13 yrs old Girl diet??!
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PrizePopple wrote: »kennycbaker wrote: »She may have not used the politically correct words, but she has every right to be concerned about her daughter growing up to be an unhealthy cow.. I was a fat kid who was put on a diet.. It's not that bad... It truly sounds like you guys are the ones with self esteem problems.. In my opinion, being concerned about her HEALTH is more important than someones feelings.
Tackling her weight NOW rather than when she's in her mid 30's would be much more beneficial. That being said, it's good advice to talk to a Doc, don't rely on some online forum for this one
You stay classy.
ralostaz2000 wrote: »ronjsteele1 wrote: »When my DD was 10-13 she seemed to get a round little belly and chunk up quite a bit. I am not a skinny minnie and I was quietly worried within myself that she was going to struggle as she got older. We eat healthy anyway so we continued to and she continued to learn by example what to eat and to be active. That little girl is now days away from 15. She's 5'6" tall and soaking wet weighs 103#'s. She was still growing and she put on chunk weight before her height hit. I am soooooo glad I never said anything and we just kept eating well and hiking a lot. I would suggest you do the same. You do not want to set your daughter up for a life of feeling awful about herself (I was that kid) and no matter how she ends up, she needs to know she's love regardless of her weight. I would check your motives and feelings at the door with this one.
A nice story with nice words from u...as u said...I never make it hard for her and I rarely rarely mention weight things to her...but what made ask the question here is that sometimes I feel that she want hardly to lose weight but she is highly tempted by delicious food☺
So O said maybe if i will post my question I will surely here some similar stories and they went...
So this was between me and MFP forum only
At 13 she's not likely in need of weight loss unless her pediatrician is also extending concern. This is where you teach your child about food, healthy choices, and being active.
/story
This is just wrong. OP please talk to her pediatrician and do some research about how women develop. Your 13 year old is not going to look like a skinny 11-12 year old ever again (hopefully). She is going to get more curvy as her body prepares her to turn into a woman. I can't tell by your language if you mean she doesn't act like she wants to lose weight, or that she does want to lose weight. I also can't tell by your posts what you mean by overweight - that is subjective to a point. Yes by all means teach her about nutrition, nutrition labels, being active, and owning her own beauty. But even the comment about not bringing fatty foods into the house - some fatty foods are healthy, especially for growing children and teens. What do you consider a fatty food?1 -
My daughter is almost 13, and I would never have her count calories. Lead by example by being active and making healthy food choices. You don't have to eliminate snacks, teach her about moderation. And make sure you make it known that HEALTH is what you're going for, not beauty or striving to be thin.5
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Just offering another perspective here: OP you net under 1200 calories a day quite consistently (according to your diary). For all we know you are the one with food issues and your daughter could very well be eating a normal healthy amount for her age, it just may look like she eats a lot of food compared to the amount you eat. OP has not disclosed any stats about her daughter other than she thinks she is "above her ideal weight"....whatever that may be.2
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ralostaz2000 wrote: »I limited starchy and fatty food to sone extent...
This is part of the problem, right here. You're limiting certain foods. This is going to backfire on you in so many ways. Your daughter doesn't need to be limited on "starchy" or "fatty" foods. She only needs a healthy and balanced diet of all foods. By you limiting what she can and cannot have, and labeling them as bad or fatty, you're setting her up to have a poor relationship with food.ralostaz2000 wrote: »and i stopped mentioning weight issues in the house...
It's good that you've stopped mentioning it, but now is probably the time for some damage control, because more than likely, since you've already been saying she needs to lose weight, you've cause her insecurity and body image issues. Not from her peers, but from YOU. So now it's up to you to undo all of that. You're going to need to do some major back pedaling and tell her that she is already beautiful and still growing, etc. And get rid of your preconceived notion that slim equals beauty.
TBH, I feel sorry for your daughter to even have to go through this. Having been that insecure pre-teen and teenager, I WISH I had never experienced the things that were said or done that caused me to emotionally turn to food and get bigger. It's your job as a parent to teach her how to be healthy, active, confident, smart, etc. so do that and never ever again, even if you think it's in the most benign and harmless way, assert that she needs to lose weight UNLESS there is a real medical concern. Vanity is far less important than her self esteem.4 -
For our daughter and ourselves, we looked at a whole food vegan lifestyle because we want her not to have to struggle with her weight as we have and think there must be a better way.
Note that this is a a diet rich in fruits and vegetables, versus vegetarian or vegan diets based on processed foods.
Whole food vegans have had success in reversing overfat, obesity, and illness, in a psychologically healthy, non-restrictive way.
It is also easier food prep than heavier, more complex raw vegan 'foodie' recipes. The exercise element is also simple - it gives you the energy for 'Insanity' or P90X, but you can walk, bike ride, or be sedentary and the body still adopts its ideal form.
Forks over Knives is an interesting documentary you could watch together (on Netflix or rent online), and they just began offering meal delivery.
There are also raw plant-based diets like 80/10/10RV (80%carb/10fat/10plant protein raw vegan), while others eat high-raw, like Eat to Live.
All of these focus on reaching "minimums" of hydration, fiber, whole foods, calories, and exercise. They then limit fat and salt (and toxins) to low "maximums." It's common sense, but very different from a Standard American Diet (SAD).
Best of luck! If you want a family physician's advice, I would encourage you to read Dr. Fuhrman's site http://www.drfuhrman.com/children/default.aspx
Also Dr. Esselstyn, a renowned cardiologist who directs the cardiovascular prevention and reversal program at the Cleveland Clinic. http://www.dresselstyn.com/site/-1 -
I would talk to her doctor. I would not create a "diet" plan for a child. Instead I would watch their portions and provide them with a healthy well balanced diet . I would include treats in moderation and teach portion control. I would also get active with her. Go on bike rides and walks . play soccer or basketball together. Tread lightly op, 13 is a tough age alone. Creating a diet plan could end up backfiring in many ways.0
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For our daughter and ourselves, we looked at a whole food vegan lifestyle because we want her not to have to struggle with her weight as we have and think there must be a better way.
Note that this is a a diet rich in fruits and vegetables, versus vegetarian or vegan diets based on processed foods.
Whole food vegans have had success in reversing overfat, obesity, and illness, in a psychologically healthy, non-restrictive way.
It is also easier food prep than heavier, more complex raw vegan 'foodie' recipes. The exercise element is also simple - it gives you the energy for 'Insanity' or P90X, but you can walk, bike ride, or be sedentary and the body still adopts its ideal form.
Forks over Knives is an interesting documentary you could watch together (on Netflix or rent online), and they just began offering meal delivery.
There are also raw plant-based diets like 80/10/10RV (80%carb/10fat/10plant protein raw vegan), while others eat high-raw, like Eat to Live.
All of these focus on reaching "minimums" of hydration, fiber, whole foods, calories, and exercise. They then limit fat and salt (and toxins) to low "maximums." It's common sense, but very different from a Standard American Diet (SAD).
Best of luck! If you want a family physician's advice, I would encourage you to read Dr. Fuhrman's site http://www.drfuhrman.com/children/default.aspx
Also Dr. Esselstyn, a renowned cardiologist who directs the cardiovascular prevention and reversal program at the Cleveland Clinic. http://www.dresselstyn.com/site/
It all boils down to calorie consumption, not the type of food because there're other's, that consume only the foods; that you & your family does but guess what? They're overweight/obese also.1 -
I read an article recently that said not all people on diets will develop eating disorders, but almost ALL eating disorders started with dieting. Just be really careful with her and talk to her doctor.4
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When I was 13, I was fat with stringy hair and braces, but my mother told me all the time how pretty I was. It was nice to hear, since I had quite enough people in my life to tell me that I was fat and ugly.8
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My teens don't currently have a weight problem - but we're cracking down on the junk food and pushing them hard to choose healthy, nutritious foods. Yes, they still have junk food (took them for ice cream as a treat yesterday since they've been so great helping with housework and yardwork). But by and large, we're training them to reach for whole foods as snacks. When they say "I'm hungry", the answer is "Do you want an apple/banana/carrots/cucumbers/homemade smoothie/organic energy bar/hardboiled egg?" My DD loves making a yogurt parfait with my homemade plain yogurt and this is gradually replacing her old breakfast of choice (cookies and creme instant oatmeal). Yes, sometimes none of that appeals and they go for the apple jack cereal or buttered toast. Still, on the whole, they are getting more nutritious food, which is what we care about.
