about to give up, losing my motivation n ab to break up w ahole bf

if hes rude and yells and blames you for his behavior he is abusive. you have to make the choice and do whats best for you either lose the BF or the weight,do both.or you can stay with a jerk and be overweight and unhappy. the choice is yours and yours alone

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if you feel bad about yourself at this weight are you going to feel good at a smaller weight? I really thing you need to see a therapist,someone you can talk to who will help you with your self esteem as well.you need to work on you,things wont get better until you work on you and realizing that your bf will never change no matter how much you do

desireeharper1 wrote: »

Charlie I've had an abusive x husband n when he slapped me I reflexively punched back, busted his lip, n moved out. I told my guy yelling is verbal abuse n he can't blame me for it but he said if I wldnt nag him, which he considers every question nagging I wldnt make him do it. Which is crap. I don't yell at him so he can man up n tone it down to an adult communication. I'm just scared to literally go day after day not speaking to nyone wo him.

well you know that his behavior isnt tolerable and to say you wont have anyone to talk to without him is bull sure it may same seem your somehow safer with him,but there are people out there you can talk to.you may not have anyone close, but there are always people out there. go out and make some new friends,get a hobby and find others who like to do the same thing.if you are holding on to him just because you wont have anyone to talk to or you are afraid to be alone is something you need to change.you dont need a man or anyone else,especially if they are going to treat you badly abuse is abuse.Id rather be alone and not have anyone to talk to than to stay with a man who is abusive in anyway. but like I said you need to see someone it could help you out in many ways.

You need to be in a right frame of mind. Take care of you until things settle. Eat at maintanence maybe and exercise for the feel good dopamine it gives. Take it one day at a time. And negativity will make you feel lower than the actual situation. Im sorry but if you believe your fun and cute and a loving stable partner you can "get" someone who may be fit. If you think all you deserve or can get are low lives and my life sucks this and that then it will suck. Positivity my friend. Reinforce it!!

Take it from someone who has seen the results of a verbally abusive relationship. Get out now. Or you will only feel worse in the long run. Take care of you first, the rest will fall into place. No one is going to make you happy, if you are not happy with yourself.

" he's always rude or yelling at me then blames me for his bad behavior." shiftign the blame, gaslighting, narcisisit, run the other way!

you say you dont want to be alone, honey with someone like that you ARE alone, there is no support for you there, no wonder you feel bad and low self esteme youve got someone like that in your life. you need people close to you who will build you up not tear you down!

you say you cant get someone fit they way you like , because they will judge you and not have you. When you say you have to have someone already fit, arent you doing the same thing you dont like to others? Perhaps now is the time for self reflection about your own thoughts and views. How about changing your perspective and taking a chance on someone who isnt fit and is a good person in the process like you are and instead then get fit together?

you say you cant afford a therapist. There are tons of self help books, free articles, meditation, internet support groups like this, where you can meet people and work on your issues yourself.

you mention uncaring parents. Some use their children as 'scapegoats' . You were drawn to a narcissistic abuser, sounds like you may have been the victim of the same kind of parents. This is where it all starts. I would look into help for the abusive childhood you suffered that lead to your low self esteme.

Take it from someone who knows first hand. and a tip. give yourself the love you havent been given. nurture your inner child and your body, say all the good things to yourself in the mirror you might say to a dear friend or you wish your boyfriend or parents would have said to you. You are obviously craving love and attention, give it to yourself. because you know all the love you feel and experience realy only comes from inside us that we have to give anyway. And dont let any of these abusive emotional vampires and thieves rob you of your joy anymore.

take care and wishing you healing

Dump your boyfriend, stick with your diet. You're not doing this for anyone other than yourself.

Yup, what BinaryFu said...if you are religious, you can get some faith-based counseling often at no or reduced cost and there are usually lots of social activities available. If that is part of your belief system, church is a wonderful way to find supportive, like-minded people. You get only one life...I vote for taking control of it. If you're bi-polar, I hope you are able to get some medical treatment and regular counseling...a social service agency should be able to recommend sources for you to get help. A good man and friends can make you feel good, finances and family are a bonus, but I am a big believer in getting happy solo first - it means you'll be more self-reliant and you'll have more to bring to your relationships. Count ANY blessing in your life and build on that. Wishing you the best!

desireeharper1 wrote: »

Well, I didn't want to speak with my bf so since he's up n bored I found links for anger mngmnt counseling n emailed them to him n he texted me n told me to stop. Ouch. I told him when I get this weight off I'll get the loving relationship I deserve w him or not. I offered him time apart n he wanted it n blamed his temper on me again. I picked a bad time to get fed up tho bc he was going to put his $600 tax return with mine to pay a legal bill due end of june but I can't take his crap till the. I said, c ya whe n I c ya, n I refuse to contact him again first. I won't lie tho I have tears rolling bc I left everyone behind n lost contact bbc I was always tied up w him n w/o him I'll truely have not one person to call n chat n text with. I'm so sad n so let down by him.

sounds like he is mad because he wanted that extra money to pay a bill. is it his legal bill alone? if so its his responsibility to pay it and not yours. you didnt pick a bad time to get fed up,hes just pissed and he will get over it.anyone that blames their temper on someone else needs some help as well.and if you lost contact with people because you were with him,why did you lose contact? did he not want you to contact them? did they try to warn you about him? dont be sad,life will get better if you let it and make it happen. you are in charge of your happiness only you can decide whether to be happy or not. you have to love yourself first before you can truly love someone else.

Go to college full time far away start over. If you're going to be broke either way might as well get a degree. Beats a dead end job. You can live on financial aid and student loans. Major in a science, technology, engineering or math. Do not go to any for profit schools they will rip you off. (Or just keep making excuses, it's your life)

Don't let him win. He's abusive. If you need help getting out, turn to the social services agencies in your area to help you. The longer you stay, the more he will beat down your self-esteem, making it that much harder for you to leave. You are worth fighting for, and there will be a man out there that understands that. He will be worth waiting for. Until then, do what you can to learn to be content with just you. Keep eating right (though I'd up your calorie intake a bit--you're going to need your strength) and exercising--remember, exercise has mental health benefits, too, in the form of endorphins. You've got this!