How to break up with coworker walking buddy?
Replies
-
I had a difficult situation happen to me a year ago. I was working out at the gym with a coworker on our break and I had been taking too long with changing, so she got mad at me, bruised my arm by slamming her trunk door on it, and didn't speak to me for a month. I wish she had been as concerned of my feelings as you are for your coworker.
I would definitely talk with your friend and tell her that you are thinking about picking up the pace for your workouts. You've already said this is the only time you can do them, so this is your time! You hang out with her outside of work, so you could always take a slower stroll with her another time. Talk with her and see what she thinks. She's already said that you can walk ahead of her - you may be surprised at her response! And who knows, maybe you will decide to go at your own pace only a few days a week. Maybe she will start to pick up her pace to catch up!
Hope it works out!0 -
missblondi2u wrote: »coreyreichle wrote: »OP, I'm kind of perturbed by your judging yourself as "more serious" than she is just because you lost 60 lbs and she lost 30. It takes a boat load of serious to lose 30lbs in 6 months - maybe she's content at taking it off more slowly knowing this is a marathon, not a sprint. You both are making excellent progress at your own pace.
Again it all depends on how much you value the friendship. Is this strictly a walking friendship - meaning, you're not really friends outside of work? What happens when you get to goal weight and she's still 30 lbs behind? Is she no longer worth being your friend?
Obviously, if one is losing at a faster pace than the other, one of the two is more serious about weight loss and fitness... Especially when one is outpacing the other.
If both were equally serious, the weight would be coming off at about the same rate.
This is coming from someone who lost ~55lbs in a year. People losing 100lbs in the same time were obviously more serious about their weight loss than I was. It's not a slight, it's just a fact.
This would only be true if they had the exact same stats. She already said her friend is 4 inches shorter, so she likely has less room for a deficit while still getting her basic nutrition. Besides, faster weight loss does not equal more serious weight loss. Losing too fast will result in losing muscle mass, which no one wants.
And those people who lost 100 pounds in the same time it took you to lose 50 may have had much more to lose. Comparing numbers like that is at best meaningless and at worst destructive.shrinkingletters wrote: »coreyreichle wrote: »OP, I'm kind of perturbed by your judging yourself as "more serious" than she is just because you lost 60 lbs and she lost 30. It takes a boat load of serious to lose 30lbs in 6 months - maybe she's content at taking it off more slowly knowing this is a marathon, not a sprint. You both are making excellent progress at your own pace.
Again it all depends on how much you value the friendship. Is this strictly a walking friendship - meaning, you're not really friends outside of work? What happens when you get to goal weight and she's still 30 lbs behind? Is she no longer worth being your friend?
Obviously, if one is losing at a faster pace than the other, one of the two is more serious about weight loss and fitness... Especially when one is outpacing the other.
If both were equally serious, the weight would be coming off at about the same rate.
This is coming from someone who lost ~55lbs in a year. People losing 100lbs in the same time were obviously more serious about their weight loss than I was. It's not a slight, it's just a fact.
People losing 100lbs in the same time it took you to lose that 55lbs or so weren't "more serious", they simply had different goals. It sounds like both of you were as serious as the other to reach your individual goals.
I so agree with both of you ladies.
0 -
If you value her feelings and her friendship - you can certainly go with a less "intense" workout - and do a more intense workout when you're alone, can't you?
this is what i would do. cardio is a bit different from lifting but i have friends that i've lifted with for years and each of us has progressed differently but we still find a way to make the workouts work. not just work, but we make them extremely productive and enjoyable. i can't imagine a scenario where I told one of them he was off the squad because he wasn't repping two plates yet.
i'd keep walking with her (the same people you meet on the way up are the same people you'll need on the way down) and make some time for a more intense activity at some other point in the day/week. I mean, we talking bout walking. it's only so much more vigor you can add to it. if you've lost 60 it's probably time to step up your game, anyway. maybe start jogging during your break. and if you do, ask her to join you.
oh, and stop looking down your nose at your friend. it's unseemly
agreed- its' a mighty high horse upon which you ride- how about pushing yourself- and encouraging her still.
