My family gives me no support
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One thing I've learnt...
Dont rely on anyone else to support you (thanks, Baz Luhrmann, you spoke truth)
You want it, you make it happen. No one is coming to save you.
Just get in the habit of drowning out the white noise of the critics and the comments. Smile and nod. Then you go on with your bad self and do whatever the *kitten* you need to do.0 -
motivation comes from within. ignore them.
if you dont live with them, why are you even telling them what you eat? youre a grown person. its none of their business what or how much you eat.
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Parents can be a pain even if you love them. Just try not to let what they say get to you. I'm not having dinner with them now as I can't control what they cook (I live with my boyfriend but I visit sometimes). I think they just care a lot about you and are making sure you are eating. They just worry.
You can eat healthier burger or pizza. Maybe don't eat any takeaways for a month or so. Make sure you are eating the right amount of food and getting enough exercise but not too much.
This dieting or healthy eating is very difficult. I've been trying to eat healthy for a month but only now I'm looknig at my calories etc and it's not easy. Try and do what you can, that's all you can do.
As long as you are trying then you are doing good.
Keep going0 -
JenRainbow1 wrote: »Parents can be a pain even if you love them. Just try not to let what they say get to you. I'm not having dinner with them now as I can't control what they cook (I live with my boyfriend but I visit sometimes). I think they just care a lot about you and are making sure you are eating. They just worry.
You can eat healthier burger or pizza. Maybe don't eat any takeaways for a month or so. Make sure you are eating the right amount of food and getting enough exercise but not too much.
This dieting or healthy eating is very difficult. I've been trying to eat healthy for a month but only now I'm looknig at my calories etc and it's not easy. Try and do what you can, that's all you can do.
As long as you are trying then you are doing good.
Keep going
The best revenge on parents is to have your own children
Seriously
Works every time
:bigsmile:3 -
This time it was my mom i went down to eat i was having a major binging moment i know i slipped but it was the FIRST *kitten* day and she's talking *kitten* like saying im always making excuses and that its always my first day. Im allowed to *kitten* have slip ups.
I get why your mum said that, though. I even agree with her. You were having a "major binging moment" and you proclaim that you're "allowed to have effing slip ups" on your first day but complaining when your mum (correctly) surmises that it's "always your first day"?
Also, you claim to be 25, but this expletive-laden rant (and by the way, I can see all the swear words when I quote your post) is something more like a 15 year old would write...9 -
I just wanna cry right now. I ate prettty well all day and same *kitten* happens every time. I just started my diet today. And like its always the same damn thing. My mother or dad both either both take sides and tell me not to eat this or that. This time it was my mom i went down to eat i was having a major binging moment i know i slipped but it was the FIRST *kitten* day and she's talking *kitten* like saying im always making excuses and that its always my first day. Im allowed to *kitten* have slip ups. So as long as im dieting i cant ever have another cheat as long as i live??? Is that even human. So i wont be able to ever have pizza or burgers and *kitten* if i wanna be skinny. She puts me down all the time to the point where i don't even wanna try cause every time i tell them im dieting or even if i dont tell them they guess cause when im drinking tons of water they know im dieting. So they know im dieting and they see me try to eat at night or have a *kitten* cookie and they put me down for it like telling me ill never be good enough if i keep doing that. Wow i cant have one slice of anything. I even told her I JUST STARTED AND IT TAKES WEEKS TO FORM A HABIT WTF. SORRY IM JUST RANTING
I just want to say that you definitely want to eat in a way that you can sustain long term. That means figuring out how to eat pizza or cookies within your calorie goal. I find pre-logging my whole day helps me to meet my goals and eat whatever I want.
I didn't tell anyone outside of my dh and dd that I was trying to lose weight. They don't question my food choices.
You could listen to them carefully. Ask them questions about where they got that information from. Thank them for their interest and show off MFP and how easy it is to use. Talk about your goals until they beg you to stop. Talk about logging non stop. Show them scientific studies. Brag about fitting pizza into your calorie goal. Ask how they are doing. Badger them about setting up their own MFP accounts so you can be friends. They can easily improve their health too! Ask them to give you calorie counts for meals they cook you. Share recipes. Buy them a food scale. They wanted to be involved in your weight management after all. This is a topic they love right?
