Significant others that don't understand calorie counting
Options
Replies
-
Or they could just break up. That would solve both issues.lynn_glenmont wrote: »lauraesh0384 wrote: »How do you handle a significant other that doesn't understand calorie counting? My boyfriend for the most part doesn't care about the foods I eat and he'll eat what I make for dinner, etc. But sometimes he wants to go out to dinner which is fine, but he'll spring it on me last minute when I've already had most of my calories for the day. I prefer to eat a big breakfast and lunch and a moderate amount of calories for dinner. I feel more satisfied throughout the day. I tried to explain to him that I plan my meals in advance and his response was, "well, that's not my problem". If he told me in advance that he wanted to go out to dinner then I could better plan for it. I tend to avoid eating out in general due to the high sodium content. I'm almost 10 lbs from my goal weight and he doesn't understand every calorie counts. He said he wants to spend time together, but spending time together doesn't have to equate to shoveling our mouths with food. His idea of lower calorie is much different than mine. He eats whatever he wants and generally doesn't care about his health.
I suggest next time he says he wants to go out to eat, you respond, "That's not my problem."
Then when he says he wants to spend time together, you say, "That's not my problem, either."
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
6 -
I truly doubt that finding 600 calories for a meal is really that hard in any restaurant.lauraesh0384 wrote: »The biggest issue here is definitely that he didn't ask me in advance. Had he said last night, "Hey, I want to go to dinner tomorrow night", I would had been able to plan accordingly. By the time I had breakfast and lunch I was already at 1400 calories. I usually eat around 2000-2100. Some of the chain restaurants we like, it's not hard to blow those calories out of the water. Not to mention he kept asking me what some low calorie options are and wouldn't hone in on a specific restaurant. Hopefully he'll take into consideration what I said about planning in advance. And I know for a fact that if I went and didn't order anything he would get upset just the same as if I said I didn't want to go. I have avoided eating out for the most part because I like knowing what's going into my food and how many calories I'm really consuming. When I cook at home, I am in total control of that.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition 3 -
OP you've been given a lot of great advice. I sit in the "he should tell you by X time" camp. It's just plain rude to expect someone to drop everything and go out at a moment's notice, especially when they have requested a little advance notice. It's not like you're telling him you'll never eat out with him again. It's literally asking for a little consideration from someone you are in a relationship with. It's manners.
That said, lots of chain restaurants have their menus and calorie contents online. Could you pick a low calorie option for each place? Lots of places also offer the lunch sized portions of the entrees which are smaller and less calories.1 -
I read once on a thread that he would input his dinner into the next day- so he knew what breakfast and lunch had to be. In his case his wife cooked and he wasn't ever sure what he would be having.
Basically just moving the logging period a few hours so the "day" fit his eating better.
Or you can tell your boyfriend to shove it. Whichever is easier.5 -
Man the boyfriend stories on MFP are awful. I'd say dumb him, but I got flagged for abuse the last time I suggested that. I hope this dude has respect for you in other ways, but I honestly doubt it because what could be more important than your health?10
-
My husband and I have different methods of dieting. He has a lot of self control and is able to be on a 'clean' diet for long periods of times. He understands that I need to count in order to stay on track. He didn't get it at first, but after a year of going off and on counting calories he has noticed that this is what works for me and my body. I think, for now, try to enjoy your time together and just order calorie friendly items. If he has a problem with that then there may be a more deeper issue that you both need to discuss.1
-
alondrakayy wrote: »My husband and I have different methods of dieting. He has a lot of self control and is able to be on a 'clean' diet for long periods of times. He understands that I need to count in order to stay on track. He didn't get it at first, but after a year of going off and on counting calories he has noticed that this is what works for me and my body. I think, for now, try to enjoy your time together and just order calorie friendly items. If he has a problem with that then there may be a more deeper issue that you both need to discuss.
Maybe this guy likes bigger women. Maybe he is all about that bass.
3 -
I cook ALL the time. I'm so grateful when my partner asks if I want to go out that it doesn't matter if I have fifteen calories left in the day, I say yes. Then I throw in an extra 20 minutes cardio for a couple days, or I plan an extra swim-session. To me, the important thing is to enjoy that time with my partner and not make myself insane because I don't have enough calories left to really have something fabulous when we're out.