Life's golden rule- "don't be a d*ck"0 -
I like the suggestions of starting to run a couple days a week. Tell her you are upping your game and want to jog 2x a week during break time and see what she says. Just keep it about you and not about her or her "lacking" in this department.
That's what I'm trying to do but it seems like I'm under attack. lol
What people don't understand here is that I AM upping my game and some of my only times to get in some cardio are during my breaks at work. I want to still motivate her while not forgoing some of my only time to sneak in cardio.
For me to jog at all is a big step and I only started this last week. I have a torn ACL in my left knee and had back surgery - where the doctor has advised that I don't do running because of the impact. I just felt like I needed to go faster and I started jogging and actually enjoyed it for once in my life.
It's those pivotal movements in your journey that can set you up for continued success. This happens to be mine. I wish I could be her personal coach and motivator but I need to do that for myself too. I can only spread myself so thin.
I'm about 90% more fit than all of my immediate friends. My dance friends dance. and that's it.
I run occasionally with one of them. She can't run for more than 2 minutes straight- but she has to work on her cardio- so I go run with her. it's still useful time for me.
guess what- I up my game on my own time. You can to.
You CAN actually be a good friend- still walk with her and encourage her- and *gasp* enjoy her company- AND still meet your own goals.0 -
I had this problem with my mom...I LOVE spending time with her and we would often do it while walking, so I asked her if she minded if I ran for a bit here and there. So I would run away for a minute and then run back for a minute and then walk with her for 2. Sprinting for a minute followed by a bit of walking is actually a super effective cardiovascular workout (much moreso than fast walking or slow jogging) so perhaps try jogging for a minute away from her and then back to her, and then walk with her again.
Or if you're friends otherwise suggest going out for a healthy lunch once a week or something. There is definitely a way to do this without hurting feelings. Everyone has a different journey. Be sensitive and treat her how you would want to be treated, and you'll come out of the other side fine.
For the lurkers, not to start a discussion.
Interval training is a more effective workout for some purposes. Low intensity cardio like fitness walking, slower running, etc is a more effective workout for others. Each type of workout trains different aspects of cardiovascular fitness.0 -
My vote is for the Dragon Ball Z solution.
First level, get some weighted clothing.
Once that no longer works, you'll need a scientist to develop a gravity machine for you, but I think that's down the road when 300 lb of weights while walking no longer make a difference.0 -
For the lurkers, not to start a discussion.
Interval training is a more effective workout for some purposes. Low intensity cardio like fitness walking, slower running, etc is a more effective workout for others. Each type of workout trains different aspects of cardiovascular fitness.
ok, for calorie burning (which I think most people here are trying to do), higher intensity interval training is more effective than low intensity non-interval training.0 -
W/o reading through everyone's back and forth posts, what I would do is get some ankle weights, ones where you can add to them as your fitness level goes up. Also, maybe some hand weights and swing your arms a bit more when you stride.0
-
You could start the walk with your friend and at some point let her know "Okay, now i'm going to run for a bit! See you at the office!" I run on occasion during my lunch break with a friend. She is much faster than me and usually after we chat for a few minutes while running, I'll say "Okay! I can't keep your pace anymore! I'll see you when we get back!" And off she goes like the fast rabbit she is. No feelings hurt, we still keep our bond and both get what our bodies need.
I like this answer.0 -
I think OP handled it well. I get her need to manage her exercise time well. I think that this entire friendship does not hinge on this one opportunity to walk together - surely they can meet up outside of work. I feel badly at some of the remarks made to her. I truly do think this is a friend she cares about and that she's got good intentions here.
More power to you, OP, for taking responsibility for your fitness, assessing the situation, seeking advice, and moving forward. Sometimes the best way to motivate/inspire them is by YOU taking action like this. GL on your 5K.0 -
Hey! I'm the slow friend of my friends who work out. When I go running with faster friends, we jog/warm up for a short time together and then they split from me to move ahead. I don't have any issues with that because 1. I know I'm slower 2. I know I'm undermining their ability to maximize their own health goals should I demand they stay with me 3. Time is precious and 4. Demanding other people tailor their weight loss goals to fit my slower pace is selfish af, especially when they're super pressed for time.
C'mon. If the slower friend posted about how she cut her friend off for wanting to make a more efficient use of her time during the one hour or so they have to work out, would those of you saying the OP is a selfish friend applaud the slower friend?!0 -
I think if I were her friend I would say "Go ahead girl do your thing" and that would motivate me to work harder. But if it didn't I wouldn't hold it against her if she wanted to walk faster. But that's just me.0
-
I have not read all so this might have been suggested. Can you discuss with her your needs and come to a compromise? Ask if she is willing to up the pace for short timeframes, suggest that you run ahead 1-2 blocks then run back and walk the next 1-2 blocks with her, walk 3 days a week and run the other two without her, things like that.
Personally, I would just do my harder workout later, but if time is a factor I can understand your need.0 -
I'm sorry for some of the comments you're getting on your post, some of them are just.... ugh. But that's not the point.
I would maybe tell her that you're wanting to up your game and do the jogging, or speed walking, etc like a few others have suggested. I don't see a way she could have her feelings hurt bc you want to try to walk faster or jog. She can still come and do her walking... but you just go faster and don't feel bad about leaving her behind. Since she offers for you to go ahead without her anyways, maybe she wouldn't really mind! Maybe start out jogging or speed walking w/e a couple of times a week and bump it up from there to more. Good luck!0 -
OP, if it were me, I would tell her upfront and say I wish to try "powerwalking" and when my injuries are healed, I wish to try running, too. I doubt if she would overthink any of it and say "okay." Then i would tell her what day you are going to do this...like, say, tomorrow...or next week. This would give her a chance to bring an iPod or something. And I bet you guys chat & visit too, during the workday.
I used to walk w/3 coworkers @ lunch. The 3rd dropped off fairly quickly and walked more her own pace as the 2 of us got more walk-fit and were powerwalking. Then the 2nd one was panting to keep up with me even as the two of us got even more walk-fit until it was a joke between all 3 of us. The 2nd coworker? She said I was her inspiration lol. The 3rd coworker? She still walked As for all 3 of us? We remain good friends to this day. And this was 25 years ago.
0 -
I think you need to put yourself first.
I would just go at a different time, alone, clear your mind, go at your own pace, get a good workout into your already busy day. Yo can tell her why if you want to but it is not set into stone that you need to match her slow pace.
If she is your friend, she will understand.
You don't need to "hold her hand" during her lunch breaks or be responsible for her exercise.
Don't feel guilty for taking care of you and your needs.
If you guys are still friends then you'll find time to hang out at a different day.
Do what makes you happy.0 -
She offered when asked about holding you back so she knows. No eating disorder situation here. Approach her with one of the suggestions about moving ahead, one or both of you, and keep your goals.0
-
continue walking with her but you wear a weighted vest or a backpack. It makes your work out harder.0
-
"Hey, I'm going to start working on increasing my speed, so if I start walking faster, it's not because I don't want to walk with you!" Who knows, maybe that's what she needs to give her a push into walking faster too and she just thought you were both enjoying the same pace. Maybe she has no desire to go any faster. You can still start off in the same spot, and when you're done, you can go back and finish walking with her if you do pull ahead.How do I gently say that I’d rather walk alone? I don’t want her to feel bad because she’s holding me back. Help!
Ironically, I went walking with a friend who is significantly shorter than me (I'm 5'8, she's 5'2) and her stride was longer, and *I* had to push myself to keep up.
Kudos to you both on the great loss!0 -
Soooo as I was reading the comments, I thought "if they're really good friends, the other friend should understand that OP wants to up her game." Then I read where you said she already told you to go ahead, but you feel guilty. Do the issue is not your friend, she seems completely aware that you walk faster than she does and has offered to accommodate your differing ability levels. Problem solved.0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 391.2K Introduce Yourself
- 43.4K Getting Started
- 259.7K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.6K Food and Nutrition
- 47.3K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 386 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.7K Motivation and Support
- 7.8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.4K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.2K MyFitnessPal Information
- 22 News and Announcements
- 895 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.2K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions