Women asking out men, weird, or a new generational thing?
This constantly boggles my mind. I was reading over another person's post about how she does not get approached by men. I get approached by men, but in the creepy, 30 years older than me way that makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable. I don't think I've ever been asked on a date. Almost 99% of my relationships have begun with a movie hang out with friends and secretly holding hands. Gag. I've accepted that it was because I was younger.
Now that I'm going on 23, I want to go on dates damnit. I interact with many single, attractive men on my day to day adventures and yet, cannot seem to go any further then "Hey, you look really nice today." "Oh thanks, are you flirting with me or is that just your way of getting me to buy more coffee?"
(Actually one of the cute baristas at the coffee shop I frequent every morning asked if I worked out, and complimented me on my arms. Who does that? Is that flirting? Is that a cue that he may think I'm cute? I'm so oblivious to these things.)
I've been told men are intimidated by me. I don't think that's the case. That sounds too egotistical. So I've decided to take matters into my own hands.
I'm going to ask THEM out. Are there any good ways of doing this? Guys, do you find it awkward when a cute girl approaches you? I'm a little too bold and blunt sometimes.
Now that I'm going on 23, I want to go on dates damnit. I interact with many single, attractive men on my day to day adventures and yet, cannot seem to go any further then "Hey, you look really nice today." "Oh thanks, are you flirting with me or is that just your way of getting me to buy more coffee?"
(Actually one of the cute baristas at the coffee shop I frequent every morning asked if I worked out, and complimented me on my arms. Who does that? Is that flirting? Is that a cue that he may think I'm cute? I'm so oblivious to these things.)
I've been told men are intimidated by me. I don't think that's the case. That sounds too egotistical. So I've decided to take matters into my own hands.
I'm going to ask THEM out. Are there any good ways of doing this? Guys, do you find it awkward when a cute girl approaches you? I'm a little too bold and blunt sometimes.
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Replies
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It's a new era of women taking on men's roles. I think it's awesome. Embrace it and take charge.0
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I think a confident woman is sexy.0
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I wouldn't think it was awkward. I would probably be flattered. Go for it. The guy you're looking at might be too embarrassed to do it so ya never know until ya try.0
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I ask out guys all the time. About half of my relationships started by me approaching guys. I think it's empowering, I'm not going to wait around for a guy to do something.
The girls that tell me guys HAVE to do the asking tend to not be going on dates.0 -
i was always told i am intimidating because i'm very loud and bold and straightforward...i took that as a compliment and ran with it, using it to my advantage. be yourself, and if you want to ask them out, just straight up ask them out. it worked for me, and now i'm married.
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I'm the opposite. I'd never ask a man on a date. Not because I'm shy but because I think it's his job, and if he's not willing to do it, then he's either not interested or he's missing a set of testicles. In either case, he's not for me.
If you feel comfortable doing it, go for it. Some men find it sexy, some men find it emasculating. Just be prepared for the different reactions.0 -
You have to take control of your own life...if you like a guy go for it....because they are all pretty dense and sometimes they need things explained, outlined, dots connected and the damn picture coloured in for them too before they "get it".
there's nothing wrong with you asking a guy out.0 -
So I have mixed feelings about this.
Some women LIKE to be asked out... but being asked out on a spur of the moment thing almost always results in a negative response.
For example, if I see you at a coffee shop, glance at you and see you watching me, I might go over and ask for a date. HOWEVER, it almost never results in a positive response. Women don't feel safe enough for it.
I'm young, good looking, muscular, intelligent, with a career, nice car and sense of humor, but I still get turned down in most cases because most women aren't comfortable meeting strangers.
THEREFORE: If you think you would be willing to go on a date, ask the guy. You might as well.0 -
I'm the opposite. I'd never ask a man on a date. Not because I'm shy but because I think it's his job, and if he's not willing to do it, then he's either not interested or he's missing a set of testicles. In either case, he's not for me.
If you feel comfortable doing it, go for it. Some men find it sexy, some men find it emasculating. Just be prepared for the different reactions.
See this is the mentality I've always had. I figured if a guy was interested in me, and thought that I was worth chasing, he would ask me out.
I'm also told that men my age have a plethora of women to choose from and generally have no problem getting laid, so really don't see the point in seriously asking a girl out. It's not until the 25 to 26 age range that they actually settle down and become a little more serious.0 -
Dudes in your hood aren't Alpha males or their game is WEEEEEEAK. Sorry to hear that as you look cute. I am sure one will come around sooner then later.0
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i dont or didnt get intimidated when women would approach me (i'm married now) i think its cool because alot of times guys are intimidated, or dont know how to approach a woman so its kind of a relief imo. Of course there is a thing of coming on too strong, but if you let a man know you're interested there is nothing wrong with that. for a long time i was very very shy so the only time i went out with women is when they approached me, luckily it happened regularly enough lol0
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For example, if I see you at a coffee shop, glance at you and see you watching me, I might go over and ask for a date. HOWEVER, it almost never results in a positive response. Women don't feel safe enough for it.
I'm young, good looking, muscular, intelligent, with a career, nice car and sense of humor, but I still get turned down in most cases because most women aren't comfortable meeting strangers.
Haha I do understand that. On the other hand I think if that a girl is making eye contact with you, and smiles, it's safe to approach her and generally start a conversation. We're all so afraid of each other and it doesn't make any sense to me.
I even joined an online dating website for a research paper in Social Psychology, and found that even online, people are too afraid to message each other, and once they do, are too afraid to actually meet.0 -
I am not in the dating game and have been out for a long time, but I have noticed that the art of courtship is gone now. Men don't ask ladies out anymore and ladies are always forking out money on dates, even the first one. When I was in the game, it was a skill that men possessed and took pride in when it came to asking and getting a phone number and eventual date with a woman. I need to open up a school for that. The only thing is, it would be full of women, because men don't have to have that skill anymore---you women have gotten good at it. Think about it.0
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I asked out a guy because he was to afraid to talk to me and now we have been married for 11 years and we have 4 beautiful children....Go for it!!!:flowerforyou:0
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I love the idea, and wish it would happen more often. Because if you are oblivious to advances from men, it is ten fold on the otherside. As a guy i can admitt that we are very stupid lol, we dont pick up subtle hints, or obvious ones. I think that courtship is a little out dated and i think that this is a refreshing change of pace and should become more common. Go for it. Make some guys day =]0
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Theres nothing wrong with asking a man out for an evening. Thats how my hubby and I got together 24 years ago! LOL Men can't read your mind. Through it out there! If the answer is not you haven't lost anything you didn't already have, right? if he says yes...well your one step to maybe a great thing even friend! nothing to loose!
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I'm the opposite. I'd never ask a man on a date. Not because I'm shy but because I think it's his job, and if he's not willing to do it, then he's either not interested or he's missing a set of testicles. In either case, he's not for me.
If you feel comfortable doing it, go for it. Some men find it sexy, some men find it emasculating. Just be prepared for the different reactions.
See this is the mentality I've always had. I figured if a guy was interested in me, and thought that I was worth chasing, he would ask me out.
I'm also told that men my age have a plethora of women to choose from and generally have no problem getting laid, so really don't see the point in seriously asking a girl out. It's not until the 25 to 26 age range that they actually settle down and become a little more serious.
Thats not true at all. Thats making the assumption that all guys are just out for sex. Lots of us want a real relationship and someone to hold.
Until some psycho slut makes us hate women, at least.0 -
In my single days, I used to ask a guy out by discussing an new movie with him. If he hadn't seen it, I'd say I want to see it too, Why don't we go together? If that went well, I'd suggest we go have a coffee and discuss the movie. This worked so many times I can't say.0
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I'm the opposite. I'd never ask a man on a date. Not because I'm shy but because I think it's his job, and if he's not willing to do it, then he's either not interested or he's missing a set of testicles. In either case, he's not for me.
If you feel comfortable doing it, go for it. Some men find it sexy, some men find it emasculating. Just be prepared for the different reactions.
See this is the mentality I've always had. I figured if a guy was interested in me, and thought that I was worth chasing, he would ask me out.
I'm also told that men my age have a plethora of women to choose from and generally have no problem getting laid, so really don't see the point in seriously asking a girl out. It's not until the 25 to 26 age range that they actually settle down and become a little more serious.
Hunny, i hate to break it to you....but guys in the 25-26 age range are still the same...hell, i've dated guys in the 35-40 age range...they are still not ready to settle down. There's no age range to go by--all depends on the guy. You're young--go out and have fun.0 -
For example, if I see you at a coffee shop, glance at you and see you watching me, I might go over and ask for a date. HOWEVER, it almost never results in a positive response. Women don't feel safe enough for it.
I'm young, good looking, muscular, intelligent, with a career, nice car and sense of humor, but I still get turned down in most cases because most women aren't comfortable meeting strangers.
Haha I do understand that. On the other hand I think if that a girl is making eye contact with you, and smiles, it's safe to approach her and generally start a conversation. We're all so afraid of each other and it doesn't make any sense to me.
I even joined an online dating website for a research paper in Social Psychology, and found that even online, people are too afraid to message each other, and once they do, are too afraid to actually meet.
It's so true. I'm not a shy person, so I have no problems just walking up and saying "Hey, you look amazing, and I would like to get to know you. If you don't have a boyfriend, do you wanna grab a coffee sometime?" but trust me when I say... it just doesn't work much.
Freaking cowards
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I'm the opposite. I'd never ask a man on a date. Not because I'm shy but because I think it's his job, and if he's not willing to do it, then he's either not interested or he's missing a set of testicles. In either case, he's not for me.
If you feel comfortable doing it, go for it. Some men find it sexy, some men find it emasculating. Just be prepared for the different reactions.
See this is the mentality I've always had. I figured if a guy was interested in me, and thought that I was worth chasing, he would ask me out.
I'm also told that men my age have a plethora of women to choose from and generally have no problem getting laid, so really don't see the point in seriously asking a girl out. It's not until the 25 to 26 age range that they actually settle down and become a little more serious.
I agree that your age probably has a lot to do with it. I'm 28, and I figure at my age, if he doesn't have the balls to do the asking, then I'd be wasting my time on him anyway.
There is always the possibility that a really nice, sweet guy has checked you out and would love to go out with you but is afraid to make the first move. Maybe if you asked him out, things would work out great. If you're okay with that, by all means, go for it.
The thing about me is that I just don't have much respect for a man who isn't willing to do the asking because I'm looking for an alpha male, one who is not afraid to go after what he wants out of fear of failure, whether it's his career or a woman he's interested in. I realize not every woman thinks that way, and that's cool, but that's just me.0 -
I think you should go with what seems right in the moment. Use your gut. Give a guy as chance to ask you out and then if he doesn't take it (some guys are just scared to ask) then you ask him.
Here is another great idea... there are certain ways that you can flirt and things that you can say that get a guy to ask you out and think it is his idea. But you have to strike up a conversation... he asked you a question so that is your hint. Guys want to know that you will say yes before they ask... they are scared like that. Approach it kind of in the way you would your friends, example:
Your local barista:
HIM: "Hey your arms look great, do you work out?"
YOU: "Yes, I do, do you?"
HIM: "Yes, about 3 times a week at the gym and then jogging in XXXX park."
YOU: "Oh I love that park, I didn't know they have a trail there. We should meet up there sometime and run together."
<BOOM>
He will either make a date right then, ask for your number, or [he may be in shock that you actually just let him know that you would say yes to a date...lol] give him your number.
You probably have at least 3 opportunities to flirt like that every week... take them.
If a guy compliments you, have a small conversation with him and see what happens. 0 -
For example, if I see you at a coffee shop, glance at you and see you watching me, I might go over and ask for a date. HOWEVER, it almost never results in a positive response. Women don't feel safe enough for it.
I'm young, good looking, muscular, intelligent, with a career, nice car and sense of humor, but I still get turned down in most cases because most women aren't comfortable meeting strangers.
Haha I do understand that. On the other hand I think if that a girl is making eye contact with you, and smiles, it's safe to approach her and generally start a conversation. We're all so afraid of each other and it doesn't make any sense to me.
I even joined an online dating website for a research paper in Social Psychology, and found that even online, people are too afraid to message each other, and once they do, are too afraid to actually meet.
It's so true. I'm not a shy person, so I have no problems just walking up and saying "Hey, you look amazing, and I would like to get to know you. If you don't have a boyfriend, do you wanna grab a coffee sometime?" but trust me when I say... it just doesn't work much.
Freaking cowards
There was a time in my life when I would have freaked out if a guy approached me like that. I'd have been thinking "I don't even know you. No way I'm going on a date with you." Now, I am a lot more confident in who I am and what I want, and what I'd probably appreciate most about a stranger asking me to have coffee with him is that he didn't jump right to "Can I take you to dinner?" That's too much for someone you don't know at all, and a man who realizes that and goes for a safer option is easier to say yes to. There's nothing threatening about "Let's have coffee and talk." It may end in "I'd love to have dinner with you," and it may end in the two of you discovering you'll never be more than friends (if that), but at least you took a shot. Any woman who is single and looking and isn't willing to do that probably has some security issues that you're better off avoiding anyway.0 -
I wouldn't do it. Although I agree with the other posts that women should take control of their own life, the men still want to be 'the man' as society dictates they are. It's an ego thing that's accompanied with a fear of rejection!! When you see this guy in your local coffee shop and he compliments you - he's seeing how you react to that. He isn't going to ask you out right after that (even though, that'd be so much easier, wouldn't it?). Him, or any other guy, needs to build up their confidence to ask you out.
It could also be the type of man you're hoping will ask you on a date. If it's the sort of guy that is a scumbag and wants to sleep around, he may ask you out, but it's for the wrong reason! If you're looking for a serious relationship, try going for the older men. I'm talking like 27-29. Or, get involved in something where you'll be in a group setting and you can meet other people your age. Book club? Local volunteer work?
I'm married now, but can remember feeling exactly like you do. My husband has given me sort of an inside look on the mind of a man. If I had known those things while I was single, I would've been a dating pro 0 -
It's so true. I'm not a shy person, so I have no problems just walking up and saying "Hey, you look amazing, and I would like to get to know you. If you don't have a boyfriend, do you wanna grab a coffee sometime?" but trust me when I say... it just doesn't work much.
Freaking cowards
I think there in lies another huge issue. We assume everyone isn't single, and so don't want to take the risk to ask them. If someone is attractive, we look at them and think that with those looks, there's no way that they're single. And if they are, there must be a damn good reason for it. This has stopped me on more than one occasion.0 -
Its all right! I was asked on a date by this one girl a couple of years ago and I was flattered!...................I went out of my way even more so because of it. We had a great time for a couple of weeks and that was it....BUT this I think should not be lingered upon, if you like someone beit your male or female...DO IT ask! If your turned down all the person can think of you is that youre bold...and thats good!
You are YOUNG!! Enjoy life!!! SMILE!
With that said..................Ladies feel free to Message me!!
shake and bake!0 -
I think there is too much emphasis on this dating thing. Just see it as asking a friend to hang out and see if you can strike a common interest. If the sparks are there, then flirt! If not, than at least you've gained a friend. It doesn't have to be any more complicated than that.
I use to know this guy who lived across the road from me who I use to like when I was younger. Spent weeks exchanging looks but nothing else so I struck up the courage to ask him out. Found out that he was the dullest person ever and I didn't meet him a second time. I was so proud of myself for having the courage to do it and felt at least I didn't waste any more time wondering 'what if'. I don't think there's any shame in it. If you don't ask, you don't get.0 -
I agree with the "approach it as a friendship" theory if you'd be okay with never being more than friends (because that may be the only possibility if he just doesn't feel a romantic attraction for you). But sometimes, the attraction you feel toward someone, even a stranger, is so strong that you know the friendship thing just is not going to cut it. It doesn't happen to me often, but occasionally I meet a guy who makes me feel like I'm on fire, and there's no way I could ever just be friends with him because I wouldn't be able to stop myself from thinking impure thoughts around him. And if you ever want to have a successful relationship with another guy, you cannot have male friends who make you think impure thoughts.0
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The Game:
1) Guy makes a simple remark that is complimentary or flattering.
2) Girl responds and thanks Guy.
3) Girl must follow up by escalating game in some way... showing interest through extending a conversation, flirting in some way, etc.
4) Guy gets a clue and continues with further interaction.
5) Guy or Girl initiates physical contact in some fashion, either initial or additional contact, that makes it clear that another level is desired.
6) Guy asks Girl out. Alternatively, Girl makes comment that reveals - directly or indirectly - that she is not presently in a relationship. Then Guy asks Girl out.0 -
I love this question and it kinda strikes home with me because I am divorced and a bit shy. It is a very difficult thing for most men to approach women that they don't know. first of all, we don't have the verbal skills that most all women have especially when it comes to expressing anything emotional. second, is the rejection factor. Most men have large and fragile egos that we knowingly or unknowingly tend to protect. Asking a women we just meet out on a date, for her phone number or even for a dance is taking a chance on being rejected - that hurts. So we tend to dance around it - "Hey we should hang out sometime". It's a difficult game we play and I hate games.
Be careful asking guys out. In particular be careful of the "TYPE" of guys you ask out. An agressive male could very well take your innocent proposal as a come on (I'm dead serious). So be very careful how you word it and be clear about what it is you want to do - "Hey, I want to see that new movie on Friday. Would you like to have dinner and see it with me?"
I think it's great that you and other women are willing to initiate realationships. It takes some of the pressure off of us. Please be careful though. It is inherently more risky for you than it is for us. Know the person you are asking out and avoid asking handsome strangers.0
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