Husband needs help gaining
Options
eversmallory
Posts: 21 Member
OK! So I have been having a rough time because my husband needs to GAIN weight and I need to LOSE weight. I'm doing my calorie restriction but I want this post to be about my husbands weight gain.
Here's what his days have looked like recently:
Breakfast: Yogurt, protein shake, and sometime I can get him to eat two scrambled eggs with cheese. (The fight for breakfast has been that he doesn't want to eat so early and he starts work at 8 so he's not hungry for breakfast) I send him with a protein bar to eat on the way to work but it magically appears back in the basket once he is back home...
Lunch: He's a mailman so he doesn't have hardly any time to eat lunch AND he is walking ALL DAY in the HEAT. I have been rolling up mayo, turkey, and cheese in a flour tortilla for him and an orange on the side. IF I'M LUCKY, he will eat a cliff bar but that's another fight... I send him with two protein bars but he doesn't always eat any of them (I'm lucky if he eats one).
Dinner: He eats the same portion size of whatever we are having (usually a meat and veggie since I'm trying to lose). Sometimes I'll add a starch to his plate but then he won't eat it all because he can't eat a ton without feeling sick.
Dessert: I try to make him a huge milkshake at night BUT he won't let me put protein powder or a protein shake in it, OR any chocolate (only likes fruit desserts). Literally all we put in it is frozen fruit, vanilla ice cream, and almond milk. If I'm lucky I can get him to eat a protein bar too but then I have to listen to him complain about being too full the rest of the night so I usually don't even try.
I'd like to add that he is 6'2" and about 150 pounds...
This is an ongoing fight and I'm reaching out for help because I don't know what else to do... He has horrible health insurance for now so going to the doctor isn't an option...
I appreciate any help!
Here's what his days have looked like recently:
Breakfast: Yogurt, protein shake, and sometime I can get him to eat two scrambled eggs with cheese. (The fight for breakfast has been that he doesn't want to eat so early and he starts work at 8 so he's not hungry for breakfast) I send him with a protein bar to eat on the way to work but it magically appears back in the basket once he is back home...
Lunch: He's a mailman so he doesn't have hardly any time to eat lunch AND he is walking ALL DAY in the HEAT. I have been rolling up mayo, turkey, and cheese in a flour tortilla for him and an orange on the side. IF I'M LUCKY, he will eat a cliff bar but that's another fight... I send him with two protein bars but he doesn't always eat any of them (I'm lucky if he eats one).
Dinner: He eats the same portion size of whatever we are having (usually a meat and veggie since I'm trying to lose). Sometimes I'll add a starch to his plate but then he won't eat it all because he can't eat a ton without feeling sick.
Dessert: I try to make him a huge milkshake at night BUT he won't let me put protein powder or a protein shake in it, OR any chocolate (only likes fruit desserts). Literally all we put in it is frozen fruit, vanilla ice cream, and almond milk. If I'm lucky I can get him to eat a protein bar too but then I have to listen to him complain about being too full the rest of the night so I usually don't even try.
I'd like to add that he is 6'2" and about 150 pounds...
This is an ongoing fight and I'm reaching out for help because I don't know what else to do... He has horrible health insurance for now so going to the doctor isn't an option...
I appreciate any help!
0
Replies
-
Sounds like high TDEE disorder with potential clean eating syndrome.
http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10326769/are-you-a-hard-gainer-please-read/p1
0 -
1: Your husband is at a healthy weight. It's lower than what we may be used to seeing, but that weight is OK. He doesn't necessarily need to gain any weight.
2: If he actually wants to gain weight, have him join MFP and get help, if he needs it. That way, nothing gets lost in translation.0 -
Try Carnation instant breakfast. It has a ton of nutrients and since you make it with milk (use full fat) it isn't as filling as a smoothie or shake.
I realize doctor might be expensive, but this is probably the best way to go. If he is never hungry and eating makes him feel too full or sick, he might have a serious medical condition. Many doctors will set up a payment plan if short-term cash is a problem.
