How to break up with coworker walking buddy?
Replies
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Hey! I'm the slow friend of my friends who work out. When I go running with faster friends, we jog/warm up for a short time together and then they split from me to move ahead. I don't have any issues with that because 1. I know I'm slower 2. I know I'm undermining their ability to maximize their own health goals should I demand they stay with me 3. Time is precious and 4. Demanding other people tailor their weight loss goals to fit my slower pace is selfish af, especially when they're super pressed for time.
C'mon. If the slower friend posted about how she cut her friend off for wanting to make a more efficient use of her time during the one hour or so they have to work out, would those of you saying the OP is a selfish friend applaud the slower friend?!0 -
I think if I were her friend I would say "Go ahead girl do your thing" and that would motivate me to work harder. But if it didn't I wouldn't hold it against her if she wanted to walk faster. But that's just me.0
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I have not read all so this might have been suggested. Can you discuss with her your needs and come to a compromise? Ask if she is willing to up the pace for short timeframes, suggest that you run ahead 1-2 blocks then run back and walk the next 1-2 blocks with her, walk 3 days a week and run the other two without her, things like that.
Personally, I would just do my harder workout later, but if time is a factor I can understand your need.0 -
I'm sorry for some of the comments you're getting on your post, some of them are just.... ugh. But that's not the point.
I would maybe tell her that you're wanting to up your game and do the jogging, or speed walking, etc like a few others have suggested. I don't see a way she could have her feelings hurt bc you want to try to walk faster or jog. She can still come and do her walking... but you just go faster and don't feel bad about leaving her behind. Since she offers for you to go ahead without her anyways, maybe she wouldn't really mind! Maybe start out jogging or speed walking w/e a couple of times a week and bump it up from there to more. Good luck!0 -
OP, if it were me, I would tell her upfront and say I wish to try "powerwalking" and when my injuries are healed, I wish to try running, too. I doubt if she would overthink any of it and say "okay." Then i would tell her what day you are going to do this...like, say, tomorrow...or next week. This would give her a chance to bring an iPod or something. And I bet you guys chat & visit too, during the workday.
I used to walk w/3 coworkers @ lunch. The 3rd dropped off fairly quickly and walked more her own pace as the 2 of us got more walk-fit and were powerwalking. Then the 2nd one was panting to keep up with me even as the two of us got even more walk-fit until it was a joke between all 3 of us. The 2nd coworker? She said I was her inspiration lol. The 3rd coworker? She still walked As for all 3 of us? We remain good friends to this day. And this was 25 years ago.
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I think you need to put yourself first.
I would just go at a different time, alone, clear your mind, go at your own pace, get a good workout into your already busy day. Yo can tell her why if you want to but it is not set into stone that you need to match her slow pace.
If she is your friend, she will understand.
You don't need to "hold her hand" during her lunch breaks or be responsible for her exercise.
Don't feel guilty for taking care of you and your needs.
If you guys are still friends then you'll find time to hang out at a different day.
Do what makes you happy.0 -
She offered when asked about holding you back so she knows. No eating disorder situation here. Approach her with one of the suggestions about moving ahead, one or both of you, and keep your goals.0
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continue walking with her but you wear a weighted vest or a backpack. It makes your work out harder.0
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"Hey, I'm going to start working on increasing my speed, so if I start walking faster, it's not because I don't want to walk with you!" Who knows, maybe that's what she needs to give her a push into walking faster too and she just thought you were both enjoying the same pace. Maybe she has no desire to go any faster. You can still start off in the same spot, and when you're done, you can go back and finish walking with her if you do pull ahead.How do I gently say that I’d rather walk alone? I don’t want her to feel bad because she’s holding me back. Help!
Ironically, I went walking with a friend who is significantly shorter than me (I'm 5'8, she's 5'2) and her stride was longer, and *I* had to push myself to keep up.
Kudos to you both on the great loss!0 -
Soooo as I was reading the comments, I thought "if they're really good friends, the other friend should understand that OP wants to up her game." Then I read where you said she already told you to go ahead, but you feel guilty. Do the issue is not your friend, she seems completely aware that you walk faster than she does and has offered to accommodate your differing ability levels. Problem solved.0
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You confuse me a bit. Your friend suggests that you go ahead of her and you feel guilty. You ask us how to break up the walking relationship and don't feel guilty? Take her up on her offer and see how it goes.
Oh yeah, stop judging her because her lack of seriousness isn't harming you in any way. You might not think you are judging but go back and read what you wrote, enough people see judgement that you might re-evaluate your attitude.0 -
You confuse me a bit. Your friend suggests that you go ahead of her and you feel guilty. You ask us how to break up the walking relationship and don't feel guilty? Take her up on her offer and see how it goes.
Oh yeah, stop judging her because her lack of seriousness isn't harming you in any way. You might not think you are judging but go back and read what you wrote, enough people see judgement that you might re-evaluate your attitude.
I know, right? For example, I personally wouldn't touch resistance bands at work. Nothing wrong with the workout, but just not my thing! However, I really am quite serious about my fitness
But to be truly honest, the dilemma here is rather foreign to me. I mostly take classes, but I've always exercised alone. The few times I've either met people there or gone with someone, it's been something of a disaster due to differing fitness levels and commitment0 -
If you are only just starting jogging and have a history of injury, you do NOT want to be running too much at a time. As others have suggested, you not only CAN keep most of your walks with your friend (and do a walk/jog by yourself a couple of days a week) but you probably SHOULD to keep yourself from pushing too hard and getting injured. You can inspire and encourage her, and in return, she can do you a favour by holding you back from hurting yourself by being too keen.
Whew! Am I glad someone said this. The whole time I'm like is anyone going to point out that she's basically doing this jog against medical advice? But I've seen enough posts where I'm beginning to learn it's a bit common. People get somewhat sick of a low intensity workout and want to see what their now stronger bodies can do.0 -
NaturalNancy wrote: »I think you need to put yourself first.
I would just go at a different time, alone, clear your mind, go at your own pace, get a good workout into your already busy day. Yo can tell her why if you want to but it is not set into stone that you need to match her slow pace.
If she is your friend, she will understand.
You don't need to "hold her hand" during her lunch breaks or be responsible for her exercise.
Don't feel guilty for taking care of you and your needs.
If you guys are still friends then you'll find time to hang out at a different day.
Do what makes you happy.
Op and this person our friends. Did you factor that in when you responded
Op you have had loads of great advice. I like the weighted vest idea and also doing a jog/ walk together. Since you are in a small space you are still together.
I have been in your situation and my friend was well aware she was slower. I liked the company and it wouldn't have been my only exercise so was ok for me.0 -
#sounnecessaryIf you value her feelings and her friendship - you can certainly go with a less "intense" workout - and do a more intense workout when you're alone, can't you?
this is what i would do. cardio is a bit different from lifting but i have friends that i've lifted with for years and each of us has progressed differently but we still find a way to make the workouts work. not just work, but we make them extremely productive and enjoyable. i can't imagine a scenario where I told one of them he was off the squad because he wasn't repping two plates yet.
i'd keep walking with her (the same people you meet on the way up are the same people you'll need on the way down) and make some time for a more intense activity at some other point in the day/week. I mean, we talking bout walking. it's only so much more vigor you can add to it. if you've lost 60 it's probably time to step up your game, anyway. maybe start jogging during your break. and if you do, ask her to join you.
oh, and stop looking down your nose at your friend. it's unseemly
agreed- its' a mighty high horse upon which you ride- how about pushing yourself- and encouraging her still.
Life's golden rule- "don't be a d*ck"
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AddieOverhaul wrote: »I'm big into being honest with my friends, in the nicest way possible. I don't think you should have to sacrifice your workout time to keep her happy, and a good friend will understand that as long as you still make time for her. Could you tell her that you need to up the intensity level to achieve your goals and will still walk with her for part of the lunch hour but need 20 minutes to run? Or maybe run MWF and walk with her on tuesdays and thursdays as your "rest" days? You may inspire her to start running!
This ^^
Just tell her that you'd like to start running a couple days a week but you'll walk on the other days.0 -
Therealobi1 wrote: »
#sounnecessaryIf you value her feelings and her friendship - you can certainly go with a less "intense" workout - and do a more intense workout when you're alone, can't you?
this is what i would do. cardio is a bit different from lifting but i have friends that i've lifted with for years and each of us has progressed differently but we still find a way to make the workouts work. not just work, but we make them extremely productive and enjoyable. i can't imagine a scenario where I told one of them he was off the squad because he wasn't repping two plates yet.
i'd keep walking with her (the same people you meet on the way up are the same people you'll need on the way down) and make some time for a more intense activity at some other point in the day/week. I mean, we talking bout walking. it's only so much more vigor you can add to it. if you've lost 60 it's probably time to step up your game, anyway. maybe start jogging during your break. and if you do, ask her to join you.
oh, and stop looking down your nose at your friend. it's unseemly
agreed- its' a mighty high horse upon which you ride- how about pushing yourself- and encouraging her still.
Life's golden rule- "don't be a d*ck"
but I'm not wrong.0 -
I think a PP already said it but I would always "warm up" with her and walk five minutes then ask do you mind if I go a bit faster for awhile and make that your new thing. Then say see you back at the office. I have one of those second guessing myself personalities if I had a friend tell me they didn't want to walk with me anymore at all because they needed to go faster I would assume I did or said something to annoy them and trying to figure out what it was would drive me crazy.0
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I had a friend that was about 130 pounds less than me...she walked with me almost every day...since it was so easy for her she would do high knee jogging beside but still stay at my pace...if I didn't have her I might have given up. I think you should still walk with your friend, both of you get healthy together. If you stop walking with her, she might stop altogether. You never know how much of an impact you're having on someone else.0
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Go out together and just go at your pace. Stop agonizing about it. She already told you to go ahead if you want. It isn't a big deal or friendship ender to walk faster or jog while she walks at her own pace for the time you are out there. You are both out exercising.
You don't have to be glued to her side or jog back to chat with her to motivate her. My dh walks faster than me and it was more motivating to me to try to keep up with his faster past rather than him slowing down for me.0 -
ronjsteele1 wrote: »Can you tell her something along the lines of "I have so enjoyed our time walking together and I really appreciate you doing this with me. I am needing to up my activity level to running so I have to stop walking so I can run later in the day." Or something along those lines? If you HAVE to exercise at that time then you can tell her you have to start running. Tough situation, but I think said with kindness and what you plan to do instead, you can avoid hurt feelings. If you decide to run during that time she may decide to join you which would help her too. OR, she may start to run and decide she can't do it and part with you.
+1 on this. I think this is the very adult way to handle it.0 -
I'm not really seeing the problem here. You're her friend, not her social worker.
Just tell her you want to do your own thing during your lunch breaks. Most reasonable people would be fine with that.0 -
If she's offered to let you go ahead, go ahead. problem solved.0
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For the lurkers, not to start a discussion.
Interval training is a more effective workout for some purposes. Low intensity cardio like fitness walking, slower running, etc is a more effective workout for others. Each type of workout trains different aspects of cardiovascular fitness.
ok, for calorie burning (which I think most people here are trying to do), higher intensity interval training is more effective than low intensity non-interval training.
Over the same amount of time? Probably, though they're closer than you'd think since the rest portion is lower intensity than low intensity cardio. But, if you're really doing HIIT, you can't keep it up for very long even if you are conditioned. 15-30 min would be the norm. And, because it is such a strain, you shouldn't do it more than 2-3 times per wk.
On the other hand, you can keep going with low-medium intensity for a long time once conditioned. You can run for an hour at medium intensity, and for marathons and longer at low intensity if you're so inclined. You can do low-medium intensity every day of the week if you make smart choices with your exercise\s. As far as quantity of calories burned goes, low intensity cardio is the best if you're willing to put in the time.
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You're getting a lot of semi-angry responses, which completely surprises me. I feel many of these people have been let down and are projecting their anger at you. You are in no way being unfair.
If there's something I've learned in life, it is that you have to stop sacrificing yourself for others.
I've done that my whole life, and it's ruining and draining. Always adjusting everything in your life, to fit the people around you.
I've rarely done anything for myself, because I would rather bend over backwards to please others.
I'm starting to learn self-love, and starting to learn that you need to stop letting other people hold you back. It's your life, you can't please everyone, hater's gonna hate, etc.
I don't know if you are like me, but you might be. And if you are, you need to remind yourself that you are worth something too, and you are close to reaching a goal that means a lot to you.
I'm not saying ditch your friend. I could never do that, and neither should other people. I'm saying you should take your own welfare seriously, and start making good decisions that are NOT always made to please everyone else, jsut you.
Tell her about the awesome C25K program that you want to do, and ask if she would be okay if you ran twice a week instead of walk. Ask if she wants to join. This way you still show concern, because of course you don't want to hurt your friend.
If she is a good friend, she will be happy for you and encourage you!
If this doesnt apply to you, then sorry for the long post :-)
It just makes me so sad to see you get all this backlash, because this is exactly what makes it SO hard to go from people-pleaser to someone who actually, just sometimes, does something nice for themselves and puts themselves first, just once in a while.
As I said I've struggled with putting myself first my whole life and am just learning, and some of these comments I find are disrespectful.
Just because OP wants to achieve something, doesn't mean she's one of those mean persons who just runs over everyone in her way!! Those people are *kitten*, and you have no idea if OP is an *kitten* or if she is truly trying to do something good for herself, for once.0 -
ParadiseLost91 wrote: »You're getting a lot of semi-angry responses, which completely surprises me. I feel many of these people have been let down and are projecting their anger at you. You are in no way being unfair.
If there's something I've learned in life, it is that you have to stop sacrificing yourself for others.
I've done that my whole life, and it's ruining and draining. Always adjusting everything in your life, to fit the people around you.
I've rarely done anything for myself, because I would rather bend over backwards to please others.
I'm starting to learn self-love, and starting to learn that you need to stop letting other people hold you back. It's your life, you can't please everyone, hater's gonna hate, etc.
I don't know if you are like me, but you might be. And if you are, you need to remind yourself that you are worth something too, and you are close to reaching a goal that means a lot to you.
I'm not saying ditch your friend. I could never do that, and neither should other people. I'm saying you should take your own welfare seriously, and start making good decisions that are NOT always made to please everyone else, jsut you.
Tell her about the awesome C25K program that you want to do, and ask if she would be okay if you ran twice a week instead of walk. Ask if she wants to join. This way you still show concern, because of course you don't want to hurt your friend.
If she is a good friend, she will be happy for you and encourage you!
If this doesnt apply to you, then sorry for the long post :-)
It just makes me so sad to see you get all this backlash, because this is exactly what makes it SO hard to go from people-pleaser to someone who actually, just sometimes, does something nice for themselves and puts themselves first, just once in a while.
As I said I've struggled with putting myself first my whole life and am just learning, and some of these comments I find are disrespectful.
Just because OP wants to achieve something, doesn't mean she's one of those mean persons who just runs over everyone in her way!! Those people are *kitten*, and you have no idea if OP is an *kitten* or if she is truly trying to do something good for herself, for once.
Projection... so easily spotted in others, yet so rarely in oneself.
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I had the same problem I handled it by speeding up my pace she asked me to slow down or walk on my own. I chose to go off on my own and we are still friends.0
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My two cents.
Just be upfront and say I'm gonna start incorporating running, as it makes me feel really good. We can still walk some days. Some days, run. No biggie.0 -
SuperheroSadie wrote: »If she's offered to let you go ahead, go ahead. problem solved.
And yet it took us 4 pages to get to very logical response.
/ thread0 -
I would consider enlightened self interest, which means that putting yourself first doesn't always get the best results. You could do HIIT twice a week, take it easy on breaks with your coworker, and still come out ahead.
I do enough things for my fitness, including a few sessions of HIIT every week, that walking slower to be with a friend isn't going to hurt me. Social walks with friends are important to me, emotionally, and are what I consider to be active recovery from my more intense workouts.0
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