No happier after weight loss?

dave_in_ni
dave_in_ni Posts: 533 Member
edited December 2024 in Health and Weight Loss
I've been over weight all my life. It really kills self esteem getting all the smart comments and insults especially as a child. This year I said enough is enough and managed to stick to a diet losing 35lbs so far which puts me in the correct BMI for my height and weight, so technically no longer fat or over weight.

I always wanted to be a normal weight and somehow imagined I'd be happier once I got here but I can't say I am, my confidence hasn't grown any, sure its nice for people to comment on your weight loss but its boring now. I just can't help but think was it all worth it.

Anyone else ever feel like this?
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Replies

  • myheartsabattleground
    myheartsabattleground Posts: 2,040 Member
    Yes, but I turned to minimalism, and I've been SO much happier.
  • RodaRose
    RodaRose Posts: 9,562 Member
    Are you working out? That helps some people, especially when they feel their body shape improve.
  • gl6h2
    gl6h2 Posts: 28 Member
    TavistockToad wrote: »
    Thin people aren't happy just because they're thin... sounds like you need to look at your life and decide what you're doing with it to improve your quality of life.

  • kellypeake
    kellypeake Posts: 1 Member
    edited April 2016
    Well done for losing all that weight! This is a common thing that people who lose weight go through. Your happiness will never be found in the number on the scales. People ignore other aspects of their lives that they are not happy with and think that their weight is the main contributor to their unhappiness, so by losing weight they will be happier and it's really not that simple. Look at what else you have going on, what else you'd like to improve and moving forward focus your energy on what you can do to change your whole life, not just your weight. The more you focus on the good things, the more good things there will be to focus on. Weight is just a number, you have to accept certain things about yourself to be happy with yourself.
  • endlessfall16
    endlessfall16 Posts: 932 Member
    Being thin/fit should give you less worries about sickness and any less worries should mean more relief and thus happiness, well, for those who struggle all their life anyway.

    For some it's like Paris Hilton earning another million dollars.
  • kelseyframe91
    kelseyframe91 Posts: 37 Member
    dave_in_ni wrote: »
    I've been over weight all my life. It really kills self esteem getting all the smart comments and insults especially as a child. This year I said enough is enough and managed to stick to a diet losing 35lbs so far which puts me in the correct BMI for my height and weight, so technically no longer fat or over weight.

    I always wanted to be a normal weight and somehow imagined I'd be happier once I got here but I can't say I am, my confidence hasn't grown any, sure its nice for people to comment on your weight loss but its boring now. I just can't help but think was it all worth it.

    Anyone else ever feel like this?

    First of all. Well done! What an achievement and you should be so proud. Without sounding harsh did you lose weight for you or to prove those horrible bullies wrong? Only through my own experiences I have learned never to lose weight for anyone else but yourself. What makes you feel good and happy is so important while losing weight and then maintaining. Sure getting comments is great but it does wear off eventually, that's natural with any achievement we make. Stay strong and ask yourself truly why you wanted to lose weight.
  • cross2bear
    cross2bear Posts: 1,106 Member
    As others have said, your weight is not the key to your overall happiness. Usually, relationships are - whether its with yourself, or others. I hope you find your mojo, its sure to be out there!
  • snowflake930
    snowflake930 Posts: 2,188 Member
    lauracups wrote: »
    Happiness is a choice. It takes introspection and appreciation of what is within our control and what is not. It's just a state of mind regardless of weight, height, gender, income. ...etc.

    ^^This+1
    Nothing guarantees happiness.
    You are at a healthier weight now, that is a big accomplishment.
    Maybe try to work on building your confidence. You are worth it!

  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,423 Member
    As an adult I've weighed less than a healthy BMI all the way to crossing the line into being obese.
    My happiness in life and with myself didn't have much to do with my weight but what I was doing. I felt my healthiest and most confident about myself at about the middle of the healthy BMI range. I think it was more that I was being more social, starting a new job, dressing better, etc at that life stage. At my current life stage I have a pretty positive attitude. I am happier to be healthier, in less pain, able to walk farther because of my weight loss but I don't really care what people think about my looks. I'm the same person inside.
  • kimdawnhayden
    kimdawnhayden Posts: 298 Member
    Being thin does not change who you are. It's still the same person in there. I know I feel better when I exercise. I guess getting those endorphins going. I know when I looked really good I tended to have more trouble with other females friends. They would wonder why I did it and why I ate this and that and why it took up so much of my time. They were not supportive. Some were family members. You may want to speak with a counselor or someone who's been in your position. I think sometimes we just need to vent and may not have anyone we trust to vent to. Find someone to talk to. You'll feel better. Make sure it's someone you trust though and not a gossip. Maybe even a professional. Good luck.
  • Alidecker
    Alidecker Posts: 1,262 Member
    I felt the same way while I was losing weight. I wasn't unhappy before losing weight though, it was more that I thought some aspects of my life that I wasn't completely happy with would change just with the weight loss, which they didn't. I had to make separate effort to change those things. I ended up going to therapy for a while to figure myself out, not long, but even the short time helped.

  • gothchiq
    gothchiq Posts: 4,590 Member
    Hobbies, meditation and/or yoga, and maybe therapy?
  • dave_in_ni
    dave_in_ni Posts: 533 Member
    Thanks for all the advice. I have been working out, 6 days per week lifting ever since I started my diet, I have to say I never get the endorphin rush, never did. I get the satisfaction of having done it after I finish though and that's about the height of it.