I still have to work on the meals though. They're pretty picky and I hate when we have mealtime battles - much prefer it when they love their meals
So stuff like frozen chicken nuggets, grilled cheese, homemade pizza, etc is on their menu about 1-2x a week and DH groans about that. So I'm trying to come up with different ideas to reduce their cheese/frozen food intake and increase their veggie consumption (going to try pureeing their veggies and sneaking them in!).
I'd suggest not worrying about the fat at 13 yrs and focus on eating foods high in nutritional content.2 -
My 13 year old is healthy - she has a lovely figure and can eat anything she wants. However, I know she has my genetics in her, which means she could at some point NOT be able to eat anything she wants. But for now, at age 13, I compliment on her how HEALTHY she looks, and how I appreciate how HEALTHY she looks, and that SHE inspires ME to be healthy again.
Having said that, I also encourage her to go on walks with me - 2 miles here, 3 miles there. I tell her it's to keep me company (and it is most of the time), but also so that she can understand that FOR ME, it's not just changing food habits, but exercise habits.
To be HEALTHY. I never say I want to be skinny or thin. I always say I want to be healthy.1 -
ralostaz2000 wrote: »Thank u all alot for all these helpful advises...u all really releived my heart..I was so worried that this thing will get out if control..but as most of u said...I am not bringing anymore snacks to the house...I limited starchy and fatty food to sone extent...and i stopped mentioning weight issues in the house...
So..sooner or later..she will learn how to take care of her diet and body...and its gonna be something from the past...because neither I nor her father have a obesity history and if we sometimes get alittle bit off track...we are back to our ideal weights after sometime.
Hopefully she will get rid of these extra kilos and be a slim beautiful girl
Wow. I'm sorry, but this is a terrible thing to say. My daughter was slim at some points in her life and heavy at others, but there has literally never been a day when I didn't think she was beautiful.
And no, this isn't "between you and MFP." You put this on the internet, on a publicly available site. Kids web-surf. How do you think your daughter is going to feel if she comes across what you've written about her?
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Talk to a doctor if its of that much of a concern but under no means make your daughter feel self conscious. 13 is a difficult age and this is a very sensitive topic. Also as long as your daughter seems healthy, doctors may not do much. Between 13 and 16 I was underweight but since I was healthy and active, my doctor was not concerned.Teenage body's are different than that of an adult and therefore weight ranges are sometimes less accurate. Also teenage girls put on weight during puberty so their bodies can grow and should eventually lose some of it. Your daughter is too young for you to be worrying about her weight unless there are other negative health problems.2
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Mom is that you from 16 years ago? Because it sure sounds like the person who made me feel like I'm worth nothing unless I was "a beautiful slim girl".
If you continue with the same attitude then your poor daughter will most certainly suffer from image/diet issues. Change yourself to be an example. If you can't be, then find someone who can teach your daughter to grow up healthy and to love herself no matter what her mother tells her.1 -
Personally, I don't think I would broach this subject with my daughter...but of course: as a parent there are things that you can do such as making more health conscious meals and including her in on your exercise (see my photo: my 12 year old son IS my gym buddy!!)1
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ralostaz2000 wrote: »and u know a school girl how they move and go.
Erm, nope.ralostaz2000 wrote: »Hopefully she will get rid of these extra kilos and be a slim beautiful girl
I can see in five or more years time your daughter is going to be one of those people posting on here about hurtful comments from relatives that makes them feel bad about themselves and drives them to overeating to try and cope.1 -
Love to hear that...exactly what I am telling her always...booksandchocolate12 wrote: »When I was 13, I was fat with stringy hair and braces, but my mother told me all the time how pretty I was. It was nice to hear, since I had quite enough people in my life to tell me that I was fat and ugly.
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I can't tell you a specific amount but I've seen many articles stating children in their teenage years, especially women, need between 2100-2500 calories a day for their body to carry out metabolic processes and ....puberty. I would say carry her to a nutritionist rather than a pediatrician. Keep in mind she's 13 so puberty may give her some height and even out her height:weight ratio over time. But for now, ensure she is getting in that exercise and eating healthily at home at school until you can get professional help
NOT a nutritionist. Take her to a registered dietician, preferably one with pediatric training. I'll bet her pediatrician would be able to refer you to one.3 -
So I'll offer an alternative perspective.. I've largely given my wife broad discretion in raising my stepdaughter. I have fundamentally disagreed with some decisions made, and always privately discussed them with my wife. Eating habits are one of them, and I watched more or less silently as she went from a "chubby kid" to being a now 300+ pound 18 year old young woman. Portion control was never an acceptable topic. Activity beyond a five minute walk or two flights of stairs was "too much". Sneaking food was met with disapproval, but never consequences. No strategies for appropriate snacking were ever discussed. Now, as a young adult, she has no semblance of how to have a healthy relationship with food.
Love your daughter. Support your daughter, but teach her. She will be beautiful at any weight. Help her understand that she will likely feel better, be happier, and not be limited in life's activities by being more fit and healthy. Talk to her pediatrician about your concerns with her weight. Talk to a dietician (not a nutritionist) about strategies for coping with hunger in a positive manner. Health and fitness are not beauty and attractiveness, and be sure that she knows, understands, and BELIEVES the difference between them.8 -
6502programmer wrote: »So I'll offer an alternative perspective.. I've largely given my wife broad discretion in raising my stepdaughter.
?!?!
You've "given" your wife "broad discretion" in raising her daughter? What else do you "give" her discretion to do? Vote?0 -
lynn_glenmont wrote: »6502programmer wrote: »So I'll offer an alternative perspective.. I've largely given my wife broad discretion in raising my stepdaughter.
?!?!
You've "given" your wife "broad discretion" in raising her daughter? What else do you "give" her discretion to do? Vote?
You sound like someone who's never been a step-parent.. *plonk*5 -
6502programmer wrote: »So I'll offer an alternative perspective.. I've largely given my wife broad discretion in raising my stepdaughter. I have fundamentally disagreed with some decisions made, and always privately discussed them with my wife. Eating habits are one of them, and I watched more or less silently as she went from a "chubby kid" to being a now 300+ pound 18 year old young woman. Portion control was never an acceptable topic. Activity beyond a five minute walk or two flights of stairs was "too much". Sneaking food was met with disapproval, but never consequences. No strategies for appropriate snacking were ever discussed. Now, as a young adult, she has no semblance of how to have a healthy relationship with food.
Love your daughter. Support your daughter, but teach her. She will be beautiful at any weight. Help her understand that she will likely feel better, be happier, and not be limited in life's activities by being more fit and healthy. Talk to her pediatrician about your concerns with her weight. Talk to a dietician (not a nutritionist) about strategies for coping with hunger in a positive manner. Health and fitness are not beauty and attractiveness, and be sure that she knows, understands, and BELIEVES the difference between them.
If you don't have a say in how a child is raised because they are not yours and thus not your legal responsibility it is not the same thing. This is a biological mother talking about her daughter who she does have legal rights over. You couldn't have taken your step-daughter to the doctor or other professional without permission from her mother and biological father anyhow. There's a huge difference between putting your 13 year old on a diet and having a conversation about proper eating and exercise habits.0 -
6502programmer wrote: »So I'll offer an alternative perspective.. I've largely given my wife broad discretion in raising my stepdaughter. I have fundamentally disagreed with some decisions made, and always privately discussed them with my wife. Eating habits are one of them, and I watched more or less silently as she went from a "chubby kid" to being a now 300+ pound 18 year old young woman. Portion control was never an acceptable topic. Activity beyond a five minute walk or two flights of stairs was "too much". Sneaking food was met with disapproval, but never consequences. No strategies for appropriate snacking were ever discussed. Now, as a young adult, she has no semblance of how to have a healthy relationship with food.
Love your daughter. Support your daughter, but teach her. She will be beautiful at any weight. Help her understand that she will likely feel better, be happier, and not be limited in life's activities by being more fit and healthy. Talk to her pediatrician about your concerns with her weight. Talk to a dietician (not a nutritionist) about strategies for coping with hunger in a positive manner. Health and fitness are not beauty and attractiveness, and be sure that she knows, understands, and BELIEVES the difference between them.
FWIW, I agree with you.0 -
I am actually really glad you posted this discussion. My son is 13 and his BMI is in the overweight range for his age. I have obesity and diabetes in my family and am concerned about his long term health , especially as he is really effected by advertising and fast food and the teen boys guzzling energy drinks and looking ripped. It is a hard culture for kids to choose healthy options, and also combined with his love of technology makes for a bad combination. We eat a healthy balanced diet but he defaults to high sugar foods ( he will walk to the shops and spend all his pocket money on them if allowed), every day. I am glad the dietician was mentioned but he needs it not just for food but activity and mindset... Does anyone have a program for kids that addresses this? I have successfully done 12WBT but they don't do kids... And kids are the ones who need it most.1
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I am actually really glad you posted this discussion. My son is 13 and his BMI is in the overweight range for his age. I have obesity and diabetes in my family and am concerned about his long term health , especially as he is really effected by advertising and fast food and the teen boys guzzling energy drinks and looking ripped. It is a hard culture for kids to choose healthy options, and also combined with his love of technology makes for a bad combination. We eat a healthy balanced diet but he defaults to high sugar foods ( he will walk to the shops and spend all his pocket money on them if allowed), every day. I am glad the dietician was mentioned but he needs it not just for food but activity and mindset... Does anyone have a program for kids that addresses this? I have successfully done 12WBT but they don't do kids... And kids are the ones who need it most.
At this age you can still tell him what he can and cannot eat (because of his age - at least while he's at home). When he wants something not healthy for him you can tell him "no" and give him healthier alternatives. I always tell my kids why I make a decision so they will learn. So to tell him "this is healthier for you so I want you to have one of these options" you begin putting "healthy" in his head (aside from weight). It's a slow process but if he hears it over and over enough he will eventually learn what things are healthy and what things are not. Our kids still have "treats" but they are not often and they understand that treats should be rare because they are not healthy (high sugar, etc.). The other side of the coin (activity) is to get him involved in either a physical activity WITH you (running, walking, etc) or, create work for him. That part was easy for us b/c we live on an acre and thus have tons of work to do. But make him work. And the key to that is working WITH him. And when he's done, reward the work with a healthy, cold smoothie, etc. Hard work becomes a positive thing and the physical activity generally makes them feel good and accomplished when they are done. It also creates a good worker. :-) Both of these things require a parent do them with the child but it helps them feel like they are part of a team and not "mom thinks I need to lose weight." Instead it's, "mom likes to walk and work with me." And the bonus is you build a good, healthy relationship with your child at the same time.
Man, parenting is HARD work! LOL2 -
OP, talk to a pediatrician. Your daughter's caloric and nutritional needs are significantly different as she's still growing. She likely needs a lot more calories than you and she needs foods with fats. You need to gain an understanding of how much and what she should be eating.
