How to break up with coworker walking buddy?
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amyrebeccah wrote: »
Seriously-all I'm seeing is little snipes at her because she's lost ONLY 30 pounds in 6 months and because she doesn't make the same food choices as you and because she's not sweating enough.If you value her feelings and her friendship - you can certainly go with a less "intense" workout - and do a more intense workout when you're alone, can't you?
this is what i would do. cardio is a bit different from lifting but i have friends that i've lifted with for years and each of us has progressed differently but we still find a way to make the workouts work. not just work, but we make them extremely productive and enjoyable. i can't imagine a scenario where I told one of them he was off the squad because he wasn't repping two plates yet.
i'd keep walking with her (the same people you meet on the way up are the same people you'll need on the way down) and make some time for a more intense activity at some other point in the day/week. I mean, we talking bout walking. it's only so much more vigor you can add to it. if you've lost 60 it's probably time to step up your game, anyway. maybe start jogging during your break. and if you do, ask her to join you.
oh, and stop looking down your nose at your friend. it's unseemly
This is not the case at all. You are all reading WAY into this.0 -
Not under attack - I didn't mean to make you feel that way. I just feel for your friend, lol.0
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Just tell her your schedule changed. Which it did; you changed it from walking to running. It's not your responsibility to motivate someone else. You guys can still hang out at other times.0
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Not under attack - I didn't mean to make you feel that way. I just feel for your friend, lol.
Wasn't saying you were. Everyone else! lol
I love my coworker like family. I know we want each other to be successful - it's a mutual understanding. I just want to finally reach my goal and I need all the little bit of effort from myself that I can get.
This isn't a forever "break up". Just let me do what I need to do for right now. She's welcome along the journey (I would prefer to have her there) and I hope I help keep her motivated too.
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OP, I'm kind of perturbed by your judging yourself as "more serious" than she is just because you lost 60 lbs and she lost 30. It takes a boat load of serious to lose 30lbs in 6 months - maybe she's content at taking it off more slowly knowing this is a marathon, not a sprint. You both are making excellent progress at your own pace.
Again it all depends on how much you value the friendship. Is this strictly a walking friendship - meaning, you're not really friends outside of work? What happens when you get to goal weight and she's still 30 lbs behind? Is she no longer worth being your friend?
I say that I'm "more serious" about it because of the other choices she makes and she has even admitted it. I'm keeping to a more strict diet and exercise plan than she is and I have really tried to be that extra motivation for her. Her weight loss is great and I wasn't putting the numbers out there as a direct comparison (definitely was not my intent). I was just showing how we both have been successful thus far.
I will always remain friends with her inside and outside of work and at any weight, etc.
I have a personal goal weight and time frame I am trying to reach and I am trying to stick with it. It may mean I feel a bit more rushed to work out harder to achieve it than anyone else for that matter. I've tried to get her interested in using resistance bands at work. She gives up easily and I know this about her personality.
At what point do you need to put yourself first? This is my dilemma. I still will walk with her and will forever be friends with her. I'm at a point in my weight loss that I need to keep my focus so I don't fail myself.
but we're still talking about walking tho. I'm assuming the "other choices" she makes are diet related. well, as long she isn't forcing cupcakes into your mouth during the walk it has zero effect on you. because we're still talking about **walking**. I'm not sure what you mean by maximizing your walks, but I'm betting the total difference between your current break time strolls and a "Max Walk" during a work break is maybe 100 calories at best. As long as you are making the most of your diet you're good to go.
i'm not saying you HAVE to walk with her. if you want to stop, stop. just be real with yourself as to the reasons why.0 -
It's going to take you a bit to work into running longer stretches anyway. C25K starts you out running 30 secs at a time, for Pete's sake.
Why not walk with your friend for a bit, jog out then back and pick up walking with her again. Rinse and repeat. You still get to hang with your friend and get some jogging in. Bonus, maybe your friend will feel like joining you someday. And if not, this makes an easier transition to both of you doing something a bit different on break.0 -
Could you walk with her 2 or 3 times a week and run the others? Walk on breaks, run on lunch, tell her you are training for a 5k? Maybe there is a way to make a compromise that allows you to do both.