    I get what you guys are getting at though, Its the same with folks who win the lottery, they assumed once they had millions they'd he happy, I guess we all do but its true what they say money doesn't buy happiness and neither does weight loss, sure its a good thing I've lost the weight and I am still planning on cutting until I get into single digit body fat percentage but as you say there is more to this. Someone once said happiness is an inside job and its very much true, I just have to figure out what happiness is to me.
  • snowflake930
    snowflake930 Posts: 2,188 Member
    dave_in_ni wrote: »
    Thanks for all the advice. I have been working out, 6 days per week lifting ever since I started my diet, I have to say I never get the endorphin rush, never did. I get the satisfaction of having done it after I finish though and that's about the height of it.

    I go to the gym everyday too. Never have really gotten to like it though, but I am glad to get it out of the way for the day (I go very early before work).

    It really is hard to get over being picked on as a child. It truly does something to self esteem. All you can do is know what you are accomplishing now. It is awesome, and so are you!

  • rosebarnalice
    rosebarnalice Posts: 3,488 Member
    There is a myth that some of us fat people tell ourselves--namely that all of our problems (health, family, relationship, financial, and otherwise) will go away when we are thin, we will become the person we''re supposed to be.

    Variations on this myth are that we will be loved when we are thin, or the will be happy when we're thin, or that we'll not be bat-*kitten* crazy when we're thin.

    The truth of the matter is that we are who we are.

    I only need to look at my coworkers and friends to find examples of skinny people people who wish they could change major aspects of their lives, who have serious problems (health, family, relationship, financial, and otherwise), who are not happy, who have not found the love they deserve, and who are also bat-*kitten* crazy.
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,865 Member
    It's worth it for your health...but really, being happy with yourself and happy in life doesn't really have anything to do with some number on the scale. There are plenty of lean people are are unhappy/depressed, etc.
  • tomteboda
    tomteboda Posts: 2,171 Member
    Wherever you go, there you are.

    Congratulations on your weight loss. I think I'd be in the same boat except I also had a serious reality check to my self - judgement.

    I didn't realize how much I'd linked my sense of self worth to my career until illness fixed me to step back. I became very depressed, into I realigned my thinking. The thing that upset me wasn't my not working, or my illness, or my weight per se, but the idea I held unconsciously that my value as a human being was in what I did. Of course, that's absurd and I don't hold anyone else to that standard. Doubly absurd as I'm a Christian, but there you have it. Once I realized that, and addressed it, life became ever so much better even without my circumstances changing.

    I don't know what your underlying pain is. You probably don't yet either. But it's worth finding and coming to terms. I wish you the best.
  • endlessfall16
    endlessfall16 Posts: 932 Member
    snowflake930 wrote: »
    dave_in_ni wrote: »
    Thanks for all the advice. I have been working out, 6 days per week lifting ever since I started my diet, I have to say I never get the endorphin rush, never did. I get the satisfaction of having done it after I finish though and that's about the height of it.

    I go to the gym everyday too. Never have really gotten to like it though, but I am glad to get it out of the way for the day (I go very early before work).

    It really is hard to get over being picked on as a child. It truly does something to self esteem. All you can do is know what you are accomplishing now. It is awesome, and so are you!

    About exercise high, I recommend you guys try sports. I play with so many people and I'm constantly amazed how everyone is so excited about doing the same hard work over and over. They come out consistently.

    Exercise alone feels tedious and challenging to my mind though I can do it.

    During the exercise it's just "mental pain" but for hours afterward I do feel very good physically.
  • MissusMoon
    MissusMoon Posts: 1,900 Member
    A lot of good thoughts on this thread already. I've found that being overweight is a symptom of unhappiness, not the cause--but sometimes a mask to stay that way. If you've dealt with your relationship with food, that's great, and now it's time to improve your relationship with yourself.
  • blues4miles
    blues4miles Posts: 1,481 Member
    Everyone's given really good advice.

    I'll just add, while we lose weight we're constantly focused on this thing we need to 'fix' and on what is 'wrong' with us. It's hard to change the mindset when you've lost that really, there was nothing wrong with you the whole time. You were strong and capable of great things before, and are now also capable. Maybe try to focus on some new goals that aren't scale related. Achieving weight loss can make us think we are accomplishing something and when the loss stops we lose those feelings of accomplishment. Try to find new mountains to climb, new goals to achieve, new barriers to break. This can be either fitness or personal or anything really.
  • ForeverSunshine09
    ForeverSunshine09 Posts: 966 Member
    dave_in_ni wrote: »
    Thanks for all the advice. I have been working out, 6 days per week lifting ever since I started my diet, I have to say I never get the endorphin rush, never did. I get the satisfaction of having done it after I finish though and that's about the height of it.

    I get what you guys are getting at though, Its the same with folks who win the lottery, they assumed once they had millions they'd he happy, I guess we all do but its true what they say money doesn't buy happiness and neither does weight loss, sure its a good thing I've lost the weight and I am still planning on cutting until I get into single digit body fat percentage but as you say there is more to this. Someone once said happiness is an inside job and its very much true, I just have to figure out what happiness is to me.

    I have one practice that for me literally changed how I thought about life. I used to be pretty negative. I never thought I was miserable really just things sucked and I wanted to talk about and talk about it and talk some more. It was poisoning me and I was allowing it to. I saw this ridiculous practice on facebook one day that was called 100 happy days. For 100 days you posted one thing about your day that made you happy along with a picture. I did this just because but, every since it was over I feel I focus on what is right with my life instead of what's wrong. Even if the only thing that day that made you happy was having an amazing lunch it is what you focus on. It really does help!
  • jandsstevenson887
    jandsstevenson887 Posts: 296 Member
    A thinner body, more money, more stuff, etc will not make you happy. This is something that you need to turn inward to figure out.
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