I need advice...
MissKim
Posts: 2,853 Member
I am so stressed out right now. I have a very wonderful man, whom I love very much, but I'm about ready to strangle him! We have been getting into it for the past couple of months over the same thing. I am desperately trying to break this sugar addiction/binging problem I have. The only thing I have asked is for him to STOP bringing junk in the house, but he still does. He says I have to be able to just say no, and be accountable to myself. but I don't think I'm asking for too much just for him to not bring it in the house! He has a bad addiction to sweets too, but it's not as dangerous as mine. We have a 7 month old, and I had gestational diabetes with him (was pre-diabetic before him) and now I'm getting really close to the full blown diabetes mark. I am a stress/emotionl binger. Like will eat until I make myself sick. I do great all day at work, but when I get home, if there is sweets in the house I will devour them. No matter how much I tell myself I'm not going to all day. It's a vicious cycle, and this week has been the worst week yet. Last night he told me that he is a grown man and pays bills and will eat what he wants to in his house. and that I need to learn to just be accountable to myself. and have some self control. I agree with that to a point, but at the same time I've tried!!! I feel like such a failure. I don't know what else to do. The madder I get the more motivated I get to just say no to all the junk sitting at home. (powdered donuts, star crunch, little debbies, soda, etc.) but then my will power just goes out the window when i get home and start craving it. I need advice, motivation, anything you can give me!!!
0
Replies
-
I've got to kind of side with him on this. He would have to be ready to put the sweets down before it's gonna happen. And he is a grown man that can make grown man decisions. Self-control is just that. You have to do it yourself. It's possible. You got this!!!0
-
You totally got this, Kim! One thing I could say that would be a compromise is to get a cheap lockable filing cabinet, and have him put the junk food in there and lock it away with a key. Or he could have a hiding place that you don't know about.
0 -
This is hard. I see both of your sides. Before I was pregnant what we did was he had a cabinet that was for his junk food. I taped my motivation picture on the outside... so when I opened my snack cabinet I didn't see whatever junk he has... out of site ot of mind. It helped some.0
-
He does have a point, you need to be accountable to yourself. Having said that, if you being accountable to yourself is not having them in the house, there's a problem.
Perhaps a good approach is to give him one area where he can stash the oh-so-good-but-bad-for-you sweets, somewhere you can force yourself not to go. That way, they're still in the house for him, but effectively not in the house for you. You'll have to search for a compromise with him.0 -
Hey there!!! I am an emotional/binge eater too. My nutritionist recommended this website to me....www.tcme.org. It's the Center for Minful Eating. I see a therapist weekly to deal with my issues of why I overeat. Both of those have been helpful as far as overeating.
As for your man, write him a letter. Take your time writing the letter and be very raw and honest about how it effects you when he brings those things home. How it makes you feel like he doesn't quite listen to you or that he's not hearing your desperate plea for help. Whatever you want to say, put it in a letter.
Good luck sweetie!! Friend me if you like!:flowerforyou:0 -
I told my wife when she wanted junk food that she had to hide it from me as I'll end up eating most of it and she did this for me. I like the idea of a locked cabinet to which he only has the combination or key.0
-
Well as your husband and your ultimate support system - he should respect what your trying to accomplish and do his best to help you anyway he can but on the flipside - he isn't doing away with sweets so you also have to respect that he isn't on the same journey as you and you cannot expect him to not eat that stuff. Have you offered to make low-fat, reduced sugar sweets for the family so that you can enjoy them together?
Also have you suggested that maybe he put them out of your sight? Somewhere that you have no idea where they are?0 -
I'm am the same way.I have junk food galore around the house. I could put them all up in the cupboard but i chose not too. I don't want food to control me anymore. That addiction could end up costing me my life. So what do i do....i just walk on by. It's not worth it. Not even one bite. You'll feel better when you start losing the weight and your body deserves better.0
-
if you really feel that you cant handle it if the sweets are around, perhaps ask him to come with you to your doctor.
have your doctor explain the severity of the situation to him.
it just may make him come around.0 -
I have two sons and my husband who are all skinny and active. They have all sorts of junk in the house to eat and yes it calls to me. If I really want that peice of pizza or a cookie I workout enough so that I can have it. You dont have to totally cut everything from your life. sometimes a bite is enough. I do think that you cant punish the rest of the people in the house because you are on a diet.
Have him put the goodies somewhere that you dont see them, then make sure you dont look for them.0 -
His attitude would make me more determined not to eat the crap. Maybe for every pound you lose he will gain one:drinker: ---in about 2 - 3 months, he will see the results and stop eating it himself. I would find a separate storage area for the "off limits" foods and ask him to keep his junk food there. Just stay away from that location. It's a shame he's not on board with you and giving you encouragement. Apparently your weight isnt a problem for him.0
-
I understand what you're going through. I have/had the same problem with my husband too. We dont argue over it but I have talked to him about having all this junk here and how it makes it much harder for me to reach my goals and change my eating habits. I dont want to say he doesnt care because I know he does. He just isnt ready to change his habits like I want to just yet and I can understand that because obviously I was at that point before my lifestyle change. It all comes down to YOU.. only you can change you and there are going to be things that get in the way and you just have to learn to say no and mean it. Im not going to lie there are times where I have given in to the stuff we have here but for the most part I learned how to say no and will find other alternatives to certain foods or drinks. I know you feel he should be more supportive and help you out but at the same time you cant expect him to change because you want him to. He has to want to do it himself. I wish you the best and stay strong. If I can do this.. anyone can trust me.0
-
Definitely find a way to lock up the goodies if he's not willing to help you on this. Sugar can be an addiction, same as alcohol, drugs, etc. Try asking him in a way that doesn't present it as an ultimatum though. Not you HAVE to do this to help me, but can you please try to see my side of this? Maybe just for a week to get you going on the right track, then slowly bring it back in, because this has to be a lifestyle change for you, not just a diet, so you'll have to find a way to resist it without him. You can do it!0
-
Despite you're statement about who is in more danger, the truth is sugar will kill you both. There was a great Dr. Oz show about it. Sugar causes high cholesterol, high blood pressure, of course diabetes. It wrecks your liver, like too much alcohol. I agree, you need to keep it out of the house. Do you expect an alcoholic to continue to go to bars and just say no, or a smoker to hang around the smoking room, and be able to maintain. Self control is certainly required, but why have the temptation around you all the time. Besides, this is a lifestyle change, so keeping it out of the house is a lifetime necessisty. Did you ever notice that fat parents have fat kids, or that most often both spouses are overweight. It's a team effort to create a heathy environment.0
-
Maybe as a compromise you can agree to set aside a shelf or other area for junk food (and agree to limit the junk food to what will fit in that spot), and then put something that will motivate you in plain sight of that area, like a list of the reasons you want to lose weight. The list will not only deter you from grabbing the sweets, but will remind your husband that this is important to you and you need his support.0
-
There are a lot of temptations in the world, we have to learn to have enough willpower to withstand them. I understand your desire to have NOTHING of the sort in the house (he should atleast hide them) but, he is a grown man and will essentially "do what he wants" i suppose.
I had to learn self-discipline very early on in my dieting regime. My MIL is a sabotager and constantly fills my house with junk, as does my husband at any chance he gets. ALSO, I have 2 children (2.5 yrs old) who both have Cystic Fibrosis. Doctors will tell you that the diet of a CF patient goes against everything you've ever learned about diet & nutrition (and it REALLY does). They ENCOURAGE chocolate bars for breakfast, drinking straight cream, loading on margarine, gravy, cheese, sour cream, etc. They ENCOURAGE my children to eat at McDonalds or at various fast food restaurants as often as possible and to eat chips, cookies, sweets, candy bars etc .... at every meal. Cystic Fibrosis patients are often malnourished (not because of food) but because their bodies can't digest fats. They take enzymes to help digest the fat, and in order to absorb the correct amount, they have to stock pile their bodies with as much fattening food as possible in order to absorb enough to maintain a healthy weight. It's insane, it really is! It's hard to wrap the brain around (there's more to it, but I can't explain all here).
So my house, is loaded with high-calorie, HIGH-FAT foods, constantly. It's what I had to encourage my children to eat in order for them to survive. I have to prepare their fattening meals, watch them eat candy bars, bake them cakes/brownies etc & NOT indulge in any of it myself. Is it hard? Of course. BUT, I am a grown woman and I have to have enough willpower to stay away. There is no "can't have it in my house" for me. It's my children's lifestyle. You have to find it in you to have self discipline, willpower and be bigger than your addiction.0 -
Compromise is best!
I see where you are coming from. For me, self control came after I was able to keep the junk food out of the house for a little while, just until I was able to listen to my body, understand its needs, understand how to control my impulses and avoid the "bad" foods. My family was then able to have a few more sweets around the house without me being afraid of going out of control.
I can understand that he is not on your level of change, and does not see a need to change. I think it would be a great idea for him to have a lockable cabinet or mini-safe to store the sweets, if he were willing to do so. Not everyone has the same ability of self control and accountability -- some of us have to work for it. I know you will get there eventually.
And try that posting of a picture idea. Tape an image of yourself that you want to avoid around the foods you need to avoid. Also, sometimes I like to imagine proving people wrong. Your husband is handing you a challenge. You can step up to it, without fear!! All day at work, think about how you're going to make yourself proud and say no to the temptations. When you get home, keep his challenge in mind! Take it one day at a time. Do this for yourself, not for him or his frustration. Do this to prove to yourself that you can rise to a challenge and overcome the little demons in our minds that yell out for chocolate! and donuts!
we all believe in you. 0 -
That is a tough one. If he does not want to help himself and is sabotaging you, Maybe it's because he wants you to fail. Misery always wants company. He doesn't want to or have the strength to look at himself. Even if He is too weak to help himself, you have made the best decision for you. I know it is hard but you have to some how find a way to resist. Like any addiction after a while you will not crave it anymore. You have to find will power. If you have to take a walk or do a exercise video or come on here and have someone talk you down, then do it. Don't let anyone keep you down. You say you love him, If he really does love you, he should want to help you. Maybe when he see's the results you are getting he will have second thoughts.0
-
Sorry but I sort of agree with him too. Yes, it would be helpful if he didn't keep bringing them in the house but you do have to learn to control yourself because what happens when you're faced with temptations outside the home? You won't have learned how to avoid those and make better choices. It's up to you and no one else...
Something that works for me is to have my own healthier snacks handy so if I do go into a craving mode, it won't totally derail my efforts. He's got his full fat movie theatre butter lovers popcorn and I've got 100 calorie packs of butter popcorn (which I think are much better anyway). I also keep cocoa roasted almonds, reduced fat peanut butter and Special K 90 cal chocolatey pretzel bars in the cupboard for me. Another good substitiute, if you like ice cream, are sugar free fudgecicles. And of course, fruit is always a great alternative if you've got a sweet tooth. Especially good ripe peaches - yum!
Then if you want something, you can reach for your things and forget about his.0 -
What he doesn't understand is that compulsive overeating/binging/sugar addiction is a disease. It might help you to look into Overeaters Anonymous. I know it has really helped me. There are also books out there that totally break it down and explain how people are addicted to sugars and bad carbs like an alcoholic is to alcohol and a drug addict is to meth. There are two that i recommend.. Why Can't I Stop Eating and Anatomy of a Food Addiction. Ask him what he would do if you were addicted to drugs or alcohol and needed help? What would he do then?
There is all kinds of information out there about how bad processed foods is for us.
You are right in needing these things to not be in your house and needing total support.
I started being abstinent in January. Got rid of ALL the junk and crap food that I knew I needed to stay away from. Told my kids and husband that for my sanity and theirs all of those things have to stay out of the house. It's been six months now and I have gotten to the point where I am much more stable and it does not bother me so bad to have little bits of it in the house for them. I am able to control myself now and stay out of it.
Stand strong and continue to stand up for yourself.0 -
Perhaps you could ask him to only bring in "personal use" amounts, so that there isn't a load of crappy junk just hanging about? While he is right about self-control, it also sucks that he can't be more supportive of your efforts here, especially considering your very life could depend upon it. Just because he's a man and he works and blah, blah, blah doesn't mean he can't make concessions in order to support and aid the woman he loves. Sometimes we need help in breaking habits and patterns, and it really is his job to help.
Me? I'd take his danged junk food and run it down the disposal, teach him to keep it on his person. But that's just me. I wouldn't advise anyone else to go that route.
Kris
Edited to say that, after reading through other responses, I see that your request for him to keep the crap out of the house IS you showing self-control. I mean, how much more self-control can you have?0 -
Despite you're statement about who is in more danger, the truth is sugar will kill you both. There was a great Dr. Oz show about it. Sugar causes high cholesterol, high blood pressure, of course diabetes. It wrecks your liver, like too much alcohol. I agree, you need to keep it out of the house. Do you expect an alcoholic to continue to go to bars and just say no, or a smoker to hang around the smoking room, and be able to maintain. Self control is certainly required, but why have the temptation around you all the time. Besides, this is a lifestyle change, so keeping it out of the house is a lifetime necessisty. Did you ever notice that fat parents have fat kids, or that most often both spouses are overweight. It's a team effort to create a heathy environment.
This is my favorite!! This is what I'm trying to tell him!!! Both of my parents are full blown diabetic, having to give themselves insulin shots everyday. I am heading down the same path, and my son could end up the same. Our family needs a lifestyle change. and it's going to take both of us working as a team to make it happen. I don't feel like I can do it by myself. I do so good for awhile and then i feel overwhelmed and give in. I've already lost all my baby weight, so I know what works for me and how easy it is when I'm on board. but I only stay on track when I keep the junk out of the house. I need support. We need to do this more for our health than for what we look like. He isn't happy with his weight either. He's on the same roller coaster I'm on. He loses some, he gains. We've been doing this for two years, and it's getting really old. but last year before I got pregnant I was doing so good, and I had lost like 26 lbs and it had motivated him and he was doing great and losing too, so I know if I could just stick with it and be strong, he's not going to let me get too far without him joining in. I guess I'm just feeling defeated b/c everyday this week I have woke up with determination on my mind and by the time I get home, I'm stuffing my face with anything sweet I can find.
I really think that if I can figure out a way to keep away from the junk, and I start losing and feeling better he will get on board. I will def try the hiding the junk and making it off limits and see if that works for me. Thanks everyone for your advice, it was all great!0 -
Maybe he could keep them somewhere "secret" and not eat them in front of you. Perhaps if you don't know where he's keeping them it will be like they're not even there...out of sight out of mind. That way it's a bit of a comprimise. Plus, once you stop eating the sweets and start getting healthy, perhaps he will be inspired and join you!
Good luck and stay positive! Remember that YOU are the only one that can make the change for YOURSELF! 0 -
I can see both sides too, Kim. I have the same problem with not being able to stop eating the sweets once I start, but I usually do pretty OK with having that nasty stuff in the house as long as I don't start in on it. One thing I've found that helps me a lot is making sure I eat enough nutritious calories before I come face to face with the temptations. The hungrier I am, the more likely it is I'll make some really bad decisions that I regret later.0
-
Despite you're statement about who is in more danger, the truth is sugar will kill you both. There was a great Dr. Oz show about it. Sugar causes high cholesterol, high blood pressure, of course diabetes. It wrecks your liver, like too much alcohol. I agree, you need to keep it out of the house. Do you expect an alcoholic to continue to go to bars and just say no, or a smoker to hang around the smoking room, and be able to maintain. Self control is certainly required, but why have the temptation around you all the time. Besides, this is a lifestyle change, so keeping it out of the house is a lifetime necessisty. Did you ever notice that fat parents have fat kids, or that most often both spouses are overweight. It's a team effort to create a heathy environment.
This is my favorite!! This is what I'm trying to tell him!!! Both of my parents are full blown diabetic, having to give themselves insulin shots everyday. I am heading down the same path, and my son could end up the same. Our family needs a lifestyle change. and it's going to take both of us working as a team to make it happen. I don't feel like I can do it by myself. I do so good for awhile and then i feel overwhelmed and give in. I've already lost all my baby weight, so I know what works for me and how easy it is when I'm on board. but I only stay on track when I keep the junk out of the house. I need support. We need to do this more for our health than for what we look like. He isn't happy with his weight either. He's on the same roller coaster I'm on. He loses some, he gains. We've been doing this for two years, and it's getting really old. but last year before I got pregnant I was doing so good, and I had lost like 26 lbs and it had motivated him and he was doing great and losing too, so I know if I could just stick with it and be strong, he's not going to let me get too far without him joining in. I guess I'm just feeling defeated b/c everyday this week I have woke up with determination on my mind and by the time I get home, I'm stuffing my face with anything sweet I can find.
I really think that if I can figure out a way to keep away from the junk, and I start losing and feeling better he will get on board. I will def try the hiding the junk and making it off limits and see if that works for me. Thanks everyone for your advice, it was all great!
I’m sure you know, Black folks are at a much higher risk of metabolic disease than the general public, arm yourself with studies and see if you can persuade him to start eating more healthy. I wish I could offer more help than that, but that’s the only thing I could come up with.0 -
Despite you're statement about who is in more danger, the truth is sugar will kill you both. There was a great Dr. Oz show about it. Sugar causes high cholesterol, high blood pressure, of course diabetes. It wrecks your liver, like too much alcohol. I agree, you need to keep it out of the house. Do you expect an alcoholic to continue to go to bars and just say no, or a smoker to hang around the smoking room, and be able to maintain. Self control is certainly required, but why have the temptation around you all the time. Besides, this is a lifestyle change, so keeping it out of the house is a lifetime necessisty. Did you ever notice that fat parents have fat kids, or that most often both spouses are overweight. It's a team effort to create a heathy environment.
This is my favorite!! This is what I'm trying to tell him!!! Both of my parents are full blown diabetic, having to give themselves insulin shots everyday. I am heading down the same path, and my son could end up the same. Our family needs a lifestyle change. and it's going to take both of us working as a team to make it happen. I don't feel like I can do it by myself. I do so good for awhile and then i feel overwhelmed and give in. I've already lost all my baby weight, so I know what works for me and how easy it is when I'm on board. but I only stay on track when I keep the junk out of the house. I need support. We need to do this more for our health than for what we look like. He isn't happy with his weight either. He's on the same roller coaster I'm on. He loses some, he gains. We've been doing this for two years, and it's getting really old. but last year before I got pregnant I was doing so good, and I had lost like 26 lbs and it had motivated him and he was doing great and losing too, so I know if I could just stick with it and be strong, he's not going to let me get too far without him joining in. I guess I'm just feeling defeated b/c everyday this week I have woke up with determination on my mind and by the time I get home, I'm stuffing my face with anything sweet I can find.
I really think that if I can figure out a way to keep away from the junk, and I start losing and feeling better he will get on board. I will def try the hiding the junk and making it off limits and see if that works for me. Thanks everyone for your advice, it was all great!
You cannot force someone to want to get healthy no matter what you do or how much they need it.
Your best bet is to give him somewhere not visible to put the junk food, stay out of it, and do your own thing. He may very well see the changes in you and find his motivation there.0 -
You've gotten losts of posts on this and no matter how easy it to say "just have some self control" it's NOT that easy. And your asking for help. My husband has never been on "the weightloss train" with me. So I ask him to buy stuff I don't like, keep it in his car or have it at work.....sometimes it doesn't bother me but when it is I say PLEASE stop bringing it around till I'm stronger. ASking for help shouldn't make him made....it probably makes him feel bad about himself cause he's not in the same place as you are and not trying to loose the weight.
I love the idea of his cabinet with your motivation pic on it! Maybe seeing that will rub off on him too.
I wish there was an easy answer but I have not found one. Ask him what his compromise would be? Since he doesn't want to get rid of it all and you should have to rely 100% on will power.
Good luck, we are always here for you! Hugs & Love!!!:flowerforyou:0 -
LOVE this suggestion!Ask him what his compromise would be?0 -
When he eats it, leave. I mean leave the house. I mean walk out. I mean hand him the baby, get in your car and leave.
Of course you can try to exercise more self control, HOWEVER, that's a selfish man who won't do that for you. Keep his junk in the garage where junk belongs. If you just left the house every time he did it, he might get the message. I can't be around it - get it!?0 -
I have a question. Does he sit there quietly enjoying his sweet or does he taunt you with it?
I would say that if he quietly enjoys it then let him do his thing, he isn't trying to lose weight yet so he should be able to have whatever he likes. BUT if he is sitting there saying things like, "mmmmm you should try this" or "smell this" or "you know you want some" then you should really sit down with him and explain that in order for you to be able to do this he needs to leave you alone.
I know its hard but really you can do this.0
This discussion has been closed.
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 393.4K Introduce Yourself
- 43.8K Getting Started
- 260.2K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.9K Food and Nutrition
- 47.4K Recipes
- 232.5K Fitness and Exercise
- 426 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.5K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 153K Motivation and Support
- 8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.7K MyFitnessPal Information
- 24 News and Announcements
- 1.1K Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.6K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions