poor body image (jealous over smaller/petite/more delicate women), hard to keep motivated

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  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
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    Have you read the "In Death" series by J. D. Robb?

    https://www.goodreads.com/series/41029-in-death

    I'm by no means delicate, but I am short....at least by modern standards. When I was born, 5' 4" was normal. My last boss, whom I adore, is more on the tall, athletic side. She also reminds me of the protagonist in the J. D. Robb series listed above. Logical, brusque, and completely no-nonsense. It took her a few years to find a simple hairstyle that would keep her from being called "sir". I used to joke that my boss and I were like Eve Dallas and her sidekick, Peabody. Peabody is a little more girly, a little silly sometimes. But she also in her own way means business. Together, Dallas and Peabody kick *kitten*. My old boss was bemused by my comparison, as she had not read the series...being too absorbed in her sport of choice. But it makes me happy thinking about it.

    There's no sense Peabody wishing she was tall and fearless like her partner, and Dallas won't brook any nonsense about wishing to be somebody she's not.
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,426 Member
    edited June 2016
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    I'm 5'4". I was always the shortest in my family. I really hated being around tall people when I was younger. I wanted to be a lot taller then. I remember people hiding or putting things out of my reach. I remember not being able to see in the bathroom mirror for a long time, not being able to reach the light pull, having to sit in the middle or on someone's lap in a car because I was smaller, people assuming I was weak, feeling like I couldn't wear long dresses or skirts, not being able to see a movie screen if someone sat in front of me, having to climb ladders to get stuff, pants are always too long, no one has ever asked if I played a sport, etc.
    The grass is always greener. If you focus on the negatives that is what you will see. I am the height and frame size that I am. It is the way it is. I'll always need a ladder in my kitchen and I almost never ask for help from anyone. I'm just right for me. You are right for you. It is great that we come in all shapes and sizes.
    Focus on your positives.
  • Qskim
    Qskim Posts: 1,145 Member
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    _SKIM_ wrote: »
    Short, tall whatever. I want people around myself (and DD's) that own it.

    ETA: time to be a bad *kitten* OP.

    I agree this was lame...

    Comparing yourself to others can suck your energy. I have a friend who feels similar. What I've observed is that she'll temporarily solve one negative thought but then another would roll on. Everyone has a better body, a better marriage, better behaved kids, and so on.

    Therapy really helped. She learnt about positive affirmation - post it notes everywhere! How to shuffle her thoughts so that they initiated positive action rather than some sort of confused limbo. How negative thought affected her physically...weighed her down. It was a shame that she could only access the therapy for a short time. Perhaps people on here have good reading resources that they could recommend to you and you could find some sort of support group nearby?
  • angerelle
    angerelle Posts: 175 Member
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    SueSueDio wrote: »
    You listed this lady on your profile as one of your inspirations, and she's certainly not petite and delicate - I always loved her and wanted to be like her, so go for it! (She is always the figure that comes to mind when I hear the word "Amazon".) I bet you could rock an outfit like this one day soon! :)



    8isdjwzzsq7n.jpg

    If I had to choose between being Xena, Gabrielle or Callisto shaped, Xena would win every time.
  • wi_maint_man
    wi_maint_man Posts: 99 Member
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    I understand where you are coming from, but body types are body types ! Just work on being a healthy happy you !
  • pvju
    pvju Posts: 115 Member
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    We live in a culture that tells us women should be waifs - I'm not tall but I have broad shoulders, a big chest and hips. I catch myself in the mirror sometimes and I feel like a linebacker ;) I'm always drawn to these fashions that don't work on me - I could go on.

    I'm also older and I went through a phase of thinking the same - why bother - I'll still be old, I'll still be invisible, I'll still have the same shape just scaled down.

    Since losing weight though I feel more attractive and less lumbering - it's all about the waist - and I've found now that I have one again and I dress for it - I look good and I get a lot of positive attention from the opposite sex as well.

