaller amounts of food without feeling hungry leaving that empty feeling. Hope you are able to keep going, and even if you don't do zumba - a walk in the afternoon or after dinner 3/4 times a week will do the world of good aswell.

    You can defintley do it, don't feel rubbish about yourself for missing zumba. Count your calories and try to stay under 500 calories of what your body needs and you will get there. You will find that after a short while you will enjoy the times you do workout knowing they are bonus days and feel less down on the days you dont.
  • zoomybird
    zoomybird Posts: 5 Member
    I so hear you, sister!! If anyone talked to me the way my brain talks to me, I would punch them in the face! I'm my worst critic and my biggest assassin! Hang in there.

    So keep that in mind. You wouldn't let anyone else talk to you the way you talk to yourself! Try and change your internal monologue to the way you would talk to another person. WAY easier said than done!!!! I know!
  • emdeesea
    emdeesea Posts: 1,823 Member
    I could have written your post word for word not too long ago. I know exactly how you feel.

    And unfortunately I can't tell you exactly what happened that helped me to crawl out of that dark hole. Part of it was that I got a better job with better hours. Part of it was that I invested some cash in seeing a trainer once a week. And then I think part of it was just plain old stubbornness.

    I can only tell you to never give up trying. If you fall off... get back up. Keep getting back up. Eventually those days where you got back up again will add up to success and you'll see a difference.
  • enterdanger
    enterdanger Posts: 2,447 Member
    You aren't lazy. You're just busy. Don't let exercise dictate your weight loss. I lost my first 35lbs without any exercise. Being successful at the diet part of weight loss is more indicative of your end results than the exercise piece. Yes, you will feel better, be stronger, and be able to eat a bit more if you exercise, but it isn't necessary to lose weight.

    I agree with @emdeesa. If you keep trying eventually you'll see success. Manage your calories in, so to speak before worrying about calories out.
  • Naptownbabi
    Naptownbabi Posts: 256 Member
    This is so me, I will be on track, making all kinds of good plans for when I get home(cooking meal planning) and something small will happen. and its mcdonalds, and that starts the bad trend again. It's like if I don't stay on the motivational high that I start the day on im a complete failure by the end of the day.
  • VeryKatie
    VeryKatie Posts: 5,961 Member
    edited March 2016
    I am thinking maybe you're starting out with too much. Suddenly adding 5 exercise sessions a week is a lot. Even if your body keeps up and feels good, it's a lot of lifestyle change at once. So when you get those schedule changes - when you previous commitments hit - you can't maintain both.

    Try changing things gradually.

    Commit to 2 times a week at the gym that you refuse to budge on. Next month, add a 3rd... then the month after a 4th, etc. You have to kind of condition your life around it - including other people, in a way. It takes them time to learn your schedule too.

    Just an idea.

    This happens to all of us. Eventually we get better at recognizing when it's happening and correcting it sooner. It's taken me years, and I'm still prone to falling off the wagon. But it's still better than before I started!! So there is progress ;)

    Making good habits can be really hard.
  • TheKrysiaJean
    TheKrysiaJean Posts: 16 Member
    Absolutely I focus on too much at once. It's that part of me that is a perfectionist; if I don't do it right the first time or fall off the wagon....then end of the world!!!

    But I can definitely see me needing to be a bit more harsh on my inner monologue. You are right, if someone spoke to me the way I do; I wouldn't even hesitate to stand up for myself. Always more of a challenge to do it to yourself.

    I think I need to get control of the over-eating as a first. Is it boredom? Is it habit? Is it emotional eating? Is it hunger cures?

    And do the exercises I am enjoying without OVER-doing them...which I have been. I mean I need to not kick my butt if I only do a few Zumba classes a week rather than EVERY day.

    As for being busy...I do have that wonderful 8am - 5pm schedule Monday through Friday...with a 45 minute commute each way. That has been my excuse to pick up dinner on the way home instead of make it. I also work in a corporate office that has a HUGE cafeteria with so many options including Panda Express, Sbarros, sushi, burgers, etc and so forth. And while it has good options too, it is very easy to give in to temptation. On the weekends, time with family and I work burlesque shows in the city late night...which leads to sleeping in, beer, and late night Taco Bell runs!

    I really do need to find that happy balance!
  • Lizzy622
    Lizzy622 Posts: 3,705 Member
    Try a cooker with a timer so healthy dinner is hot and ready when you walk through the door. To me junk food is like crack cocaine. Once I start I need more and more. The food industry actually designs it to be that way. Good luck
  • TheKrysiaJean
    TheKrysiaJean Posts: 16 Member
    It is soooooo addicting!

    The funny thing is that I have Irritable Bowel Syndrome (the only minor medical issue that I have; runs in the family too) and when I eat clean and what could be considered healthy and within what is "safe" for me....by digestive tract hates me. A few tacos from Taco Bell....or sweet pastries....or other processed yummies....and my digestive tract is like; okay, we can handle this. Definitely flip flopped there.
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
    A few thoughts come to mind @TheKrysiaJean . Much of your uncertainty and lack of confidence I can so relate to...three years ago. I'm a different person today. The team that helped me make this change ran me through many classes and a weight loss therapy group. Even though not all the problems expressed by the other brave ladies in my group were the same as mine, I developed a whole new respect for them tackling the weight loss enterprise again. I mean, how many times can you go through failure until your psyche just says, "enough"!

    - I learned about cognitive distortion (look this up on wikipedia) and all-or-nothing thinking. It goes like this, "I just ate one cookie I shouldn't have eaten. I am a failure. Might as well eat the whole box". All of a sudden a 60 calorie hiccup turns in to a 1,600 calorie No Good Very Bad Day. You can teach yourself to see one cookie as a blip, not a curse.
    - Check out Duhigg's book on Habit. You are changing ingrained habits over from one way of living to another. It pays to spend some time thinking about what your triggers are, how you might divert them, and how you can set up "rewards" that are healthier and give you better returns.
    - My confidence jumped in leaps and bounds when I finally got a few successes. It took about four months for me to see real progress. One great success led to another, and I started to feel a whole lot better about myself. Most of my big successes were non-scale victories. Like being able to recover from a fall, or running down a hallway. Things I couldn't do when I was grossly unfit and forty pounds heavier.
    - And finally, I learned the power of baby changes getting through my first Tough Mudder course last year. All the training (mostly mental) paid off. I was able to get up a long muddy slope by breaking the job down in to baby steps. I would slog up five steps, stop, and take a breather. Repeat. Slowly, painfully, I made it. That sort of determination and progress could sum up life. Kind of makes a woman feel like anything is possible.

    I hope you get to feel this sort of success.

    Oh, and if you have IBS, MFP might be able to help you a lot. Instead of trying to eat "clean", stick to the foods that are kind to your system. Simply weigh, portion, and log. Stay in your calorie goal. You will lose weight on these supposedly "bad" foods. Not bad for you.

    I had a work team that had every sort of digestive restriction you could name. It was difficult finding a food we could order in that suited everybody. We settled on cheese pizza. But my IBS lady brought in plain buttered macaroni noodles. It was her thing and her deal.
  • Numer1ca
    Numer1ca Posts: 284 Member
    enterdanger wrote: »
    You aren't lazy. You're just busy. Don't let exercise dictate your weight loss. I lost my first 35lbs without any exercise. Being successful at the diet part of weight loss is more indicative of your end results than the exercise piece. Yes, you will feel better, be stronger, and be able to eat a bit more if you exercise, but it isn't necessary to lose weight.

    .

    Thank you. This is where I am at too. I decided to only focus on diet and not record exercise calories. It's working so far at 7.5 pounds lost.

  • 6502programmer
    6502programmer Posts: 515 Member
    TheKrysiaJean wrote: »
    As for being busy...I do have that wonderful 8am - 5pm schedule Monday through Friday...with a 45 minute commute each way. That has been my excuse to pick up dinner on the way home instead of make it. I also work in a corporate office that has a HUGE cafeteria with so many options including Panda Express, Sbarros, sushi, burgers, etc and so forth. And while it has good options too, it is very easy to give in to temptation. On the weekends, time with family and I work burlesque shows in the city late night...which leads to sleeping in, beer, and late night Taco Bell runs!

    I too have the 8:30-5:00 corporate gig, one hour each way commute, and attached mall with many dining options, including THREE different fast food Chinese restaurants. I do buy lunch most days, but my lunches average 700 calories. I have three basic lunches: hibachi with no rice, all veggies, and double meat, a burrito bowl with tons of veggies, or Chinese with some rice but two servings of veggies and not (usually) fried chicken. All of these come in at 600-800 calories, and work in my day. I cook three or so nights per week, but make my days meals work with my caloric budget for the most part.

    Don't worry about eating "clean". Eat to your body's needs--macros, micros, and tummy. Focus on small, sustainable changes. Don't worry about being a special little snowflake with "your" food at work. When we have lunch (usually pizza) provided, I duck out and get my food. I'm sure some people look at me eating my burrito bowl and scoff about it being more diet friendly than pizza, but I eat for myself and my body, not for what others think.

Categories