Then, model good behavior. Slim does not equate to beautiful. She's beautiful regardless and her worth is not determined by her size. All foods should be eaten in moderation, so focus on variety on the plate. I like table manners to reinforce that notion. You can't shovel food into your mouth to the point of popping a button if you have to use a knife and fork and eat more slowly. Focus on snacks like apples, carrots, cheese, etc. Treats (candy, chips) should be available but in smallish portions. She should be active every day, whether that means walking places, playing a sport, or whatnot. Etc.
Obviously tailor based on what her doctor tells you, but I wouldn't make this about her calorie intake at all. Unless she's clinically obese you aren't to the point where she needs to be counting calories and logging food.
Finally, you should see a counselor that specializes in parenting (and nutrition if you can be that specific). See if they have suggestions for how you can reverse the damage you've done by mentioning her weight. This is serious. Even the most emotionally sturdy child can be affected by being told they're heavy at that age.1 -
Be careful... Fat is important for developing bodies, and for everyone.ralostaz2000 wrote: »Thank u all alot for all these helpful advises...u all really releived my heart..I was so worried that this thing will get out if control..but as most of u said...I am not bringing anymore snacks to the house...I limited starchy and fatty food to sone extent and i stopped mentioning weight issues in the house...
So..sooner or later..she will learn how to take care of her diet and body...and its gonna be something from the past...because neither I nor her father have a obesity history and if we sometimes get alittle bit off track...we are back to our ideal weights after sometime.
Hopefully she will get rid of these extra kilos and be a slim beautiful girl
And, she still is a beautiful girl.0 -
This all sadly sounds more like a parent projection her own issues and disordered thinking onto her child. If there was a health issue, I'm sure the pediatrician would have already chimed in and would have given ample advice as to how to deal with the situation.4
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I'm sure your concerns come from love, and that you love your daughter no matter what she looks like. However, I feel like you (not just you specifically, but anyone) need to be very careful about how a sensitive topic like that is breached with a teenager. With a comment like "hopefully she will get rid of these extra kilos and be a slim beautiful girl," I'm sure you're thinking "I want her to be happy and healthy" but what she will hear is "I'm not skinny; therefore I am fat and ugly and worthless."
When I was 14, I was a healthy 130 lbs (at 5'4") and very fit. But my mom made one tiny little comment she probably thought was harmless- "Have you thought about doing sit-ups?" and I distinctly remember looking at the scale and thinking, "I guess this is what it means to be fat..." I remember feeling SO disappointed...like I had learned something bad about myself that I had never considered before. It never occurred to me that that wasn't the message she meant to send. I was humiliated that she saw the number, that she knew how fat I was, that other people might know. So I kept it my dirty little secret, and I did whatever it took to lose weight- starving, purging, ephedrine, obsessive exercise...I dropped to 110 lbs in only a month (and still thought I was fat!) My parents assumed it was from eating healthy and being on two swim teams. They were impressed! They never asked for details, and I never shared them.
My point is, we didn't COMMUNICATE. There were no talks about health or nutrition, about self-worth, or about what a number on a scale does or doesn't mean. The self-hatred I felt had other, even worse, consequences. And now it hardly even matters that logically I know my worth isn't dependent on my weight, or that weight loss can (and should) happen gradually and healthily...knowing that doesn't change how I FEEL, and those feelings are from a lifetime of believing my weight and my worth were one in the same.
Anyway, I'm sure you are a wonderful and caring mother. But put yourself in her shoes, in the shoes of a teenage girl, and try to be very careful about how to approach the subject with her. Others have had great suggestions- focusing on healthy choices, signing her up for an activity...those are much more positive ways to send the message across, things that would make her feel GOOD...as opposed to focusing on "kilos" and "slimness" and "beauty"- things that are likely to provoke negative feelings.
Wishing you the best of luck! I know it's a very difficult and stressful situation to be in.3
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