Feel like I'm dying...

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douglernerold
douglernerold Posts: 57
in Health and Weight Loss
The previous topic to mine is titled, "So fed up, feel like crying". I feel for the author. In fact, I just came here to post my note, which I titled, "Feel like I'm dying..."

I mean this part metaphorically and part literally.

I'm at the end of my rope. I can't believe how my health has deteriorated over the past year.

Right now I'm at 132.4 kg (291 lb). I've lost weight with low calorie journaling multiple times in the past, and know it is the only way I can lose weight, but I can't keep it off. Most recently, by the beginning of 2007 I had gotten down from 125 kg (275 lb) to 78.8 kg (174 lb) - the lowest weight of my adult life. It took me two years of not going off my diet even one time. But then I started gaining it all back yet again (maybe the 5th or 6th time) and, well, here I am.

Last January I gave it a good try yet again. By June I had gotten down to 115 kg (253 lb), then started gaining it back again. Right now I am almost at my heaviest weight in my life.

One problem is over the past year I feel like I'm just falling apart. I've gotten exhaustive medical checkups and there is nothing particularly wrong with me. My heart is ok. My blood pressure, believe it or not, remains normal. My blood sugar is basically under control.

But last year I twisted my leg or something getting into a friend's car in the U.S. and since then I've had lots of pain with my right leg. Even last year I used to be able to go on long, brisk walks for exercise and now I feel like I can't. Sometimes my leg barely has the strength to climb stairs. I just turned 55 and my 91 year old friend here gets around better than I do. I can't believe how my ability to get around has deteriorated in just a year. I visited an orthopedics specialist, thinking my hip or some joint had gotten damaged, but he took x-rays and can't find anything wrong. My regular doctor thinks it is some nerve being impacted upon.

And the worst is my energy level. I swear, if I didn't work at home doing programming I'd be in the poorhouse. I barely wake up (most days wishing I just didn't wake up) do a few hours of work and then I'm done in. I lost my energy completely and fall asleep at my desk. I'll struggle to stay awake in the afternoon and ride over the supermarket on my moped (I should walk, I know) come back and then am groggy, falling in and out of sleep all afternoon.

I just woke up from an afternoon nap from 5pm - 6:45pm and that will give me enough energy to struggle through for a few more hours.

This year I tried over and over again to stay on a low-calorie diet, usually restricting myself to "reasonable goals to stay on" of 1800 or 1900 calories per day, not trying to push it too hard. But I can't seem to stay on the diet for more than a week. I get discouraged too quickly. And frankly, I think my metabolism has slowed down so much that the BMR numbers are off for me.

I've taken "trips to the dark side" and tried bouts of low-carb, and even have had a running discussion with Gary Taubes. While low-carbing helps control appetite for a bit, it definitely does not help me with weight loss because I eat too many calories.

I tried the E2 diet by Kip Esselystein which is vegan, ultra low-fat. I've tried it several times now and after a week I feel like I'm at death's door, plus I don't lose weight. And where I am I can't get all those whole grain foods anyway.

Now I'm wondering if maybe something more radical, more disciplined in the way of low-calorie is required. Maybe instead of "go it slow" I should try very large calorie restrictions by eating no more than 1200 calories a day, just to try something new. I hear that doing so actually gives people an energy boost. Is that true?

Anyway, I feel like I've been going around in circles for more than a year, can't stick with anything, realize I need to control my calories, but I just feel so poorly, so depressed, have such a reduced amount of mobility in just a year (I literally feel like I've aged 40 years in one year) and have so little energy I really wonder whether it's worth carrying on.

There are still things I feel like I would like to do in life - places to go, people to see, new ventures to work on. But I just don't have the strength to do anything, which adds to a feeling of extreme depression.

Anybody have any advice? Particularly experience with foods which can restore energy again, get rid of my brain fog and give me some encouragement to go on and lose weight?

Any advice would be appreciated.

Thanks,

doug
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Replies

  • arewethereyet
    arewethereyet Posts: 18,702 Member
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    All I can say is you need to start from NOW. Don't look back, if that did any good then I'd have a 24 inch waist and a job at McDonalds.:laugh:

    Each day is a new one. We can work together to e healthy today.

    Thanks for reminding me my HEALTH is the reason I will choose the salmon on greens over the pizza with pepperoni!!

    Good luck:drinker:
  • LeeLynnP
    LeeLynnP Posts: 116 Member
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    Doug! Please just keep trying. Anything you do to try and go down "the right road" is better than nothing!!! I feel like a screw up everyday. I was just diagnosed with diabetes yesterday and i have had high blood pressure for awhile now. I am only 35. I feel like I too need to do this, so I am going to keep moving forward and i hope that you will do the same! Please feel free to add me for mutual support.
  • Atlantique
    Atlantique Posts: 2,484 Member
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    Have you ever had a sleep study done? Your lack of energy, ease of falling asleep at unwanted times during the day, and failure to awaken feeling rested are CLASSIC symptoms of sleep apnea. In sleep apnea, your breathing is either obstructed and/or intermittently stops while you're asleep, meaning that you never sleep for more than a few consecutive minutes at a time and thereforre are never actually rested. In addition, untreated sleep apnea dramatically raises your risk of heart disease and stroke, auto accidents, etc.

    The condition can occur in anyone at any age, but it is far more common in the middle aged and older and in the overweight.

    If you've never been tested, ask your doctor to order a sleep study for you.
  • arewethereyet
    arewethereyet Posts: 18,702 Member
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    Ok specifically. If you read my profile you can see that although my weight was not nearly as high, I had all of the same issues!!

    I saw a documentary where a newsreporter who ate very well had her blood drawn. They showed the vile of blood, which had a bit of clear oil looking stuff at the top, and the blood was deep red and not foggy.

    She ate high fat foods all day. Started with a Dennys type breakfast (3 eggs fried in butter, sausage, bacon, pancakes, toast with butter hasbrowns cooked in 1/2 cup of oil)

    Lunch was a huge fat burger with french fries

    Dinner was really gross...........appetizer of fried stuff, dinner of all fried and no veggies.

    The vile of blood the NEXT DAY...........it didnt take a week or a month ONE day made difference. The blood was viscous, cloudy, the oil at the top was over 1/2 the blood vile. This is what was pumping thru her veins.

    It explains a lot to my logical mind. No wonder I was so tired, couldn't move, didn't feel like doing anything.

    Start simple with exercise too. Make a schedule.

    Wall pushups
    Wall squats
    Walking as far as you can

    Simple things to make your body want to move.

    Before you know it you will WANT to exercise for the same reason you want a good glass of wine, because it feels sooooo good!! :flowerforyou:
  • Dnsnyder
    Dnsnyder Posts: 263 Member
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    Have you discussed your incredibly low energy levels with your doctor? You may need to have some bloodwork done to check for thyroid issues and/or vitamin deficiencies. If you're not currently taking a multi-vitamin, I would reccommend that you do. Also, make sure you are getting enough water. I've found that I have significantly more energy on days that I drink 8+ glasses of water. With regards to your pain issues, perhaps seeing a chiropractor would help? Maybe your medical doctor could recommend one, and if they will not, they ask around for recommendations. Or, if your doctor does find that it's a pinched nerve issue, perhaps they could prescribe physical therapy. Also, I've found that I have much more energy when I'm active...even if it's just a little bit active. Go for a walk (even if it's a really short one). Get out of the house and get some fresh air, it will do wonders. Being in pain with no energy is a vicious cycle. You don't want to do anything because you hurt and are tired, but the longer you keep doing nothing, the worse it will get. Hope I could be of some help. Good luck, and just remember you CAN do this if you put your mind to it! =)
  • dlaplume2
    dlaplume2 Posts: 1,658 Member
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    You need to stop looking back and look at today. Today is your starting point. You do need to learn from you mistakes and from what I can see is, you have not let yourself cheat while you were losing. It sounds like you are good at controling your calories, but then you spiral out of control. It's an all or nothing mentality you need to change. You should count your calories and still incorporate some of your favorite foods in moderation.
    The other thing is if you have been at a desk job and recovering from an injury you could have lost some muscle mass. To men that is what makes them lose weight much faster than women. Maybe you should include some upper body weght lifting while you are sitting in your chair. You could also check out the local Y for some aqua exercises, that will help you get moving and maybe help you leg not feel the impact.

    As for the extreme tired, you will probably feel better once you start eating right and exercising, but you should talk to your doctor about sleep apnea, that could be why you are falling asleep in your chair.
    Best wishes
  • Sixalicious
    Sixalicious Posts: 283 Member
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    Without knowing what you're eating it's hard to determine if you are eating the right kinds of food to help boost your energy. Aside from that, you seem really depressed. Have you addressed that issue with your doctor? You're way too young to sleep your life away. Seek a second opinion for the pain and reevaluate the foods you are eating to make sure you are truly eating healthy and not just staying within your calorie goals. Also, stay away from dieting trends and decide from this day forward to have a lifestyle change. Everyday you wake up try and do something you enjoy that will keep you awake and out of bed. Whatever the case, don't give up!!!!
  • Ilovedrinkingtea
    Ilovedrinkingtea Posts: 597 Member
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    Have you discussed your incredibly low energy levels with your doctor? You may need to have some bloodwork done to check for thyroid issues and/or vitamin deficiencies. If you're not currently taking a multi-vitamin, I would reccommend that you do. Also, make sure you are getting enough water. I've found that I have significantly more energy on days that I drink 8+ glasses of water. With regards to your pain issues, perhaps seeing a chiropractor would help? Maybe your medical doctor could recommend one, and if they will not, they ask around for recommendations. Or, if your doctor does find that it's a pinched nerve issue, perhaps they could prescribe physical therapy. Also, I've found that I have much more energy when I'm active...even if it's just a little bit active. Go for a walk (even if it's a really short one). Get out of the house and get some fresh air, it will do wonders. Being in pain with no energy is a vicious cycle. You don't want to do anything because you hurt and are tired, but the longer you keep doing nothing, the worse it will get. Hope I could be of some help. Good luck, and just remember you CAN do this if you put your mind to it! =)

    Sounds advice here. Definitely see a doctor and see whats with your energy levels. Acupunture worked wonders for me when I had an unexplained neck injury before, and I would highly recommend it.

    I reckon you sound bored. You should try and find out what would make you happy and try doing it. You could try a new activity of some kind which would get you out of the house and away from the fridge - this could even be going out to the library, seeing a film, playing a board game. I find when I'm miserable I eat all sorts!!! Yoga or pilates are great when you're too injured for any sort of cardio and they can make you stronger.

    Hang in there!!!

    xx
  • Lindholm1020
    Lindholm1020 Posts: 5
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    Doug, my husband is the same size as you but on the weight loss path with me. The key is to not feel like you are depriving yourself. Some of the crazy fad diets work in the beginning but you gain it back because you can't stay on them forever. Try to find foods you like that are healthy and filling. My husband does better when I make health foods that tastes good. Examples. Chicken tacos on soft corn tortillas with avocado and salsa. Chicken cordon bleu with laughing cow cheese. Low fat deli meats. Deserts wroth splenda instead of sugar. Hungrygirl.com and sparkrecipes.com have good recipes. Good luck and don't give up!
  • DrHDLM
    DrHDLM Posts: 43 Member
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    It looks like you're actually a little depressed, i think you should see a doctor for that.
    besides that, about your leg, remember that you've gained almost 50 pounds so this ups and downs that you're having are not very good for your bones or nerves, sometimes you loose a lot of muscle mass when you're dieting and when you gain weight you don't get it back, try doing less invasive exercises for your leg just until you get more strength like swimming, you can also do exercises while you're in bed. research it, go to the doctor to check if you're clinically depressed and do your exercises.

    Good Luck!
  • mmcgille
    mmcgille Posts: 60 Member
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    I agree with a previous poster - get checked for sleep apnea! That could dramatically change your energy levels.

    Have you ever tried doing swimming or water aerobics? No pain on the joints, which would probably help your legs/hips. Good luck and keep at it!
  • CoachMaritova
    CoachMaritova Posts: 409 Member
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    Also, working out while in the water really helps!
  • charmednz
    charmednz Posts: 49 Member
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    Maybe youre depressed? that would explain the fatigue.

    Reading your post I got a sense that you felt like you had failed and there is no hope. If you start a healthy eating plan/ exercise plan with that mindset you wont be sucessful.

    What about some low impact exercise like swimming? Could you afford to see a trainer at your local gym for some advice? Im wondering why the motivation only lasts a while - you lose a good amount of weight then spiral back into old habits and regain, again this could be depression.

    We are so hard on ourselves, the best thing I ever did was attend a workshop on positive thinking which changed my internal voice. Very simple and effective way to improve your self esteem.

    Hang in there :O) believe in yourself!
  • FemininGuns
    FemininGuns Posts: 605 Member
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    In reading this post, I can't help but identify with a lot of the things you've written down. I felt the same way when I suffered with depression... Maybe you need to be looking at your emotional side instead of your physical side. Emotions, when left unacknowledged, can manifest themselves into physical ailments. Try reading the book "you can heal your life" by Louise Hay. I would take a guess that as a programmer at home, there is not much of socializing? Anyway, just a thought...
  • INSANITY43
    INSANITY43 Posts: 142
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    Have you ever had a sleep study done? Your lack of energy, ease of falling asleep at unwanted times during the day, and failure to awaken feeling rested are CLASSIC symptoms of sleep apnea. In sleep apnea, your breathing is either obstructed and/or intermittently stops while you're asleep, meaning that you never sleep for more than a few consecutive minutes at a time and thereforre are never actually rested. In addition, untreated sleep apnea dramatically raises your risk of heart disease and stroke, auto accidents, etc.

    The condition can occur in anyone at any age, but it is far more common in the middle aged and older and in the overweight.

    If you've never been tested, ask your doctor to order a sleep study for you.
  • RhonndaJ
    RhonndaJ Posts: 1,615 Member
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    I'm going to add my voice to those who have suggested you try to get tested for sleep apnea, it could most certain explain a lot of your problems, though not with your leg. For that, I'm going to make a bit of an out of the norm suggestion. Have you considered going to see an acupuncturist? While it's not a route I've gone, I know quite a number of people who've been sent via their GPs and had wonderful results. At this point, it might be worth a try.
  • INSANITY43
    INSANITY43 Posts: 142
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    Agree with the suggestion of sleep study......ANYONE (any gender, age, weight) can have sleep apnea! However the "average" patient is middle-aged, overweight men....I was diagnosed at 37 years old....140 lbs .....oh and I'm female! Not the typical "apnea" patient....BUT I never felt rested....was very lethargic...had a "dead" feeling in my limbs upon waking every morning and it took an hour or two to get motivated. My doc's first suggestion was "depression" and meds for that.....I had NEVER considered or even really knew about apnea BUT if I was depressed I was sure that it was the tired bringing on depression and NOT depression bringing on tired.....so after a sleep study that revealed that in as little as 4 hours of sleep I stopped breathing nearly 100 times and it took me over 2 hours to reach REM sleep...(REM sleep is when your body actually repairs itself) I was diagnosed with sleep apnea and fitted with a C PAP (Continuous Positive Air Pressure) machine. It's amazing the difference. that a continous supply of oxygen to the brain makes in your system! Good Luck!
  • tam120
    tam120 Posts: 444 Member
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    Please see your doctor in regards to clinical depression. It can manifest itsself in all of the symptoms and issues you're having. If you're diagnosed with clinical depression, meds can work wonders. I know this to be true in my case. I had to do something after finding that I was beginning to recognize the way my mother said she felt a few months before her suicide. Please don't wait, it's important. See your doctor soon.
  • Persipan
    Persipan Posts: 85 Member
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    It's definitely worth getting checked out by a doctor to see whether there's any reason - be it with your physical or mental health - why you're feeling so low in energy. But, if they don't come up with anything, consider the amount of extra weight you're physically carrying around with you now. There's an advert on UK TV at the moment for some weight-loss programme or other, and the former pop star in it is shown carrying a big sack of potatoes equivalent to the weight she lost around with her - bizarrely, this advert this is really helping me! If I think of extra weight as exactly that - something I'm carrying around with me - then I can see things more clearly. It'll take time, but I can put the potatoes down! And if I'm tired sometimes in the meantime, well, it's no wonder!

    You've been successful in losing weight before, so actually, in many ways, the difficult part is to crack maintenance. You'll get there, and everyone will help you when the time comes, but don't get ahead of yourself worrying about that part - for right now, eat healthily and get some exercise and start working on bringing it down. Exercise-wise, again, it's not that surprising that your joints are suffering when they're having to, as it were, carry the potatoes, but I'm sure there are forms of excercise you could do which wouldn't strain your injured knee. Would swimming work, since it would help support your joints rather than putting a lot of impact on them? This isn't really my specialist subject, but again, ask your doctor.

    Good luck - you'll get there! (And, what's more, you'll stay there, too.)
  • douglernerold
    douglernerold Posts: 57
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    I would like to reply to all the kind notes and messages. So many responses!

    I don't think I can respond to every note, but there are some repeated themes running through the responses that I would like to reply to.

    Depression

    Multiple people have mentioned that it sounds like I'm experiencing depression. I think that is true. There have been some huge upheavals in my life since 2007-2008 related to my job, various financial disasters, passing of my father, moving, even the loss of my 14 year old dog. By mid 2008 I started experiencing huge, almost uncontrollable panic attacks. For the first time in my life I visited a doctor about something like that and he prescribed what is basically diazepam, and I've been using that to control panicky feelings. But I don't like to "overuse" medication, so I don't take it all the time. Some friends have suggested I ask about anti-depressants, but I'd rather not attempt to chemically control depression. When you're in a cycle of depression it's hard to know cause vs. effect, but I tend to think that I'm depressed because I actually have real things to be depressed about rather than just some chemical imbalance. I'm sure if I could improve my overall health that would help a lot with depression. I spend inordinate number of hours each day dwelling on how obese I've let myself become. So I tend to think the proper treatment is losing weight rather than Zoloft or some other things friends have recommended. I do understand the reverse logic here as well - that maybe a little "chemical boost" will help me shake off depression and therefore help with dieting, starting a positive cycle, rather than my currently negative one. Yet, I'm still hesitant about adding more medication.

    Sleep apnea

    Multiple people here have posted about that. Another friend also mentioned it to me. I'll talk to my doctor about it. He's a very nice doctor, and since he started giving me diazepam for panic attacks in 2008 I've visited him every two weeks and he takes my blood pressure, sometimes does blood tests, and generally seems to like giving advice. I wish most people were fortunate enough to have such a supportive general practitioner. I think that might be a little harder in the U.S. where it seems to be more difficult to get medical appointments and spend quality time with their physician. I sort of hate going for complicated medical tests though. The results are ALWAYS the same - they tell me I'm fat. I sort of knew that to begin with. Last year I felt short of breath and my doctor immediately arranged for a week's worth of a whole battery of tests at a major medical center here. The net result, as usual, was that my heart and arteries and all that were fine and right in the middle of normal ranges for my age, but I need to lose weight. But I will ask about sleep apnea. I really can't afford the time to spend multiple nights in a hospital with wires hooked up to me though. I think that alone would cause me to have trouble sleeping! :) If I am having trouble getting a full night's sleep I think it is most likely due to the first section above: Depression.

    Exercise

    The other day I posted this to my FaceBook stream:

    You know you're out of shape when ...

    ... you go to sleep exhausted at 10:30 pm and get email at 12:30 am from your 92 year old friend outlining a new exercise program he's starting and suggesting we both do it together.

    Seriously, that's what happened. My friend, Dave, did post some "getting started" exercises, and I am trying them. The ones posted above, including wall pushups and swimming all sound like good ideas.

    I did manage to drag myself out of the house a few months ago and visit the fat man's shop two stations away, where I bought a swimsuit that fits me. And there is a public pool a short distance here on my moped. And I have always loved swimming - just haven't done it for a few years now. I've been meaning to try that. Of course, at my weight, I'm a bit embarrassed. But frankly it is easier than walking right now.

    Somebody also asked about a gym and trainer. Yes, there is a gym at the station, just about a 13 minute walk from here (or maybe a 30 minute walk these days, but I could take the bus over). It's reasonably priced and they have all the equipment and a pool. So I have no objective excuse not to get more exercise I suppose.


    Extremely low energy levels

    I haven't really talked about this with my doctor, but will try to do so when I visit him this Thursday. He will probably just suggest diet and exercise though. Or send me for another round of time-consuming tests at the medical center where they will, again, tell me that I am fat.

    Drinking water

    Water is basically all I drink and I drink at least 2 liters a day. While I like sugar-free sodas and drink mixes, like Coca Cola zero, they don't like me. All those sugar-free drinks and foods cause quick and extremely bad digestive reactions. My body just doesn't tolerate them. When dieting, I can't even take advantage of sugar-free gum. I just get sick from it. So I stick with water or, occasionally unsweetened ice tea or green tea. But it's 99% water for me. After the 3/11 disasters here it was hard getting water, so I'm afraid I became a little bit of a hoarder and have like 100 liters backup supply. Oh, I suppose I can add the stress from all this to my depression list. Maybe a bit of post traumatic stress? Every time a truck rolls by I feel like we're going to have another earthquake.

    My leg pain

    It was my regular doctor who recommended the orthopedic surgeon, who took the x-rays and found that, fortunately, there were no bone problems. I was actually worried for a while there that what I needed was a hip replacement! Anyway, that doctor didn't help so my regular doctor gave me a 4 day supply of an NSAID called Voltaren to test. I must say, that it helped. For at least a couple of days I could walk around, put on socks and climb stairs about 90% pain free. The effect started to wear off by the 4th day, but still helped. And then the medication ran out of course. I think he was seeing if I had an adverse side-effects. But I noticed that Voltaren is an NSAID and so is ordinary aspirin. I've been taking enteric-coated aspirin for years - once before going to sleep. So isn't that the same thing? As a test, I increased my aspirin from one 325 mg tablet to two or three a day and I notice that it seems to help *somewhat* with the leg pain, but not as obviously as the Voltaren did. So I'm going to talk to him about that also on Thursday. (DrHDLM, you look to be in perfect shape, by the way.)

    All for now. I will post again later. I really appreciate all the supportive notes. I was surprised. You seem like a nice group of people. I wish I could shake off depression and just get back into it again.

    I wonder if the fatigue is just depression and/or the suggested sleep apnea though. It also could be what I am eating, right?

    What about my idea that my metabolism has slowed down so much I can't even lose weight on an 1800 calorie per day diet anymore?

    Thanks,

    doug

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