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You could tell them you are an adult and you aren't going to discuss your eating habits and weight anymore with them and change the subject, hang up the phone or leave every time they go there.
On a final note, your value as a human being is not a number on the scale or a clothing size. You deserve to be your healthiest and live a full life. Do what makes you happy not your parents.
Brilliant!!!!0 -
frankieg2k5 wrote: »Weight loss is all about calories in. Who's to say you can't ever have a slice of pizza or a burger?? Set your daily caloric limit and eat food within your boundaries. If you want a burger, eat lower calories to make room for what you like. You don't have to do a crash diet to lose weight. Just keep a tally of what you eat and set rules. You can do it.
Thanks i guess i was feeling crappy about it my family always puts me down i feel like im all alone in my journey. It doesnt even make me feel like sharing it with anyone until I get real results. Does tthis ever happen to you? Friends or family not supporting you?
Yes, you are alone on your journey. You are an adult. You can lose weight. On your own. You. Or you can not lose weight. You. Not your mother. Or your brother. Or anyone else.
You are 25. You are several years past the age where you trying to lose weight or eat a burger was somethign that should concern your mother. At 5, you being overweight or not, it was something that you could blame your mother about. And you eating junk food or not, it was something that concerned your mother and she had control over it.
You are an adult. This is up to you. You can succeed, and have yourself to congratulate. Not your mother. Or fail and have only yourself to blame. Not your mother.\
And sorry to say, but if you start and restart a "diet" and fail on the first day, then you are not really doing a diet. You are just whining about your weight. And it is very tiresome for anyone, your family included, to hear a grown up whine about the same things all the time, be it weight, a boyfriend or a bad haircut.
Quoting for emphasis. OP if you are 25, living on your own, and presumably employed, then you are old enough to make a plan for how you are going to lose weight and stick with it. Here, I will help you get started.
Set up MFP with your stats, and a realistic weight loss goal to get an appropriate calorie target for yourself.
Eat a variety of foods within that calorie goal, logging everything honestly and accurately, using a food scale if possible. If you want a cookie or a piece of pizza, have it. Work it into your calories. Don't call it a cheat day and don't make excuses.
Exercise if you enjoy it, eating back at least a portion of those calories.
Be patient and hold yourself accountable.
You are responsible for the food you buy, prepare, and consume. Not your parents. If you have dinner with them that's fine but it is a choice you made so you are still accountable for that decision too. You and you alone are going to lose this weight.
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Time to start adulting and realise that it's only what you say to yourself that matters.
You can't change what people say to you - just how you react to it
Learning to smile and nod (even have a running Homer Simpson style soundtrack in your head) whilst your loved ones give you well-meaning advice or comment on your choices is a good adult life skill. In fact if you plan to have children ever I would even say that it was vital
Practice it
Lol, this is so true!!!!! Needed this today after insane text exchange last night with my kid at college.
OP, I get it. Extremely frustrating having a Greek chorus involved with your eating. I don't tell anyone that I am "dieting". There is always something aggravating after I tell someone, family or not. With that, I agree with the above comment that says to sit down and explain how MFP works. I would also eat in your own home instead of involving them unless it's a family dinner.
Your parents love you and want the best for you. They want you to be healthy and happy. While they may not be showing it in the way you want, they are probably doing the best that they can.0 -
You won't like me saying this, but I'm going to jump on the bandwagon.
This is YOUR journey. You cannot rely on anyone else to help you because, to be honest, nobody cares about your weight as much as you do. Nobody else will be able to work out what works for YOU. That is something you have to do alone.
You CAN do it. But you have to stand on your own two feet and put the effort in yourself. Sometimes that means making difficult choices and having difficult conversations with people. It's up to you whether you think it's worth it or not.0 -
I just wanna cry right now. I ate prettty well all day and same *kitten* happens every time. I just started my diet today. And like its always the same damn thing. My mother or dad both either both take sides and tell me not to eat this or that. This time it was my mom i went down to eat i was having a major binging moment i know i slipped but it was the FIRST *kitten* day and she's talking *kitten* like saying im always making excuses and that its always my first day. Im allowed to *kitten* have slip ups. So as long as im dieting i cant ever have another cheat as long as i live??? Is that even human. So i wont be able to ever have pizza or burgers and *kitten* if i wanna be skinny. She puts me down all the time to the point where i don't even wanna try cause every time i tell them im dieting or even if i dont tell them they guess cause when im drinking tons of water they know im dieting. So they know im dieting and they see me try to eat at night or have a *kitten* cookie and they put me down for it like telling me ill never be good enough if i keep doing that. Wow i cant have one slice of anything. I even told her I JUST STARTED AND IT TAKES WEEKS TO FORM A HABIT WTF. SORRY IM JUST RANTING
If your family is that unsupportive, don't tell them about it. For me weight loss is very personal and until I get some momentum and some weight lost, I don't talk about it to anybody.
I feel a lot more pressure when I say things out loud to people, like "I'm going to work out" or "I am eating X calories a day". I have a lot of support through MFP and Instagram and Reddit and that's all I need.0 -
You're looking at this all wrong. Stop thinking about cheat. It fits your calories? IT'S NOT CHEAT. It's FOOD.
That's the bottom line. So what if your parents comment on it? Tell them that you can eat what you want as long as it fits your calories. The end.
This is not just on your parents, IMO. You need to change your relationship with food too. That's what I get from your posts... Clearly in your own opinion too you're already failing because you had a cookie. It's not the case. Then once you realize that you CAN have pizza and cookies and still lose weight, just take 10 minutes to explain to your parents how it works (that food have calories. That you'll lose weight if you eat less calories than you burn in a day. That you can absolutely have a cookie as long as you still eat less calories than what you burn in a day).
Parents can be very annoying but you can't use them as an excuse for what you perceive as your failure.1 -
I don't reckon most families give much support when it comes to weight loss......
but personally I never let that stop me.0 -
I was reading what you had said, and this part stood out to me:
"This time it was my mom i went down to eat i was having a major binging moment i know i slipped but it was the FIRST *kitten* day and she's talking *kitten* like saying im always making excuses and that its always my first day. "
Do you have to eat with your parents? If it's going to be such an event with them scrutinizing what you eat, maybe it is better to visit them during non-meal times. And like nuttynanners said, I wouldn't talk to them about it except that it is going well and thanks for asking.
Also, do you know what caused you to binge? Was it you reacting to how your mom made you feel...or something that happened earlier that day...or pressure from starting your healthier diet? I think that is important to figure that out if you want long term results. If you are an emotional eater, then all the planning in the world can go out the window. But if you are aware of what triggers you (people, places, etc), then you can make a plan on how to handle that. Eventually, you will even be able to communicate with your parents and not be concerned with what they have to say because you will be fully in control.0 -
It sounds like your parents have given up and are very in need of a lifestyle change, even if they are 50plus years old, they can still take steps to exercise and eat healthier---it's good that you mentioned that to them. Don't let them off the hook, they are not too old to include fitness and healthy eating in their lives.
One of the things all of us have to realize is that decisions about our bodies are "personal". You're so lucky to have people here on MFP to support you and listen while you "vent". It's great that you are sharing your struggle, not everyone is here to lose weight, not everyone will reach their goals but you're heading in the right direction. You're developing great food awareness and learning your limits---it may just be that you find you can fit pizza and/or cookies into your Macros/daily calories etc OR it may not be something you want to eat once you realize those foods are "trigger" foods for you. One slice of pizza never did very much harm, you'll find what works for you.
In a perfect situation, after indulging in a few treats, all of you could take a long walk, move more and worry less about every calorie. People love to say "oh, aren't you on a diet"...it is very hard not to just tell them "*kitten* you"--so yes, vent here and we are here for you to be your support.0 -
Smile at your mom, kiss her cheek, tell her you love her and that you will always respect her opinon but you're a big girl wearing big girl pants and you can handle your own food choices.
I am very glad I live far away from family. I love them, but they drive me batty.0 -
i was having a major binging moment
As in actual bingeing or are you using the term loosely?
If you suffer from binge eating then your family dynamic really isn't helping. You're parents are probably trying to help but their methods just won't work and if anything will be counter productive.