And best of luck to you both!0 -
He's a competent adult capable of making his own decisions, and I don't see anything to indicate any medical conditions interfering with his competency. Stop making his weight your problem. He's the only one who can change it.6
-
1: Your husband is at a healthy weight. It's lower than what we may be used to seeing, but that weight is OK. He doesn't necessarily need to gain any weight.
2: If he actually wants to gain weight, have him join MFP and get help, if he needs it. That way, nothing gets lost in translation.
I worry as the days get hotter getting into the summer that he will feel week out in the hot weather all day long. He has been getting sick easily too.0 -
Try Carnation instant breakfast. It has a ton of nutrients and since you make it with milk (use full fat) it isn't as filling as a smoothie or shake.
I realize doctor might be expensive, but this is probably the best way to go. If he is never hungry and eating makes him feel too full or sick, he might have a serious medical condition. Many doctors will set up a payment plan if short-term cash is a problem.
And best of luck to you both!
I'll check out the carnation breakfast.... Doctor isn't an option but will be once work benefits kick in in November.0 -
He's a competent adult capable of making his own decisions, and I don't see anything to indicate any medical conditions interfering with his competency. Stop making his weight your problem. He's the only one who can change it.
Ok I was asking for help and obviously this DOESN'T help the situation. BYE.
He's my husband and I care about his health. It is my problem.0 -
Does he have any favourite meals? Maybe try making some of his favourite meals and give him bigger portions. You would take a smaller portion.
How about sneaking something high calorie like peanut butter into his smoothies/dessert? Something that is smaller but more dense in calories. That way, the sheer volume of food will not scare him off.0 -
Hi there! Please read the below. I wrote this for another poster but you and your husband will benefit greatly from this advice as well.HamsterManV2 wrote: »Calculate your TDEE - this is how many calories to eat to MAINTAIN weight. Scientifically, 3500 calories = 1lb. So if we divide 3500 calories by 7 days of the week, you need to eat TDEE plus 500 calories to gain 1lb per week (and conversely, TDEE-500calories for -1lb per week).
So that means you need to log and measure EVERYTHING you put in your mouth, and eat TDEE + 500 calories. I assume you are lifting during this time, as the caloric surplus will greatly aid in strength and muscle growth. I would not recommend going any more than that, as you can only build a certain amount of muscle and any excess will turn into fat.
i.e. I am a 27/male/5'7", gymming 4 days a week. I put in my stats and my TDEE comes out to 2300 calories. To bulk, I have to eat 2800 calories DAILY for +1lb per week. If I wanted to gain 10 lbs, that's roughly 3 months of bulking. If I wanted to lose weight, I'd cut and eat 1800 calories daily for -1lb per week.
Remember, consistency over intensity. Skinny people overestimate how much they eat (and overweight people underestimate). The scale and food tracking keeps us all honest. It's not how much you eat in 1 meal or 1 weekend, but what you do day-in-day-out.
If a deficit of TDEE-500 calories is too much for you, you can start off slower at TDEE-250 calories for -0.5lbs/week or -2lbs/month. Remember, this is not a fad diet, but a lifestyle change - slow, consistent results will get you to where you want to go. There is no magic pill/diet/bullet or quick fix for life long, permanent changes.
For your husband, he might have to look into high calorie foods and eat more of them. i.e. Peanut butter, olive oil, whole fat milk, bags of almonds, avocado, etc. There is a list of higher calorie foods around here somewhere! Remember to measure and log your food - no point in spinning your wheels and not getting anywhere. It will feel like a 2nd job for the first 3 weeks, but after that it becomes a habit and you will be set!
Cheers!0 -
My husband has similar stats, he's increased his cals by having full fat milk and high calorie cereal/granola for breakfast. And mixed nuts for a snack most days.
