Why do people feel the need...

2

Replies

  • yasef13
    yasef13 Posts: 63 Member
    I honestly whole heartedly agree with all of you. I know they're compliments and take them as such, but sometimes it just stings a little that poke in the end. But after some time has passed, I forget about it and just keep the compliment. That is only for my loved ones, as for the other people, it's needless to say they are no longer in my life!! I've consciously chosen some time ago to surround myself only with positive people, who I can be happy and comfortable around.
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
    They probably don't realize what they're saying...if possible, gently point out that there might be a better way to pay you a compliment. If not, let it go as much as you can.
  • Cutemesoon
    Cutemesoon Posts: 2,646 Member
    yasef13 wrote: »
    One of my husband's female 'good' friends told me "I'm glad you lost weight, I was really feeling sorry for your husband before"!!!


    When I read this I knew I just HAD to comment!!! HOW DARE SHE SAY THAT TO YOU!!!! >:( That evil heifer. If she says anything backhanded to you again, let me know & I will come put her in her place for you. The NERVE!

    Another person went out of her way to tell me that she was happy I lost the weight, because she didn't understand how I had let myself go so bad!

    I would've responded by saying that I didn't understand how the half of a brain she has could even think about saying something like that to me! What a *kitten* she is!

    Even my husband's best friend mentioned something about me looking like a sumo wrestler!
    You must be one of the sweetest people in the world. I would've made sure that person would NEVER be allowed near me again! After what I'd say & do to him he wouldn't want to be anywhere near me anyway.

    I took ALL these comments lying down and never responding, just had a stupid grin on my face.
    Needless to say I gained most of the weight back.
    I'm not surprised. All those jacka$$'s you're surrounded by. It doesn't seem like you have much support.

    My husband is sometimes an *kitten* I agree!!!

  • Verdenal
    Verdenal Posts: 625 Member
    I'm not condoning it, but now that you've lost weight they probably feel more relaxed about discussing their feelings about your weight and they think you see things the same way they do. They may also be consciously or unconsciously trying to encourage you to maintain your weight.

    You should talk to to them.
  • Verdenal
    Verdenal Posts: 625 Member
    edited June 2016
    Colt1835 wrote: »
    My wife and I have lost weight at about the same time. We regularly look at old photos just to talk crap about how fat we were. We never get offended about it. I look at it as a way to say good riddance to someone who had no self respect.

    We still have a long way to got so, I'm sure the photos we put on Instagram today will be just as heart warming to poke fun at.

    Obviously, it's different if you're making fun of yourselves. (Although it's healthy that you feel comfortable doing that.) The OP is talking about people who haven't had the same experience directing remarks at her.
  • Colt1835
    Colt1835 Posts: 447 Member
    Verdenal wrote: »
    Colt1835 wrote: »
    My wife and I have lost weight at about the same time. We regularly look at old photos just to talk crap about how fat we were. We never get offended about it. I look at it as a way to say good riddance to someone who had no self respect.

    We still have a long way to got so, I'm sure the photos we put on Instagram today will be just as heart warming to poke fun at.

    Obviously, it's different if you're making fun of yourselves. (Although it's healthy that you feel comfortable doing that.) The OP is talking about people who haven't had the same experience directing remarks at her.

    What's your point, captain obvious? OP asked why people feel the need... I explained why I feel the need to talk about my old self in that way.
  • Chef_Barbell
    Chef_Barbell Posts: 6,646 Member
    Yeah... no. No one around me is crazy enough to say anything close to that to my face.
  • Mom2ATM
    Mom2ATM Posts: 147 Member
    I'm getting "wow you look great" (you know, as opposed to looking like what before? nasty? ) and i havent even lost a pound yet!!!!! I do think everyone gets the insults that are supposed to be "compliments" I guess it's something we need to deal with as they come in our own ways though.
  • MRBDDB
    MRBDDB Posts: 14 Member
    Years ago when I lost a lot of weight on Atkins I had a woman I worked with notice I was losing weight and she said "wow you're going to be so pretty when you lose all that weight". Then caught herself and said that I was already pretty but would be even prettier. Ten years later and I still remember that hurtful comment.
  • yasef13
    yasef13 Posts: 63 Member
    @Cutemesoon your reply had me on the floor! Thanks for having my back ;) !
    I wish I had you on my support team!
  • Cutemesoon
    Cutemesoon Posts: 2,646 Member
    You DO have me on your support team! That's what this community is for! I'll cheer you on from cyberspace.
  • Chef_Barbell
    Chef_Barbell Posts: 6,646 Member
    amusedmonkey wrote: »
    Wow.. I had no idea people were that sensitive.. Makes me think twice before complimenting anyone.. I mean are we actually supposed to come up with a convoluted long winded forced compliment not to offend anyone like "you have always looked great, but now you have this extra glow about you, not that you weren't glowing before, it just that your hard work is paying off and no doubt you are proud of what you have achieved, not assuming or anything, it's just.. bah forget it.. you look great"

    Or you can just not say anything at all.
  • A_poetiq
    A_poetiq Posts: 52 Member
    This has happened to me. Backhanded compliments get no respect in my book. I make it known immediately that it's rude and they can keep further compliments like that to themselves.
  • CincyNeid
    CincyNeid Posts: 1,249 Member
    I don't know. Maybe I have thick skin. I get that comment all time from people. MY wife tells me all the time "I never seen it before", "I never thought you were that big" or stuff like that.

    I just know I'm doing it for me, and not for her and I let it roll off my back.
  • Morgaen73
    Morgaen73 Posts: 2,818 Member
    When I was in art school I did a project with fashion models. My art teacher looked at me and said "Why do you always work with beautiful people, why dont you use yourself as a subject more often?" I weighed 162kg at the time.

    It was hurtful but not the worst thing anyone has said to me.

    When I lost 62kg I got comments similar to what you are getting and I chose to take the compliment and ignore the insult.

    You have a choice in how you want to interpret what is being said. You can either choose to see it as a disguised insult or you can choose to see it as a badly delivered compliment, whichever is more valuable to you.

    I can honestly not think that you mother and husband would knowingly try to hurt you. if so, then you need to get out of both relationships.





  • Domomallow
    Domomallow Posts: 87 Member
    Yeah, that just sounds hurtful and unnecessary. I would tell them exactly what you just said. You're the same person you were before, and if they wouldn't say those things to you when you carried more weight, what makes it okay to say now? Just because it's in the past doesn't mean it's safe to joke about.

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