How to break up with coworker walking buddy?

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Replies

  • krazgrl
    krazgrl Posts: 86 Member
    There are too many people to quote here.

    First and foremost, let me reiterate that I am NOT breaking up my friendship. No way, no how, not ever. We are super close and will remain to be regardless of what path we're on be it life, career, or fitness.

    Thank you to all those who understood what I was getting at. I was not using the numbers as comparison, just as a way to show that we both have been making progress and we just started our journeys about 6 months ago.


    The original reason for this post was because I was starting to feel guilty when I felt good about walking by myself on days she's out or is caught up with work. I felt a sense of relief when she tells me to go on ahead. I am NOT the kind of person to leave a friend behind and my guilt was overwhelming.

    Thank you also to those with great ideas!
    1. I signed up for a 5K in May with my fiancé and when I told my coworker about it, she laughed and was self-defeating. I keep telling her that it would be a fun thing for us to do together in the future (a different one that would be more local than the one I already signed up for). I think she's skeptical about it but I think she's slowly coming around to the idea the more I talk about it.

    2. I like the idea of adding weights. I've always been hesitant to add weights since I've had back surgery (lumbar fusion) and have a torn ACL from a soccer injury when I was 18 - no, I haven't had it repaired. I love the idea of the weighted vest for the equal weight distribution.

    3. Side note, we only work 4 days a week (10 hour days). We walk daily at 9:30 and 2:30. I try to get a more vigorous walk in during the morning session due to fatigue and weather and am more willing to match her pace in the afternoon. I always tell her how great she's doing and to keep up her pace, etc. She jokes that I'm her personal trainer.

    4. For those that mentioned the competitive aspect. I am super competitive and she's not. This would not motivate her to her full potential.

    Finally, I'm not choosing between my friendship and my fitness. I see her all day at work and during breaks and often at lunch too AND we see each other on days off. I was just looking for a win-win where I can still motivate her to keep on with her journey to being healthy and I can be on mine. I feel that I hit that "fork in the road" and my path may be different than hers.
  • walkjem
    walkjem Posts: 47 Member
    Unleash the beast.

    You can't let anyone, even friends, hold you back from your goals.

    If that was my co-worker I'd chuck the deuces and speed off in a cloud of dust like the Roadrunner.

    This cracked me up! Love it!

    Some of the women are taking the OP's comments a bit too personnally. Some are warning her about ruining a friendship, telling her that she should permanently pace her workouts with someone slower, blah, blah, blah. Then a guy steps in...

  • williams969
    williams969 Posts: 2,528 Member
    I guess I have very different friendship dynamics. This would my imagined conversation:

    Me: Hey, I'm starting C25K (or whatevs), so my program is now run/walking MWF. Tues and and Thurs I'll be just walking for lunch. You want in? Or we can just do our things and meet back at the water cooler.

    Them: Sounds cool. I'll have to look into that program. I'll let you know tomorrow if it's something I want to do, too. You rock!

    Me: No, YOU rock! Love ya, girl.


    See? Easy.
  • kissedbythesunshine
    kissedbythesunshine Posts: 416 Member
    edited March 2016
    This is a hard one. If it were me, I would continue walking with my friend. I wouldn't dare leave her after we've been walking together on break for so long. Is this the only exercise you get in a day? Sorry if you already answered as I only read a few of the comments. Certainly you could do a jog sometime after work?
  • BZAH10
    BZAH10 Posts: 5,696 Member
    " I feel that I hit that "fork in the road" and my path may be different than hers. " - nothing wrong with this at all. OP, I can tell you have the best of intentions and that you don't want to hurt your friend, but earlier in the thread you asked, "When do you put yourself first?" I personally think you always should. You have to take care of yourself first before you are of benefit to others.

    Your friend laughing at you when you told her about the 5k is not nice. You can only do so much for other people. Keep doing what you're doing as far as the friendship and increase the intensity of your AM walks and do a slower paced afternoon walk. Transitioning into jogging takes some time, particularly with your injuries, so take it slow. You don't want to get derailed by overdoing it.
  • SarcasmIsMyLoveLanguage
    SarcasmIsMyLoveLanguage Posts: 2,671 Member
    I find myself in a similar situation. My BFF and I both started MFP around the same time. I've lost 65lbs and she's probably gained weight. We are running buddies, always have been. I am now definitely more fit that she is, and our runs are much slower and shorter than my solo runs. Sometimes I don't even break a sweat when we run together. She's always telling me she feels bad for holding me back, but I look at our runs as a) I'm still exercising and b) I'm spending time with a friend. Maybe you just need to change your mindset about the situation. Enjoy your leisurely walks with your friend a couple of times a week and sweat it out yourself on other days?
  • bibliocephalus
    bibliocephalus Posts: 74 Member
    JayRuby84 wrote: »
    You could start the walk with your friend and at some point let her know "Okay, now i'm going to run for a bit! See you at the office!" I run on occasion during my lunch break with a friend. She is much faster than me and usually after we chat for a few minutes while running, I'll say "Okay! I can't keep your pace anymore! I'll see you when we get back!" And off she goes like the fast rabbit she is. No feelings hurt, we still keep our bond and both get what our bodies need.

    +1
  • krazgrl
    krazgrl Posts: 86 Member
    This is a hard one. If it were me, I would continue walking with my friend. I wouldn't dare leave her after we've been walking together on break for so long. Is this the only exercise you get in a day? Sorry if you already answered as I only read a few of the comments. Certainly you could do a jog sometime after work?

    No worries. This thread derailed quite a bit in a way I wasn't prepared for. (It's been a LONG time since I've been active on any forum and I should have known better...)

    But yes, due to long work hours and a long commute, my work outs are primarily during working hours.
    BZAH10 wrote: »
    " I feel that I hit that "fork in the road" and my path may be different than hers. " - nothing wrong with this at all. OP, I can tell you have the best of intentions and that you don't want to hurt your friend, but earlier in the thread you asked, "When do you put yourself first?" I personally think you always should. You have to take care of yourself first before you are of benefit to others.

    Your friend laughing at you when you told her about the 5k is not nice. You can only do so much for other people. Keep doing what you're doing as far as the friendship and increase the intensity of your AM walks and do a slower paced afternoon walk. Transitioning into jogging takes some time, particularly with your injuries, so take it slow. You don't want to get derailed by overdoing it.

    I really appreciate your understanding. I definitely am walking away from this thread with some great advice and some things to consider. (My "jogging" literally is just the length of the short end of our building - lmao... we walk in the parking lot which is a big "U" shape. My jog is that bottom of the "U" until I can get myself back into jogging/running shape. Even when I played soccer my whole life, I always despised running - which makes it more important to me now that I actually want to.)
  • Shalynlink
    Shalynlink Posts: 45 Member
    krazgrl wrote: »
    To make what could be a long story short: I walk with a coworker (who has become a good friend too) on our breaks and have been doing this for quite some time. It was great at the beginning when we were still quite overweight and it was something we could do together. Misery loves company, right?

    Fast forward 6 months: I’ve lost almost 60lbs and she’s down about 30lbs. I’m at that point where I feel like she’s holding me back from maximizing my walks. I know I'm more serious about the weight loss than she is. I’m also about 4 inches taller than she is and I have a longer stride. Not to mention that when I feel ambitious enough, I’ll actually jog for part of the break.

    How do I gently say that I’d rather walk alone? I don’t want her to feel bad because she’s holding me back. Help!

    I hear you - I had the same situation with running. My friend was running with me and her pace was a lot slower than mine which in turn held me back. I just told her I wanted to ramp things up pace-wise so if she was interested, to join me! I told her I didn't want to not include her but wanted to go faster. There is nothing wrong with making that choice (it is not disordered or weird as some might state) it's very commonplace in the running community to ditch friends for faster pace groups. We all meet at the end of runs and go for friend coffees so I would suggest that. Good Job on the weight loss!!
  • mom23mangos
    mom23mangos Posts: 3,070 Member
    edited March 2016
    stealthq wrote: »
    It's going to take you a bit to work into running longer stretches anyway. C25K starts you out running 30 secs at a time, for Pete's sake.

    Why not walk with your friend for a bit, jog out then back and pick up walking with her again. Rinse and repeat. You still get to hang with your friend and get some jogging in. Bonus, maybe your friend will feel like joining you someday. And if not, this makes an easier transition to both of you doing something a bit different on break.

    This is how I handle it with my husband. I am not in great shape cardio wise, but my husband is even less and is overweight. I would like to use my cardio days to ride my bike to work, but he has been willing to go for runs with me instead. I would rather spend that time with my husband and have it motivate him to do something physical, than get a longer workout in. Since we are out of shape, we do a HIIT circuit going from walking, to jogging, to running and back to walking,etc. I can last longer than him on the runs, so I just run ahead and then double back to catch up with him on the walk.
  • litsy3
    litsy3 Posts: 783 Member
    If you are only just starting jogging and have a history of injury, you do NOT want to be running too much at a time. As others have suggested, you not only CAN keep most of your walks with your friend (and do a walk/jog by yourself a couple of days a week) but you probably SHOULD to keep yourself from pushing too hard and getting injured. You can inspire and encourage her, and in return, she can do you a favour by holding you back from hurting yourself by being too keen.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,399 Member
    Try just "running" while she walks beside you, meaning you bring your knees up like a jog and just go at the same pace as she walks. The higher your knees the more the calorie burn even if you're not going at a fast pace.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

    9285851.png
  • BettyDares
    BettyDares Posts: 1,498 Member
    walkjem wrote: »
    Unleash the beast.

    You can't let anyone, even friends, hold you back from your goals.

    If that was my co-worker I'd chuck the deuces and speed off in a cloud of dust like the Roadrunner.

    This cracked me up! Love it!

    Some of the women are taking the OP's comments a bit too personnally. Some are warning her about ruining a friendship, telling her that she should permanently pace her workouts with someone slower, blah, blah, blah. Then a guy steps in...

    This cracked me up too because, you're so right, many of us ladies had a WAAAYY different take on a situation like this! Based on the OPs comments, she is very sensitive to her co-worker and their friendship but I think many of us were (at first) thinking like "WOAH, what if someone I enjoyed a walk with everyday told me I was too slow and they wanted to jog instead of walking with me..." which definitely seems like NOT the case. Hope everything works out well OP!
  • stealthq
    stealthq Posts: 4,298 Member
    BZAH10 wrote: »
    " I feel that I hit that "fork in the road" and my path may be different than hers. " - nothing wrong with this at all. OP, I can tell you have the best of intentions and that you don't want to hurt your friend, but earlier in the thread you asked, "When do you put yourself first?" I personally think you always should. You have to take care of yourself first before you are of benefit to others.

    Your friend laughing at you when you told her about the 5k is not nice. You can only do so much for other people. Keep doing what you're doing as far as the friendship and increase the intensity of your AM walks and do a slower paced afternoon walk. Transitioning into jogging takes some time, particularly with your injuries, so take it slow. You don't want to get derailed by overdoing it.

    I don't think OP's friend laughed at her. Not in the way you mean.

    OP said she was being self-defeating - sounds like there's some self-deprecation going on and she's either 1) not ready to see that she's capable of more than she thinks, or 2) is simply disinterested in running and instead of just saying so, she's deflecting with the idea that she's not capable.
  • Amym26
    Amym26 Posts: 83 Member
    edited March 2016
    In past working environments I have walked with others. I always just walked at my own pace. (if I was slower, then I was behind them eventually, or I was faster and ahead of them). I never really thought too much about it, I just went at my own pace. My feelings weren't hurt if I was left behind. The only thing I really felt was I needed to get in better shape! I think it's sweet that you do care about her feelings, that is troubling you enough to ask on this message board, what to do. I'm a big believer in being honest. Just tell her you want to walk faster, or that you want to jog. She can either try to join you, or she can lag behind. You can still go out together.
  • rsenor
    rsenor Posts: 57 Member
    I had this problem with my mom...I LOVE spending time with her and we would often do it while walking, so I asked her if she minded if I ran for a bit here and there. So I would run away for a minute and then run back for a minute and then walk with her for 2. Sprinting for a minute followed by a bit of walking is actually a super effective cardiovascular workout (much moreso than fast walking or slow jogging) so perhaps try jogging for a minute away from her and then back to her, and then walk with her again.

    Or if you're friends otherwise suggest going out for a healthy lunch once a week or something. There is definitely a way to do this without hurting feelings. Everyone has a different journey. Be sensitive and treat her how you would want to be treated, and you'll come out of the other side fine.
  • litsy3
    litsy3 Posts: 783 Member
    I sometimes run with my coworker. I run on ahead and then loop back and run round him in actual circles. He loves it.
  • KittyInBoots
    KittyInBoots Posts: 226 Member
    I thought I might add this. Your friend may have not necessarily lost the 30lbs if it wasn't for you, so you have to remember this is mutually beneficial for both of you. If you leave her behind she may not be motivated to keep going. That is why I like rsenor's idea! That really is a good one!

    Congrats to you and your friend for losing that weight!
  • LivingtheLeanDream
    LivingtheLeanDream Posts: 13,345 Member
    wizzybeth wrote: »
    If you value her feelings and her friendship - you can certainly go with a less "intense" workout - and do a more intense workout when you're alone, can't you?

    ^^ This

    It's really nice having company when working out....