13 yrs old Girl diet??!
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That's what is called " mature advise " ...and to the point...not like other ppl who just threw their accusations and un-understand8ng and walked away....ronjsteele1 wrote: »I am actually really glad you posted this discussion. My son is 13 and his BMI is in the overweight range for his age. I have obesity and diabetes in my family and am concerned about his long term health , especially as he is really effected by advertising and fast food and the teen boys guzzling energy drinks and looking ripped. It is a hard culture for kids to choose healthy options, and also combined with his love of technology makes for a bad combination. We eat a healthy balanced diet but he defaults to high sugar foods ( he will walk to the shops and spend all his pocket money on them if allowed), every day. I am glad the dietician was mentioned but he needs it not just for food but activity and mindset... Does anyone have a program for kids that addresses this? I have successfully done 12WBT but they don't do kids... And kids are the ones who need it most.
At this age you can still tell him what he can and cannot eat (because of his age - at least while he's at home). When he wants something not healthy for him you can tell him "no" and give him healthier alternatives. I always tell my kids why I make a decision so they will learn. So to tell him "this is healthier for you so I want you to have one of these options" you begin putting "healthy" in his head (aside from weight). It's a slow process but if he hears it over and over enough he will eventually learn what things are healthy and what things are not. Our kids still have "treats" but they are not often and they understand that treats should be rare because they are not healthy (high sugar, etc.). The other side of the coin (activity) is to get him involved in either a physical activity WITH you (running, walking, etc) or, create work for him. That part was easy for us b/c we live on an acre and thus have tons of work to do. But make him work. And the key to that is working WITH him. And when he's done, reward the work with a healthy, cold smoothie, etc. Hard work becomes a positive thing and the physical activity generally makes them feel good and accomplished when they are done. It also creates a good worker. :-) Both of these things require a parent do them with the child but it helps them feel like they are part of a team and not "mom thinks I need to lose weight." Instead it's, "mom likes to walk and work with me." And the bonus is you build a good, healthy relationship with your child at the same time.
Man, parenting is HARD work! LOL
thank u again
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ralostaz2000 wrote: »Hi...my daughter is 13 years old and she is above her ideal weight...
Can I let her follow a calorie specific diet ? And if yes...what are tge best calories that fits a 13 yrs girl and what r the correct ratios to follow her up.
She can play HIIT treadmill 3 times a week and u know a school girl how they move and go.
SEE YOUR CHILD'S PEDIATRICIAN!0 -
Definitely be careful with what you say to your child. My mom said a lot of hurtful things while I was growing up, but one of the biggest ones that stuck out is when we were at the supermarket and she told me to stop slouching or something forward because I looked like pregnant.. I was 12. I had never really paid much attention to my body before that but after that I paid attention, and I have to say at 24 now I'm just (hopefully) starting to change the attitude I have towards my body. The last 12 years have been nothing but thinking I am fat/ugly and not worth any attention.0
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Childhood obesity trend is upwards http://www.dietdoctor.com/shocking-childhood-obesity-trends
Several clinical diet trials conducted in teenagers, kids have their own BMI-z score and there's no reason they or their parents shouldn't manage their food intake to control overweight.0 -
ralostaz2000 wrote: »That's what is called " mature advise " ...and to the point...not like other ppl who just threw their accusations and un-understand8ng and walked away....
thank u again
What? Did I miss something here? I didn't see anyone throw around accusations of anything. And un-understanding? We're trying to help you. Alot of us have actually been in your daughter's shoes.1 -
I would talk to her doctor. My 13 yr old daughter is right at her highest ideal weight and eats a lot of junk. A lot of kids put on extra pounds between the onset of puberty and the early teen years and it comes off during the high school years. So it's mostly normal for some. But if you think she has a weight problem please contact her doctor. Don't try to do a plan online since she is still a growing child. Good luck!0
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Definitely be careful with what you say to your child. My mom said a lot of hurtful things while I was growing up, but one of the biggest ones that stuck out is when we were at the supermarket and she told me to stop slouching or something forward because I looked like pregnant.. I was 12. I had never really paid much attention to my body before that but after that I paid attention, and I have to say at 24 now I'm just (hopefully) starting to change the attitude I have towards my body. The last 12 years have been nothing but thinking I am fat/ugly and not worth any attention.
