How to help a friend with an exercise obsession/addiction?

7elizamae · March 2016

A dear friend of mine seems to have an exercise addiction. She runs when injured and in pain, when ill, and seems panicked if she misses a day of running. Some days she'll run up to 20 miles -- not usually all at once, but on several different runs with different friends. She had an eating disorder in her teens, and I think this may be the 'grown up' version of that.

She had a stress fracture in her ankle last summer, and is currently in a lot of pain due to what seems to be another stress fracture (although that has not yet been confirmed).

When her doctor tells her to rest (like when she had the ankle fracture), she 'rests' by using her elliptical or stationary bike for hours (up to four hours recently) a day. She thinks it's resting because there's no pounding with the elliptical or the bike.

I've mentioned my concern that it's all way too much, and she quickly shuts me down -- says it's her therapy or there are worse things she could do, or something like that.

Thoughts? Have any of you gotten over this kind of behavior? What helped you?

I'm considering a Big Talk with her, but I'm not sure it will make any difference, and she already knows how I feel. I value her friendship very much, and don't want to push her away, but I don't feel right just sitting by watching her behave this way.

jgnatca · March 2016

I agree she's doing an adult version of self destruction. At least with a confrontation talk you have a chance of keeping her.

She might be mad at you for a little while until she gives it a good think.

Brace yourself for some unfair accusations. You might choose to ignore what she says in the heat of the moment.

jgnatca · March 2016

I just remembered that if you ask questions it might help her think. As in "What is the worse thing that could happen if you slowed down?" or "Do you think you could stop voluntarily for 24 hours? If you can't do it might this be unhealthy?" or "If you keep going on this way could you do permanent damage?"

ephiemarie · March 2016

Are you a runner? Or an endurance athlete of any kind? While I certainly can't presume to know all the details, your friend's behavior sounds fairly typical of many runners I have encountered, including myself. Personally, I run because I love the feeling, the freedom, and the solitude. Most days, it's the only time that is truly just for me. I am not ashamed to admit that I NEED it. Even when I'm not "in training" for an event or race, I set weekly mileage goals and feel frustrated if I am unable to meet them. I have run to the point of causing bodily pain, and I ran through that pain as much as I was able. When I couldn't run through it, I rode my bike and swam instead and was an irritable, anxious person until I was able to run again. I run/ride/swim 6 days per week, often doing 2 workouts per day, and I'm still active on my weekly rest day.

I am going to run 20 miles tomorrow, maybe a little more. I am going to push my body nearly to its limits, and it's not because I'm addicted or obsessed. I am an endurance athlete. It's my lifestyle, my hobby, and something that matters very much to my sense of personal well being.

Your friend may certainly have a real problem, but please don't assume her commitment to her sport makes her a faulty human. By pushing the issue, you will likely end up alienating yourself. Perhaps consider supporting your friend instead. Join her for a run. Cheer on the sidelines if she participates in races. Take her out for a post-run meal.

7elizamae · March 2016

jgnatca wrote: »

I just remembered that if you ask questions it might help her think. As in "What is the worse thing that could happen if you slowed down?" or "Do you think you could stop voluntarily for 24 hours? If you can't do it might this be unhealthy?" or "If you keep going on this way could you do permanent damage?"

These are really good questions. They have just the right tone, I think. I know she's very afraid of gaining weight. She was really worried about weight gain last summer with her ankle fracture -- that's when she got the bike so she could still exercise for hours a day with a broken ankle.

annette_15 · March 2016

Link her to this youtube channel and have her watch the videos about Exercise Addiction. It might open her eyes a bit to what shes doing

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MVTPly-hvN0

7elizamae · March 2016

ephiemarie wrote: »

Are you a runner? Or an endurance athlete of any kind? While I certainly can't presume to know all the details, your friend's behavior sounds fairly typical of many runners I have encountered, including myself. Personally, I run because I love the feeling, the freedom, and the solitude. Most days, it's the only time that is truly just for me. I am not ashamed to admit that I NEED it. Even when I'm not "in training" for an event or race, I set weekly mileage goals and feel frustrated if I am unable to meet them. I have run to the point of causing bodily pain, and I ran through that pain as much as I was able. When I couldn't run through it, I rode my bike and swam instead and was an irritable, anxious person until I was able to run again. I run/ride/swim 6 days per week, often doing 2 workouts per day, and I'm still active on my weekly rest day.

I am going to run 20 miles tomorrow, maybe a little more. I am going to push my body nearly to its limits, and it's not because I'm addicted or obsessed. I am an endurance athlete. It's my lifestyle, my hobby, and something that matters very much to my sense of personal well being.

Your friend may certainly have a real problem, but please don't assume her commitment to her sport makes her a faulty human. By pushing the issue, you will likely end up alienating yourself. Perhaps consider supporting your friend instead. Join her for a run. Cheer on the sidelines if she participates in races. Take her out for a post-run meal.

You sound a lot like her. However, I assume (hope) you aren't out cringing in pain while you run with a limp on a broken bone. And for what it's worth, she doesn't think she's obsessed.

7elizamae · March 2016

annette_15 wrote: »

Link her to this youtube channel and have her watch the videos about Exercise Addiction. It might open her eyes a bit to what shes doing

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MVTPly-hvN0

I'm almost certain she would answer "yes" to each of these questions. She never, ever has a rest day. I don't think she could without being quite upset. She'll even run when she has a stomach flu.

And she is stressed out for days before a long plane or car ride. She does talk to me about these things. She just doesn't see them as worrisome -- she's kind of proud of never sitting still, never resting.

I don't know how she would respond to the video. She might just laugh it off, really.

hopeandtheabsurd · March 2016

I honestly do not think there is anything you can do, and if you keep pushing it you may lose her as a friend. Eventually she may get an injury that sidelines her in a way she can't sidestep, and that may be the point at which she needs your help (to listen and be there for her, not lecture her or tell her what to do). She is shutting you down because it's not really your business and that is a boundary she is setting on your relationship. She is the one who will have to decide when and what is enough. You have voiced your concerns, she knows how you feel, and she is seeing a doctor when needed. I would just let it go and try to distance yourself enough that you do not know the details of her daily runs.

(I'm not an endurance athlete).

ann1ta · March 2016

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How to help a friend with an exercise obsession/addiction?

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