I'm 4lbs away from my goal weight and i hate my body more now then when i was fat.

CealR wrote: »

With all the love and kindness in the world, may I suggest that you engage a therapist? MFP forums are great for some things, but the amount of self-loathing that you managed to squeeze into this short post is well beyond anything anybody here could help you with, nor was your post helpful to anyone at any stage in their health journey.

This!

And also for my $0.02 worth . . . I was 350+lbs. I was huge. I didn't hate myself then but I was disappointed that I had lost control like that. I've lost and kept off 90lbs over two and a half years and have a lot more to go. I have very, very little loose skin with the only "noticeable" areas being a little right around my belly button on my tummy and my bra line - weirdest place I've heard of for saggy skin - and that's it.

I lift, I run, I cross fit, I row (indoor), I do spin . . . I try everything, at least once, but my first love is running short, sprint distances (max 10K) but maybe someday I'll work up to a 1/2 or full marathon . . . maybe.

I love myself - potentially more than is tolerable lol - and I'm darn proud of where I've been and where I've got to on my own. I don't look fantastic naked I'll be honest. I have stretch marks and because of my saggy skin bra line my bra always looks like it's way too tight on me when it really isn't.

I do not regret anything other than how late I started. I wish I was fit from the beginning, I really do. But at the same time I've learned so, so, so much about myself and my life and the life I want for myself. I've been out with guys who think I look great, and are incredibly impressed by how hard I push myself and my commitment to myself. That makes me attractive to them. And because someday, we might be 90 years old after growing old together, raising children, and toughing out all life has to throw at us, I don't care if my body looks like it's been through the wringer because it has been and it's capable of some impressive stuff. If my partner is so hung up on the fact that I my stomach doesn't look like a fitness model's, or what he envisioned it should look like then he is not the right partner for me, period.

If you think you're going to be single forever because you pushed hard enough to lose that kind of weight then you're entirely too hung up on things that don't matter. I believe I'll find someone who, like me, also may be in the process of losing weight or might have been bigger, and if his drive is anything like mine we will be strong together. If he's hung up on the fact that I have huge quads or a bit of a pouch or whatever then he's not the person for me.

I didn't spend hardly any of my twenties (so far) single. I met someone when I was 19, spent 5 1/2 years in a toxic and emotionally abusive relationship and now, at 27, I have bought my first house, lost 90lbs and am dating again. If you didn't love yourself before, you won't love yourself after. It's a journey and it's effin hard. . . it's hard to keep going, it's hard to look at yourself some days and know you're worth all of this. It's just plain hard. It's especially hard in the dating world when you just don't feel you can compete with the other women out there . . . you aren't the one being hit on in bars and you aren't the ones guys are chatting up in coffee lines. And that's ok . . . the best guys out there aren't the ones picking you up in a bar. They are the ones who, like me and you, are going to bed early on a Friday because they have a big work out planned. They are spending Sunday nights are family dinners and helping out grandma. They are the ones with values like yours (whatever those may be, just gave an example of mine) and they are out there. Some men are shallow, but there are a surprising number who aren't . . . a surprising number who think women like us who work hard, hustle, have drive and want so much more out of life are the ones they want to chase and settle down with. They are out there.

But I believe you have some deeper things you need to talk about because even with some saggy skin I feel sexier and way more confident than I ever have in my adult life.


For those reading this, please do not think this is the normal psychological/mental state after losing weight. It's a continuous journey and it's a lifelong thing. It never ends. It does take getting used to, seeing yourself in the mirror and saying OMG that's me . . . I look so small or even still thinking you're fat, buying clothes that are too big to hide it and so on. Do not sabotage yourself . . . work with yourself and learn to grow with the new you as you work through this journey. It's not easy . . . I've spent days so upset at what I thought was a 'lack of progress' I would eat everything in sight, thinking it's pointless. And then the next day look at myself and get back out there, running or lifting or whatever. It's a huge roller coaster, and the dips are lower than you ever thought possible but the peaks give you views and a high like you've never imagined, either.

Much love please know it wasn't all for nothing.