So, yeah, my solution would be don't stress yourself over this,. It's not like you're going out every night, right? If you don't have many calories left and you aren't hungry, order a nice salad, or maybe the soup of the day. If you go over, and eat something tasty while enjoying quality time with your partner, just plan to throw in some extra exercise to compensate and let it go.
2 -
alondrakayy wrote: »My husband and I have different methods of dieting. He has a lot of self control and is able to be on a 'clean' diet for long periods of times. He understands that I need to count in order to stay on track. He didn't get it at first, but after a year of going off and on counting calories he has noticed that this is what works for me and my body. I think, for now, try to enjoy your time together and just order calorie friendly items. If he has a problem with that then there may be a more deeper issue that you both need to discuss.
Maybe this guy likes bigger women. Maybe he is all about that bass.
He does. He said that he liked how I looked at 185-190 lbs. But on a 5'6" frame that's just not healthy. And I felt so disgusting at that weight. I'm 162 now and I feel pretty good. I'll feel a lot better once I get to my goal weight. Which is 145-150. I think he misses the person that would be down to going to all you can eat buffets and didn't care about how much food I would eat. I told him that's not going to be my lifestyle anymore. He could stand to lose a little bit of weight himself, but would never do that.7 -
your goal weight is appropriate. I'm the same height and am 15lbs from my goal of 154.
I sometimes just order a bowl of soup at a restaurant. He can have the big dinner-you sip on soup.
I'm out lots with my 2 young adult sons who both need a lot of calories. Soup for me if it is my small meal.
But yes consider if he is sabotaging you. Does he support you in other ways?0 -
If a person can't respect your feelings/needs around this issue, you may want to seriously consider if this person will respect other important areas of your life. Something to think about long term.....especially if marriage is being considered.2
-
lauraesh0384 wrote: »alondrakayy wrote: »My husband and I have different methods of dieting. He has a lot of self control and is able to be on a 'clean' diet for long periods of times. He understands that I need to count in order to stay on track. He didn't get it at first, but after a year of going off and on counting calories he has noticed that this is what works for me and my body. I think, for now, try to enjoy your time together and just order calorie friendly items. If he has a problem with that then there may be a more deeper issue that you both need to discuss.
Maybe this guy likes bigger women. Maybe he is all about that bass.
He does. He said that he liked how I looked at 185-190 lbs. But on a 5'6" frame that's just not healthy. And I felt so disgusting at that weight. I'm 162 now and I feel pretty good. I'll feel a lot better once I get to my goal weight. Which is 145-150. I think he misses the person that would be down to going to all you can eat buffets and didn't care about how much food I would eat. I told him that's not going to be my lifestyle anymore. He could stand to lose a little bit of weight himself, but would never do that.
I guess you can't really blame a guy for enjoying a little more to hold at night, but don't let him drag you back to bad habits. Your health is way more important then having all the right junk in all the right places and I don't care what Meghan Trainor has to say on the subject.7 -
I currently live with my mum while I do my MSc and although she's not my significant other, we still eat together. She's one of those 'naturally thin' people who has never really needed to lose weight but does try to eat healthily for the most part.
When I first started mfp I had already lost about 3 stone without any tracking or counting and she has been incredibly supportive. However, she really didn't get why I wanted to count calories or that I needed to weigh food.
I had to be a bit stubborn about it, because on the days she would cook dinner she would just plate my food up and get annoyed when I removed things from the plate to weigh them. She didn't understand why I needed to pay so much attention to the exact calorie count when I had been successful without it for months.
I'm lucky that we have a good relationship and I just explained to her about CICO, that as a smaller person now I had little wiggle room to actually lose so I needed to be accurate. It took a while before she really got it, but now she is totally on board.
On the nights she cooks she writes down the raw weights for me (I don't get home til late or I'd be doing it myself), so I can just eat and log it when I get in. If she wants a higher calorie dinner, like a takeaway, she'll give me lots of notice so that I can work the rest of my meals round it (or I can just cook something lighter for myself).
My counting has even helped her with what she eats - although she's not overweight she has said she needs to be more careful now that she's in her 60's so that things don't get too 'squidgy round her middle'! The salad dressing she was making was crazy high in calories so I decided to skip it - now neither of us have it because she almost had a heart attack when I told her the calorie count...well, she did ask!
Ultimately, this is my 'diet' and my responsibility. BUT as someone who claims to love and care about me (and I know she does) I would expect a certain amount of acceptance that this is important for my health and something I am committed to. Because she cares about me she supports the good decisions I'm making - even if it means weighing raw broccoli!
I would seriously question a relationship where one person is putting their desire to get what they want and to have life stay the same, over the health and happiness of the person they say they love.
Edited to add: My friends also get it. One even told me the calorie count of the biscuits she offered me the other day, because she knows I always look at the packet! It's not the only thing in my life, but it does take commitment and now I've proven that I'm sticking with it, the people who care about me want to support me.8 -
OP can't help your partner doesn't appreciate you anymore. There's nothing wrong with her wanting to plan ahead. It's not flattering when someone wants to take you out for a meal but only on their terms.
[quoted post removed by MFP mods]2 -
lauraesh0384 wrote: »He does. He said that he liked how I looked at 185-190 lbs. But on a 5'6" frame that's just not healthy. And I felt so disgusting at that weight. I'm 162 now and I feel pretty good. I'll feel a lot better once I get to my goal weight. Which is 145-150. I think he misses the person that would be down to going to all you can eat buffets and didn't care about how much food I would eat. I told him that's not going to be my lifestyle anymore. He could stand to lose a little bit of weight himself, but would never do that.
I know a couple like that! Actually the boys tend to agree this guy is a bit of a "feeder", and yeah he could lose a few himself. But that is their choice and does not affect me.
My guy brings a lamington home for me occasionally (about 215 calories) but he also sees my training patterns and tends to put things in front of me knowing that I should probably replenish (I have some issues fuelling training sessions).
0 -
My fiancé thinks weighing things is amusing but he understands it is what works for me. I'm a bigger dinner eater, purely because I cook for the two of us and his eating for breakfast/lunch is shocking, so I need to make sure he gets a good meal in. My calories for breakfast/lunch tend to be around 400 calories.
When it comes to going out, we normally say we will go out in a few days time. On the times we decided to eat out that day, I will have enough time to jiggle my calories around. If I don't? Well, I'll go out and eat anyway as a one-off, and fix the calorie average over the week.
If he's only asking once every couple of weeks or so, that doesn't sound like he is pushing for a lot. One meal out (when you can choose the best option) every so often won't derail your journey.
If he's asking all the time and seems like he is subtly trying to sabotage you because he wants the all-you-can-eat you back so he has an eating buddy for creature comforts, then you may have a problem as he hasn't realised that 'you' have changed. In a sad way, you may find that the new 'you' and old 'him' won't work on this journey going forward.3 -
I think you both have to learn the art of compromise.
Why don't you offer to cook 3 nights a week and give him 3 nights of going out for dinner.
Pre plan your menu for the week knowing the days that you eat in or out may change but your calorie goal will stay the same.
By now you probably know what his favourite restaurants are, look them up and plan 2-3 alternates for each place. This will give you the approximate calorie goal to build around on the days you eat out.
Or as mentioned up thread start logging your all your dinners the on the following day then you will know how much to eat for lunch and dinner that day. ( ie: you eat out on Tuesday but log it as Wednesday's dinner) your weekly goal will still be the same but it gives you room to manoeuvre.
Cheers, h.0 -
I think "I'd love to go out for dinner just give me more notice so I can plan ahead." Is already a fair enough compromise. I don't understand how he can have an issue with that if he respects you, your time, your needs, and your goals.
I have a friend who needs to know the day before if we're going to catch up for drinks in the evening. It's annoying because there are times where you have a tough day and just want to spontaneously go for a drink after work but that's not enough notice, and there's no other reason for it except that makes him more comfortable, we both live a short walking distance from our local, no partner/kids for him to plan around - But he made it clear so my options are to just go along with it, or spend less time with him. I chose the former as he is a dear friend, and I don't need to understand his needs, just respect them.
4 -
"I tend to avoid eating out in general due to the high sodium content."
Why? The salt in a few meals out will have no negative impact on health or weight loss over the long term.0 -
The way I handle surprise outings:
Eat at maintenance that day...or
Log what I planned for that day, but eat it tomorrow and log today's outing tomorrow, planning around it, basically say I had low calorie chili planned for the evening, but then I had to go out and had a lasagna. I would log the chili, as if I had it today and log the lasagna for tomorrow, planning around it to fit, but eat the chili.3
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 391.6K Introduce Yourself
- 43.5K Getting Started
- 259.7K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.6K Food and Nutrition
- 47.3K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 393 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.7K Motivation and Support
- 7.8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.3K MyFitnessPal Information
- 23 News and Announcements
- 938 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.3K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions