Negativity is contagious
reginastiffler
Posts: 75 Member
I read the forums and when I see people say things like "I'm 190 lbs, I'm huge" or "I'm a whopping 215 lbs" I can't help but think we'll geeze... If she's huge at 190, what does that make me at 250? The negative things you post about yourself are contagious.
Does anyone else find they're affected by what other people say about themselves like this?
Does anyone else find they're affected by what other people say about themselves like this?
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Replies
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I find negativity off-putting, not contagious. You can ignore it too.0
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I used to get sucked into it. But after my fourth time on MyFitnessPal I've learned to just ignore it.0
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Nah, if someone is talking about themselves, they're not talking about me.0
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It is frustrating, and fascinating at the same time. I've seen so many people whose starting weight, where there feel horrible about themselves, is lower than even my goal weight. I'm only just over half way to my goal weight and already feel great.0
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Weight gain is relative. When I went from 125lb to 175lb I thought I was huge. Does that mean I shouldn't be able to express that because there are others who are bigger who might be offended?0
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I got your problem but then i just tell my self in my head that they look good and that i wanna look like that it actualy motivates me a little0
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It makes you whatever you think. Generally people are more concerned about themselves than others. A 100 lb person may think of themselves as fat but not have that opinion of someone else atva higher weight. Its subjective.0
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lithezebra wrote: »I find negativity off-putting, not contagious. You can ignore it too.
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They are they--you are you. These are just games in your head. Ignore and get to it.0
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reginastiffler wrote: »I read the forums and when I see people say things like "I'm 190 lbs, I'm huge" or "I'm a whopping 215 lbs" I can't help but think we'll geeze... If she's huge at 190, what does that make me at 250? The negative things you post about yourself are contagious.
Does anyone else find they're affected by what other people say about themselves like this?Weight gain is relative. When I went from 125lb to 175lb I thought I was huge. Does that mean I shouldn't be able to express that because there are others who are bigger who might be offended?
This.
OP, why don't you stay focused on yourself. I recommend not attempting to police the feelings of others. Other people are allowed to think things about themselves without worrying if how they express those feelings might in some way affect someone that has no business passing judgement on another's self expression.
But if you decide to keep this sort of thinking up, you don't get to express any sort of feeling about yourself concerning ANYTHING because there will always be someone fatter, sicker, poorer, or someone who is far worse off than you. You better be happy about every single one of your situations because just think of how bad you're making those people feel when you complain about your far less terrible problem.
Or, you know, you could just do you.0 -
Weight gain is relative. When I went from 125lb to 175lb I thought I was huge. Does that mean I shouldn't be able to express that because there are others who are bigger who might be offended?
This. Lots of people have lots of different goals.
OP, I actually think MFP has helped me with this -- I used to have thoughts like yours, and I still do avoid bitching about my weight if someone is heavier. (I don't really talk about my weight and never did anyway, but I felt bad once when someone asked me how heavy I'd been when I started and I said I was huge and it turned out she was heavier at the same height, oops, that was gauche, especially since I realized my reasoning for adding "huge" was that I wanted her to know I knew I'd been so overweight, which is weird -- like a disclaimer. So I avoid that kind of thing and try to be sensitive and positive about my own body, for a lot of reasons.)
That aside, I now find someone of my height who is focused on getting thinner than I am or really fit or something inspiring (if I think she looks good, anyway), not someone to be jealous of, and I am much more aware that she's likely not thinking about other people's weights at all. (How thin someone is and am much they are focused on their own weight has no correlation with being negative about others, IME.)0 -
reginastiffler wrote: »I read the forums and when I see people say things like "I'm 190 lbs, I'm huge" or "I'm a whopping 215 lbs" I can't help but think we'll geeze... If she's huge at 190, what does that make me at 250? The negative things you post about yourself are contagious.
Does anyone else find they're affected by what other people say about themselves like this?Weight gain is relative. When I went from 125lb to 175lb I thought I was huge. Does that mean I shouldn't be able to express that because there are others who are bigger who might be offended?
This.
OP, why don't you stay focused on yourself. I recommend not attempting to police the feelings of others. Other people are allowed to think things about themselves without worrying if how they express those feelings might in some way affect someone that has no business passing judgement on another's self expression.
But if you decide to keep this sort of thinking up, you don't get to express any sort of feeling about yourself concerning ANYTHING because there will always be someone fatter, sicker, poorer, or someone who is far worse off than you. You better be happy about every single one of your situations because just think of how bad you're making those people feel when you complain about your far less terrible problem.
Or, you know, you could just do you.
Wasn't trying to police how others feel about themselves. Was expressing how it made me feel. Sorry for doing that in a support forum.0 -
I call them the subtle sirens of failure - it's up to you to decide how much voice you are going to give them:
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/EvgeniZyntx/view/subtle-sirens-of-failure-730440
Yes, others can bring you down, clearly the constant drumming of negativity can have a lemming effect but we also own how we react to things. It doesn't mean others should be quiet - but we do have a choice of how aware we are of how it affects us.0 -
When a person says a thing like that they are facing their own truth. Facing your truth head on opens the way for you to do something about it. If another person being open and honest about sharing their truth bothers you it might indicate that you need to do some work in that area yourself.
Yes if a person smaller than you says, "I was huge" it might mean you are more huge. So what? You are doing something about it. The sheer act of doing something about it is an acknowledgement to yourself that yes you are or were really big, unhealthy, huge, fat whatever word you care to chose. Okay so it makes you feel bad to know you got to that point. But you are doing something about it.
How you feel is largely a choice. You can chose to feel bad about someone else's choice of words or you can chose to think, wow me too but boy that girl is doing great at addressing her weight. and so am I.0 -
reginastiffler wrote: »reginastiffler wrote: »I read the forums and when I see people say things like "I'm 190 lbs, I'm huge" or "I'm a whopping 215 lbs" I can't help but think we'll geeze... If she's huge at 190, what does that make me at 250? The negative things you post about yourself are contagious.
Does anyone else find they're affected by what other people say about themselves like this?Weight gain is relative. When I went from 125lb to 175lb I thought I was huge. Does that mean I shouldn't be able to express that because there are others who are bigger who might be offended?
This.
OP, why don't you stay focused on yourself. I recommend not attempting to police the feelings of others. Other people are allowed to think things about themselves without worrying if how they express those feelings might in some way affect someone that has no business passing judgement on another's self expression.
But if you decide to keep this sort of thinking up, you don't get to express any sort of feeling about yourself concerning ANYTHING because there will always be someone fatter, sicker, poorer, or someone who is far worse off than you. You better be happy about every single one of your situations because just think of how bad you're making those people feel when you complain about your far less terrible problem.
Or, you know, you could just do you.
Wasn't trying to police how others feel about themselves. Was expressing how it made me feel. Sorry for doing that in a support forum.
OP I get that you think some of the posts may be a bit "snarky", but when you post out on the public forums like this, not everyone is going to give to you exactly what you are wanting to hear.
Take what you want and leave the rest. It is all about how you approach posting on the forums and what you expect to get back, so as to not set yourself up for comments that are going to bother you. We all have our own insecurities (especially letting other peoples words both us as you stated in the OP) and have buttons others push, just beware all things are up to debate and opinions.0 -
reginastiffler wrote: »reginastiffler wrote: »I read the forums and when I see people say things like "I'm 190 lbs, I'm huge" or "I'm a whopping 215 lbs" I can't help but think we'll geeze... If she's huge at 190, what does that make me at 250? The negative things you post about yourself are contagious.
Does anyone else find they're affected by what other people say about themselves like this?Weight gain is relative. When I went from 125lb to 175lb I thought I was huge. Does that mean I shouldn't be able to express that because there are others who are bigger who might be offended?
This.
OP, why don't you stay focused on yourself. I recommend not attempting to police the feelings of others. Other people are allowed to think things about themselves without worrying if how they express those feelings might in some way affect someone that has no business passing judgement on another's self expression.