    And I feel stronger, leaner, more confident. I will never be a waif but I am feeling close to being the best version of me and it feels pretty great!
  • lithezebra
    lithezebra Posts: 3,670 Member
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    Family members often say the worst things. Clothes hang better on tall bodies, and tall women get cuddled, protected, and cherished too. Also, you're beautiful.
  • heatherheyns
    heatherheyns Posts: 144 Member
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    The grass is always greener, hun. That's the way people are, we always want what we can't have. I am just over 5 foot, and I am no waif! I can't bat my eyelids and have men fall over themselves to help me. I can't wear just anything, since all my pants have to be hemmed or they drag on the ground and I destroy them. Capri's are a joke, they're basically leggings on me. Everyone likes to use my head as an arm or drink rest. My short height makes people assume I'm younger and less intelligent than I am, so I am often treated as incompetent or at least incapable of doing much without help.

    Short girls watch the models who are all tall, and we wish we were taller. I wish I could look elegant and classy with legs for day, but that just isn't in my build. I wish I could kiss my husband (who is tall) without a step-stool, haha. We have to accept that we are the way we are, and while we can work with a lot of it, some of it won't change. People aren't happier because they're taller or shorter, they just have to learn to embrace what they have.
  • victoria_1024
    victoria_1024 Posts: 915 Member
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    Most of us women seem to have horrible self esteem unfortunately. I've struggled forever with it mostly because of my weight. I'm short and have always been either chubby or obese. I have to say losing the weight has helped significantly but even more so the fitness part! I feel so strong and my body can do awesome things. The worst part of being short is having to eat so few calories to maintain!!

    I try to be so careful how I talk about weight and body image around my 5 year old daughter. I'm short but she is definitely taking after her dad who is 7 feet tall. She's predicted to be at least 5'10". I worry about her because she's a sensitive soul like I was and girls can be so terrible when you stand out.
  • jvanessa89
    jvanessa89 Posts: 332 Member
    edited June 2016
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    is losing weight really going to be worth it, if I still have these body image issues?".
    That's the key right there, you need to work on your body image issues and learn to love yourself or you will never be satisfied even if you were magically the size you want to be. I used to have really low self esteem too so I understand how it is.

    But why waste life wishing you were someone else? I'm 5'10 almost 5'11 and being tall used to be annoying (especially having big feet) but I like it now and wouldn't want to change my height. Even when I lose more weight I will probably always be a bit curvy which I like.. I wouldn't wish to be stick thin and it wouldn't look right on my structure anyway.
  • cerise_noir
    cerise_noir Posts: 5,468 Member
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    SueSueDio wrote: »

    You listed this lady on your profile as one of your inspirations, and she's certainly not petite and delicate - I always loved her and wanted to be like her, so go for it! (She is always the figure that comes to mind when I hear the word "Amazon".) I bet you could rock an outfit like this one day soon! :)



    8isdjwzzsq7n.jpg
    Screw delicate! Be Xena! Another woman who is tall and grr is Sally Solomon from Third Rock from the Sun. She used to tower over her dates and just oozed awesomeness!

    I'm short but far from delicate. ;)

  • SLLRunner
    SLLRunner Posts: 12,943 Member
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    PrincessTinyheart wrote: »
    I'm 44 and feel like a huge moose. I'm 5‘11", reasonably fit/curvy ( i'm working on losing weight - I exercise fairly regularly and try to eat well). The problem is I'm one of those "big" girls who will always be big - broad shoulders, wide hips, big chest, just overall gargantuan in general. I look like an lumbering, awkward Amazon compared to other women, especially in my belly dance class. You would think that I would have learned to deal with it by now since I have had this build all my life, even when I was at my thinnest. I wish I could be satisfied with this aspect of my life and move on, but I still find myself wishing I were one of those feminine delicate ladies and that I was never meant to look like this.

    (I could go on and on about the negative crap disguised as "realistic helpful advice" from my family, but I won't... it's mostly just hearing things like "little petite girls will always have the advantage so just learn to accept it"... yeah, mental poison to be sure, but it sticks with you).

    All that to say, at times I find myself looking at myself and thinking "is losing weight really going to be worth it, if I still have these body image issues?". Has anyone else ever dealt with this? It makes it hard to stick to your weight loss efforts when you know that even when you are at your thinnest you're still not going to be happy with the cards you have been dealt.

    Yes I have. I'm 5 ft 4 and always wanted to be....ahem....about 5 11! No kidding!

    You gotta love yourself even when you want to make changes, and the negative self talk does no good. If you have poor body image now it's not going to get better if you lose weight unless you work from the inside out.

    If we're overweight, losing weight is always worth it because it improves our health.

    I suggest seeking therapy to help with some of your issues.
  • stacelutes620
    stacelutes620 Posts: 10 Member
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    Your pic is beautiful. I niece has the same build, but she lost a lot of weight (and gained it back) and it was an amazing transformation. Remember also, it's the inner beauty that really counts, how you treat others, your heart. Keep working on it and before you know it you will feel beautiful from the inside out!
  • zdyb23456
    zdyb23456 Posts: 1,706 Member
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    I'm 5 feet with socks on. I've always wished I was taller. I have broad shoulders and narrow hips. So I've never considered myself petite either, just short and stocky.

    Also, 5 pounds on a short frame is apparent everywhere - my clothes stop fitting. 5 pounds on a tall person isn't even noticeable.
  • gothchiq
    gothchiq Posts: 4,598 Member
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    Oh and I am short, lol. five three. I climb on everything to get stuff in the kitchen, the store, etc. Or I use a long pair of bbq tongs to grab things off the high kitchen shelves. I don't want to scream every 5 minutes HUSBAND COME REACH THIS PLEASE so I only do that if it's uber heavy or something.
  • alyssa0061
    alyssa0061 Posts: 652 Member
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    After reading more of this thread I have decided that tomorrow I am going to call my mom and thank her, so much, for loving me and encouraging me to love the body that I have, not the body I may have wanted.

    I remember that as a child, multiple times throughout the school year I would come home and my mom would ask me, "Are you still the tallest one in your class?" I would either proudly say, "Yes!" or I would say no and she would always ask who was taller and by how much. I guess it was her way of showing me that whether I was tallest or not I had a lot to be proud of just by being myself.

    I am 5'10" and I have three sisters that are all 5'4". I have dark brown hair and they are all blonde. They're small. I'm big. I never, ever, ever felt like being taller and bigger and darker was something to be ashamed of or something to dislike about myself. My parents taught us all people are different and there's no reason to envy anyone when you have so many things to love about yourself.

    Sometimes it dawns on me how lucky I've been in that regard.
  • tomteboda
    tomteboda Posts: 2,171 Member
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    I think it matters where you are, too. When I lived in California I felt gargantuan at 5'11" and size 10. I felt ungainly and unfemenine then because almost every woman was at least half a foot shorter and need I expand on just how tiny women in LA are?

    Now I live in Minnesota. I am not unusually real or broad of frame here. Same size but I don't perceive myself to be a giant among Liliputians.

    Focus on the positive. As others said, we need step ladders less (but for the shortest let me point out I can't get stuff of the top shelf at home or target either). We are less likely to be patronized than shorter women, not that it doesn't happen, but there's something about starting down at people that makes them double think the downtalk.
  • SueSueDio
    SueSueDio Posts: 4,796 Member
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    mathiseasy wrote: »
    Ohhh noooo, men long to cuddle and protect and cherish the women they LOVE. It has nothing to do with how big they are, or else DH would have decided I was too fat to love and left me already. He has not.
    The more I read, the more I really think you should seek a therapist. Do you truly believe one's relationship with a significant other is dependent on body type/size? To me, that is a sign of unhealthy thinking.

    And...you don't have to be thin to be a model ;) In my years of life on this earth and all the people I've met, I've met one girl and no guys who modeled, and she hated it.

    All of this, but especially that first sentence!

    And if you want to see some gorgeous, sexy plus sized models, check out http://www.hipsandcurves.com/

    If you don't want to lift weights that's fine, but please try to focus more on what your body CAN do and is, and less on what it can't or isn't. You have the frame you were born with and that's that - you can't become petite and "delicate" however much you might wish it, and thinking that your life would be better/easier/whatever if you were is not beneficial for your mental health. Please try to find a way to accept and be happy with your height. :)
  • PrincessTinyheart
    PrincessTinyheart Posts: 679 Member
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    I am going to bed but I wanted to thank all you who offered input and opinions. You have all gave me so much to think about. The more I talk and think about it, the more I realize how much I dislike myself and attempt to mentally separate myself from other women. I don't know why, exactly, but it's there nonetheless.

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