Army Wife-I want to blame my husband

juliabranstetter
juliabranstetter Posts: 9
edited September 29 in Motivation and Support
I moved to Fort Bragg in December to live with my husband. Since then I have gained 30 pounds. Part of the reason I cook for my husband. He doesnt need/want low calorie meals he does a ton of physical PT/ Training, has a crazy schedule and can basically eat what he wants and not gain a pound. He needs the energy. Ive tried cooking low calorie meals and it leaves him raiding the pantry an hour later. I cant keep him full.The result I cook what he wants and I eat with him. Cooking two meals is to expensive and time consuming. If he is eating supper at 1am so am I, and because of his crazy work schedule I feel like I never get enough sleep. I get up when he gets up even if we've only been in bed a few hours. (I have a sleeping disorder which makes it hard to) so I am always tired and never want to work out after I get home from a 10 hour shift at a surgeons office. Part of me wants to blame my husband and then he fusses that I never work out and have gained weight. Ugh...On days that Im off work and hes not home I can eat so healthy and actually work out and not feel tired.

Replies

  • Kelly_Wilson1990
    Kelly_Wilson1990 Posts: 3,245 Member
    It is easy to play the blame game instead of admitting we need to change ourselves. My hubby is retired Army.
  • BethanyMasters
    BethanyMasters Posts: 519 Member
    What did he do before you moved in with him?

    This is going to sound harsh but maybe he should be taking care of himself and letting you take care of yourself especially since he sounds like he seems to be so critical of your weight gain.

    My boyfriend isn't at all interested in counting calorie and weighing and measuring but if he doesn't want what I cook then tough cookies, he'll just have to make something himself or go out and get whatever garbage it is that he wants to eat and I'll be damned if he tries to bring it in the house.
  • bethvandenberg
    bethvandenberg Posts: 1,496 Member
    ohhhh can I blame him too? As long as he's a scapegoat let's load him up... :) Just kidding.
  • hroush
    hroush Posts: 2,073 Member
    I say you can make one meal for the both of you, just remember that you need to eat a smaller portion. You can also make it a healthier meal so that you both benefit. Check the protein and fiber content of the meals you make, it will also help the both of you if they can be increased.
  • Rheenz
    Rheenz Posts: 23
    Check out a Ketogenic diet.. so filling.
  • juliabranstetter
    juliabranstetter Posts: 9
    Before I moved in he ate out all the time-still never gained a pound. If I dont cook he'll eat out which is way to expensive when we have a mortage to pay. He can go to taco bell and spend $20 and eat EVERYTHING. Ive never seen a man eat so much. When we go home to visit and he isnt training so much he eats a normal portion for meals.
  • oddyogi
    oddyogi Posts: 1,816 Member
    skwilson is right, it is easy to blame others. Although your husband is not completely innocent, it's not entirely his fault. He is only influencing you a little negatively. If you're here on MFP, it's obvious you want to make a change in yourself!

    Look around for recipes that are low calorie yet filling. This means lots of protein and fiber. Two of my favorite sites to get recipes from are www.dashingdish.com and www.skinnytaste.com

    Also, it is easy to cook double recipes so your husband has plenty to eat, and you can still eat a lower calorie portion. Any food leftover you can eat for lunch the next day, again in a portion for your needs.

    My husband is also very active and can eat 4000 calories a day and still LOSE weight. I understand it can be frustrating. I treat myself more often than I ought to because it's hard not to want to enjoy tasty treats when he's eating them too! I am able to control myself a lot of times, though.

    You just gotta figure out a pattern that works for you and your husband. Talk to him and let him know you're trying to get healthier so you can lose the extra fat you've gained. Hopefully he will understand and support you in the loving way that he should. And if he's still hungry after you make dinner, tell him to go chug a giant glass of milk!

    As always, you can look here for support, and feel free to add me as a friend. :)
  • sue26
    sue26 Posts: 412
    You can always cook something healthy (e.g. stir fry chicken and veggies) and cook him lots of rice to go with it. I just give my husband twice as much of whatever I have plus a starch. Works for us as he can eat anything he wants and not gain any weight.:smile:
  • SassyStef
    SassyStef Posts: 413
    Why should your low calorie meals effect him? Does he just eat more to be full, or you eat less of what you cook for him? My husband works in law enforcement and the schedules can be crazy but for us I dont change my schedule for him.....I eat breakfast lunch and dinner just the same, and leave the left overs for him.
    I know each situation is different but we have to take care of ourselves before we can take care of others. I wouldnt be trying to mold myself in my husbands schedule if it is causing unhealthy and sleep deprivation for me.
    Do what you need to do to check yourself first :smile: and then work with your hubby on other 'healthy' aspects.
  • Azuleelan
    Azuleelan Posts: 218
    Yeah your husband has nothing to do with it. You haven't chosen to eat less of the meals you cook, as you should. A good place to start is to take responsibility, then you'll start losing the weight... good luck!
  • mjtbb
    mjtbb Posts: 77 Member
    I don't know what you go thru since I don't have any military in my family but since he is complaining maybe you can have a compromising conversation with him. Can you cook meals ahead for him? He can reheat when he is up at 1 AM and you can sleep. Do you always have to be up with him? I don't cook 2 meals either but I follow portion control and add salad to my meal. Like skip the pasta but make a vegetable to go with the meat. I guess that would be 1 1/2 meal. In my house anytime he wants to order pizza, I get an alternate meal like a healthier sub. I have fruit around, to eat as snacks. Its not the perfect setup but it is working. Good Luck!
  • farfalledibaciodinotte
    farfalledibaciodinotte Posts: 181 Member
    You have to do you... I am an AF wife and he eats whatever and I still focus on me.. I make his meals which aren't that "healthy" and I make mine.. check out Racheal Ray's 30 minute meals.... try some of those and then you'll see that it actually doesn't take that long to make a meal that satisfies him and then make a meal for you as well.. and the cost thing... well I can't say much there, but just buy in smaller amounts.. it's only the two of you there right, so you don't always have to buy the big containers of stuff at the store...

    but all in all, you have to think of you.. "DO YOU" and it'll be great, if you focus on yourself, you'll be much happier

    you also don't have to sleep on his schedule... my hubby is on mids right now so he gets home at seven am.. I sleep at night.. and do things in the day like work out, plan meals and work.. we see eachother for about 7 hours in the day after he wakes up at like 4pm..
  • rlboom
    rlboom Posts: 1
    It's easy to blame someone else but like your husband I work late and eat late... supper for me is usually around 8 pm! I still cook for my family and none of them are on a diet! I cook and eat the same things I always did I don't make lowfat meals or starve myself. I walk late in the evenings which makes me sleep so much better! Be it treadmill or around the neighborhood. My advice is this.... walk when you can and use a smaller plate! Sounds dumb I know but while the rest of my family is eating off of a traditional 12 inch plate my plate is half that size! I only fill it once and that is what I have for supper. American's have increased the size of there plates over the years. Have you ever noticed the old antique plates are only 10 inches? Think about it.. if you ate off of a big plate you would fill it. I think you will notice that you will loose weight by walking and drinking water and using that smaller plate. If you eat all diet food you will fail. Your body adjusts to that and when you go back to eating "regular" food you gain weight back! I started my fitness pal late when I had already been on a diet I have currently lost 26lbs and a friend notice and we now walk together. Find a friend to walk with and just do it! If YOU are not ready to commit to a few TINY things in your daily routine it won't work...YOU have to want to do it.... so break out the sneakers and the smaller plate!!
  • Janet39
    Janet39 Posts: 280 Member
    Cook your meal, and his meal on alternate days.

    Put the second portion of each in the fridge for the next day.

    That way you both win.
  • bjohs
    bjohs Posts: 1,225 Member
    Go ahead and continue making the meals you are now... just add some fruits, vegetables and salad as side dishes. Then fill up 1/2 your plate with salad, 1/4 with fruit/veggies and leave the remaining 1/4 for whatever it is that you prepared for your husband. It is easy to eat the same meals if you add just a few more healthier selections to choose from. Cantaloupe, watermelon, grapes, lettuce, green beans, carrots, apples, bananas, oranges, broccoli... these are all inexpensive things to keep handy that are also quick to prepare and put on the table. Good luck!
  • KyleGA
    KyleGA Posts: 309 Member
    The bottom line is yours and his bodies are completely different...if you do not treat them different, 30lb weight gain will seem so little compared to what it would/may get to.

    At the end of the day, you need to be accountable and on a schedule for your nutrition, as does he. I can relate to having prepared only 1 meal (due to costs), but with each meal we have portion sizes, as well as healthy stuff we can put into it. And if you prepare dinner at 6pm and he doesn't get to eat until 1am, there are great containers to keep his meal fresh. No way should you eat a dinner at 1am, unless you are are as active as he is.

    Without structure and discipline this could be a long road/battle.

    I challenge you to create a meal plan for you and do your damndest to stick to it. If your healthy lifestyle is important to your husband (as it appears he would like to see you how you once were) respects that and allows you to get back to where you were before...cannot have it both ways, something MUST give here.

    Time to take control...the change starts with you.
  • deeharley
    deeharley Posts: 1,208 Member
    Salad and potatoes - Cook the same main meat and veggies for both of you, but serve him a potato and serve yourself a salad - those ones that come in a bag are great for this kind of dining. I have a husband who is a carpenter and works hard all day and is starving by the end of the day, so I know exactly where you're coming from.
  • MissMandy1010
    MissMandy1010 Posts: 52 Member
    Lots of good support here for you... its not his fault, but I can see how you want to blame him, instead of looking within. Hes not forcing you to eat or forcing you to get up with him. My husband works in Law enforcement and his schedule makes me crazy some days. Plus he does some seriously crazy training/workouts and eats like a horse!! That doesn't mean I try to keep up with him. I cook healthy, filling meals and he eats 2-3 times the portions that I do. He also knows that he's lucky to have a wife to cook for and care for him... that being said- You have to focus on YOU. not him. Yes, he should support you and not criticize, but try to talk with him and explain how you're feeling and I bet he jumps on board. Communication is key- I have learned this in my short 3 years of marriage!! good luck darlin...
  • MsLaurie65
    MsLaurie65 Posts: 46 Member
    I want to blame my husband for me not eating right, but it's not his fault but mine all by myself. Because he chooses to load up on soda's and fast food that's him. I tell him the stuff is not good for him, but that's as far as it goes in one ear and out the other. I decided to think about myself, I decided to think about my health and make a choice to live my life the right way. I get up and go exercise 4 days out of the week, he chooses to stay in bed. 1 day he chooses to exercise and over do it. I don't say anything I keep going! What I am saying is, do this for yourself, get up and get moving and eating right for yourself. You blamed him, now what? It's your turn to make it right. You only have one body and it belongs to you only...what you gonna do now? I don't mean to sound harsh, but I want you to do what's right for you!!!!
  • MsLaurie65
    MsLaurie65 Posts: 46 Member
    :flowerforyou:
  • bjohs
    bjohs Posts: 1,225 Member
    I want to blame my husband for me not eating right, but it's not his fault but mine all by myself. Because he chooses to load up on soda's and fast food that's him. I tell him the stuff is not good for him, but that's as far as it goes in one ear and out the other. I decided to think about myself, I decided to think about my health and make a choice to live my life the right way. I get up and go exercise 4 days out of the week, he chooses to stay in bed. 1 day he chooses to exercise and over do it. I don't say anything I keep going!

    Read my latest blog to your husband, he might change his mind about diet & exercise!!! LOL!

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/bjohs/view/sex-weight-loss-117390
  • Countrymade
    Countrymade Posts: 183 Member
    We are responsible for what goes into our mouths but I think your husband is being incenitive to criticize your weight gain and lack of exercise. Especially when you are cooking meals to please him. You can still cook healthy meals. Make sure they have lots of protein and fiber so they will be more filling for both of you. Also add lots of veggies. If he gets hungry later. That is his problem.
    Good luck. I think unless your husband starts to be a little more sensitive to your weight loss goals you will need it.
    I hope I didn't sound harsh. I don't mean to. I wish you the best with getting rid of those 30 lbs.
  • Papillon22
    Papillon22 Posts: 1,160 Member
    I think the answer is in portion control, as somebody else said.

    I live with my italian boyfriend, who wants to eat pasta all the time. Slowly, I've gotten him to accept whole wheat pasta, but that's it. I just have to measure my serving, and make sure it doesn;t go over my calorie limit; eat a huge salad beforehand and plenty of veggies with it.

    You can also try eating on a desert plat, which will give you the impression of eating more.

    Good luck!
  • Amybcb
    Amybcb Posts: 292 Member
    It is frustraing when your hubby can eat whatever, whenever and not gain a pound. My hubby is the same way (military too). Drives me nuts. We had a great conversation today, very inspirational for me, about my weight loss. And I did ask him to be supportive by not wanting to go out to eat or get take out so much. I admit, it is hard for me to sit with my family eating something fattening and yummy and for me to say "no thanks, I'll have a chicken breast". hahaha. But I'm trying. So there is compromise. All relationships must have that. And if he wants you to lose the 30lbs, he'll be supportive and eat what you make. Of course, I agree with tohers on here who say you can eat what you make him too, just not as much. It's all about portion control. Good luck!
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