I can understand how uncomfortable a position this puts you in. You have to put yourself first, it is something we learn as we lose the weight, but you also are a caring a person.0 -
I don't think you have to break off the friendship. Just tell her you want to try some more strenuous exercise, ask her if she is up for it? Tell her you want to jog some. I agree you could walk with her some and then jog some, if you stretch up ahead then she will probably know it and be ok with it even if it bruises her ego a little.0
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Bring up the convo of couch to 5k maybe? It's a pretty basic progression and maybe she'd be into it if you're still doing it with her. if not, I think the fairest way would be like @wizzybeth suggested, 2x a week for you, the rest with her.
If you want an added challenge, look into buying ankle weights? You could walk the same pace but be doing a little "more" work.
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OP, I'm kind of perturbed by your judging yourself as "more serious" than she is just because you lost 60 lbs and she lost 30. It takes a boat load of serious to lose 30lbs in 6 months - maybe she's content at taking it off more slowly knowing this is a marathon, not a sprint. You both are making excellent progress at your own pace.
Again it all depends on how much you value the friendship. Is this strictly a walking friendship - meaning, you're not really friends outside of work? What happens when you get to goal weight and she's still 30 lbs behind? Is she no longer worth being your friend?
I say that I'm "more serious" about it because of the other choices she makes and she has even admitted it. I'm keeping to a more strict diet and exercise plan than she is and I have really tried to be that extra motivation for her. Her weight loss is great and I wasn't putting the numbers out there as a direct comparison (definitely was not my intent). I was just showing how we both have been successful thus far.
I will always remain friends with her inside and outside of work and at any weight, etc.
I have a personal goal weight and time frame I am trying to reach and I am trying to stick with it. It may mean I feel a bit more rushed to work out harder to achieve it than anyone else for that matter. I've tried to get her interested in using resistance bands at work. She gives up easily and I know this about her personality.
At what point do you need to put yourself first? This is my dilemma. I still will walk with her and will forever be friends with her. I'm at a point in my weight loss that I need to keep my focus so I don't fail myself.
but we're still talking about walking tho. I'm assuming the "other choices" she makes are diet related. well, as long she isn't forcing cupcakes into your mouth during the walk it has zero effect on you. because we're still talking about **walking**. I'm not sure what you mean by maximizing your walks, but I'm betting the total difference between your current break time strolls and a "Max Walk" during a work break is maybe 100 calories at best. As long as you are making the most of your diet you're good to go.
i'm not saying you HAVE to walk with her. if you want to stop, stop. just be real with yourself as to the reasons why.
Now we're getting somewhere with this discussion. What exactly are you trying to do to maximize your walks? If you're just trying to beat her around the building then it doesn't make much if any difference if you go faster than her. There are two ways to increase your calories burned walking.
1. Walk further. Mostly this just means walking for a longer period of time. This is walking, not running. Even a slow run doesn't make a huge difference in calories burned vs walking. Distance walked is the key.
2. Weigh more. If you carried some heavy rocks* in a backpack you would be moving more weight thus burning more calories.
*Whatever you have to add weight works.0 -
You could start the walk with your friend and at some point let her know "Okay, now i'm going to run for a bit! See you at the office!" I run on occasion during my lunch break with a friend. She is much faster than me and usually after we chat for a few minutes while running, I'll say "Okay! I can't keep your pace anymore! I'll see you when we get back!" And off she goes like the fast rabbit she is. No feelings hurt, we still keep our bond and both get what our bodies need.
This is the most respectful approach, I think. You start the walk with your buddy (almost like a warm-up), and at some point you say that you're going to take off now and you'll see her in a bit. She may kick it up a notch and surprise you.
FWIW, I don't think you were being intentionally rude, but some of your points re your friend not being serious do sound a bit condescending. 30 pounds in 6 months is a bit over 1lb/week, which is great, healthy progress. If she can hit that rate of loss while still enjoying the food she likes and not feeling like she has to work out in her cubicle all day, more power to her.0 -
OP, I'm kind of perturbed by your judging yourself as "more serious" than she is just because you lost 60 lbs and she lost 30. It takes a boat load of serious to lose 30lbs in 6 months - maybe she's content at taking it off more slowly knowing this is a marathon, not a sprint. You both are making excellent progress at your own pace.