As others say though, he has to want to do it and be on board, nagging won't work.0 -
If he's been this weight for a while, I'm not sure how it's hurting his health. He may not be eating a lot because his body (at that weight) doesn't require a lot. You haven't mentioned any medical problems he was having from being that slim so it sounds like his weight (or lack thereof) is bothering you more than it is him. Trying to force him to gain weight is not going to do anything other than cause conflict and strife in your marriage, just like if he was trying to force you to lose weight. I say, leave it alone, unless there's some medical reason for him to put on weight. If his weight bothers you, have a talk with him about it. He is just below the recommended BMI for his height. Although he could stand to gain a few pounds, it's his choice.5
-
eversmallory wrote: »He's a competent adult capable of making his own decisions, and I don't see anything to indicate any medical conditions interfering with his competency. Stop making his weight your problem. He's the only one who can change it.
Ok I was asking for help and obviously this DOESN'T help the situation. BYE.
He's my husband and I care about his health. It is my problem.
I say this with all respect, but you can't force your husband to do something he doesn't want to do. We see this the other way around all the time - "How can I get my spouse to lose weight?" You can't, they have to want to do it themselves. Of course you care about your husband's health. But you can't put the burden of his weight issues on yourself. He has to take responsibility, and it doesn't sound like he's ready to do that.
That said, are you sure you've optimized his preferred foods and eating patterns? He hates being too full, so what if you sent nuts along with him for a snack - something he can eat a little of at a time? What about some PB in the milkshake? Are the protein bars ones he's picked out and likes the taste of?1 -
samanthaluangphixay wrote: »Does he have any favourite meals? Maybe try making some of his favourite meals and give him bigger portions. You would take a smaller portion.
How about sneaking something high calorie like peanut butter into his smoothies/dessert? Something that is smaller but more dense in calories. That way, the sheer volume of food will not scare him off.
SOMETIMES I can talk him into a PB and banana milkshake at night but it's usually not fruity enough for him so he turns his nose up lol (He says the PB overpowers everything). I told him to eat a spoonful of PB and he thought that was gross (WEIRD it's one of my favs haha probably why I'm the one trying to lose).
GET THIS! His favorite food is freaking taco SALAD. He like healthy foods too much! I wish I had his problem lol.
I'm trying to find peace in all of this and stop fighting with him about it.... I wish he could see that I am trying to help, and I wish he would notice that he is not healthy!
Thank you for your help! I'm going to try to figure out some higher calorie dinners he likes and just give myself a small portion with a side salad.0 -
eversmallory wrote: »He's a competent adult capable of making his own decisions, and I don't see anything to indicate any medical conditions interfering with his competency. Stop making his weight your problem. He's the only one who can change it.
Ok I was asking for help and obviously this DOESN'T help the situation. BYE.
He's my husband and I care about his health. It is my problem.
Unfortunately, if he doesn't want to eat more, you can't force him to.
Has he been losing weight, or is 150 his normal weight? Is he eating less than he used to, or is this how he has always eaten? The only thing you've told us is that he feels sick if he eats more.
If he has been losing weight and is eating less than he used to because his stomach is bothering him, unfortunately he needs to see a doctor, there is no way for us to know what is going on.
If he has always been slim and not eaten much, does he think this is a problem, or is it just you?1 -
mskessler89 wrote: »eversmallory wrote: »He's a competent adult capable of making his own decisions, and I don't see anything to indicate any medical conditions interfering with his competency. Stop making his weight your problem. He's the only one who can change it.
Ok I was asking for help and obviously this DOESN'T help the situation. BYE.
He's my husband and I care about his health. It is my problem.
I say this with all respect, but you can't force your husband to do something he doesn't want to do. We see this the other way around all the time - "How can I get my spouse to lose weight?" You can't, they have to want to do it themselves. Of course you care about your husband's health. But you can't put the burden of his weight issues on yourself. He has to take responsibility, and it doesn't sound like he's ready to do that.
That said, are you sure you've optimized his preferred foods and eating patterns? He hates being too full, so what if you sent nuts along with him for a snack - something he can eat a little of at a time? What about some PB in the milkshake? Are the protein bars ones he's picked out and likes the taste of?
Yes. He picks out the protein bars. I'm going to stop nagging. Thanks for turning the tables, that helped... I wouldn't want him nagging me about losing weight. Sorry... I'm just very frustrated with it all.
I'm going to ask him about the nuts be he normally doesn't have time during the day to snack. I have signed him up to MFP we will see what he says about that when he gets home tonight. Going to try to make high calorie dinner. Going to switch out the almond milk for whole milk.0 -
eversmallory wrote: »He's a competent adult capable of making his own decisions, and I don't see anything to indicate any medical conditions interfering with his competency. Stop making his weight your problem. He's the only one who can change it.
Ok I was asking for help and obviously this DOESN'T help the situation. BYE.
He's my husband and I care about his health. It is my problem.
Unfortunately, if he doesn't want to eat more, you can't force him to.
Has he been losing weight, or is 150 his normal weight? Is he eating less than he used to, or is this how he has always eaten? The only thing you've told us is that he feels sick if he eats more.
If he has been losing weight and is eating less than he used to because his stomach is bothering him, unfortunately he needs to see a doctor, there is no way for us to know what is going on.
If he has always been slim and not eaten much, does he think this is a problem, or is it just you?
Since he started his job as a mailman he has lost 25 pounds... since December. This isn't a normal weight for him. He is eating less than before because he doesn't have time at work to eat anymore. He knows this is a problem but he just can't handle big meals.
I'm not looking to get stomped on... I just wanted advice.0 -
eversmallory wrote: »samanthaluangphixay wrote: »Does he have any favourite meals? Maybe try making some of his favourite meals and give him bigger portions. You would take a smaller portion.
How about sneaking something high calorie like peanut butter into his smoothies/dessert? Something that is smaller but more dense in calories. That way, the sheer volume of food will not scare him off.
SOMETIMES I can talk him into a PB and banana milkshake at night but it's usually not fruity enough for him so he turns his nose up lol (He says the PB overpowers everything). I told him to eat a spoonful of PB and he thought that was gross (WEIRD it's one of my favs haha probably why I'm the one trying to lose).
GET THIS! His favorite food is freaking taco SALAD. He like healthy foods too much! I wish I had his problem lol.
I'm trying to find peace in all of this and stop fighting with him about it.... I wish he could see that I am trying to help, and I wish he would notice that he is not healthy!
Thank you for your help! I'm going to try to figure out some higher calorie dinners he likes and just give myself a small portion with a side salad.
If he likes taco salads, maybe try adding avocado, full fat sour cream, extra cheese, and extra helping of ground beef, etc. to his salad.
If he hasn't had a check-up lately, then maybe that would help to make sure there are no underlying issues. If he is an otherwise healthy adult there is not much more you can do.0 -
eversmallory wrote: »eversmallory wrote: »He's a competent adult capable of making his own decisions, and I don't see anything to indicate any medical conditions interfering with his competency. Stop making his weight your problem. He's the only one who can change it.
Ok I was asking for help and obviously this DOESN'T help the situation. BYE.
He's my husband and I care about his health. It is my problem.
Unfortunately, if he doesn't want to eat more, you can't force him to.
Has he been losing weight, or is 150 his normal weight? Is he eating less than he used to, or is this how he has always eaten? The only thing you've told us is that he feels sick if he eats more.
If he has been losing weight and is eating less than he used to because his stomach is bothering him, unfortunately he needs to see a doctor, there is no way for us to know what is going on.
If he has always been slim and not eaten much, does he think this is a problem, or is it just you?
Since he started his job as a mailman he has lost 25 pounds... since December. This isn't a normal weight for him. He is eating less than before because he doesn't have time at work to eat anymore. He knows this is a problem but he just can't handle big meals.
I'm not looking to get stomped on... I just wanted advice.
FYI - that's information that you should have included in the OP.
That said, I'll still recommend he gets an account here. That way, he can actually track/see how much he needs to eat; and he can get help if/when he needs it.1 -
eversmallory wrote: »samanthaluangphixay wrote: »Does he have any favourite meals? Maybe try making some of his favourite meals and give him bigger portions. You would take a smaller portion.
How about sneaking something high calorie like peanut butter into his smoothies/dessert? Something that is smaller but more dense in calories. That way, the sheer volume of food will not scare him off.
SOMETIMES I can talk him into a PB and banana milkshake at night but it's usually not fruity enough for him so he turns his nose up lol (He says the PB overpowers everything). I told him to eat a spoonful of PB and he thought that was gross (WEIRD it's one of my favs haha probably why I'm the one trying to lose).
GET THIS! His favorite food is freaking taco SALAD. He like healthy foods too much! I wish I had his problem lol.
I'm trying to find peace in all of this and stop fighting with him about it.... I wish he could see that I am trying to help, and I wish he would notice that he is not healthy!
Thank you for your help! I'm going to try to figure out some higher calorie dinners he likes and just give myself a small portion with a side salad.
If he likes taco salads, maybe try adding avocado, full fat sour cream, extra cheese, and extra helping of ground beef, etc. to his salad.
If he hasn't had a check-up lately, then maybe that would help to make sure there are no underlying issues. If he is an otherwise healthy adult there is not much more you can do.eversmallory wrote: »samanthaluangphixay wrote: »Does he have any favourite meals? Maybe try making some of his favourite meals and give him bigger portions. You would take a smaller portion.
How about sneaking something high calorie like peanut butter into his smoothies/dessert? Something that is smaller but more dense in calories. That way, the sheer volume of food will not scare him off.
SOMETIMES I can talk him into a PB and banana milkshake at night but it's usually not fruity enough for him so he turns his nose up lol (He says the PB overpowers everything). I told him to eat a spoonful of PB and he thought that was gross (WEIRD it's one of my favs haha probably why I'm the one trying to lose).
GET THIS! His favorite food is freaking taco SALAD. He like healthy foods too much! I wish I had his problem lol.
I'm trying to find peace in all of this and stop fighting with him about it.... I wish he could see that I am trying to help, and I wish he would notice that he is not healthy!
Thank you for your help! I'm going to try to figure out some higher calorie dinners he likes and just give myself a small portion with a side salad.
If he likes taco salads, maybe try adding avocado, full fat sour cream, extra cheese, and extra helping of ground beef, etc. to his salad.
If he hasn't had a check-up lately, then maybe that would help to make sure there are no underlying issues. If he is an otherwise healthy adult there is not much more you can do.
We plan on him going to the doctor once he gets better health coverage in November. Until then, this is all we can do. Thank you for your kind advice! I'm going to try to bulk up his dinners.0 -
eversmallory wrote: »samanthaluangphixay wrote: »Does he have any favourite meals? Maybe try making some of his favourite meals and give him bigger portions. You would take a smaller portion.
How about sneaking something high calorie like peanut butter into his smoothies/dessert? Something that is smaller but more dense in calories. That way, the sheer volume of food will not scare him off.
SOMETIMES I can talk him into a PB and banana milkshake at night but it's usually not fruity enough for him so he turns his nose up lol (He says the PB overpowers everything). I told him to eat a spoonful of PB and he thought that was gross (WEIRD it's one of my favs haha probably why I'm the one trying to lose).
GET THIS! His favorite food is freaking taco SALAD. He like healthy foods too much! I wish I had his problem lol.
I'm trying to find peace in all of this and stop fighting with him about it.... I wish he could see that I am trying to help, and I wish he would notice that he is not healthy!
Thank you for your help! I'm going to try to figure out some higher calorie dinners he likes and just give myself a small portion with a side salad.
Add loads of sour cream, cheese, and guacamole to his taco salad. Make sure it is the full fat stuff! Use regular ground beef rather than the lean - yes, it may mean less for you but if it is something he enjoys - then he will be more likely to eat it. Add a tortilla if he's into it. Your portion would just maybe be heavier on the lettuce and lighter on everything else.0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 392.1K Introduce Yourself
- 43.6K Getting Started
- 259.9K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.7K Food and Nutrition
- 47.4K Recipes
- 232.4K Fitness and Exercise
- 404 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.8K Motivation and Support
- 7.9K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.4K MyFitnessPal Information
- 23 News and Announcements
- 987 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.4K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions