How to break up with coworker walking buddy?
krazgrl
Posts: 86 Member
To make what could be a long story short: I walk with a coworker (who has become a good friend too) on our breaks and have been doing this for quite some time. It was great at the beginning when we were still quite overweight and it was something we could do together. Misery loves company, right?
Fast forward 6 months: I’ve lost almost 60lbs and she’s down about 30lbs. I’m at that point where I feel like she’s holding me back from maximizing my walks. I know I'm more serious about the weight loss than she is. I’m also about 4 inches taller than she is and I have a longer stride. Not to mention that when I feel ambitious enough, I’ll actually jog for part of the break.
How do I gently say that I’d rather walk alone? I don’t want her to feel bad because she’s holding me back. Help!
Fast forward 6 months: I’ve lost almost 60lbs and she’s down about 30lbs. I’m at that point where I feel like she’s holding me back from maximizing my walks. I know I'm more serious about the weight loss than she is. I’m also about 4 inches taller than she is and I have a longer stride. Not to mention that when I feel ambitious enough, I’ll actually jog for part of the break.
How do I gently say that I’d rather walk alone? I don’t want her to feel bad because she’s holding me back. Help!
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Replies
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Congrats on your significant progress mate!
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If you value her feelings and her friendship - you can certainly go with a less "intense" workout - and do a more intense workout when you're alone, can't you?0
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It depends how much that friendship means to you and how much you're willing to risk "an atmosphere" at work.
Personally I would probably keep walking with her in the lunch break and just see it as a social thing, as it would only be a tiny proportion of my activity, and do my more competitive stuff before or after work.0 -
Can you tell her something along the lines of "I have so enjoyed our time walking together and I really appreciate you doing this with me. I am needing to up my activity level to running so I have to stop walking so I can run later in the day." Or something along those lines? If you HAVE to exercise at that time then you can tell her you have to start running. Tough situation, but I think said with kindness and what you plan to do instead, you can avoid hurt feelings. If you decide to run during that time she may decide to join you which would help her too. OR, she may start to run and decide she can't do it and part with you.0
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To make what could be a long story short: I walk with a coworker (who has become a good friend too) on our breaks and have been doing this for quite some time. It was great at the beginning when we were still quite overweight and it was something we could do together. Misery loves company, right?
Fast forward 6 months: I’ve lost almost 60lbs and she’s down about 30lbs. I’m at that point where I feel like she’s holding me back from maximizing my walks. I know I'm more serious about the weight loss than she is. I’m also about 4 inches taller than she is and I have a longer stride. Not to mention that when I feel ambitious enough, I’ll actually jog for part of the break.
How do I gently say that I’d rather walk alone? I don’t want her to feel bad because she’s holding me back. Help!
Jog a little more often and walk less.0 -
I had kind of the opposite problem. Co-worker is 5'8" I am 5'2-3/4". My stride is way shorter, and I have shorter legs, but co-worker has a really bad knee.
Luckily, we have a busy season at work and I told her I was coming in earlier so I could walk before we started work and did not want to take time during the day because I have too much work. I really think she was looking for an excuse to quit walking. Three years later, I am still walking in the morning..........by myself. She no longer walks.
Maybe you could tell her you want to run. Do you think she would run with you or would this be a game changer for her?0 -
If you value her feelings and her friendship - you can certainly go with a less "intense" workout - and do a more intense workout when you're alone, can't you?
this would be my choice ^
The journey to health is more than just physical. I had a friend that ditched me as a workout partner when i was slower and she took off on with another group of friends more her speed and told me i couldn't workout with them because i would hold them back (she straight up said that). And i was really hurt when she made that choice over our friendship. Do what you feel is right with your friend, but this is a character defining choice.0 -
You could start the walk with your friend and at some point let her know "Okay, now i'm going to run for a bit! See you at the office!" I run on occasion during my lunch break with a friend. She is much faster than me and usually after we chat for a few minutes while running, I'll say "Okay! I can't keep your pace anymore! I'll see you when we get back!" And off she goes like the fast rabbit she is. No feelings hurt, we still keep our bond and both get what our bodies need.0
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Small_Town_Southern_Man wrote: »
I work a 10 hour day and my commute is about an hour each way. I'm already up at 4:40am and don't get home until 6pm or later (depending on grocery shopping and traffic). By the time I get home, I make dinner and head to bed and am exhausted. My "workouts" are honestly mostly done at work. I have resistance bands at my cubicle even. lol This is why maximizing my time at work is so important to me. I would do more before or after, but I'm honestly not left with much time.
