Here goes nothing. Time to be accountable

I wanted to share my story, mostly for myself. I feel like being open and honest, even with strangers, will help me finally feel accountable for my current situation. Telling anonymous strangers my weight is so scary!! I don't tell anyone except doctors.

I'm 34 years old, 5' 7", and 213 lbs. I am down from 226 at the end of March, but I have a long road ahead. I work a full-time job at an accounting firm. Usually 6 days a week. I sit, a lot. My job demands it and this is the profession I chose. I have multiple clients and absolutely no excuse to get up from my desk every hour to walk around that is related in any way to my job. I am paid to get a job done, not to find ways to lose weight. I sometimes take a 30 min. lunch, but most often I eat at my desk while I work. I don't get breaks.
I am a student. I take online classes year round. There is a common misunderstanding that this is easy and you work at your own pace. If there is such an option, I don't attend that school. I have a lot, and I mean A LOT, of homework each week and deadlines. Usually on the one day, sometimes two, that I am off, it is filled sitting at my desk, working on homework. I get some done during the week, but there is not enough time to finish it between work and other responsibilities.
I am a wife and a mother. I do get help from my husband who also works full-time and is in school. We manage a household, I cook, we clean.

Definitely, a lot of weight came on once we were both in school. Between work and homework, a lot of dinners were hamburger helper, pizza, etc. Whatever was fast, then we'd eat fast and sometimes very late. A lot of take-out. Then I started a cleanse. I lost over 20 lbs in 2months and over 24". I was about 190lbs and felt good and motivated. But the cleanse was over $600 a month. We don't have that kind of money for food and then still have to buy several other meals, plus food for the kiddo. I also dropped it fast and I learned NOTHING. Who is going to drink juice two meals a day for the rest of their life? I gained it all back within a few months. Then I broke my foot and I gained. My husband and I decided that we want to have a baby. Our daughter is his, I'm step-mom, but putting the step in there doesn't feel right. She's my baby girl! I figured, what was the point in trying to lose weight if I'm just going to gain it anyway if I get pregnant. Not smart. I gained more. I went to see a Dr. because a year later and no baby. Lots of tears later I realize that my weight is getting in the way of so much. Baby or no baby, I'm losing this weight. Even if I get pregnant, that's a different kind of weight. I can be healthier, even if my stomach is bigger.

This time, I am taking my time. I did not put on this weight overnight, and I know I won't lose it that way either. Bad days are behind us and ahead of us, but we just have to keep going. Not stress them and not feel like we blew it. I am conscious of what I eat. I give myself little pep talks in the morning if I am feeling particularly lazy that day. I limit myself, but I don't restrict myself. If I want cake, I eat cake, but I eat way less of it and I moderate how often. I realize that my weight issue is a result of the lifestyle that I chose and only I can fix it. It's beyond looks, it's now about health as well. I want a degree to further my career, so I have been in school for 3 years now. I don't just get the degree because I want it. I want to be healthy and able to move and , maybe, have a baby. I have to work at it. I have to change my lifestyle, my eating habits, and accept responsibility for my weight being what it is. I know this time I can do this. I feel different about it. I read blogs of so many other people. People are putting themselves out there and it makes them vulnerable. The greatest thing though, is seeing how many of you are so supportive of the other. Whether you weight more or less than them, I see the advice and encouragement. It goes a long way!

I wish all of you the most success and good health! If anyone wants to add me for support, I'd be happy to and I'd appreciate the same. It is always easier to slip when no one is holding you accountable.