I would recommend seeking to address the root cause of the problem (seek proper advice on binge eating - there are numerous resources online in this regard).1 -
It sounds like your parents have given up and are very in need of a lifestyle change, even if they are 50plus years old, they can still take steps to exercise and eat healthier---it's good that you mentioned that to them. Don't let them off the hook, they are not too old to include fitness and healthy eating in their lives.
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Well,yes - if they want to.
If they are happy as they are OP should not be foisting change onto them - that would be the equivalent of what she is complaining they are doing to her, ie interfering in the choices of others.
I think OP would be better setting boundaries - ie she makes her decisions for her and let them make their decisions for them.
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This doesn't make sense to me, you start a diet, and then tell everyone you are one a diet, and then you are mad at the people that are trying to help you when on the very first day of your diet you have a major binge? What is support suppose to look like? Are they supposed to just sit there and blindly support you no matter what you do? I mean isn't support telling you when you are f'ing up on your first day of your diet? I'm mean believe me we have all been there, it happens but I have also noticed that all the times I have been mad at somebody for doing something like that, I have always failed, but the times where I've been like "your right, i'll put this 10th piece of pizza down" I have come through a lot better at the end. I think your best bet is to figure out what you actually want to do, don't tell people about it, and just adjust what you eat no questions asked. Go to your parents house, and have a couple of pieces of pizza, because you have been eating great all day, and it fits into your calories, and nobody asks any questions because they don't know you are on a "diet".3
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I just wanna cry right now. I ate prettty well all day and same *kitten* happens every time. I just started my diet today. And like its always the same damn thing. My mother or dad both either both take sides and tell me not to eat this or that. This time it was my mom i went down to eat i was having a major binging moment i know i slipped but it was the FIRST *kitten* day and she's talking *kitten* like saying im always making excuses and that its always my first day. Im allowed to *kitten* have slip ups. So as long as im dieting i cant ever have another cheat as long as i live??? Is that even human. So i wont be able to ever have pizza or burgers and *kitten* if i wanna be skinny. She puts me down all the time to the point where i don't even wanna try cause every time i tell them im dieting or even if i dont tell them they guess cause when im drinking tons of water they know im dieting. So they know im dieting and they see me try to eat at night or have a *kitten* cookie and they put me down for it like telling me ill never be good enough if i keep doing that. Wow i cant have one slice of anything. I even told her I JUST STARTED AND IT TAKES WEEKS TO FORM A HABIT WTF. SORRY IM JUST RANTING
I see two things here:
1. You're cheating on your first day. That means something is wrong. Likely, you are being overly aggressive with your weight loss goals. Unless you have more than 100 pounds to lose, do not chose the goal of losing two pounds per week. This is a common error. We all want to lose weight fast, but large calorie deficits are not sustainable unless we have a lot to lose.
2. Boundaries with your parents. I especially like this, although the way I was taught Conscious Communication via "I" Statements the request for change was part of the formula rather than being optional:So maybe try it with this formula: "When you (insert action), I feel (insert feeling). The result is (insert result). (Add an optional request for change.)"
It's a way of stating your feelings without blame. I imagine, for you, it might sound something like, "When you tell me not to eat certain things, I feel frustrated and discouraged. The result is that I don't want to include you in my life." I know I'm probably way off there.. I just wanted to give you an example. You can also add to the end of it something like, "Please try to avoid commenting on what I'm eating." Obviously you gotta say it how it's natural for you, but the formula has to be there.
I think cognitive behavoral therapy would be helpful for you to develop healthier relationships with food and your parents. I've done a lot of work on boundaries, most recently in my early 40s, and it's been very useful, as has CBT to help me not self-soothe with food or alcohol.2 -
I see your negative reaction with your parents just as a way to make an excuse to not lose weight. I believe you want to lose weight, but you don't want to make the effort of changing your eating habits. It's easier to blame others than blame yourself. You don't need the whole world, or your parents, holding your hand or telling you "aww it's ok, you're trying" when losing weight. As others have mentioned this is all about you. Only you. You have to actually commit to it. Also you are looking at it wrong. Use the actual calorie counting tool. Weigh and measure your food, eat whatever you want as long as it fits within your calories and see results. It really is that simple. If you do have an eating disorder, I.e. bingeing, then seek professional help.2
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