How to break up with coworker walking buddy?
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There are too many people to quote here.
First and foremost, let me reiterate that I am NOT breaking up my friendship. No way, no how, not ever. We are super close and will remain to be regardless of what path we're on be it life, career, or fitness.
Thank you to all those who understood what I was getting at. I was not using the numbers as comparison, just as a way to show that we both have been making progress and we just started our journeys about 6 months ago.
The original reason for this post was because I was starting to feel guilty when I felt good about walking by myself on days she's out or is caught up with work. I felt a sense of relief when she tells me to go on ahead. I am NOT the kind of person to leave a friend behind and my guilt was overwhelming.
Thank you also to those with great ideas!
1. I signed up for a 5K in May with my fiancé and when I told my coworker about it, she laughed and was self-defeating. I keep telling her that it would be a fun thing for us to do together in the future (a different one that would be more local than the one I already signed up for). I think she's skeptical about it but I think she's slowly coming around to the idea the more I talk about it.
2. I like the idea of adding weights. I've always been hesitant to add weights since I've had back surgery (lumbar fusion) and have a torn ACL from a soccer injury when I was 18 - no, I haven't had it repaired. I love the idea of the weighted vest for the equal weight distribution.
3. Side note, we only work 4 days a week (10 hour days). We walk daily at 9:30 and 2:30. I try to get a more vigorous walk in during the morning session due to fatigue and weather and am more willing to match her pace in the afternoon. I always tell her how great she's doing and to keep up her pace, etc. She jokes that I'm her personal trainer.
4. For those that mentioned the competitive aspect. I am super competitive and she's not. This would not motivate her to her full potential.
Finally, I'm not choosing between my friendship and my fitness. I see her all day at work and during breaks and often at lunch too AND we see each other on days off. I was just looking for a win-win where I can still motivate her to keep on with her journey to being healthy and I can be on mine. I feel that I hit that "fork in the road" and my path may be different than hers.0 -
ClubSilencio wrote: »Unleash the beast.
You can't let anyone, even friends, hold you back from your goals.
If that was my co-worker I'd chuck the deuces and speed off in a cloud of dust like the Roadrunner.
This cracked me up! Love it!
Some of the women are taking the OP's comments a bit too personnally. Some are warning her about ruining a friendship, telling her that she should permanently pace her workouts with someone slower, blah, blah, blah. Then a guy steps in...
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I guess I have very different friendship dynamics. This would my imagined conversation:
Me: Hey, I'm starting C25K (or whatevs), so my program is now run/walking MWF. Tues and and Thurs I'll be just walking for lunch. You want in? Or we can just do our things and meet back at the water cooler.
Them: Sounds cool. I'll have to look into that program. I'll let you know tomorrow if it's something I want to do, too. You rock!
Me: No, YOU rock! Love ya, girl.
See? Easy.0 -
This is a hard one. If it were me, I would continue walking with my friend. I wouldn't dare leave her after we've been walking together on break for so long. Is this the only exercise you get in a day? Sorry if you already answered as I only read a few of the comments. Certainly you could do a jog sometime after work?0
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" I feel that I hit that "fork in the road" and my path may be different than hers. " - nothing wrong with this at all. OP, I can tell you have the best of intentions and that you don't want to hurt your friend, but earlier in the thread you asked, "When do you put yourself first?" I personally think you always should. You have to take care of yourself first before you are of benefit to others.
Your friend laughing at you when you told her about the 5k is not nice. You can only do so much for other people. Keep doing what you're doing as far as the friendship and increase the intensity of your AM walks and do a slower paced afternoon walk. Transitioning into jogging takes some time, particularly with your injuries, so take it slow. You don't want to get derailed by overdoing it.0 -
I find myself in a similar situation. My BFF and I both started MFP around the same time. I've lost 65lbs and she's probably gained weight. We are running buddies, always have been. I am now definitely more fit that she is, and our runs are much slower and shorter than my solo runs. Sometimes I don't even break a sweat when we run together. She's always telling me she feels bad for holding me back, but I look at our runs as a) I'm still exercising and b) I'm spending time with a friend. Maybe you just need to change your mindset about the situation. Enjoy your leisurely walks with your friend a couple of times a week and sweat it out yourself on other days?0
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You could start the walk with your friend and at some point let her know "Okay, now i'm going to run for a bit! See you at the office!" I run on occasion during my lunch break with a friend. She is much faster than me and usually after we chat for a few minutes while running, I'll say "Okay! I can't keep your pace anymore! I'll see you when we get back!" And off she goes like the fast rabbit she is. No feelings hurt, we still keep our bond and both get what our bodies need.
+1
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kissedbythesunshine wrote: »This is a hard one. If it were me, I would continue walking with my friend. I wouldn't dare leave her after we've been walking together on break for so long. Is this the only exercise you get in a day? Sorry if you already answered as I only read a few of the comments. Certainly you could do a jog sometime after work?
No worries. This thread derailed quite a bit in a way I wasn't prepared for. (It's been a LONG time since I've been active on any forum and I should have known better...)
But yes, due to long work hours and a long commute, my work outs are primarily during working hours." I feel that I hit that "fork in the road" and my path may be different than hers. " - nothing wrong with this at all. OP, I can tell you have the best of intentions and that you don't want to hurt your friend, but earlier in the thread you asked, "When do you put yourself first?" I personally think you always should. You have to take care of yourself first before you are of benefit to others.
Your friend laughing at you when you told her about the 5k is not nice. You can only do so much for other people. Keep doing what you're doing as far as the friendship and increase the intensity of your AM walks and do a slower paced afternoon walk. Transitioning into jogging takes some time, particularly with your injuries, so take it slow. You don't want to get derailed by overdoing it.
I really appreciate your understanding. I definitely am walking away from this thread with some great advice and some things to consider. (My "jogging" literally is just the length of the short end of our building - lmao... we walk in the parking lot which is a big "U" shape. My jog is that bottom of the "U" until I can get myself back into jogging/running shape. Even when I played soccer my whole life, I always despised running - which makes it more important to me now that I actually want to.)0 -
To make what could be a long story short: I walk with a coworker (who has become a good friend too) on our breaks and have been doing this for quite some time. It was great at the beginning when we were still quite overweight and it was something we could do together. Misery loves company, right?
Fast forward 6 months: I’ve lost almost 60lbs and she’s down about 30lbs. I’m at that point where I feel like she’s holding me back from maximizing my walks. I know I'm more serious about the weight loss than she is. I’m also about 4 inches taller than she is and I have a longer stride. Not to mention that when I feel ambitious enough, I’ll actually jog for part of the break.
How do I gently say that I’d rather walk alone? I don’t want her to feel bad because she’s holding me back. Help!
I hear you - I had the same situation with running. My friend was running with me and her pace was a lot slower than mine which in turn held me back. I just told her I wanted to ramp things up pace-wise so if she was interested, to join me! I told her I didn't want to not include her but wanted to go faster. There is nothing wrong with making that choice (it is not disordered or weird as some might state) it's very commonplace in the running community to ditch friends for faster pace groups. We all meet at the end of runs and go for friend coffees so I would suggest that. Good Job on the weight loss!!0 -
It's going to take you a bit to work into running longer stretches anyway. C25K starts you out running 30 secs at a time, for Pete's sake.
Why not walk with your friend for a bit, jog out then back and pick up walking with her again. Rinse and repeat. You still get to hang with your friend and get some jogging in. Bonus, maybe your friend will feel like joining you someday. And if not, this makes an easier transition to both of you doing something a bit different on break.
This is how I handle it with my husband. I am not in great shape cardio wise, but my husband is even less and is overweight. I would like to use my cardio days to ride my bike to work, but he has been willing to go for runs with me instead. I would rather spend that time with my husband and have it motivate him to do something physical, than get a longer workout in. Since we are out of shape, we do a HIIT circuit going from walking, to jogging, to running and back to walking,etc. I can last longer than him on the runs, so I just run ahead and then double back to catch up with him on the walk.0 -
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If you are only just starting jogging and have a history of injury, you do NOT want to be running too much at a time. As others have suggested, you not only CAN keep most of your walks with your friend (and do a walk/jog by yourself a couple of days a week) but you probably SHOULD to keep yourself from pushing too hard and getting injured. You can inspire and encourage her, and in return, she can do you a favour by holding you back from hurting yourself by being too keen.0
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Try just "running" while she walks beside you, meaning you bring your knees up like a jog and just go at the same pace as she walks. The higher your knees the more the calorie burn even if you're not going at a fast pace.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
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Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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ClubSilencio wrote: »Unleash the beast.
You can't let anyone, even friends, hold you back from your goals.
If that was my co-worker I'd chuck the deuces and speed off in a cloud of dust like the Roadrunner.
This cracked me up! Love it!
Some of the women are taking the OP's comments a bit too personnally. Some are warning her about ruining a friendship, telling her that she should permanently pace her workouts with someone slower, blah, blah, blah. Then a guy steps in...
This cracked me up too because, you're so right, many of us ladies had a WAAAYY different take on a situation like this! Based on the OPs comments, she is very sensitive to her co-worker and their friendship but I think many of us were (at first) thinking like "WOAH, what if someone I enjoyed a walk with everyday told me I was too slow and they wanted to jog instead of walking with me..." which definitely seems like NOT the case. Hope everything works out well OP!0 -
" I feel that I hit that "fork in the road" and my path may be different than hers. " - nothing wrong with this at all. OP, I can tell you have the best of intentions and that you don't want to hurt your friend, but earlier in the thread you asked, "When do you put yourself first?" I personally think you always should. You have to take care of yourself first before you are of benefit to others.
Your friend laughing at you when you told her about the 5k is not nice. You can only do so much for other people. Keep doing what you're doing as far as the friendship and increase the intensity of your AM walks and do a slower paced afternoon walk. Transitioning into jogging takes some time, particularly with your injuries, so take it slow. You don't want to get derailed by overdoing it.
I don't think OP's friend laughed at her. Not in the way you mean.
OP said she was being self-defeating - sounds like there's some self-deprecation going on and she's either 1) not ready to see that she's capable of more than she thinks, or 2) is simply disinterested in running and instead of just saying so, she's deflecting with the idea that she's not capable.0 -
In past working environments I have walked with others. I always just walked at my own pace. (if I was slower, then I was behind them eventually, or I was faster and ahead of them). I never really thought too much about it, I just went at my own pace. My feelings weren't hurt if I was left behind. The only thing I really felt was I needed to get in better shape! I think it's sweet that you do care about her feelings, that is troubling you enough to ask on this message board, what to do. I'm a big believer in being honest. Just tell her you want to walk faster, or that you want to jog. She can either try to join you, or she can lag behind. You can still go out together.0
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I had this problem with my mom...I LOVE spending time with her and we would often do it while walking, so I asked her if she minded if I ran for a bit here and there. So I would run away for a minute and then run back for a minute and then walk with her for 2. Sprinting for a minute followed by a bit of walking is actually a super effective cardiovascular workout (much moreso than fast walking or slow jogging) so perhaps try jogging for a minute away from her and then back to her, and then walk with her again.
Or if you're friends otherwise suggest going out for a healthy lunch once a week or something. There is definitely a way to do this without hurting feelings. Everyone has a different journey. Be sensitive and treat her how you would want to be treated, and you'll come out of the other side fine.0 -
I sometimes run with my coworker. I run on ahead and then loop back and run round him in actual circles. He loves it.0
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I thought I might add this. Your friend may have not necessarily lost the 30lbs if it wasn't for you, so you have to remember this is mutually beneficial for both of you. If you leave her behind she may not be motivated to keep going. That is why I like rsenor's idea! That really is a good one!
Congrats to you and your friend for losing that weight!0 -
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I had a difficult situation happen to me a year ago. I was working out at the gym with a coworker on our break and I had been taking too long with changing, so she got mad at me, bruised my arm by slamming her trunk door on it, and didn't speak to me for a month. I wish she had been as concerned of my feelings as you are for your coworker.
I would definitely talk with your friend and tell her that you are thinking about picking up the pace for your workouts. You've already said this is the only time you can do them, so this is your time! You hang out with her outside of work, so you could always take a slower stroll with her another time. Talk with her and see what she thinks. She's already said that you can walk ahead of her - you may be surprised at her response! And who knows, maybe you will decide to go at your own pace only a few days a week. Maybe she will start to pick up her pace to catch up!
Hope it works out!0 -
missblondi2u wrote: »coreyreichle wrote: »OP, I'm kind of perturbed by your judging yourself as "more serious" than she is just because you lost 60 lbs and she lost 30. It takes a boat load of serious to lose 30lbs in 6 months - maybe she's content at taking it off more slowly knowing this is a marathon, not a sprint. You both are making excellent progress at your own pace.
Again it all depends on how much you value the friendship. Is this strictly a walking friendship - meaning, you're not really friends outside of work? What happens when you get to goal weight and she's still 30 lbs behind? Is she no longer worth being your friend?
Obviously, if one is losing at a faster pace than the other, one of the two is more serious about weight loss and fitness... Especially when one is outpacing the other.
If both were equally serious, the weight would be coming off at about the same rate.
This is coming from someone who lost ~55lbs in a year. People losing 100lbs in the same time were obviously more serious about their weight loss than I was. It's not a slight, it's just a fact.
This would only be true if they had the exact same stats. She already said her friend is 4 inches shorter, so she likely has less room for a deficit while still getting her basic nutrition. Besides, faster weight loss does not equal more serious weight loss. Losing too fast will result in losing muscle mass, which no one wants.
And those people who lost 100 pounds in the same time it took you to lose 50 may have had much more to lose. Comparing numbers like that is at best meaningless and at worst destructive.shrinkingletters wrote: »coreyreichle wrote: »OP, I'm kind of perturbed by your judging yourself as "more serious" than she is just because you lost 60 lbs and she lost 30. It takes a boat load of serious to lose 30lbs in 6 months - maybe she's content at taking it off more slowly knowing this is a marathon, not a sprint. You both are making excellent progress at your own pace.
Again it all depends on how much you value the friendship. Is this strictly a walking friendship - meaning, you're not really friends outside of work? What happens when you get to goal weight and she's still 30 lbs behind? Is she no longer worth being your friend?
Obviously, if one is losing at a faster pace than the other, one of the two is more serious about weight loss and fitness... Especially when one is outpacing the other.
If both were equally serious, the weight would be coming off at about the same rate.
This is coming from someone who lost ~55lbs in a year. People losing 100lbs in the same time were obviously more serious about their weight loss than I was. It's not a slight, it's just a fact.
People losing 100lbs in the same time it took you to lose that 55lbs or so weren't "more serious", they simply had different goals. It sounds like both of you were as serious as the other to reach your individual goals.
I so agree with both of you ladies.
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If you value her feelings and her friendship - you can certainly go with a less "intense" workout - and do a more intense workout when you're alone, can't you?
this is what i would do. cardio is a bit different from lifting but i have friends that i've lifted with for years and each of us has progressed differently but we still find a way to make the workouts work. not just work, but we make them extremely productive and enjoyable. i can't imagine a scenario where I told one of them he was off the squad because he wasn't repping two plates yet.
i'd keep walking with her (the same people you meet on the way up are the same people you'll need on the way down) and make some time for a more intense activity at some other point in the day/week. I mean, we talking bout walking. it's only so much more vigor you can add to it. if you've lost 60 it's probably time to step up your game, anyway. maybe start jogging during your break. and if you do, ask her to join you.
oh, and stop looking down your nose at your friend. it's unseemly
agreed- its' a mighty high horse upon which you ride- how about pushing yourself- and encouraging her still.
Life's golden rule- "don't be a d*ck"0 -
I like the suggestions of starting to run a couple days a week. Tell her you are upping your game and want to jog 2x a week during break time and see what she says. Just keep it about you and not about her or her "lacking" in this department.
That's what I'm trying to do but it seems like I'm under attack. lol
What people don't understand here is that I AM upping my game and some of my only times to get in some cardio are during my breaks at work. I want to still motivate her while not forgoing some of my only time to sneak in cardio.
For me to jog at all is a big step and I only started this last week. I have a torn ACL in my left knee and had back surgery - where the doctor has advised that I don't do running because of the impact. I just felt like I needed to go faster and I started jogging and actually enjoyed it for once in my life.
It's those pivotal movements in your journey that can set you up for continued success. This happens to be mine. I wish I could be her personal coach and motivator but I need to do that for myself too. I can only spread myself so thin.
I'm about 90% more fit than all of my immediate friends. My dance friends dance. and that's it.
I run occasionally with one of them. She can't run for more than 2 minutes straight- but she has to work on her cardio- so I go run with her. it's still useful time for me.
guess what- I up my game on my own time. You can to.
You CAN actually be a good friend- still walk with her and encourage her- and *gasp* enjoy her company- AND still meet your own goals.0 -
I had this problem with my mom...I LOVE spending time with her and we would often do it while walking, so I asked her if she minded if I ran for a bit here and there. So I would run away for a minute and then run back for a minute and then walk with her for 2. Sprinting for a minute followed by a bit of walking is actually a super effective cardiovascular workout (much moreso than fast walking or slow jogging) so perhaps try jogging for a minute away from her and then back to her, and then walk with her again.
Or if you're friends otherwise suggest going out for a healthy lunch once a week or something. There is definitely a way to do this without hurting feelings. Everyone has a different journey. Be sensitive and treat her how you would want to be treated, and you'll come out of the other side fine.
For the lurkers, not to start a discussion.
Interval training is a more effective workout for some purposes. Low intensity cardio like fitness walking, slower running, etc is a more effective workout for others. Each type of workout trains different aspects of cardiovascular fitness.0 -
My vote is for the Dragon Ball Z solution.
First level, get some weighted clothing.
Once that no longer works, you'll need a scientist to develop a gravity machine for you, but I think that's down the road when 300 lb of weights while walking no longer make a difference.0 -
For the lurkers, not to start a discussion.
Interval training is a more effective workout for some purposes. Low intensity cardio like fitness walking, slower running, etc is a more effective workout for others. Each type of workout trains different aspects of cardiovascular fitness.
ok, for calorie burning (which I think most people here are trying to do), higher intensity interval training is more effective than low intensity non-interval training.0 -
W/o reading through everyone's back and forth posts, what I would do is get some ankle weights, ones where you can add to them as your fitness level goes up. Also, maybe some hand weights and swing your arms a bit more when you stride.0
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You could start the walk with your friend and at some point let her know "Okay, now i'm going to run for a bit! See you at the office!" I run on occasion during my lunch break with a friend. She is much faster than me and usually after we chat for a few minutes while running, I'll say "Okay! I can't keep your pace anymore! I'll see you when we get back!" And off she goes like the fast rabbit she is. No feelings hurt, we still keep our bond and both get what our bodies need.
I like this answer.0 -
I think OP handled it well. I get her need to manage her exercise time well. I think that this entire friendship does not hinge on this one opportunity to walk together - surely they can meet up outside of work. I feel badly at some of the remarks made to her. I truly do think this is a friend she cares about and that she's got good intentions here.
More power to you, OP, for taking responsibility for your fitness, assessing the situation, seeking advice, and moving forward. Sometimes the best way to motivate/inspire them is by YOU taking action like this. GL on your 5K.0
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