Again it all depends on how much you value the friendship. Is this strictly a walking friendship - meaning, you're not really friends outside of work? What happens when you get to goal weight and she's still 30 lbs behind? Is she no longer worth being your friend?
I say that I'm "more serious" about it because of the other choices she makes and she has even admitted it. I'm keeping to a more strict diet and exercise plan than she is and I have really tried to be that extra motivation for her. Her weight loss is great and I wasn't putting the numbers out there as a direct comparison (definitely was not my intent). I was just showing how we both have been successful thus far.
I will always remain friends with her inside and outside of work and at any weight, etc.
I have a personal goal weight and time frame I am trying to reach and I am trying to stick with it. It may mean I feel a bit more rushed to work out harder to achieve it than anyone else for that matter. I've tried to get her interested in using resistance bands at work. She gives up easily and I know this about her personality.
At what point do you need to put yourself first? This is my dilemma. I still will walk with her and will forever be friends with her. I'm at a point in my weight loss that I need to keep my focus so I don't fail myself.
but we're still talking about walking tho. I'm assuming the "other choices" she makes are diet related. well, as long she isn't forcing cupcakes into your mouth during the walk it has zero effect on you. because we're still talking about **walking**. I'm not sure what you mean by maximizing your walks, but I'm betting the total difference between your current break time strolls and a "Max Walk" during a work break is maybe 100 calories at best. As long as you are making the most of your diet you're good to go.
i'm not saying you HAVE to walk with her. if you want to stop, stop. just be real with yourself as to the reasons why.
Now we're getting somewhere with this discussion. What exactly are you trying to do to maximize your walks? If you're just trying to beat her around the building then it doesn't make much if any difference if you go faster than her. There are two ways to increase your calories burned walking.
1. Walk further. Mostly this just means walking for a longer period of time. This is walking, not running. Even a slow run doesn't make a huge difference in calories burned vs walking. Distance walked is the key.
2. Weigh more. If you carried some heavy rocks* in a backpack you would be moving more weight thus burning more calories.
*Whatever you have to add weight works.
I was thinking along the same lines...
You can buy some leg and/or arm weights. 2.5lbs on each would give you an extra 10lbs easy. That should put a little more into your walk0 -
Small_Town_Southern_Man wrote: »
I work a 10 hour day and my commute is about an hour each way. I'm already up at 4:40am and don't get home until 6pm or later (depending on grocery shopping and traffic). By the time I get home, I make dinner and head to bed and am exhausted. My "workouts" are honestly mostly done at work. I have resistance bands at my cubicle even. lol This is why maximizing my time at work is so important to me. I would do more before or after, but I'm honestly not left with much time.
I also feel that I help motivate her to go walking and be more active. But I still see the poor choices she makes when it comes to her diet. It's a little frustrating and I completely value her friendship. She's been sweet enough to tell me to walk on ahead of her but I feel SOOOO guilty. I know I have a nurturing side to me where I will help others even at my own detriment. Another reason why I'm struggling with this.
I don't think the friendship/working relationship comes first at the cost of your fitness. If you are able to carry on a conversation, you are basically taking a leisurely stroll and not making good use of your only convenient time to exercise. You are feeling frustrated, and since she suggested that you walk ahead, she is somewhat aware of how you are feeling.
Why not just explain that you need to walk fast to break a sweat and relieve work stress? Go ahead and start walking at the pace you want, and she will either keep up or tell you to go on ahead... and do it!
It isn't your job to motivate your coworker any longer. You are not her personal trainer.
(I have a good friend at my gym who is 4" shorter. We walk on the 200 meter indoor track. I sometimes suggest that we walk fast, and she speeds up pretty good. Other times, I tell her I'm running for 20 minutes, and we meet up for walking after. There are some days that my workouts don't seem hard enough, but that's ok, since I can make up for it on other days - when she isn't there.
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Arm/ankle weights and/or weighted back pack would amp up your calorie burn.0
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It's going to take you a bit to work into running longer stretches anyway. C25K starts you out running 30 secs at a time, for Pete's sake.
Why not walk with your friend for a bit, jog out then back and pick up walking with her again. Rinse and repeat. You still get to hang with your friend and get some jogging in. Bonus, maybe your friend will feel like joining you someday. And if not, this makes an easier transition to both of you doing something a bit different on break.
