Vent warning - why are husbands such jerks!
denverdeb1
Posts: 34 Member
So my loving husband tells me today that riding the recumbent bike at the gym for 65 minutes will never give me the results I need. He said I should push myself harder if I want to be fit! He is an avid bike rider and thinks that only riding the bike up and down mountain passes is how people get fit. He can be such a jerk! I said I was doing great with my fitness plan and he said don't argue fitness with me, I know fitness. He weighs 250 and is 6'1 I don't consider that fit, do you? Yes he can ride his bike over mountain passes and bench his weight but I am not unfit riding a bike at the gym. He wants me outside riding the bike in 95 degree weather - maybe he is just after my life insurance policy!!
Grrrrr I do not know how to handle this!! He makes me so mad why can't he be supportive and say how nice it is to see me going to the gym, but no nothing is good enough unless it was his idea and his plan!
Grrrrr I do not know how to handle this!! He makes me so mad why can't he be supportive and say how nice it is to see me going to the gym, but no nothing is good enough unless it was his idea and his plan!
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Replies
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I would ignore it! You are what you need to do for you, so keep it up. Your on the right path just by doing something. Good luck!0
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i would ask him instead of everyone here. My wife had a similar situation except she will not listen to everyone trying to help her. Things such as counting calories. Our family doctor, myslef and my son have continually asked her how can you know what your doing ifyou don;t know what is going in and going out? she gets upset but will not listen to those who care about her.
we all tell her we are proud she is trying, but there IS a right way AND a wrong way.0 -
I would ignore it! You are what you need to do for you, so keep it up. Your on the right path just by doing something. Good luck!
^
If you're seeing progress and you feel good then try not to let it bother you. Some weight training may help balance your exercise out a bit but still, do what you feel is best for you. At least you're trying!.0 -
Maybe he wants to be a bit more into your plans of getting fit!!!!..Tough one he should be so excited about your goals and all the effort you are putting into it,just saying GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!! you are doing great!!!:huh:0
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Maybe you should talk to him about the way you feel instead of venting on an online forum. Not all husbands are jerks. Mine isn't. I'm so sick of these over-generalized man hating threads on here.0
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I could write a book on the stupid things my husband says so I feel you. Good for you for choosing to get up off the couch and go to the gym to ride the bike. You can always take my daughter's tactic and when he starts to say things you don't like or find helpful put your fingers in your ears and say "lalalala".
Keep up the good work and keep on the ride, no matter what type of bike you are riding on!0 -
I would say all of this to him, only nicer. Maybe he is just trying to help but doesn't realize how he sounds or how it makes you feel when he does it. My fiance is like that. He can try as much as he can to help, but all it does is irritate me and make me feel bad. I told him that, and he stopped.0
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Maybe you should talk to him about the way you feel instead of venting on an online forum. Not all husbands are jerks. Mine isn't. I'm so sick of these over-generalized man hating threads on here.
I LOVE my husband. I appreciate all of the wonderful things he does to support me & our family. He does however say stupid stuff sometimes, as do I. I appreciate having a forum to vent some frustration that would not be productive explaining to my husband at that moment. Sometimes the perspective of hearing other people's reactions or perceptions help me clarify what it is I want to say to my husband/co-worker/child/parent so that the open lines of communication stay in place.0 -
Maybe you should talk to him about the way you feel instead of venting on an online forum. Not all husbands are jerks. Mine isn't. I'm so sick of these over-generalized man hating threads on here.
Then don't read them!! Geez!!
I'm tired of the negativity when people are just looking for support. :explode:0 -
My husband tries to give me work out tips all the time and it bugs me too. I keep him quiet by asking if he wants my body to look just like his? lol
I'm sure your hubby is trying to be helpful but it sounds like he has a different workout style that doesn't fit with you. Dont let it bother you too much and hang in there.
) 0 -
start crying? If you've stood up to him in an angry way and he was just meaner, then get upset about something when you know he's going to start in, then when he does, cry and speak your mind. Maybe he'll listen then.
As long as you're moving forward and losing like you want to, then you're doing just fine.0 -
Maybe you should talk to him about the way you feel instead of venting on an online forum. Not all husbands are jerks. Mine isn't. I'm so sick of these over-generalized man hating threads on here.
I LOVE my husband. I appreciate all of the wonderful things he does to support me & our family. He does however say stupid stuff sometimes, as do I. I appreciate having a forum to vent some frustration that would not be productive explaining to my husband at that moment. Sometimes the perspective of hearing other people's reactions or perceptions help me clarify what it is I want to say to my husband/co-worker/child/parent so that the open lines of communication stay in place.
Very well said. :flowerforyou:0 -
I would say all of this to him, only nicer. Maybe he is just trying to help but doesn't realize how he sounds or how it makes you feel when he does it. My fiance is like that. He can try as much as he can to help, but all it does is irritate me and make me feel bad. I told him that, and he stopped.
Believe me I have talked to him and it just makes him mad. I told him everything I said here and he just storms off.0 -
Ohhhh...
I would explain him that those type comments are not the ones that will encourage you but the ones that will want to drop everything...
Also, he may be a super good biker, but can he do 45 mins running on elliptical? Or zumba, or step or 30 day shred (or whatever sport you are good ?)
I have a friend that is playing hockey, super good cardio...but dont ask her to jog, its so different she gets tired after 2 mins...
Dont listen to those comments, just prove him wrong
It is true that doing a little bit of muscles would help you though...
I was only doing cardio before....cardio cardio cardio, until someone told me that it was a myth.,..
I saw a major difference since I started adding some weights
Dont give up!!
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Maybe you should talk to him about the way you feel instead of venting on an online forum. Not all husbands are jerks. Mine isn't. I'm so sick of these over-generalized man hating threads on here.
Wow, where did that come from?0 -
QFTMaybe you should talk to him about the way you feel instead of venting on an online forum. Not all husbands are jerks. Mine isn't. I'm so sick of these over-generalized man hating threads on here.0 -
Go riding with him sometime. Ask him if there are some "beginners" courses and get on them with him. My husband and I mountain bike, it is hot here, pushing 90% by 8am sometimes, but it is a blast and you might actually enjoy it.
Sorry he says hateful things to ya, those things are never fun to receive. I wouldn't tell the world what a jerk he is though cause that isn't fun to be on the receiving end of either.0 -
Try witholding affection until he listens to you. That ALWAYS works. :noway: I am sorry you are having difficulty with him on this point, but remember, you married him. If he wants to think he is Jack LaLane, that's his gig, not yours. Maybe he wants you to go out and ride WITH him? Lots of variables here. I'm not defending immature behavior on his part, just saying there may be another side... Good luck!!0
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QFTMaybe you should talk to him about the way you feel instead of venting on an online forum. Not all husbands are jerks. Mine isn't. I'm so sick of these over-generalized man hating threads on here.
Come on girls are you serious?
She just said that she talked to him about it a couple of times...
Also wrote VENT WARNING + the subject in the thread's title...
Sometimes women just need some advice and encouragement, not rude comments...
My boyfriend is pretty amazing, but my ex was a jerk, I learned to deal with it but it took a damn while....
Not everyone is the same way with the same temper...
:ohwell:0 -
Maybe you should talk to him about the way you feel instead of venting on an online forum. Not all husbands are jerks. Mine isn't. I'm so sick of these over-generalized man hating threads on here.
where did it say she hates her husband? Or men? She's just upset that he's not being suppotive. Anyway, are you in the gym for him or for you? Hopefully your getting fit for "you", so do what feels right for you. Throwing in some weight training will help you see more results.0 -
Everyone is always defensive about their fitness opinions. People tend to get pretty heated and opinionated when their current track is thrown into question and loose sight of what real objective is. I think if you feel great doing what you're doing, then more power to you. You'll notice if you need to switch it up and you'll be more motivated if you're the one powering those changes. He probably has found what makes him feel fit and sees it as "the path" to fitness. I'm working on my fitness with two other girls and it can sure get heated when anyone suggests how another girl might want to change their plan. Whew! I try to take what anyone suggests with a grain of salt and watch my responses (not always an easy thing to do).
I wish you luck! It seems you're kicking butt and staying motivated! Go girl go!!0 -
I think it's a bad practice in relationships ...especially marriage...to go complain publicly about the other person. Is it THAT hard to talk to them?
QFTMaybe you should talk to him about the way you feel instead of venting on an online forum. Not all husbands are jerks. Mine isn't. I'm so sick of these over-generalized man hating threads on here.
Come on girls are you serious?
She just said that she talked to him about it a couple of times...
Also wrote VENT WARNING + the subject in the thread's title...
Sometimes women just need some advice and encouragement, not rude comments...
My boyfriend is pretty amazing, but my ex was a jerk, I learned to deal with it but it took a damn while....
Not everyone is the same way with the same temper...
:ohwell:0 -
He weighs 250 and is 6'1 I don't consider that fit, do you? Yes he can ride his bike over mountain passes and bench his weight but I am not unfit riding a bike at the gym.
Not fit enough to be bragging about being fit, anyway. The Tour de France starts this weekend. I don't think you'll see any of those guys climbing over those mountains at 6'1" and 250! 0 -
I think it's a bad practice in relationships ...especially marriage...to go complain publicly about the other person. Is it THAT hard to talk to them?
QFTMaybe you should talk to him about the way you feel instead of venting on an online forum. Not all husbands are jerks. Mine isn't. I'm so sick of these over-generalized man hating threads on here.
Come on girls are you serious?
She just said that she talked to him about it a couple of times...
Also wrote VENT WARNING + the subject in the thread's title...
Sometimes women just need some advice and encouragement, not rude comments...
My boyfriend is pretty amazing, but my ex was a jerk, I learned to deal with it but it took a damn while....
Not everyone is the same way with the same temper...
:ohwell:
She just said she talked to him about it...
And ''publicly'' I dont think no one knows him here...
I am in a pretty good relationship and yes, sometimes I do need advice from people...
I dont get why some people are so rude in 5 seconds... like they know everything, and their relationship or past relationship would be perfect...
Especially here...
Yuck0 -
Men have all the answeres even if your not asking any questions! He will fix your problem even if you dont ask for his advise.0
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Ok, I'm going to jump in the fire here. Obviously he's trying to help.
I've read women venting about hubby giving no support and I've read that they can't get their husband to join them for exercise. Now this is a different type of vent.
He might have a bit of a point. I'm not saying he's right, but are you biking for 65 mins going the same speed? Are you taking any breaks or is that 65 mins non stop pedaling?So my loving husband tells me today that riding the recumbent bike at the gym for 65 minutes will never give me the results I need. He said I should push myself harder if I want to be fit! He is an avid bike rider and thinks that only riding the bike up and down mountain passes is how people get fit.
What I understood from his outside mountain passes was. Sorta like HIIT. People praise on how it helps burn more calories. Basically you are working a lot harder going up the hill which raises your heart rate and burns more calories, and then on the downhill part your heart rate goes down and burn less calories. Overall burning more calories on average.
So, explain to him that you might like to try HIIT on the bicyle. At the gym.
If you are not comfortable riding a bike in 95 degree weather tell him.
You could also both just go out and go for a relaxing bike ride, Just to keep him happy.
He wants to help. Let him help but don't let him control it. Talk to him, and you can listen to his idea's. You don't have to agree with everything he says. Just tell him you'll try some HIIT at the gym next time you go.He can be such a jerk! I said I was doing great with my fitness plan and he said don't argue fitness with me, I know fitness. He weighs 250 and is 6'1 I don't consider that fit, do you? Yes he can ride his bike over mountain passes and bench his weight but I am not unfit riding a bike at the gym. He wants me outside riding the bike in 95 degree weather - maybe he is just after my life insurance policy!!
Grrrrr I do not know how to handle this!! He makes me so mad why can't he be supportive and say how nice it is to see me going to the gym, but no nothing is good enough unless it was his idea and his plan!
Ride x miles/hour, and for 30 secs, or a min ride x+y miles/hour faster.
Good luck.0 -
I'd ignore it. Then I'd prove him wrong. :laugh:0
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I think it's a bad practice in relationships ...especially marriage...to go complain publicly about the other person. Is it THAT hard to talk to them?
QFTMaybe you should talk to him about the way you feel instead of venting on an online forum. Not all husbands are jerks. Mine isn't. I'm so sick of these over-generalized man hating threads on here.
Come on girls are you serious?
She just said that she talked to him about it a couple of times...
Also wrote VENT WARNING + the subject in the thread's title...
Sometimes women just need some advice and encouragement, not rude comments...
My boyfriend is pretty amazing, but my ex was a jerk, I learned to deal with it but it took a damn while....
Not everyone is the same way with the same temper...
:ohwell:
That's really all I meant. I wasn't trying to be "rude" and I don't really think that she hates her husband. I just see a lot of threads on here about women complaining about their men. It's kind of disheartening. But whatever. To the OP, men are just not as sensitive as women are. When he's coming across as an insensitive jerk, he probably thinks he's helping you out. They don't always show it the best way, but maybe that's his way of trying, as ineffective as it may be. If I were you I'd just keep doing what I'm doing, if it's working for you then it's working and you should keep doing it.0 -
Men have all the answeres even if your not asking any questions! He will fix your problem even if you dont ask for his advise.
I am glad that some woman FINALLY understands! Just take our wisdom as both loving and the gospel truth, and you will be fine.0 -
I am in the same situation right now
Mine is about 185 and 6'1" and doesn't do any exercise aside from work. I come home today and make dinner for him and tried to make something different for me and he got mad... he got all pissy and went to bed! Im so upset I dont even know how to handle this! Ignoring him is hard because he has to have the last word!!! Soooo irritating! Good luck dealing with yours 0
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