I agree. My husband's 8 year old daughter weighs around 110, give or take. But the problem is that she never loses weight and only gains and never goes back down. She's been to specialists and they are really no help at all. You have to be careful what you say for sure when a child has been overweight their whole life especially. We make sure when she's with us that she eats the right portion sizes, more veggies and fruits and water and gets more outdoors and activity in.0 -
Just offering another perspective here: OP you net under 1200 calories a day quite consistently (according to your diary). For all we know you are the one with food issues and your daughter could very well be eating a normal healthy amount for her age, it just may look like she eats a lot of food compared to the amount you eat. OP has not disclosed any stats about her daughter other than she thinks she is "above her ideal weight"....whatever that may be.
Since I've been eating more healthy around my 13 yr old she has been gradually, here and there, making better choices. She has been eating more fruits and veggies lately. I'm so proud of her. She rarely eats meat though and if she does it's usually high sodium or deli meat. But at this age they always have a little extra weight and it's normal for the most part and they grow out of it.0 -
I would be concerned too. My kids are very skinny and still I remind them to move more and eat less otherwise they'll get fat = unhealthy. By the way while I agree slim does not equal beautiful, I am yet to see a beautiful fat person. Healthy weight is a necessary, but not a sufficient condition for both being healthy and attractive (according to the majority of people).0
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I would be concerned too. My kids are very skinny and still I remind them to move more and eat less otherwise they'll get fat = unhealthy. By the way while I agree slim does not equal beautiful, I am yet to see a beautiful fat person. Healthy weight is a necessary, but not a sufficient condition for both being healthy and attractive (according to the majority of people).
Did you say that you've never saw a beautiful fat person ?
I hope I read that wrong. I see beauty in people of all sizes and shapes and colors. Beauty isn't something that just disappears because one is obese.
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^^^^ x1,0000
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6502programmer wrote: »So I'll offer an alternative perspective.. I've largely given my wife broad discretion in raising my stepdaughter. I have fundamentally disagreed with some decisions made, and always privately discussed them with my wife. Eating habits are one of them, and I watched more or less silently as she went from a "chubby kid" to being a now 300+ pound 18 year old young woman. Portion control was never an acceptable topic. Activity beyond a five minute walk or two flights of stairs was "too much". Sneaking food was met with disapproval, but never consequences. No strategies for appropriate snacking were ever discussed. Now, as a young adult, she has no semblance of how to have a healthy relationship with food.
Love your daughter. Support your daughter, but teach her. She will be beautiful at any weight. Help her understand that she will likely feel better, be happier, and not be limited in life's activities by being more fit and healthy. Talk to her pediatrician about your concerns with her weight. Talk to a dietician (not a nutritionist) about strategies for coping with hunger in a positive manner. Health and fitness are not beauty and attractiveness, and be sure that she knows, understands, and BELIEVES the difference between them.
This story just broke my heart. I can't imagine what it would be like to be 300+ lbs, let a lone being an 18 year old girl and carrying that kind of weight. She has her whole life ahead of her and nobody wants to spend it being obese, especially at that age. Hopefully she will do something about it and not just accept that being fat is her lot in life
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thorsmom01 wrote: »I would be concerned too. My kids are very skinny and still I remind them to move more and eat less otherwise they'll get fat = unhealthy. By the way while I agree slim does not equal beautiful, I am yet to see a beautiful fat person. Healthy weight is a necessary, but not a sufficient condition for both being healthy and attractive (according to the majority of people).
Did you say that you've never saw a beautiful fat person ?
I hope I read that wrong. I see beauty in people of all sizes and shapes and colors. Beauty isn't something that just disappears because one is obese.
I hope someone else will teach her kids about compassion... :huh:2 -
thorsmom01 wrote: »I would be concerned too. My kids are very skinny and still I remind them to move more and eat less otherwise they'll get fat = unhealthy. By the way while I agree slim does not equal beautiful, I am yet to see a beautiful fat person. Healthy weight is a necessary, but not a sufficient condition for both being healthy and attractive (according to the majority of people).
Did you say that you've never saw a beautiful fat person ?
I hope I read that wrong. I see beauty in people of all sizes and shapes and colors. Beauty isn't something that just disappears because one is obese.
Common, let's not start talking about inner beauty, soul, and personality... I know some overweight people who are smart, kind, and have a lot of other great traits. Some of them are good friends of mine, and few I truly love.
Obviously I meant physical beauty and attractiveness, which for most people correlates with healthy weight. Or will you argue that such correlation does not exist? Should we discuss numerous research papers describing this issue?0 -
nutmegoreo wrote: »thorsmom01 wrote: »I would be concerned too. My kids are very skinny and still I remind them to move more and eat less otherwise they'll get fat = unhealthy. By the way while I agree slim does not equal beautiful, I am yet to see a beautiful fat person. Healthy weight is a necessary, but not a sufficient condition for both being healthy and attractive (according to the majority of people).
Did you say that you've never saw a beautiful fat person ?
I hope I read that wrong. I see beauty in people of all sizes and shapes and colors. Beauty isn't something that just disappears because one is obese.
I hope someone else will teach her kids about compassion... :huh:
Are you talking about my kids? They are full of compassion to overweight people. I am too - I know from personal experience that being overweight sucks. Otherwise we would not see tons of people on this site trying hard to lose weight . And it breaks my heart when nobody teaches young overweight kids that they should stop eating crap and start moving. And then we see depressed young people who do not know how to lose weight and get healthy.1 -
thorsmom01 wrote: »I would be concerned too. My kids are very skinny and still I remind them to move more and eat less otherwise they'll get fat = unhealthy. By the way while I agree slim does not equal beautiful, I am yet to see a beautiful fat person. Healthy weight is a necessary, but not a sufficient condition for both being healthy and attractive (according to the majority of people).
Did you say that you've never saw a beautiful fat person ?
I hope I read that wrong. I see beauty in people of all sizes and shapes and colors. Beauty isn't something that just disappears because one is obese.
Common, let's not start talking about inner beauty, soul, and personality... Obviously I meant physical beauty and attractiveness, which for most people correlates with healthy weight. Or will you argue that such correlation does not exist? Should we discuss numerous research papers describing this issue?
Sure let's talk about it.
Fwiw I'm not obese. I'm far from it. I have a low bf% and wear a size 2-4. But I see beauty in all types of humans. I saw a lady that was probably 350lbs in the drugstore. She had the most beautiful hair, it was full of volume and the prettiest shade of blonde that I had ever saw. Her nose and lips where perfectly shaped and her eyes where a crisp green. What I call beautiful and what you call beautiful may very well be two different things. But to say you haven't ever saw a beautiful fat person is just insensitive and rude. There's no way to debate what is beautiful and what isn't since that comes down to opinion . like I said sweetheart, what you find beautiful may be different then what the next person finds beautiful. That would be like what color is best red or blue? That's opinion so really wouldn't make for a great debate. What is debatable is your level of insensitivity3 -
nutmegoreo wrote: »thorsmom01 wrote: »I would be concerned too. My kids are very skinny and still I remind them to move more and eat less otherwise they'll get fat = unhealthy. By the way while I agree slim does not equal beautiful, I am yet to see a beautiful fat person. Healthy weight is a necessary, but not a sufficient condition for both being healthy and attractive (according to the majority of people).
Did you say that you've never saw a beautiful fat person ?
I hope I read that wrong. I see beauty in people of all sizes and shapes and colors. Beauty isn't something that just disappears because one is obese.
I hope someone else will teach her kids about compassion... :huh:
It's sad when people subject their children to the " thin is beautiful" way of thinking . all to often those children become disordered adults in some way.
Instead I teach my children about what really matters - what's inside of a humans heart. Not to judge by outward appearances.
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nutmegoreo wrote: »thorsmom01 wrote: »I would be concerned too. My kids are very skinny and still I remind them to move more and eat less otherwise they'll get fat = unhealthy. By the way while I agree slim does not equal beautiful, I am yet to see a beautiful fat person. Healthy weight is a necessary, but not a sufficient condition for both being healthy and attractive (according to the majority of people).
Did you say that you've never saw a beautiful fat person ?
I hope I read that wrong. I see beauty in people of all sizes and shapes and colors. Beauty isn't something that just disappears because one is obese.
I hope someone else will teach her kids about compassion... :huh:
Are you talking about my kids? They are full of compassion to overweight people. I am too - I know from personal experience that being overweight sucks. Otherwise we would not see tons of people on this site trying hard to lose weight . And it breaks my heart when nobody teaches young overweight kids that they should stop eating crap and start moving. And then we see depressed young people who do not know how to lose weight and get healthy.
There is a difference between compassion and feeling sorry for someone. Big difference. When people are already feeling bad about who they are adding your opinion that fat people cannot be beautiful is insensitive and can add guilt and shame.0 -
thorsmom01 wrote: »
Fwiw I'm not obese. I'm far from it. I have a low bf% and wear a size 2-4.
Good for you! This is very relevant to our discussion!
Sure there are fat people with beautiful hair, eyes, teeth, hands, you name it. And even some folks can find certain overweight people overall beautiful. So I agree it's a question of opinions. But again majority does not find overweight people attractive.thorsmom01 wrote: »But I see beauty in all types of humans. I saw a lady that was probably 350lbs in the drugstore. She had the most beautiful hair, it was full of volume and the prettiest shade of blonde that I had ever saw. Her nose and lips where perfectly shaped and her eyes where a crisp green. What I call beautiful and what you call beautiful may very well be two different things. But to say you haven't ever saw a beautiful fat person is just insensitive and rude. There's no way to debate what is beautiful and what isn't since that comes down to opinion . like I said sweetheart, what you find beautiful may be different then what the next person finds beautiful. That would be like what color is best red or blue? That's opinion so really wouldn't make for a great debate.
Yes, I am aware of being too honest, blunt , and even, o god!, politically incorrect!thorsmom01 wrote: »What is debatable is your level of insensitivity
Once was even encouraged to undergo a sensitivity training at a university I was working at. Did not bother attending though Probably was not sensitive enough to motivation... 0 -
Absolutely agree. Would never teach my kids that, especially since I do not think so.thorsmom01 wrote: »
It's sad when people subject their children to the " thin is beautiful" way of thinking . all to often those children become disordered adults in some way.
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I don't have to try to be PC, I speak from my heart . sorry your definition of beauty isn't the same as mine.0
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I am sorry. I usually keep my opinions to myself and did not want to hurt anyone's feelings.nutmegoreo wrote: »
There is a difference between compassion and feeling sorry for someone. Big difference. When people are already feeling bad about who they are adding your opinion that fat people cannot be beautiful is insensitive and can add guilt and shame.
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thorsmom01 wrote: »sorry your definition of beauty isn't the same as mine.
Really? I always though it's great that different people have different tastes.0 -
perkymommy wrote: »Definitely be careful with what you say to your child. My mom said a lot of hurtful things while I was growing up, but one of the biggest ones that stuck out is when we were at the supermarket and she told me to stop slouching or something forward because I looked like pregnant.. I was 12. I had never really paid much attention to my body before that but after that I paid attention, and I have to say at 24 now I'm just (hopefully) starting to change the attitude I have towards my body. The last 12 years have been nothing but thinking I am fat/ugly and not worth any attention.
I agree. My husband's 8 year old daughter weighs around 110, give or take. But the problem is that she never loses weight and only gains and never goes back down. She's been to specialists and they are really no help at all. You have to be careful what you say for sure when a child has been overweight their whole life especially. We make sure when she's with us that she eats the right portion sizes, more veggies and fruits and water and gets more outdoors and activity in.
I was never overweight as a child. For my height I was fine. But my mom still said what she said. It stuck with me, and did more damage than any time she said I was pretty or anything. And because she said those things (among other emotional factors), I did become overweight.
Absolutely agree. Would never teach my kids that, especially since I do not think so.thorsmom01 wrote: »
It's sad when people subject their children to the " thin is beautiful" way of thinking . all to often those children become disordered adults in some way.
You say you never teach your kids that, but you also say they are very skinny and you tell them to eat less and move more. It seems to be while you may think you are saying thin isn't beautiful, you are sending the completely other message. But that's just my two cents, they're not my children, and I don't know how you actually talk to them.0 -
I am sorry. I usually keep my opinions to myself and did not want to hurt anyone's feelings.nutmegoreo wrote: »
There is a difference between compassion and feeling sorry for someone. Big difference. When people are already feeling bad about who they are adding your opinion that fat people cannot be beautiful is insensitive and can add guilt and shame.
Look, not everyone is going to have self-esteem issues. Something that is sorely lacking is the recognition that people who are carrying extra weight have value and contribute greatly to our society. That just because you personally don't think they are beautiful (physically), doesn't reduce their value as a person. I think that's where people were taking exception with the OP saying that she hopes her daughter will become thin and beautiful. My value isn't determined by my weight. Likewise, my weight doesn't determine my beauty. Let's be clear about not confusing all of these things.
What I took exception to in your first post was that you are placing so much emphasis on not getting fat to your kids while stating that fat =/= beauty, which is most likely going to color their perception of value. Unless you are taking the time to ensure that they know you are coming specifically from a health perspective, but the statement of fat not being beautiful makes it clear that you are not specifically speaking about the health impacts. I'm sure many people would agree that being overweight can increase health risks, but it is not the sole determining factor of health. And it is certainly not the sole determining factor in beauty.
At the risk of being insensitive myself, perhaps the sensitivity training offered by your employer may not be a bad idea.4 -
I agree with everyone else who's said to talk with the pediatrician.
She may be perfectly fine, and the doc can reassure you of that.
But if your daughter is unhealthfully fat, the doc can also help with a plan, maybe referrals
to other professionals such as a dietician & counselor.
Until you can get an appointment...
This page is on the Baylor College of Medicine site,
the heading says "Children's Nutrition Research Center",
so it's a source I'd trust.
It works for kids & adults, takes into account age, height, weight, and activity.
https://www.bcm.edu/cnrc-apps/healthyeatingcalculator/eatingCal.cfm
See if your daughter is in a healthy weight range already, or if not, what is a healthy weight
for her height and how many servings of which food groups she should be eating to stay at
a healthy weight.
Then take the info to your doctor's appointment.
Have you asked her how she feels, or wants to feel, or wants to look, or if she's just happy
being the her she already is?0 -
This is pretty straightforward. Who would argue with this?nutmegoreo wrote: »
Something that is sorely lacking is the recognition that people who are carrying extra weight have value and contribute greatly to our society. That just because you personally don't think they are beautiful (physically), doesn't reduce their value as a person. I think that's where people were taking exception with the OP saying that she hopes her daughter will become thin and beautiful. My value isn't determined by my weight. Likewise, my weight doesn't determine my beauty. Let's be clear about not confusing all of these things.
I am amazed at how you are reading between the lines. I though I was clear in what I tell my kids: "I remind them to move more and eat less otherwise they'll get fat = unhealthy. " I did not say "fat=ugly", "fat=stupid", or "fat=mean". I hope we are done discussing my parenting skills?nutmegoreo wrote: »What I took exception to in your first post was that you are placing so much emphasis on not getting fat to your kids while stating that fat =/= beauty, which is most likely going to color their perception of value. Unless you are taking the time to ensure that they know you are coming specifically from a health perspective, but the statement of fat not being beautiful makes it clear that you are not specifically speaking about the health impacts. I'm sure many people would agree that being overweight can increase health risks, but it is not the sole determining factor of health. And it is certainly not the sole determining factor in beauty.
I understand that my perception of physical beauty (which is quite mainstream, by the way) upset some people here and already apologized for allowing myself to express it.
Perhaps. We'll never know as I missed the opportunity...nutmegoreo wrote: »At the risk of being insensitive myself, perhaps the sensitivity training offered by your employer may not be a bad idea.
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nutmegoreo wrote: »
I am sorry. I usually keep my opinions to myself and did not want to hurt anyone's feelings.nutmegoreo wrote: »
There is a difference between compassion and feeling sorry for someone. Big difference. When people are already feeling bad about who they are adding your opinion that fat people cannot be beautiful is insensitive and can add guilt and shame.
Look, not everyone is going to have self-esteem issues. Something that is sorely lacking is the recognition that people who are carrying extra weight have value and contribute greatly to our society. That just because you personally don't think they are beautiful (physically), doesn't reduce their value as a person. I think that's where people were taking exception with the OP saying that she hopes her daughter will become thin and beautiful. My value isn't determined by my weight. Likewise, my weight doesn't determine my beauty. Let's be clear about not confusing all of these things.
What I took exception to in your first post was that you are placing so much emphasis on not getting fat to your kids while stating that fat =/= beauty, which is most likely going to color their perception of value. Unless you are taking the time to ensure that they know you are coming specifically from a health perspective, but the statement of fat not being beautiful makes it clear that you are not specifically speaking about the health impacts. I'm sure many people would agree that being overweight can increase health risks, but it is not the sole determining factor of health. And it is certainly not the sole determining factor in beauty.
At the risk of being insensitive myself, perhaps the sensitivity training offered by your employer may not be a bad idea.
@nutmegoreo your awesome if there was a love button I would hit it 0 -
This is pretty straightforward. Who would argue with this?nutmegoreo wrote: »
Something that is sorely lacking is the recognition that people who are carrying extra weight have value and contribute greatly to our society. That just because you personally don't think they are beautiful (physically), doesn't reduce their value as a person. I think that's where people were taking exception with the OP saying that she hopes her daughter will become thin and beautiful. My value isn't determined by my weight. Likewise, my weight doesn't determine my beauty. Let's be clear about not confusing all of these things.
I am amazed at how you are reading between the lines. I though I was clear in what I tell my kids: "I remind them to move more and eat less otherwise they'll get fat = unhealthy. " I did not say "fat=ugly", "fat=stupid", or "fat=mean". I hope we are done discussing my parenting skills?nutmegoreo wrote: »What I took exception to in your first post was that you are placing so much emphasis on not getting fat to your kids while stating that fat =/= beauty, which is most likely going to color their perception of value. Unless you are taking the time to ensure that they know you are coming specifically from a health perspective, but the statement of fat not being beautiful makes it clear that you are not specifically speaking about the health impacts. I'm sure many people would agree that being overweight can increase health risks, but it is not the sole determining factor of health. And it is certainly not the sole determining factor in beauty.
I understand that my perception of physical beauty (which is quite mainstream, by the way) upset some people here and already apologized for allowing myself to express it.
Perhaps. We'll never know as I missed the opportunity...nutmegoreo wrote: »At the risk of being insensitive myself, perhaps the sensitivity training offered by your employer may not be a bad idea.
I wasn't saying that you were saying these things to your kids. I am saying that they are very smart little beings, and if you think that fat is ugly, they will pick up on it without your direct statement of such.
Yes, I do believe that being done here is a good plan.1 -
6502programmer wrote: »lynn_glenmont wrote: »6502programmer wrote: »So I'll offer an alternative perspective.. I've largely given my wife broad discretion in raising my stepdaughter.
?!?!
You've "given" your wife "broad discretion" in raising her daughter? What else do you "give" her discretion to do? Vote?
You sound like someone who's never been a step-parent.. *plonk*
What does *plonk* mean? Are you insulting me? Is that one of MFP's substitute euphemisms (like *kitten*) for some coarse insult?0
This discussion has been closed.
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