I was just going to mention this. C25K would work for both of you if she wanted.
or
Tell your friend you want to run a couple times a week on break instead of walking
or
if you are the motivator motivate your friend to walk faster
or
be the adult and be up front and honest that you want more out of your walks/runs and you are going to start pushing harder but she is still more than welcome to join you.
you feel guilty about pushing ahead your friend has already told you to go ahead....
ETA: I actually feel for you as I am a fast walker and do it on my own time...times when I walk with others I feel like I didn't get a good enough work out in and have been known to add in a mile or two after they leave or are done...aka husband...0 -
skazzmatter wrote: »It depends how much that friendship means to you and how much you're willing to risk "an atmosphere" at work.
Personally I would probably keep walking with her in the lunch break and just see it as a social thing, as it would only be a tiny proportion of my activity, and do my more competitive stuff before or after work.
yeah i agree with this. if you want to break off a friendship to work out, you're bordering on unhealthy/eatingdisordered thinking.
Seriously? You've got to he kidding. That is ridiculous.
OP I have had experiences where people I work with wanted to start going to the gym with me and use me as motivation. That's fine. What wasn't fine was when I started changing the gym schedule that worked for me in order to cater to them, and then realizing they aren't serious about it at all and would ditch me. Ending up with my schedule screwed over for no reason. Luckily these people just stopped going to the gym and I stopped caring about what they did. Yes, I am more serious than them. They are busy trying magic pills and cleanses while I am working my butt off and getting results.
Not exactly the same situation, I know. Just letting you know it's okay to do something for yourself. However you go about it - if she is a friend then she will understand. I would agree that maybe you keep your walking partner a couple days a week and start to jog on other days. Mention it to her and see how she feels.0 -
OP, I'm kind of perturbed by your judging yourself as "more serious" than she is just because you lost 60 lbs and she lost 30. It takes a boat load of serious to lose 30lbs in 6 months - maybe she's content at taking it off more slowly knowing this is a marathon, not a sprint. You both are making excellent progress at your own pace.
Again it all depends on how much you value the friendship. Is this strictly a walking friendship - meaning, you're not really friends outside of work? What happens when you get to goal weight and she's still 30 lbs behind? Is she no longer worth being your friend?
Obviously, if one is losing at a faster pace than the other, one of the two is more serious about weight loss and fitness... Especially when one is outpacing the other.
If both were equally serious, the weight would be coming off at about the same rate.
This is coming from someone who lost ~55lbs in a year. People losing 100lbs in the same time were obviously more serious about their weight loss than I was. It's not a slight, it's just a fact.0 -
Not under attack - I didn't mean to make you feel that way. I just feel for your friend, lol.
Wasn't saying you were. Everyone else! lol
I love my coworker like family. I know we want each other to be successful - it's a mutual understanding. I just want to finally reach my goal and I need all the little bit of effort from myself that I can get.
This isn't a forever "break up". Just let me do what I need to do for right now. She's welcome along the journey (I would prefer to have her there) and I hope I help keep her motivated too.
It's crazy you have to defend yourself for wanting to get a little more intense. I think your friend will understand that you'd like to do a little bit more. Honestly, aren't friends supposed to be supportive? Maybe if you still make time for her a couple days a week - seems like it'll be the best of both worlds. You could start out walking and say hey... lets try something different, do you want to try to jog? Besides, I can't really believe you'd have to choose between being friends and walking together. That seems a little extreme.
And for everyone saying you can only get so much more out of walking... It all adds up. So you get an extra 20 calories a day, that's 100 a week!
Don't feel the need to defend yourself for wanting to better yourself. If they are as good a friend as you are saying, they will be supportive and happy - and odds are it'll help motivate them more too. Win win in my book.0 -
It's going to take you a bit to work into running longer stretches anyway. C25K starts you out running 30 secs at a time, for Pete's sake.
Why not walk with your friend for a bit, jog out then back and pick up walking with her again. Rinse and repeat. You still get to hang with your friend and get some jogging in. Bonus, maybe your friend will feel like joining you someday. And if not, this makes an easier transition to both of you doing something a bit different on break.
I like this idea. It's what I often do when I'm out with a slower partner: I do Fartleks
Run ahead by 30 seconds, double back walking. Rinse, repeat. 0
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