Is my boyfriend being supportive, or just controlling of my diet? Healthy, or no?

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Replies

  • JayRuby84
    JayRuby84 Posts: 557 Member
    Your boyfriend sounds very controlling. People like that get worse with time, not better. Buy whatever you need to eat and be healthy, deal w/ his *kitten* attitude until you have saved enough to get out. I've been there...no matter what you do or say, a controlling partner stays that way.
  • salembambi
    salembambi Posts: 5,592 Member
    williammuney wrote: »
    Imo if he can't afford to feed you he can't afford the kitten....

    legit
  • williammuney
    williammuney Posts: 2,895 Member
    salembambi wrote: »
    williammuney wrote: »
    Imo if he can't afford to feed you he can't afford the kitten....

    legit

    That's how I roll :p
  • mochicakes92
    mochicakes92 Posts: 48 Member
    Pipsg1rl wrote: »
    How does he treat his mom? Does she also speak to you the same way? Does she feed him and not include you?

    Him and her both forget to eat like all day. Before i moved in I don't even know how they survived. He'll eat like 2 bowls of cereal and be done. She'll eat nothing if we don't remind her. He treats her just about the same, though. She says it's one reason she got into the habit of neglecting her eating habits, because anything she tried to eat was never good enough for him and he would constantly *kitten* at her for it.
  • Moxie42
    Moxie42 Posts: 1,400 Member
    edited May 2016
    IF he's trying to be supportive, you should be able to sit down and have a conversation with him about how he can better help you. You should be able to explain that you appreciate him trying to help but that you're not focusing on eating 100% clean right now, that right now your goal is to _________ (whatever it is), and suggest other ways he can help- going for walks together, or maybe HE can buy the expensive stuff and cook dinner a couple times a week, if he thinks that will make a big difference and truly wants to help. If he can't or won't buy the expensive stuff himself, then he has no room to talk.

    But it really doesn't sound like he's being supportive...to not even be able to go shopping with him because he embarrasses you in public? That's a bad sign, and makes me wonder what else he says and does that's not okay.

    BUT if you're really trying to see if he's being controlling or supportive, like I said, try talking to him (calmly) about your goals and how he can better help you. If he doesn't react well, then YOUR goals are not what he's concerned about, and I'd work on a way to get out of that situation.

    ETA: read more comments. Make getting out of that house your #1 priority. He's setting rules for you that he doesn't even remotely live by, he treats his mother the same crappy way, and SHE says HIS treatment of her gave her issues? That is some serious dysfunction. You deserve better than this.
  • chocolate_owl
    chocolate_owl Posts: 1,695 Member
    Yes, he's being controlling. He has no right to tell you what you should or shouldn't be eating, especially if he's not the one eating it. I had a boyfriend who tried to tell me I couldn't eat certain things because they weren't healthy. I dumped him.

    Also, he sounds like he might be orthorexic. Not eating, sorting foods into "good" and "bad" because of fairly arbitrary reasons - he could be projecting a mental issue onto you. (But I'm not a psych, and obviously don't know your boyfriend, so take my internet diagnosis with a tablespoon of salt.)
  • Pipsg1rl
    Pipsg1rl Posts: 1,414 Member
    jacqlynn_pvlr wrote: »
    Pipsg1rl wrote: »
    How does he treat his mom? Does she also speak to you the same way? Does she feed him and not include you?

    Him and her both forget to eat like all day. Before i moved in I don't even know how they survived. He'll eat like 2 bowls of cereal and be done. She'll eat nothing if we don't remind her. He treats her just about the same, though. She says it's one reason she got into the habit of neglecting her eating habits, because anything she tried to eat was never good enough for him and he would constantly *kitten* at her for it.

    alright gorgeous girl - this is your sign to GTFO. if he can talk to his mother like that (and it sounds like she allows it by not standing up for herself) then you are not with a man who will love and cherish you.

  • ElphabaWeasley
    ElphabaWeasley Posts: 47 Member
    Your boyfriend is definitely NOT being supportive. I live with mine too, and we do combine resources for groceries, but I make the lists and do the couponing and shopping etc. He has never told me not to by something for any reason, unless I have told him something like "Hey don't let me buy a Coca Cola, I know I am going to want one but am trying to quit." THEN, and only then, will he say something like "Are you sure you want that Coke, I thought you said you were trying to quit." That is support, in my mind. And if I do decide to buy the dang coke because my will power in non existent then he leaves it at that. To make a scene like the ones you have described is childish and ridiculous. You seem to be in a tough situation with living arrangements, so I recommend having a conversation with him along the lines of "As soon as you start buying my groceries for me, then you can make all of the decisions until then either don't come or shut up." (you can be nicer than that if you want to be lol) And I would honestly reconsider the relationship when you are in a position to do so, a lot of times controlling and abusive behavior starts with little things like this and snowballs into a mess.
  • Dustinryan24
    Dustinryan24 Posts: 233 Member
    sounds like you kids are gonna make it
  • Pipsg1rl
    Pipsg1rl Posts: 1,414 Member
    mskessler89 wrote: »
    .

    Also, he sounds like he might be orthorexic. Not eating, sorting foods into "good" and "bad" because of fairly arbitrary reasons -

    I've never heard this term before but I also thought the way they eat was unusual.
  • sllm1
    sllm1 Posts: 2,114 Member
    To throw a tantrum because you do not follow his advice is controlling. No doubt.
  • jbee27
    jbee27 Posts: 356 Member
    I think by asking strangers on the internet, you already know the answer. He's being controlling, rude, and behaving like a child.

    Being supportive would be helping you find ways to increase or stretch your budget, or explaining to you why he feels like preservatives are so bad for your health, and what his alternative choices would be. Not being an ***hole to his girlfriend in public, and shaming you for your decisions.

    I would urge you to think about ways to financially detangle yourself from his life. Build up the resources to walk away from him if you need too. This sounds like a person I would not want to be dependent on.


  • mochicakes92
    mochicakes92 Posts: 48 Member
    I guess it's just really weird of me to think about him as being controlling, since it's only this one thing. I had a boyfriend before this who tried to control how much makeup I wore, what clothing i wore, how I spent my money, how often I saw my mom, etc. So a guy being a stuck-up snob over my food choices seems like the least of my worries in comparison. Not to say it's not a problem, but I guess this is why I overlooked it for almost 3 years.
  • mochicakes92
    mochicakes92 Posts: 48 Member
    I guess I feel even more terrible because I'm a 23-year-old woman who has no idea how to cook. I'm afraid to try because him and his mom are both really good cooks and I think they will tear whatever I make apart for not tasting right at first. I'm afraid to even begin learning.
  • chocolate_owl
    chocolate_owl Posts: 1,695 Member
    Pipsg1rl wrote: »
    mskessler89 wrote: »
    .

    Also, he sounds like he might be orthorexic. Not eating, sorting foods into "good" and "bad" because of fairly arbitrary reasons -

    I've never heard this term before but I also thought the way they eat was unusual.

    I ran into a girl on here once who pretty much only consumed organic cereal, organic fruits and vegetables, organic wine, and water. She had somehow convinced herself that everything else was bad for her, and she was eating less than 900 calories a day because she'd get anxiety about having too much of the same food in one day. It can be a very damaging eating disorder.
  • dbanks80
    dbanks80 Posts: 3,685 Member
    TannedTiger wrote: »
    let me know when you break up with him, I'd love to be his partner.
    You just don't know how to appreciate someone who cares about you.

    If he really cared that much he would say "Babe I know your budget is tight and I really want to see you eat healthier. Here is some money let me help you out or let's figure out a way we can get some healthier affordable foods"

  • chocolate_owl
    chocolate_owl Posts: 1,695 Member
    mochicakes92 wrote: »
    I guess I feel even more terrible because I'm a 23-year-old woman who has no idea how to cook. I'm afraid to try because him and his mom are both really good cooks and I think they will tear whatever I make apart for not tasting right at first. I'm afraid to even begin learning.

    If you're that scared, that's not a healthy relationship (with either of them!) - you wouldn't be comfortable asking him or his mom to teach you how?
  • ElphabaWeasley
    ElphabaWeasley Posts: 47 Member
    mochicakes92 wrote: »
    I guess I feel even more terrible because I'm a 23-year-old woman who has no idea how to cook. I'm afraid to try because him and his mom are both really good cooks and I think they will tear whatever I make apart for not tasting right at first. I'm afraid to even begin learning.

    My best advice for this dilemma is to cook for yourself. Not in a "no one else can eat this" kind of way but in a "I don't care if you don't like it or you think I did it wrong, this is tasty, and I made it so I am going to enjoy it" kind of way. Cooking is very enjoyable for me and I am completely self taught. Of course, my boyfriend will eat anything that even seems remotely edible, but he enjoys the food I cook because I cook it. The only way you are going to learn is by trying and trust me you will make things that are just plain gross or don't work out for whatever reason and that is okay. It is a learning experience, and you will continue learning for the rest of your life.

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