poor body image (jealous over smaller/petite/more delicate women), hard to keep motivated

PrincessTinyheart
PrincessTinyheart Posts: 679 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
I'm 44 and feel like a huge moose. I'm 5‘11", reasonably fit/curvy ( i'm working on losing weight - I exercise fairly regularly and try to eat well). The problem is I'm one of those "big" girls who will always be big - broad shoulders, wide hips, big chest, just overall gargantuan in general. I look like an lumbering, awkward Amazon compared to other women, especially in my belly dance class. You would think that I would have learned to deal with it by now since I have had this build all my life, even when I was at my thinnest. I wish I could be satisfied with this aspect of my life and move on, but I still find myself wishing I were one of those feminine delicate ladies and that I was never meant to look like this.

(I could go on and on about the negative crap disguised as "realistic helpful advice" from my family, but I won't... it's mostly just hearing things like "little petite girls will always have the advantage so just learn to accept it"... yeah, mental poison to be sure, but it sticks with you)

All that to say, at times I find myself looking at myself and thinking "is losing weight really going to be worth it, if I still have these body image issues?". Has anyone else ever dealt with this? It makes it hard to stick to your weight loss efforts when you know that even when you are at your thinnest you're still not going to be happy with the cards you have been dealt.
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Replies

  • fitdaisygrrl
    fitdaisygrrl Posts: 139 Member
    I think body image for every woman is an issue. My sister in law is quite tall and I know she struggle with this too. And she's 6'2! She's shared her insecurities with me but also laughs about them- just as I laugh about being short.

    I have my own issues- I'm 5'5" but am curvy and feel like a giant sometimes next to tiny petite delicate ladies. Or worse, I feel like a rolly-polly hobbit next to tall women. So be rest assured that many others have moments of insecurities based on their height and body structure. Try to keep focused on your weight loss goals and things you can control, and try to embrace that you are an Amazon woman- you can reach things in high cupboards, you have a strength and presence about you and you are beautiful just the way you are!

  • robininfl
    robininfl Posts: 1,137 Member
    My best and most favorite belly dance teacher was about 5'10" tall and big curvy, smallish waist proportionally but really big boobs, hips, legs, big hair too.

    You would not believe the love she got dancing in the middle east and north africa. She made enough $ dancing to cover all her travel and vacations, it was a legit second job. They loved loved loved her body type, it's the most traditional beautiful body for belly dancing. She was an amazing dancer but would not have gotten as much work had she been skinny or small. Of all the insecurities you might have, being a tall and curvy belly dancer should not be among them.


    I grew up as a tall skinny gawky gangly big footed girl among petite delicate ladies who were considered beautiful, my body type was not considered beautiful or sexy, so I do get where you are coming from. I am still built the same, but now models are tall and skinny so there is some cultural backing for this build being sexy, whatever. It helped me but most of the change has to come from within. Your body is yours, it's a good body, it works.

  • davidsop
    davidsop Posts: 1 Member
    I'm so glad I'm not alone I spend every single day of my life thinking worrying about my weight and how I look. I change my hair almost weekly and I compare my size to everyone around me. everyday I spend all day hinking about the next way to get fit lose weight it's been going on for 15 years and it's a miserable way to live
  • Kanyon17
    Kanyon17 Posts: 156 Member
    Hi! I totally agree with @WBB55. I'm 5'10 and built a little just like you. I started crossfit 3 years ago and my body image as since improve because I've been exposed to a different type of beauty. Every gym (and society in general but that's a different topic) tries to sell us only one type of body to work toward. In our case, this is impossible because of morphology. But it doesn't mean it's the only one that's beautiful. I now see, on a daily basis, women of all shapes and sizes accomplishing things and being rewarded for doing so. I do not want to skinnyshame anyone but it does feel good to deadlift more than 300lbs when the petite women can't go over 150lbs! But hey, when we get to the pull up bar they can fly on that thing! Back to the point, I do agree a therapy might be part of the answer. To me, crossfit was my first therapy. I'm seeing a real one now haha!
  • tristen_leigh
    tristen_leigh Posts: 214 Member
    We will always want to look like something/someone else until we truly learn to love ourselves for who we are and what we were born to look like. Our society doesn't help either - telling us what the perfect body type is. There are no magic words anyone can give you to get passed this.

    Therapy is a good option. You are you and no one else. Learning to embrace the things that bother you is the only way you will be happy with how you look. Self-love is invaluable. I hope you find that.
  • PrincessTinyheart
    PrincessTinyheart Posts: 679 Member
    ElizabethOakes2 wrote: »
    Little petite girls... always have the advantage? Until it comes to... Reaching stuff on the top shelf of the grocery store *Excuse me, ma'am, I don't know you but can you hand me that peanut butter*, changing our own tires (I bet you've never once had to stand on the lug wrench handle and jump up and down to get the lug nuts loose.), chopping firewood (*Put your muscles behind it, girl!* 'I did...', rearranging the living room, (I need a furniture dolly just to move stuff to vacuum.)
    Sure, we might have the 'little petite advantage' of being seen as desirable to others, but when it comes to the real stuff, the important stuff, the stuff that REALLY matters in life? Believe me, you big strong girls will survive the zombie apocalypse, and we'll just be corpses at the door.

    But you guys can charm big strong men into doing all of that stuff for you :)

  • TravisJHunt
    TravisJHunt Posts: 533 Member
    I think we all want what we can't have. You look gorgeous in your photo and should be proud that you live an active lifestyle. Remember, skinny doesn't mean healthy. My wife's bigger than yourself, similar body type and I love her to death. I don't think skinny girls have an advantage, they just have a different group of people who like that body style. I've got zero interest in a girl whose body resembles that of a young teenage boy. Not that there is anything wrong with being skinny, I just don't like the look. I prefer curves and I know many men/women who feel the same way. So just think of it as you are just different, not advantaged or disadvantaged, just different. Keep being active and try not to put so much stock on the body type, its more about healthiness! I'd much rather be stocky and alive than skinny and dead!
  • HealthierRayne
    HealthierRayne Posts: 268 Member
    I am not sure what advantage petite women have over us. I say us because I am a 5'11" amazonian myself. I wear size 12 shoes and have always had shoulders hips and a butt that could knock over a toddler if I am not careful.

    Yes, they are smaller and might have an easier time finding long enough pants (although they tend to have to hem them, so we have the same struggle as these other ladies just on opposite ends of the spectrum) but that doesn't mean any one of them is better than you for any reason.

    Are you the only one who has put yourself down like this? Or have other people made rude and judgmental comments about your stature? Maybe you should consider where those comments are coming from, a lot of people are insecure and project that onto others in hopes of making themselves feel better - and they don't realize the consequences it has.

    I think that losing the weight is important if it will improve your overall health. I also think that, given your comments it would be vital to also work on your self love. It's very strange but in my personal situation I am much more accepting of my body now at 248lbs then when I was 148lbs all because of the work I have put into my self esteem and self acceptance.
  • JessicaMcB
    JessicaMcB Posts: 1,503 Member
    edited June 2016
    I can relate to your feelings OP as I'm 5'9" and even when I was as low as 125 I wasn't "delicate", I'm straight as a ruler at that weight but I still look like I could pull the plow iykwim. Really all you can do is become the best version of yourself though, there's no point in wishing to be shorter and smaller boned given that neither surgery nor a deficit the size of Texas can give you either. Embrace being able to reach all the top shelves without assistance ;)

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