My Weightloss Makes People Angry...& That Makes me Happy! :-D
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Cutemesoon wrote: »ctalimenti wrote: »Not sure if you covered this yet but are most of your naysayers overweight? When I started cycling I had a handful of naysayers and they were ALL overweight. AND if they are overweight I doubt they are concerned about your health!
Actually, YES! Which is why I think it's interesting that some people express anger or faux concern.
Agreed!
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I talk about my weight loss and the opposite happens. People start wanting to lose weight and doing it the right way.8
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I had people do the same when I was losing weight. The best part was the people who would talk to my friends behind my back and tell them I needed to stop losing weight. My friends would tell me about it and we'd laugh.1
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@JeromeBarry1 That's awesome! Continue to inspire people :-)0
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OMG!!!! That happens to me too!!! People will go ask my friends when am I going to stop losing weight. My friend always lets them know that it is MY decision & I will stop when I am ready.I had people do the same when I was losing weight. The best part was the people who would talk to my friends behind my back and tell them I needed to stop losing weight. My friends would tell me about it and we'd laugh.
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I lost a number of people who I thought were my friends. 0-10lbs I got congratulations. 10-20lbs I got great job through gritted teeth. Anything over 20lbs, I had ED comments thrown my way and I even had someone throw a tantrum when I refused a cupcake that was brought in to our lunchroom for whomever. This person went out of their way to bring a cupcake to my desk and then said I was forcing them to eat it cause I wouldn't. Some people don't mind if you have a little success, but they don't really want you to have a lot of success.25
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Keep in mind that most people equate large weight loss with illness. My BIL had undiagnosed diabetes and lost a lot of weight (while continually said he wasn't losing any nor ill). Now that he has a diagnosis, he's regained some and looks healthier. Most people's comments were sincere concerns for his health. Even if they don't feel you're sick, it's a well studied phenomenon that subconsciously they'e equating your losses with illness and it makes them uncomfortable.3
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I have a few frenemies who are quite verbally brave, just not to my face. Its quite funny as they are the same ones who ask what I'm doing to lose the weight, say they need to start, but then say "Oh, I couldn't do that."
I'm waiting for the day their bravery level equals their big mouth and say something to me about when I need to stop. I'm prepared. "When you reach my weight, you can stop. I'm not basing my health or final goal on a number. Glad you think my body is perfect though!"6 -
I have had the same thing happen as well. People were so happy for me up to 30 pounds. At 50 pounds I started getting snide comments, by 80+ pounds the people that were still talking to me mostly have negative things to say. Some people have also been feeling free to tell me exactly what they thought of how I looked fat. The things they say and how they put down the "old" me has been a relationship breaker. They don't realize the old me and the new me are the same person, the only thing that has changed is my size.....I think wow is this really how you feel about me or see me...what you think about a person struggling with their weight? I now see they are not the kind of people I want in my life.24
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@howekaren Everyone commenting on my weight loss knows that I've been dieting & exercising for the past 2.5 yrs. So there's no reason to think that I'm ill. It's been a conscientious effort to lose weight. But it could be the case for others if they experience rapid weight loss. @megemrj I've noticed that about people as well. For some people, (NOT all) your weight loss makes them reflect on their weight. It may make them feel bad that you're successful at something they've been trying to do for years.3
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You can say something like "My doctor says I'm doing great - but thanks for your concern!"
There will always be people who 1. Genuinely cannot be happy for you, or 2. Think they're saying the right thing but don't. Ignore the first group, and have forgiveness for the second.
Yes, I'd toss down the Voice of Authority card.0 -
@PamelaW41 That's so sad. Why can't people just be happy when someone achieves a goal? Someone told me to "stop doing what I'm doing to see what my body does." Ummm...what? If I stopped doing what I'm doing, I'd gain the weight back!
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kshama2001 wrote: »
I've used this b4 & was told that the Drs. don't know what they are talking about & I should ignore them.
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Cutemesoon wrote: »ctalimenti wrote: »Not sure if you covered this yet but are most of your naysayers overweight? When I started cycling I had a handful of naysayers and they were ALL overweight. AND if they are overweight I doubt they are concerned about your health!
Actually, YES! Which is why I think it's interesting that some people express anger or faux concern.
Have you heard of crabs in a bucket? From what you have described throughout this thread, that's my guess.
Sorry you have to deal with them. I hope you have other people in your life who are happy for you!0 -
I think a large percentage of the time, it tends to be women and I don't mean to generalize, but I've worked in so many office and retail environments where the women were just, downright, nasty to each other. I've never heard men at my places of employment or in my large circle of friends talk behind each other's backs or make such awful snide comments as I've heard from the females. Again, I'm not saying all females, but in my experience, that's what it's always been. I never hear dudes being like, OMG, did you see how awful he looks... he's losing too much weight, he's such a loser, can you believe that guy... etc...
I don't know if it's something that's happened in our culture in the last 20 years or so, but it's something I've, personally, noticed a lot. I swear, I'd be at work and watch them be so nice and coy to each other's faces, then they'd saw awful stuff to me about each other and this happened and multiple jobs and with multiple friends over the years. I've never seen that behavior from any male friends or coworkers. Every woman I've worked with or had in a friends circle acts jealous of her own shadow. I'm certainly not pointing fingers at any women here because this forum community seems to have the most accepting people I've ever seen. Maybe that's cause we all know the struggle and have decided you shouldn't judge people or keep your awful thoughts to yourself.17 -
I think a large percentage of the time, it tends to be women and I don't mean to generalize, but I've worked in so many office and retail environments where the women were just, downright, nasty to each other. I've never heard men at my places of employment or in my large circle of friends talk behind each other's backs or make such awful snide comments as I've heard from the females. Again, I'm not saying all females, but in my experience, that's what it's always been. I never hear dudes being like, OMG, did you see how awful he looks... he's losing too much weight, he's such a loser, can you believe that guy... etc...
I don't know if it's something that's happened in our culture in the last 20 years or so, but it's something I've, personally, noticed a lot. Every woman I've worked with or had in a friends circle acts jealous of her own shadow. I'm certainly not pointing fingers at any women here because this forum community seems to have the most accepting people I've ever seen. Maybe that's cause we all know the struggle and have decided you shouldn't judge people or keep your awful thoughts to yourself.
Is your field of employment very competitive, or one that was traditionally a man's field? I ask because I've heard others say similar things as you have here, but as a woman I've never in my life encountered such a working environment. It makes me curious why some are like that and I theorize that perhaps some women cut each other down to get some type of advantage or edge.1 -
haha, been there. They are jealous of your success. laugh and smile XD2
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Have you heard of crabs in a bucket? From what you have described throughout this thread, that's my guess.
Sorry you have to deal with them. I hope you have other people in your life who are happy for you!
Yes. I've heard of it. I'm one of those crazy people that thinks that if we're all in a bucket we don't wanna be in, why can't we just help each other out?
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Cutemesoon wrote: »Have you heard of crabs in a bucket? From what you have described throughout this thread, that's my guess.
Sorry you have to deal with them. I hope you have other people in your life who are happy for you!
Yes. I've heard of it. I'm one of those crazy people that thinks that if we're all in a bucket we don't wanna be in, why can't we just help each other out?
I know what you mean. Sadly, there are some people that feel like others' success reflects poorly on them and so they try to undermine it. I don't believe this happens on a conscious level.2 -
I think a large percentage of the time, it tends to be women and I don't mean to generalize, but I've worked in so many office and retail environments where the women were just, downright, nasty to each other. I've never heard men at my places of employment or in my large circle of friends talk behind each other's backs or make such awful snide comments as I've heard from the females. Again, I'm not saying all females, but in my experience, that's what it's always been. I never hear dudes being like, OMG, did you see how awful he looks... he's losing too much weight, he's such a loser, can you believe that guy... etc...
I don't know if it's something that's happened in our culture in the last 20 years or so, but it's something I've, personally, noticed a lot. Every woman I've worked with or had in a friends circle acts jealous of her own shadow. I'm certainly not pointing fingers at any women here because this forum community seems to have the most accepting people I've ever seen. Maybe that's cause we all know the struggle and have decided you shouldn't judge people or keep your awful thoughts to yourself.
Is your field of employment very competitive, or one that was traditionally a man's field? I ask because I've heard others say similar things as you have here, but as a woman I've never in my life encountered such a working environment. It makes me curious why some are like that and I theorize that perhaps some women cut each other down to get some type of advantage or edge.
No, not dominated by men, but a few places had large percentages of woman, working in small office environments, maybe that led to tension, I don't know. But, it always brings me back to thinking about high school. I couldn't even tell you a time any of the boys were mad at each other. But, I can sure remember Becky not talking to Julie or Sarah being mad at Amy, etc... Lol. I don't know, maybe it's just been my experience, but everywhere I've ever gone, I've seen cat fighting, but never with men.0 -
it cause of jealousy most of people are unable to to keep discipline on dieting and exercises,thus they feel left out and the arrogant in them cant accept that,i also lost a bunch of friends because i lost weight and to them it was difficult even for an inch to loose thus feeling bad that i have a more sexy body than them,let them be0
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Cutemesoon wrote: »@PamelaW41 That's so sad. Why can't people just be happy when someone achieves a goal? Someone told me to "stop doing what I'm doing to see what my body does." Ummm...what? If I stopped doing what I'm doing, I'd gain the weight back!
Exactly! I wonder why people can't just be happy too. They dont realize we already know what our bodies will do if we stop....the same thing they did before we started!!! SMH0 -
@jinjojoey
I've experienced this recently and can't tell you why. I'm not wired that way. I consider my friends true friends. I will not talk bad about them, period. I expect the same in return and have ZERO tolerance if they do.
Maybe one of the reasons the big mouths won't say it to my face. They do not like me angry.2 -
All. The. Time.
Sometimes I say, "Yeah, I look awesome in my clothes right now but I also want to look great naked."
I'm a very reserved person, so it definitely shocks them into shutting up.12 -
I'm sure I'll get those comment once I start to lose a large amount. Everyone I know hasn't seen me at normal weight, I've been 100lbs overweight basically for the last 8 years, Had 5 babies in under 8 years, my oldest will be 8 in September and my youngest is just 4 months. So I need to lose122lbs to get to my very first pre pregnancy weight. Maybe these people aren't used to seeing you at the weight your at now..? So they think you look to thin...I'd take it as a compliment...do what make you happy, weight loss should be for you, so as long as your happy and feeling good, screw them! Lol.. I'd ask them why they think your too thin & see what they say
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Just read the above comment..Lol. Maybe they are just jealous and don't want to see you do better for yourself 0
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As someone who was once part of a catty gossipy friend group, until they unsurprisingly turned on me for reasons I am not entirely blameless in, I can understand why women gossip and backstab. It's quite the power rush to judge other women and put them below you. And then someone comes along and is doing better than you? B*tch, rubbing it in our faces. Don't they understand their place? Which is below me?
Realized I was being an *kitten*, worked on bettering myself and got a new group of friends so kind there's nothing to gossip about even if I wanted to.22 -
All. The. Time.
Sometimes I say, "Yeah, I look awesome in my clothes right now but I also want to look great naked."
I'm a very reserved person, so it definitely shocks them into shutting up.
Lol. That's what I'm trying to do as well! I made the mistake of telling someone that I wanted to work on my stomach. They told me to give it up because its too hard & not possible. In my head I was thinking that it's too hard for them because they are lazy and not willing to work for it! #TheNerve
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Regarding the OP... wow! I can't imagine getting angry at someone for losing weight and getting in shape!
I've gotten two different reactions to my weight loss:
1) are you sick?!? (people who can't imagine working hard and/or denying themselves anything they want)
2) AWESOME! You look great! How'd you do it?
Obviously, I prefer #2!2
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