But if you decide to keep this sort of thinking up, you don't get to express any sort of feeling about yourself concerning ANYTHING because there will always be someone fatter, sicker, poorer, or someone who is far worse off than you. You better be happy about every single one of your situations because just think of how bad you're making those people feel when you complain about your far less terrible problem.
Or, you know, you could just do you.
Wasn't trying to police how others feel about themselves. Was expressing how it made me feel. Sorry for doing that in a support forum.
Fine. Just realize that complaining about how others express themselves and/or how others feel about themselves could just as well be deemed, "negative." Actually, I'd say it's more negative than what you're actually complaining about, as sometimes people just need a little reaffirmation.0 -
I have known girls/women who are at a healthy BMI and will complain about feeling huge. Some could be fishing for compliments or attention. Some could be being snarky and pointing out someone is bigger. However, I know that many people, all shapes and sizes, have trouble in their heads about appearance. Overweight people don't have all the rights to that. Personally I would never say anything about my weight no matter if I'm huge or small. Too embarrassing for me no matter what size I am.
I think negativity on the board can be contagious but not in the specific way the OP described. If I am feeling something negative because of what I am reading, it's time to click off. Sounds so sweet. Need to follow my own advice.
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reginastiffler wrote: »reginastiffler wrote: »I read the forums and when I see people say things like "I'm 190 lbs, I'm huge" or "I'm a whopping 215 lbs" I can't help but think we'll geeze... If she's huge at 190, what does that make me at 250? The negative things you post about yourself are contagious.
Does anyone else find they're affected by what other people say about themselves like this?Weight gain is relative. When I went from 125lb to 175lb I thought I was huge. Does that mean I shouldn't be able to express that because there are others who are bigger who might be offended?
This.
OP, why don't you stay focused on yourself. I recommend not attempting to police the feelings of others. Other people are allowed to think things about themselves without worrying if how they express those feelings might in some way affect someone that has no business passing judgement on another's self expression.
But if you decide to keep this sort of thinking up, you don't get to express any sort of feeling about yourself concerning ANYTHING because there will always be someone fatter, sicker, poorer, or someone who is far worse off than you. You better be happy about every single one of your situations because just think of how bad you're making those people feel when you complain about your far less terrible problem.
Or, you know, you could just do you.
Wasn't trying to police how others feel about themselves. Was expressing how it made me feel. Sorry for doing that in a support forum.
Well, you weren't being very supportive of other people's journeys in this support forum by telling people that thier negative posts about themselves are contagious.0 -
I actually find it interesting, because these same people wouldn't usually say that about another person at the same weight. It's the same way that people can have harsh internal monologue, but would never say those things to another person.
I'll admit that it used to hard to swallow; my goal weight is 165, and it used to be 180, both of which I've seen in success stories as the "high" weight, the "I was fat and hated myself" weight. I had to take a step back and remind myself that other people's experiences don't have to mirror my own. What works for me, may not work for another person, and I do not have to mold my experiences to fit theirs. I can (and do) feel fabulous, attractive, and happy at 190. There's another poster, right now, who is appalled by the idea of being that high of a weight though. (And clearly, it's not where I want to stay.)
And that's okay.
I think it's symptomatic of living in a society that equates fat to bad; if you've been fat for long enough, you learn to expect and brace for the onslaught of negativity that you get because of your body. It makes us hyper-aware of it.0 -
reginastiffler wrote: »reginastiffler wrote: »I read the forums and when I see people say things like "I'm 190 lbs, I'm huge" or "I'm a whopping 215 lbs" I can't help but think we'll geeze... If she's huge at 190, what does that make me at 250? The negative things you post about yourself are contagious.
Does anyone else find they're affected by what other people say about themselves like this?Weight gain is relative. When I went from 125lb to 175lb I thought I was huge. Does that mean I shouldn't be able to express that because there are others who are bigger who might be offended?
This.
OP, why don't you stay focused on yourself. I recommend not attempting to police the feelings of others. Other people are allowed to think things about themselves without worrying if how they express those feelings might in some way affect someone that has no business passing judgement on another's self expression.
But if you decide to keep this sort of thinking up, you don't get to express any sort of feeling about yourself concerning ANYTHING because there will always be someone fatter, sicker, poorer, or someone who is far worse off than you. You better be happy about every single one of your situations because just think of how bad you're making those people feel when you complain about your far less terrible problem.
Or, you know, you could just do you.
Wasn't trying to police how others feel about themselves. Was expressing how it made me feel. Sorry for doing that in a support forum.
Well, you weren't being very supportive of other people's journeys in this support forum by telling people that thier negative posts about themselves are contagious.
You used to be so positive.
(In before "aren't we all here for the same thing")0 -
Our feelings are genuine and it's OK to feel them. So much healing and learning can com from acknowledging our emotions. Next time, try identifying what it is you are exactly feeling? Angry? Offended? Sad? All of the above? Then ask yourself why you think it is that this persons comment had that effect on you? From a place of reflection, you can make a rational decision of how you want to react. For me personally, when I practice this method, I tend to find empathy. Which, I think, is exactly what those commenters are seeking.
I know what it's like to feel like you've lost control of your body. It's hard being positive all the time! Negativity has a way of creeping in & it can be really discouraging and really scary. Why do we always seem to be our own worst critics?! You have reminded me that we need to be kinder to ourselves. We are not alone in this battle and we will not let negativity win! Honor your higher self and acknowledge the light from within. We ARE strong and we have the power to take back control and change for the better!!
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What can be worse than negatively are the empty platitudes we also see posted with such frequency. Stop giving out "participation medals" blurbs.0
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Do you mean like emotional contagion?0
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Um, r those last 2 posts directed towards my comment? I hope not. I was just trying to help & be supportive. I'm new to the community & new to this form of communication. Not really sure what's proper for saying/ sharing. Would really appreciate any can share & enlighten me. But maybe I need to frame ate a new thread for that?0
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Lol! & probably double check my spelling0
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Um, r those last 2 posts directed towards my comment? I hope not. I was just trying to help & be supportive. I'm new to the community & new to this form of communication. Not really sure what's proper for saying/ sharing. Would really appreciate any can share & enlighten me. But maybe I need to frame ate a new thread for that?
Not directly directed or specifically to your comment.
Supportiveness can be rendered with a healthy dose of realism and, in my opinion, is more helpful. But this might be cultural - other people might prefer being called superhero and stars for every little thing. I tend to find what I perceive as empty praise as counter productive. Others perhaps thrive on that.
We have different communication styles and attitudes. Please don't take it personally.
:flowerforyou:0 -
Um, r those last 2 posts directed towards my comment? I hope not.
Generally if someone wants to direct a comment to you specifically they will quote your post (as I am doing here) or copy the text of all or some of your post and then add their thoughts on it. Just because a post or posts follows yours does not necessarily mean they are directed at you (they may posts on the topic in general or directed at the OP instead.)
Sometimes it can be unclear which leaves you to make an educated guess if it is supposed to be aimed at you or you could just ask as you have done here.
Welcome to the jungle
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It's interesting because a person's perception is their reality. If they perceive themselves as huge at 190 then that's what they really believe, It has nothing to do with you. Keep in mind everyone looks different even at the same weight so 200 on you most likely won't look like 200 on me. Unless someone is making a direct comment to you, I wouldn't think anything more about it.
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It's interesting because a person's perception is their reality. If they perceive themselves as huge at 190 then that's what they really believe, It has nothing to do with you. Keep in mind everyone looks different even at the same weight so 200 on you most likely won't look like 200 on me. Unless someone is making a direct comment to you, I wouldn't think anything more about it.
DANG the muscles on the last woman! I'm jealous LOL
What you said is the best way to look at it really. I have a friend that got upset about me saying how big I am and how I hated it. She was highly offended and actually yelled at me about it because she is bigger than I am. example she said "If you think that about yourself damn you must think I am really gross." I explained that my feelings about how I look have nothing to do how I think she looks. I told her she is beautiful just the way she is to me, because she is..
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