I also feel that I help motivate her to go walking and be more active. But I still see the poor choices she makes when it comes to her diet. It's a little frustrating and I completely value her friendship. She's been sweet enough to tell me to walk on ahead of her but I feel SOOOO guilty. I know I have a nurturing side to me where I will help others even at my own detriment. Another reason why I'm struggling with this.0 -
It depends how much that friendship means to you and how much you're willing to risk "an atmosphere" at work.
Personally I would probably keep walking with her in the lunch break and just see it as a social thing, as it would only be a tiny proportion of my activity, and do my more competitive stuff before or after work.
yeah i agree with this. if you want to break off a friendship to work out, you're bordering on unhealthy/eatingdisordered thinking.0 -
ronjsteele1 wrote: »Can you tell her something along the lines of "I have so enjoyed our time walking together and I really appreciate you doing this with me. I am needing to up my activity level to running so I have to stop walking so I can run later in the day." Or something along those lines? If you HAVE to exercise at that time then you can tell her you have to start running. Tough situation, but I think said with kindness and what you plan to do instead, you can avoid hurt feelings. If you decide to run during that time she may decide to join you which would help her too. OR, she may start to run and decide she can't do it and part with you.
We take our breaks at the same time. My work is flexible with the time of our breaks, but it's just how we've been doing it for so long. I know she's no where close to running when she barely breaks a sweat with walking.0 -
OP, I'm kind of perturbed by your judging yourself as "more serious" than she is just because you lost 60 lbs and she lost 30. It takes a boat load of serious to lose 30lbs in 6 months - maybe she's content at taking it off more slowly knowing this is a marathon, not a sprint. You both are making excellent progress at your own pace.
Again it all depends on how much you value the friendship. Is this strictly a walking friendship - meaning, you're not really friends outside of work? What happens when you get to goal weight and she's still 30 lbs behind? Is she no longer worth being your friend?
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I'm big into being honest with my friends, in the nicest way possible. I don't think you should have to sacrifice your workout time to keep her happy, and a good friend will understand that as long as you still make time for her. Could you tell her that you need to up the intensity level to achieve your goals and will still walk with her for part of the lunch hour but need 20 minutes to run? Or maybe run MWF and walk with her on tuesdays and thursdays as your "rest" days? You may inspire her to start running!0
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If you value her feelings and her friendship - you can certainly go with a less "intense" workout - and do a more intense workout when you're alone, can't you?
THIS!
Although I do understand where you're coming from - maybe you could approach a small routine change by saying something to her like "I've been thinking about jogging on Wednesdays, would you be in to that?" If she says no, that will have at least let her know you wanted to include her and then hopefully you can continue your walks other days as regularly scheduled with no hard feelings. I know where you're coming from but those friendships at work can also be priceless.
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skazzmatter wrote: »It depends how much that friendship means to you and how much you're willing to risk "an atmosphere" at work.
Personally I would probably keep walking with her in the lunch break and just see it as a social thing, as it would only be a tiny proportion of my activity, and do my more competitive stuff before or after work.
yeah i agree with this. if you want to break off a friendship to work out, you're bordering on unhealthy/eatingdisordered thinking.
I'm not anywhere close to breaking off the friendship, don't get me wrong. I just want to walk at my own pace on my breaks. That's it. We still get lunch together and hang out on non-work days too.
I'm at a stage in my weight loss where I'm getting my motivation back and have been successful. It's been such a lifelong struggle and to see myself so close to my goal it's difficult.
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If you value her feelings and her friendship - you can certainly go with a less "intense" workout - and do a more intense workout when you're alone, can't you?
this is what i would do. cardio is a bit different from lifting but i have friends that i've lifted with for years and each of us has progressed differently but we still find a way to make the workouts work. not just work, but we make them extremely productive and enjoyable. i can't imagine a scenario where I told one of them he was off the squad because he wasn't repping two plates yet.
i'd keep walking with her (the same people you meet on the way up are the same people you'll need on the way down) and make some time for a more intense activity at some other point in the day/week. I mean, we talking bout walking. it's only so much more vigor you can add to it. if you've lost 60 it's probably time to step up your game, anyway. maybe start jogging during your break. and if you do, ask her to join you.
oh, and stop looking down your nose at your friend. it's unseemly0 -
OP, I'm kind of perturbed by your judging yourself as "more serious" than she is just because you lost 60 lbs and she lost 30. It takes a boat load of serious to lose 30lbs in 6 months - maybe she's content at taking it off more slowly knowing this is a marathon, not a sprint. You both are making excellent progress at your own pace.
Again it all depends on how much you value the friendship. Is this strictly a walking friendship - meaning, you're not really friends outside of work? What happens when you get to goal weight and she's still 30 lbs behind? Is she no longer worth being your friend?
I say that I'm "more serious" about it because of the other choices she makes and she has even admitted it. I'm keeping to a more strict diet and exercise plan than she is and I have really tried to be that extra motivation for her. Her weight loss is great and I wasn't putting the numbers out there as a direct comparison (definitely was not my intent). I was just showing how we both have been successful thus far.
I will always remain friends with her inside and outside of work and at any weight, etc.
I have a personal goal weight and time frame I am trying to reach and I am trying to stick with it. It may mean I feel a bit more rushed to work out harder to achieve it than anyone else for that matter. I've tried to get her interested in using resistance bands at work. She gives up easily and I know this about her personality.
At what point do you need to put yourself first? This is my dilemma. I still will walk with her and will forever be friends with her. I'm at a point in my weight loss that I need to keep my focus so I don't fail myself.0 -
I like the suggestions of starting to run a couple days a week. Tell her you are upping your game and want to jog 2x a week during break time and see what she says. Just keep it about you and not about her or her "lacking" in this department.0
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I like the suggestions of starting to run a couple days a week. Tell her you are upping your game and want to jog 2x a week during break time and see what she says. Just keep it about you and not about her or her "lacking" in this department.
That's what I'm trying to do but it seems like I'm under attack. lol
What people don't understand here is that I AM upping my game and some of my only times to get in some cardio are during my breaks at work. I want to still motivate her while not forgoing some of my only time to sneak in cardio.
For me to jog at all is a big step and I only started this last week. I have a torn ACL in my left knee and had back surgery - where the doctor has advised that I don't do running because of the impact. I just felt like I needed to go faster and I started jogging and actually enjoyed it for once in my life.
It's those pivotal movements in your journey that can set you up for continued success. This happens to be mine. I wish I could be her personal coach and motivator but I need to do that for myself too. I can only spread myself so thin.0 -
amyrebeccah wrote: »
Seriously-all I'm seeing is little snipes at her because she's lost ONLY 30 pounds in 6 months and because she doesn't make the same food choices as you and because she's not sweating enough.If you value her feelings and her friendship - you can certainly go with a less "intense" workout - and do a more intense workout when you're alone, can't you?
this is what i would do. cardio is a bit different from lifting but i have friends that i've lifted with for years and each of us has progressed differently but we still find a way to make the workouts work. not just work, but we make them extremely productive and enjoyable. i can't imagine a scenario where I told one of them he was off the squad because he wasn't repping two plates yet.
i'd keep walking with her (the same people you meet on the way up are the same people you'll need on the way down) and make some time for a more intense activity at some other point in the day/week. I mean, we talking bout walking. it's only so much more vigor you can add to it. if you've lost 60 it's probably time to step up your game, anyway. maybe start jogging during your break. and if you do, ask her to join you.
oh, and stop looking down your nose at your friend. it's unseemly
This is not the case at all. You are all reading WAY into this.0 -
Not under attack - I didn't mean to make you feel that way. I just feel for your friend, lol.0
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Just tell her your schedule changed. Which it did; you changed it from walking to running. It's not your responsibility to motivate someone else. You guys can still hang out at other times.0
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Not under attack - I didn't mean to make you feel that way. I just feel for your friend, lol.
Wasn't saying you were. Everyone else! lol
I love my coworker like family. I know we want each other to be successful - it's a mutual understanding. I just want to finally reach my goal and I need all the little bit of effort from myself that I can get.
This isn't a forever "break up". Just let me do what I need to do for right now. She's welcome along the journey (I would prefer to have her there) and I hope I help keep her motivated too.
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OP, I'm kind of perturbed by your judging yourself as "more serious" than she is just because you lost 60 lbs and she lost 30. It takes a boat load of serious to lose 30lbs in 6 months - maybe she's content at taking it off more slowly knowing this is a marathon, not a sprint. You both are making excellent progress at your own pace.
Again it all depends on how much you value the friendship. Is this strictly a walking friendship - meaning, you're not really friends outside of work? What happens when you get to goal weight and she's still 30 lbs behind? Is she no longer worth being your friend?
I say that I'm "more serious" about it because of the other choices she makes and she has even admitted it. I'm keeping to a more strict diet and exercise plan than she is and I have really tried to be that extra motivation for her. Her weight loss is great and I wasn't putting the numbers out there as a direct comparison (definitely was not my intent). I was just showing how we both have been successful thus far.
I will always remain friends with her inside and outside of work and at any weight, etc.
I have a personal goal weight and time frame I am trying to reach and I am trying to stick with it. It may mean I feel a bit more rushed to work out harder to achieve it than anyone else for that matter. I've tried to get her interested in using resistance bands at work. She gives up easily and I know this about her personality.
At what point do you need to put yourself first? This is my dilemma. I still will walk with her and will forever be friends with her. I'm at a point in my weight loss that I need to keep my focus so I don't fail myself.
but we're still talking about walking tho. I'm assuming the "other choices" she makes are diet related. well, as long she isn't forcing cupcakes into your mouth during the walk it has zero effect on you. because we're still talking about **walking**. I'm not sure what you mean by maximizing your walks, but I'm betting the total difference between your current break time strolls and a "Max Walk" during a work break is maybe 100 calories at best. As long as you are making the most of your diet you're good to go.
i'm not saying you HAVE to walk with her. if you want to stop, stop. just be real with yourself as to the reasons why.0 -
It's going to take you a bit to work into running longer stretches anyway. C25K starts you out running 30 secs at a time, for Pete's sake.
Why not walk with your friend for a bit, jog out then back and pick up walking with her again. Rinse and repeat. You still get to hang with your friend and get some jogging in. Bonus, maybe your friend will feel like joining you someday. And if not, this makes an easier transition to both of you doing something a bit different on break.0 -
Could you walk with her 2 or 3 times a week and run the others? Walk on breaks, run on lunch, tell her you are training for a 5k? Maybe there is a way to make a compromise that allows you to do both.
I can understand how uncomfortable a position this puts you in. You have to put yourself first, it is something we learn as we lose the weight, but you also are a caring a person.0 -
I don't think you have to break off the friendship. Just tell her you want to try some more strenuous exercise, ask her if she is up for it? Tell her you want to jog some. I agree you could walk with her some and then jog some, if you stretch up ahead then she will probably know it and be ok with it even if it bruises her ego a little.0
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Bring up the convo of couch to 5k maybe? It's a pretty basic progression and maybe she'd be into it if you're still doing it with her. if not, I think the fairest way would be like @wizzybeth suggested, 2x a week for you, the rest with her.
If you want an added challenge, look into buying ankle weights? You could walk the same pace but be doing a little "more" work.
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