Is my boyfriend being supportive, or just controlling of my diet? Healthy, or no?

mochicakes92
mochicakes92 Posts: 48 Member
in Chit-Chat
Long story short, I am very broke and have a tight food budget every month. I can't take my boyfriend grocery shopping with me because he is a snob about everything that is within my budget range, and he doesn't seem to understand that I have a tight budget range. I'll pick up a generic brand thing for my lunch the next week that doesn't have a lot of calories, sugar, sodium, etc, but he will look at the brand and say "This is *kitten*, WHY do you want to eat this?" in front of everyone at the store. I say "Well I mean not really, look at the ingredients and the nutrition" and he says "But it has this ingredient in that I can't pronounce so you shouldn't eat it." Like, literally. If I disregard him and buy it anyways he gets SO mad that he throws a tantrum and says "WHATEVER, I am just trying to help you!" I don't see it as being helpful anymore. Like sure, I want to lose weight, but he refuses to even acknowledge that I have lost weight plenty of times and know what I am doing. He also refuses to exercise or go to the gym with me, but puts me down for eating a food that may have *GASP* a preservative in it. I seriously need help. I can't tell if he is being supportive or if he is just being controlling.

I'm sure that some of you guys are really into healthy eating, but do you go to the extent of trying to control what the people in your life eat? Do you spend a lot of time worrying? Is it normal?
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Replies

  • mochicakes92
    mochicakes92 Posts: 48 Member
    HA, sorry, just realized that I put some swear words in there and MFP automatically changes those to "kitten" ;) Forgive me.
  • mochicakes92
    mochicakes92 Posts: 48 Member
    _incogNEATo_ wrote: »
    jacqlynn_pvlr wrote: »
    Long story short, I need to break up with my boyfriend.

    FIFY

    That would make me homeless for at least a little bit, but sure I'll get right on that. I just can't tell if this is a battle worth fighting, or if his concerns are legitimate. I have major body and self esteem issues, so it's hard for me to tell if I am just being a fatass who eats *kitten* and he is trying to help me, or if he is being a control freak.
  • Pipsg1rl
    Pipsg1rl Posts: 1,414 Member
    I see you are pretty young. How long have you been with this guy? Are there other things you do that he doesn't like you to do? -- Him commenting like that makes me concerned for your emotional health.

    I'm not a psych, but yes, the side we hear from you does sound like he's controlling. You don't mention what he eats like or how he helps you feed yourself.
  • mochicakes92
    mochicakes92 Posts: 48 Member
    Pipsg1rl wrote: »
    I see you are pretty young. How long have you been with this guy? Are there other things you do that he doesn't like you to do? -- Him commenting like that makes me concerned for your emotional health.

    I'm not a psych, but yes, the side we hear from you does sound like he's controlling. You don't mention what he eats like or how he helps you feed yourself.

    He goes all day without eating anything most of the time. I have to remind him to eat.
  • Dannigreen31
    Dannigreen31 Posts: 557 Member
    He does sound a bit controlling
    If my boyfriend ever said that he would get told where to go, in front of everyone!
    Just tell him straight. You eat what you can and he shuts up
  • williammuney
    williammuney Posts: 2,895 Member
    You live with him and you don't combine resources for groceries?
  • MissusMoon
    MissusMoon Posts: 1,900 Member
    I understand the living situation makes things tough. I'm still going to recommend finding a solution for that soon.

    What happens if you stand up to him? What happens if you science the kitten out him and his woo food nonsense?
  • 2011rocket3touring
    2011rocket3touring Posts: 1,346 Member
    Looking at your small profile pic, you look no where near fat.
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  • ew_david
    ew_david Posts: 3,473 Member
    It sounds like he drank some douchey kool aid. I'm just not sure what kind.
  • mochicakes92
    mochicakes92 Posts: 48 Member
    williammuney wrote: »
    You live with him and you don't combine resources for groceries?

    He'll buy like absolutely nothing for stuff we can make at home, or stuff that i can bring with me when I'm at school/work for 8+ hours of the day. So I like to have my own food at the house so that I don't have to rely on his and his mom's resources too much.
  • williammuney
    williammuney Posts: 2,895 Member
    Imo if he can't afford to feed you he can't afford the kitten....
  • NEOHgirl
    NEOHgirl Posts: 237 Member
    It sounds controlling - if he were being supportive, he wouldn't try to shame you in front of everyone at the store. The fact that you are dependent on him for housing at this point makes that even more troublesome. Only you can decide if you can deal with this, but from the outside, it appears to be manipulative, and a giant red flag warning against him being able to handle a real stress or crisis point in a mature, supportive manner. Good luck.
  • butterfli7o
    butterfli7o Posts: 1,319 Member
    Sounds to me like he's not being supportive at all, especially if he's throwing tantrums over YOUR food choices. It almost sounds like he's just picking a fight and being controlling. How old is he?? Also, preservatives are not the devil.
  • dbanks80
    dbanks80 Posts: 3,685 Member
    Is going to kick in some money and help you buy his "approved" foods? If not, tell him to kick rocks and shut up!!

    I wouldn't say controlling he sounds like a self righteous "kitten"
  • duckforceone
    duckforceone Posts: 121 Member
    wow he sounds controlling and a big douche...

    stick up for yourself, tell him it is your money, and you do not need his help for this.
    or tell him to show you the real research he bases his criterias on... because if things were that bad as he says, why would they be allowed to be sold?

    but basically, it sounds like you need to start looking for a better place to live.
  • Pipsg1rl
    Pipsg1rl Posts: 1,414 Member
    How does he treat his mom? Does she also speak to you the same way? Does she feed him and not include you?
  • JayRuby84
    JayRuby84 Posts: 557 Member
    Your boyfriend sounds very controlling. People like that get worse with time, not better. Buy whatever you need to eat and be healthy, deal w/ his *kitten* attitude until you have saved enough to get out. I've been there...no matter what you do or say, a controlling partner stays that way.
  • salembambi
    salembambi Posts: 5,585 Member
    williammuney wrote: »
    Imo if he can't afford to feed you he can't afford the kitten....

    legit
  • williammuney
    williammuney Posts: 2,895 Member
    salembambi wrote: »
    williammuney wrote: »
    Imo if he can't afford to feed you he can't afford the kitten....

    legit

    That's how I roll :p
  • mochicakes92
    mochicakes92 Posts: 48 Member
    Pipsg1rl wrote: »
    How does he treat his mom? Does she also speak to you the same way? Does she feed him and not include you?

    Him and her both forget to eat like all day. Before i moved in I don't even know how they survived. He'll eat like 2 bowls of cereal and be done. She'll eat nothing if we don't remind her. He treats her just about the same, though. She says it's one reason she got into the habit of neglecting her eating habits, because anything she tried to eat was never good enough for him and he would constantly *kitten* at her for it.
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  • Moxie42
    Moxie42 Posts: 1,400 Member
    edited May 2016
    IF he's trying to be supportive, you should be able to sit down and have a conversation with him about how he can better help you. You should be able to explain that you appreciate him trying to help but that you're not focusing on eating 100% clean right now, that right now your goal is to _________ (whatever it is), and suggest other ways he can help- going for walks together, or maybe HE can buy the expensive stuff and cook dinner a couple times a week, if he thinks that will make a big difference and truly wants to help. If he can't or won't buy the expensive stuff himself, then he has no room to talk.

    But it really doesn't sound like he's being supportive...to not even be able to go shopping with him because he embarrasses you in public? That's a bad sign, and makes me wonder what else he says and does that's not okay.

    BUT if you're really trying to see if he's being controlling or supportive, like I said, try talking to him (calmly) about your goals and how he can better help you. If he doesn't react well, then YOUR goals are not what he's concerned about, and I'd work on a way to get out of that situation.

    ETA: read more comments. Make getting out of that house your #1 priority. He's setting rules for you that he doesn't even remotely live by, he treats his mother the same crappy way, and SHE says HIS treatment of her gave her issues? That is some serious dysfunction. You deserve better than this.
  • chocolate_owl
    chocolate_owl Posts: 1,695 Member
    Yes, he's being controlling. He has no right to tell you what you should or shouldn't be eating, especially if he's not the one eating it. I had a boyfriend who tried to tell me I couldn't eat certain things because they weren't healthy. I dumped him.

    Also, he sounds like he might be orthorexic. Not eating, sorting foods into "good" and "bad" because of fairly arbitrary reasons - he could be projecting a mental issue onto you. (But I'm not a psych, and obviously don't know your boyfriend, so take my internet diagnosis with a tablespoon of salt.)
  • Pipsg1rl
    Pipsg1rl Posts: 1,414 Member
    jacqlynn_pvlr wrote: »
    Pipsg1rl wrote: »
    How does he treat his mom? Does she also speak to you the same way? Does she feed him and not include you?

    Him and her both forget to eat like all day. Before i moved in I don't even know how they survived. He'll eat like 2 bowls of cereal and be done. She'll eat nothing if we don't remind her. He treats her just about the same, though. She says it's one reason she got into the habit of neglecting her eating habits, because anything she tried to eat was never good enough for him and he would constantly *kitten* at her for it.

    alright gorgeous girl - this is your sign to GTFO. if he can talk to his mother like that (and it sounds like she allows it by not standing up for herself) then you are not with a man who will love and cherish you.

  • ElphabaWeasley
    ElphabaWeasley Posts: 47 Member
    Your boyfriend is definitely NOT being supportive. I live with mine too, and we do combine resources for groceries, but I make the lists and do the couponing and shopping etc. He has never told me not to by something for any reason, unless I have told him something like "Hey don't let me buy a Coca Cola, I know I am going to want one but am trying to quit." THEN, and only then, will he say something like "Are you sure you want that Coke, I thought you said you were trying to quit." That is support, in my mind. And if I do decide to buy the dang coke because my will power in non existent then he leaves it at that. To make a scene like the ones you have described is childish and ridiculous. You seem to be in a tough situation with living arrangements, so I recommend having a conversation with him along the lines of "As soon as you start buying my groceries for me, then you can make all of the decisions until then either don't come or shut up." (you can be nicer than that if you want to be lol) And I would honestly reconsider the relationship when you are in a position to do so, a lot of times controlling and abusive behavior starts with little things like this and snowballs into a mess.
  • Dustinryan24
    Dustinryan24 Posts: 233 Member
    sounds like you kids are gonna make it

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